Fragments of Us
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Rating is intended for later chapters.
Chapter 10 – Decorations and Advice
When the group returned from St. Mungo's, their relief at seeing Arthur doing so well released their natural exuberance. As a result, their laughter and excited chatter awakened the portrait of Sirius' mother and soon, Sirius and Remus were called upon to restore silence. Once the curtains were closed, Sirius turned to the group and smiled. "Good visit, I take it?"
At their nods and smiles, he suggested that a full report be shared down in the kitchen where Kate had prepared dinner.
"She has?!" Molly exclaimed. "Well, perhaps I'll just pop down ahead and see if there's anything I can do to help." As she bustled her way through the huddle of people gathered in the hallway, Sirius and Remus looked at each other and rolled their eyes before joining the others.
As it turned out, Molly needn't have worried. Kate had baked a huge lasagna which was accompanied by a large tossed salad and baskets of steaming garlic rolls, dripping butter. Sirius brought some of his father's best wine from the cellar and the group declared the feast was a fit celebration of Arthur's improvement. At the end of the meal, Sirius tapped his knife against his wine glass for attention. When the room fell quiet, he raised his glass. "To Kate, who gave us this feast."
"To Kate!" came the chorus, while Sirius caught Kate's eye and dropped her wink before continuing.
"And to friends and family who come together to share it!"
"Cheers!" came the response, as Harry grinned at his Godfather.
"And now, I understand that Molly has a lovely chocolate cake for pudding – yes?" Sirius turned toward the Weasley matriarch who, fortified by the wine, actually giggled and nodded. "Good," Sirius continued. "May I suggest that we have tea and cake in the library?" Everyone rose from the table. Fred and George levitated the cake and led the little parade, followed by Ron and Ginny who, still underage and unable to use magic away from school, carried the tea things carefully. Everyone else followed along behind. When they reached the library, Sirius made his way to the front of the group and held up his hands for quiet.
Remus leaned down to Kate and said, "Bit of a glimpse of the old Sirius isn't it? He always did love the spotlight!" Kate chuckled and nodded.
"Although the circumstances are far from ideal, I am very glad to have all of you here for the holidays. While you were out this afternoon, Kate and I decided that the place needed to be a bit more festive and we'd like to reveal the fruits of our labors." As Sirius finished, he opened the double doors with a flourish, exposing a very festive library, indeed. Everyone was appropriately awed by the display of garland, fairy lights, velvet bows and gold and red glass baubles. From the mantel to the wall sconces, the bookcases to the huge tree in the corner, the room fairly screamed "Christmas".
"Sirius," piped up Harry, as he stood next to a grinning Ron. "Didn't you forget something?" When Sirius looked confused, Harry laughed and pointed to the tree. "Or did you run out of decorations before you got to it?"
Sirius smiled, put his arm around Harry's shoulders, and then laughingly slid it upward, catching the teenager in a playful headlock. Harry let out a squeal of protest, but was clearly enjoying this horseplay with is Godfather. Sirius ruffled the youth's already unruly hair then let him go. "No, Harry, I did not forget the tree. Really, you do remind me of your Mum sometimes, the way you speak to me. Positively wounding she could be, eh, Remus?"
Remus smiled slyly at his friend. "Well, Padfoot, I do seem to remember that you generally deserved her reprimands."
Sirius shook his head sorrowfully. "Don't listen to him, Harry. Mooney likes to ct as if he never pulled a prank when, in fact, he was most often the mastermind behind some of our best!"
"Perhaps," Remus responded. "Or perhaps it is nearer the truth to say that when you were caught out in one of your pranks, you inevitably had James with you. The resulting detentions generally disrupted Lily's plans for him, earning you a lecture," he finished.
As if at a Muggle tennis match, all heads turned from Remus to Sirius to see how the verbal volley would be returned.
"Pay no attention to him," Sirius tapped his head with an index finger and dropped his voice to a whisper. "Memory's not what it used to be." He closed his eyes and shook his head. "As I was saying," Sirius' voice rose over Remus' teasing retort. "the tree must be decorated by everyone because it belongs to everyone." He waived his wand in the direction of the sofa and four cartons rose in the air. He directed them to the front of the tree and eager teenagers converged upon them.
Sirius watched them go to it and felt strong sense of well-being settle over him. Despite all the uncertainty in his life and the lives of those he loved, in this moment, he felt almost peaceful. Lost in thought, he didn't hear Molly approach and was startled when he felt her hand on his arm.
"Sirius," she said, her eyes moist. "I know that we haven't seen eye to eye on everything, but I am most appreciative for your generosity and I want to thank you for everything you are doing for my family and for opening your home to us for Christmas." Once finished, she stretched up and gave him a small kiss on his cheek.
Sirius looked stunned for a moment, and then managed, "Not at all Molly. I'm happy to be able to help." All the while, he was patting her hand, awkwardly.
Kate and Remus had been watching the exchange and Kate leaned over to him and said, "Well, how I've seen everything," she whispered, eyes twinkling.
"Indeed," came the equally amused reply.
After Molly moved away from him, Sirius dropped down onto the sofa beside Kate.
Remus couldn't resist. "So, Padfoot," he said, his voice strained with the effort of keeping his laughter at bay. "Arthur is injured in the line of Order duty and you and Molly…" he couldn't finish.
Sirius turned his head slowly and glared at his old friend. "Don't finish that thought, Mooney. My sense of humor isn't that quite that good." He turned back to the scene before him, watching the boys and Ginny as they decorated the tree. "You know," he said softly. "Mother made the House Elves decorate the house – and the tree – for the holidays. She said that purebloods did no manual labor whatsoever and she included holiday decorating in her definition of 'manual labor'". Sirius sighed. "They don't seem to mind, though, do they?"
Kate said, "Neither did you earlier today. Why don't you join them? I'm sure Harry will appreciate establishing this tradition with his Godfather."
Sirius looked sharply at her, but saw no anger in her face. Kate realized, belatedly, how what she had said must have sounded and added, "Sirius, I'm not being anything but honest. I don't have an agenda here. Go. Help give him a good family memory connected to Christmas."
Sirius looked at her for a moment longer, then rose and crossed the room to the tree. Pulling an ancient Goblin glass ornament from a box, he handed it to Harry and the two remained shoulder to shoulder as everyone worked together to finish the tree.
"You'll forgive me for asking, but I had the impression that perhaps things were not going well between you and Sirius," Remus said quietly. "Based on this evening, it seems that things are now settled?"
Kate turned and looked at him. "No, actually, they're not. Decidedly not. What has he told you?" she asked, curiously.
"Not a word, actually," Remus replied. "Unusual, that. Sirius may take his time, but he generally needs to talk when something is bothering him."
Kate nodded. "He may yet. We're in a sort of truce at the moment. I don't know where things will end up with us." Kate sighed, sadly. "You must feel like the Order's unofficial, resident 'Agony Aunt" sometimes – always listening to our woes."
Remus shook his head. "I care about you – both of you. Really, I'm not prying. Just concerned. I do keep confidences rather well, you know."
Kate smiled and squeezed his hand. "So I've heard," she said. "Remus, I'm not sure where to start. He says he wants to work on exploring a relationship – whatever it might be. His actions, thought, don't always agree with that goal. He won't tell Harry I'm his Godmother on the strength of his assumption that Harry may feel betrayed that no on had told him before." Kate broke off and watched Sirius with Harry for a moment.
Remus followed her gaze then said, "You realize, of course, that Sirius defines 'no one' as himself."
Kate nodded. "Oh, yes. Moreover, the 'betrayal' he fears Harry will feel is an extension of what he feels he did to James and Lily. I've figured out that part, as well. Remus, I don't want to intrude on what they're building together – truly, I don't. Their relationship is critical to them both. They need each other. But I can't help but be resentful and angry that he's refusing me even a small piece of it."
Remus tightened his grip on her hand slightly. "Have you said anything to him?"
"Yes, the other night," she replied. "Remus, do you know about the nightmares?"
Remus' face turned very serious. "Yes," he said quietly, glancing over to where Sirius and Harry were still working together on the tree. "How do you know about them? I didn't think that you had…," he trailed off, his face turning pink.
"No, no, we haven't," Kate said. "The other night, when I came in late, I was preparing for bed and heard him cry out. When I got to his room, he had fallen from the bed and was lying on the floor. He had this look of total horror on his face. When he realized it was me kneeling beside him, he told me to get out."
Remus nodded. "He was embarrassed. You saw him at his weakest."
Kate nodded. "When we spoke later in the kitchen, I told him that I couldn't handle being pushed away and denied my relationship with my Godson. Remus, he was so despondent; there was no fight or anger in him. He asked me if we were finished, "Kate told him, her eyes moist as she remembered.
"What did you tell him?" Remus held his breath. Losing Kate would not be something Sirius could handle easily – if at all.
"The truth. That I didn't know. I can't go on the way things are, but I can't walk away from him, either. I'm not ready to be without him again," Kate finished.
Remus exhaled as Kate said, "I've agreed to stay, for now."
Remus looked over at her. "Good, I'm glad. Today was better, yes?"
"Yes, today was better," Kate agreed, smiling slightly. "Remus, I just don't know what to do, so I've decided to just take it one day at a time."
Remus nodded. "It's all part of what he's been through, Kate. Everything is about not listing anything he's regained. All of it, his over-caution with Harry, the nightmares – it's all part of the same experience that began with James and Lily's deaths and continued through his escape from Azkaban. Factor in that he's living in this house and that he perceives himself as useless to both the Order and to Harry and you've got some difficult behaviors to deal with and work through. This is the realization of what we discussed when you first came back to the Order. It was never going to be easy, Kate. He's been through so much. It takes a great deal of love and commitment to be with Sirius right now."
Kate leaned up and kissed Remus' cheek. "You're a very special person, Remus Lupin," she told him. "And I'm grateful to have you as my friend."
Remus smiled softly, his cheeks coloring slightly. "Thank you, Kate. I am lucky, as well. True friends are seldom available to people such as myself. I appreciate my own friends very much and I am proud that both you and Sirius consider yourselves my friends, as well."
"Always, Remus," Kate said quietly. "Always."
"Mooney," Sirius called over to him. "This is not the evening for deep discussions. Bring Kate over here with you and help us finish our tree!"