"You're so beautiful" he brushes the hair from her eyes and kisses her forehead, cheeks and chin before kissing her soundly on the lips. He's moving slowly and gently in and out of her and she's truly never felt anything more intimate.

"Christian" she moans trying to get some control over her body as she feels herself losing it. She wraps her legs around him tighter pulling him deeper inside of her. She clenches around him feeling the beginnings of an orgasm and she knows it will be powerful. "Fuck" she whimpers "It's too much" Ana don't you dare. Between the sensual kisses, the touches and how gently he's moving in and out of her she feels her heart bursting and knows for a fact that she's in love. How did she ever live without this man? "Shit baby, I'm gonna come"

"I know you are, I can feel you pulsing around me. God you're incredible. I could spend the rest of my life inside of you" he growls into her ear.

She gasps from the pleasure and his comment. Was this a controlling, me man, you my woman caveman type thing? Or did he honestly see the rest of his life with her? Shit stop thinking Ana, just feel this man.

"Stop thinking" he nuzzles her cheek with his nose and places a kiss on it. How does he know?

"Sorry" he feels that she's at the beginning of her orgasm and runs his thumb over her nipple knowing how sensitive they are right before she comes. "Oh god, yes… oh fuck… Christian!" she screams into his neck and bites down on his shoulder causing him to grunt and empty himself inside of her. He remains inside of her for a few minutes as they share light, sweet kisses. Usually post orgasm they are still on fire for each other, sharing needy, passionate kisses. But this is different. Something is different.

She pulls on one of his t-shirts in case Sean decides to pop in early in the morning and sits on his bed as he's lying down looking up at her.

"What were you thinking about?" he asks curious as to what was so important it could preoccupy her during sex.

She bites her lip and looks at him with tears in her eyes. "Us"

"What about us?" The tears in her eyes and the apprehensive look on her face makes him sit up so they're at eye level.

"Christian, I—"

"Listen Ana, if this is about earlier, I'm sorry, so sorry… I was such a jerk. I'll never do something like that again, it just made me crazy… but I'll never take it out on you" he rambles and she grabs his hand and kisses it locking eyes with him.

"Shhh, it's okay… it wasn't about that." He urges her with his eyes to go on. "I just… Every day it feels like my feelings for you get stronger. And it scares the shit out of me… I've been here Christian. It's scary. I am so scared of getting hurt… because I am…" she stops herself and looks up and feels his eyes boring into hers.

He pulls her into his lap tucking her underneath his chin "Me too baby" she hopes that he means the same thing she's too afraid to say. Do I love him? I've been asking myself that for days and I have yet to come up with an answer.

The next morning she heads to her bedroom. Kate and Elliott had left for breakfast so she knew she could get a little studying done while Christian had a last minute practice before the meet tomorrow. She walks into her room and steps on an envelope and her heart stops, she would know that handwriting anywhere. Nate. She picks it up and stares at it for what feels like an eternity. Do I open it? Do I even care what it says? She starts to rip it and then stops, sitting it on her desk. She shakes her trying to forget it as she opens her textbook. Five minutes later and she can feel it calling to her. She is ripping it open before she even has a chance to think.

Ana,

I know that you really don't care what I have to say, and truthfully I don't blame you. But I had to tell you how I felt. I had to tell you that I'm sorry. So incredibly sorry, for everything I've done to you. You'll never know how sorry I am. I've loved you ever since I first laid eyes on you and I don't think I'll ever stop loving you. I know you don't care at this point as you've moved on with your life, but I needed you to know that you'll always have a place in my heart. I was terrified at the idea of losing you and not being with you so I thought making you hate me would be easier than just telling you I thought the distance would kill us… kill me. I know it was stupid and hurtful and I humiliated you. It never should have come to that. Those girls never meant anything to me, and I'll be lucky if I can find someone I cared about a fraction as much as I cared about you. I don't expect you to come back to me after everything, but I just have to know that you're happy. I have to know that you don't want us anymore. That you don't want me anymore. If you don't, I wish you nothing but the best at Harvard and I hope that whatever guy you end up with makes you happy and treats you the way I should have treated you. You're the most amazing woman I've ever met and I love you, Ana Steele.

Nate

By the end of the note, tears are streaming down her face as she puts her face in her hands. How could he… why now? She paces back and forth for a minute before she's out of her room jogging down the hall and out the door to her dorm. It's not a far walk and if she runs even shorter and before she knows it she's running for Newell Boathouse. She's winded and out of breath when she scans the Charles looking for any of them. She wonders if they haven't made it out yet when she sees a group of guys heading to the water. She runs to the docks and calls his name as he's getting into the boat.

"Ana?" he gets out of the boat as some of the guys make kissy noises and cat calls at her. "Baby what are you doing here? Is everything okay?"

"Can we talk?"

"Right now? Babe, can this wait?"

"No… it can't" she whispers.

He sighs a little nervous as to what she has to tell him and looks at the guys. "Five minutes!" he shouts.

"TWO!" Charlie shouts back.

"Come on" he leads her back to the boathouse. "What's this all about, you're scaring me a little"

She stares off into space for a moment before her lips are on his. Passionate, consuming, like she can't get enough of him. He pulls away from her and cups her cheek. "As much as I'm enjoying this, I promise we can do this later… I really need to be practicing. Is this all you wanted?" he chuckles. "I don't mind… just don't need to get my ass kicked by the guys"

"I love you" she blurts out. He stares at her stunned and he can't even formulate a coherent sentence. Say something. ANYTHING. She thinks. She starts to feel extremely awkward and starts speaking to fill the silence. "I know it's soon. But… I don't care. I have never felt this way ever. And I—I need you to know how I feel. That no one has ever meant to me what you mean to me." He's still silent. Come on Christian, say something. She thinks to herself. "Please say something" she whispers softly.

"Ana…" She bites her lip and feels the tears rolling down her cheeks before she realizes she's crying. "No please don't cry" he wipes at her eyes and puts his hand behind her neck to bring her lips to his. They kiss for a moment before she pulls away.

"I should go"

"Baby, wait… I'm just… caught off guard a little. I mean we've been together a month and I've never said… that before. It's not that I don't. I mean… fuck… Ana. Of course I…" he stands up and wraps his arms around her and kisses her forehead. "I know my two minutes are up" he whispers against her forehead. "Have dinner with me tonight"

"What about your brother?"

"Have dinner with me tonight." He repeats.

"Okay"

She walks home at a very different pace than the trek over. She said I love you. Shit. She said I love you and he did NOT say it back. What brought that on? WHY ANA WHYYY. Now you've scared him off. He's probably taking you to dinner to break up with you. God dammit.

She walks into her bedroom and is barely in the room before Kate is pushing her out of it.

"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?"

"What? Why are you yelling?"

She pulls something from behind her back and shoves it in her face "WHAT IS THIS"

She rolls her eyes when she sees its Nate's letter. "Calm down. I haven't even talked to him, I went to see Christian"

"Oh my God. You scared the shit out of me. And Elliott is freaked thinking—"

"Elliott? You told Elliott?"

"No, but he was here when I was frantically trying to get you on the phone and he was wondering why…"

"And what he's already your confidante? What the hell Kate, you talk to me first. Not my boyfriend's brother" she storms past her and into her room. She grabs her books and her laptop and stops to look at Elliott. "And I guess you don't know him as well as you think because he doesn't love me" she raises her eyebrows and gives him a tight lipped smile before she's out of the room.

She's sitting in the library when she sees a text from Kate.

I'm so sorry. What happened?

I don't want to talk about it.

Did you tell him you loved him?

Yes.

I take it did not go well?

Brilliant deduction

Elliott feels like shit for what it's worth

Not his problem. Tell him not to worry about it. Tell him that he needs to keep the note from Nate to himself.

Are you going to tell Christian?

Probably not.

Are you guys over?

Don't know. We're having dinner tonight.

Meanwhile, Elliott had left the room to call Christian and when he didn't answer sent him a multitude of texts.

-Call me when you get out of practice.

-Like before you get back to your dorm.

-I mean it.

-And where do you get off not telling Ana you love her, huh? You're being a little pussy.

-I'M SERIOUS.

"Why the fuck do you even know that?" Christian says as soon as Elliott picks up the phone as he returns his call

"Because I've spent the last 12 hours on and off inside of her best friend? Why do you think? Speaking of which you guys should totally fuck in the library… they have this cool room that—"

"FOCUS!"

"Oh. Well you need to tell her you love her. Seriously, now or never because her ex wrote her this crazy letter about how he loved her and wanted to try again and how he feels terrible for everything he did and how he would fix it and do it right… I don't know some Bruno Mars shit."

He feels a terrible feeling in the pit of his stomach "You're full of shit"

"I swear to God"

"Is this all a ploy to get me to realize my feelings for her or something?" he's getting more anxious and nervous by the second at the thought of losing Ana.

"That would have been smart… but no"

"Where is she?"

"The library"

He gets back to the room and Elliott comes over to find him sitting with his head in his hands.

"I'll just hurt her and she's been through enough"

"So you're just… giving her up?"

"I don't think I have a choice"

"Christian, tell me you're not that stupid."

"It's just so soon… And I've never been in love… I don't… love"

"I didn't think I did either"

"What?"

He sighs "I don't know what it is about her… but I'm going back to Miami a changed man, my friend"

"Please! You'll be balls deep inside of some girl by Monday"

"It's different this time… It's different with her"

"You're serious"

"Completely. Am I asking for her hand in marriage? No. But she's special. And I'll be back to visit more than just you little bro. So don't cop out because you've seen me throw away good relationships. Don't be like me, man. Ana loves you. And you love her…"

He's out of the room and running towards the library. He already knows exactly where she is before he enters and sees her sitting in her usual chair staring out the window.

"This seat taken?" he asks softly

"How'd you know I was here?" she smiles shyly.

"Boyfriend's intuition?"

"Nice try"

"Elliott" She nods. "I know about the letter"

"Of course you do. Can no one keep their mouth shut? Jesus fucking Christ."

"He's looking out for me, Ana. He's my big brother."

"Whatever, I'm an only child, so I don't really understand that type of loyalty. Actually I've never really experienced any type of loyalty from a man besides my dad" She knew it was meant to be a slap in the face but she was hurt and angry and humiliated. Again.

"Ana" he rubs her arm and she pulls away from him.

"I'm studying, Christian. What? Are you here to torture me? Yell at me? Whatever it is let's just get this show on the road so I can get back to reading"

"Ana, stop it"

"No. You don't get to—"

"Shut up Ana. He told me so that I would get off my ass and tell you I love you so I won't lose you. He didn't know where your head was at after you read it"

"So what you're telling me that you love me so I don't go back to Nate?" She scoffs "Save it, I'm not going back to him"

He grabs his face and makes their eyes lock "No, I'm telling you I love you because I love you. Her breath catches in her throat as he let's go of her face and runs both hands over his face. "When we were in the boathouse, I was distracted, caught off guard… you had just kissed me like I was never going to see you again and I was hard as a rock. I was worried the guys were coming in at any moment… it was just shitty timing." He stops and closes his eyes before taking a deep breath. "Ana… when I was a kid, I watched my mother commit suicide. I was five and it took days for them to find me. It takes a lot for me to let someone in. Let a woman in. It's why I kept girls at arm's length. And then you come into my life and turn it completely upside down. But… you're not the only person who's afraid of being hurt. I can't bear to lose another woman I love. Even if you just… left me. I've been struggling with my feelings for you for a while… Hell maybe even since the night we met. You're… the most important person in my life. So yes, Ana I love you too. But… you're the only person who has ever had the power to break me. So, don't."

She stares at him in awe over this proclamation of love. "Christian" she whispers as tears threaten to fall.

"Tell me it's not too late" he whispers back. "I know I should've said it sooner… when you said it"

She puts a finger to his lips "Stop. This was perfect."

He nods and smiles "You're perfect"

She bites her lip and looks down wondering how to address something. "I'm sorry about your mom"

"Don't look at me like that… I'm okay. Years of therapy later but I'm okay" he tucks a hair behind her ear and feels his heart burst at her empathy. He can literally feel her love and warmth for him coming off of her.

"You were five?"

"Yeah… it sucked. Old enough to understand something wasn't right but too young to know what to do"

"How long were you alone… with her?"

"A few days"

"WHAT?" she screams before she's told to shhh because they're still in the library. "A few days! How…?"

"It wasn't easy"

"I'm sorry, I'm prying. Do you not want to talk about it?"

"Not particularly, but it's okay"

"We don't have to, I'm sorry" she says stroking his hand.

"I just don't understand how she could just leave me"

I have zeroooo clue what to say here. What is the right thing to say here? Fuck. Because your mom was a selfish bitch? No that may not go over well. Who leaves a 5 year old!? Ughhh

"I know… I wish… I wish I knew what to say here... I know what I want to say. But I don't think it's appropriate"

He chuckles "What, that she's a terrible person? Selfish?"

"Welllllll I didn't use the word terrible"

"Suicide is a selfish act" he replies.

They're silent for a while and she breaks it "I won't leave you… I'm not going anywhere. I won't break you"

"Don't make promises you can't keep" he says with a sad smile.

"I never do"