Hey Guys :) I figured I'd post this one today too, because I'm in such a great mood! :) Thanks to QueenOfSwordsAndFire for the wonderful Ash Lockheart!

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I do not own the hunger games!

6 months later

I feel Carters arm wrap around me as I begin to sob and shake. That's how I wake every morning and at least two times in the night. It doesn't help that today is reaping day – I get to mentor two innocent kids, and send them off to their deaths. The only good thing about today is that there's no way Carter can get reaped, and that Trixie isn't old enough to be.

In the past 6 months, things have changed… some for the better, but most for the worst. I have more and more moments where I go to my own special place with Ky, so someone has to be with me to watch Trixie at all times.

I can't sleep on my own anymore, in fear of the nightmares, and it's so bad now that two weeks ago my doctor prescribed sleeping pills for me.

My Mom joined the list of people that are haunting me… Sometimes she interrupts my time with Ky, and surprisingly she's nice now. I have no idea where my father is, I haven't seen him since before my games. I think the capitol has him, but what do I know.

My friends are keeping so many secrets from me, they don't tell me anything anymore. They're scared I'll 'leave' again. They tell Carter nothing either, he has no idea about me having to go into prostitution this time next year. If they are worried about me leaving them quite often now, I can't wait until next year rolls around. They'll see it then.

I called Snow the day after I found my mom... he was delighted, laughing and joking around with me.

Nobody knows how disgusted and scared I was that day I found her… Carter came and found me, passed out in my vomit. When I finally woke up, all evidence of the package was gone, except for her necklace (which I wear everyday in honor of her). We don't talk about it, ever. We pretend like it didn't happen, except when I have my nightmares 3 times a night, or I'm throwing up. I puke whenever I think of the memory, which is at least once a day. I don't know how I'm going to handle mentoring this year.

On the plus side, Two good things have happened these past months! I got my cast off, and most of my injuries are healed, except for the scars of course. And I've spent a lot of time with Trixie! She knows how to keep up a conversation now, and she keeps asking about the victors. She's delighted – today is her birthday, and she gets to see all of her friends again.

I finally calm down and stop crying, "Can you believe it, Carter? It's been one year… This time last year I was on my way to your house, cause my… my…" I can't say it.

"Sh.. I know." He says.

I leave him sat up in bed, to go get Trixie. I walk in, and she's sat up in her bed. That's another change, she sleeps in her own 'big girl bed' now. "Happy birthday, little monkey!"

She giggles and slings her arms around my neck, I pick her up. "We get to see Trixie's friends soon, mama?"

"Of course! We're going on a vacation today, remember? To the capitol. You get to spend a lot of time with your friends." She squeals in delight. I love seeing her so happy.

I put her in a purple dress – her favorite dress – and pick her up, giving her to Carter. He kisses me before taking her, and I smile, "Happy birthday, Princess." He tells her. I leave them and walk to get dressed myself.

Violet shipped in a dress for me to wear today, but I'm not wearing it. This day is not a joyous occasion. I shove on blue jeans and a plain pink top, good enough.

I walk through the house, reaching the front door. I scream out, telling them I'm going next door to Esmeraldas. She wanted to talk to me.

I make it over there, through the fog, and she greets me, "Hey, Gem. How did you sleep?"

"How do you think I slept? It was the night before the one year anniversary of the ruination of my life." I roll my eyes.

"Have you… talked to Ky lately?" She was searching for words.

"Maybe." I shrug. I don't want to tell her.

"I uh… talked to your doctor yesterday."

I narrow my eyes at her, "What did he say." Mad wouldn't be the word of the emotion I'm feeling right now. She holds out her hand to me, and in it is a little jar of pills. I growl, "And what's this?"

She looks at them, "He said that if you ever feel like you're going to… leave… than to take one. If you don't, then we can always force it down."

"Ugh. So I am officially crazy? I'm on medication now, so I actually am?" I'm not mad any more, I'm just sad.

"I'm sorry, Gem."

I run out of her house, not taking the bottle, and just walk around the district until the reaping start. It isn't even fit how many dirty looks and stares I receive from people.

It's only 20 minutes left till the reaping begins, so I head off to the square. I make it there just in time, and I take my seat next to Esmeralda on stage. I slump down in my chair so far.

Penelope gets up on the stage. She goes through the history of Panem, all kinds of boring junk, then she introduces past victors. You are supposed to stand up, smile and wave. I slump down further and role my eyes. I feel children snickering in the audience, I glare at them.

"And now, the female tribute of district 1 is… Ash Lockheart!" A girl, she looks around 16, has a path cleared in front of her in the audience. She turns in a complete circle, looks up on the stage and starts running her mouth.

"Fuck this! These games are bullshit, I'm not taking part of shit all!" She screams. I smirk, as she slowly walks onto the stage. I narrow my eyes at her, sizing her up. She's wearing tight pants, a leather jacket and clunky black boots. She also has short jet black hair that reaches her chin and gorgeous eyes. I'm jealous of them. They look like cats eyes, and they are a very bright green. And to top it off, she has short black eye lashes that makes it look like she's wearing eyeliner when she's not.

She keeps cursing, shouting swear words. She reminds me of me. Strange.

On impulse, I stand up from my chair, making it squeak. Esmeralda grabs my arm, but I jerk it away. Everyone's eyes are on me, including Penelopes and The tribute. "Look at this bad ass!" I storm up to her so I'm looking down right in her face, only a inch or two away. I notice her taking in my scars, and she narrows her eyes. "You think you're so tough?" I hiss at her, she doesn't know anything about being a victor.

"Yes actually." She says as she rolls her eyes. She takes her hands up and pushes my shoulders back. I raise my arms to swing at her, when I'm knocked over.

"God dammit!" I scream "Who did that?" She smirks at me lying on the stage. I actually think she's got what it takes to make it far in these games. She has the guts.

"It was the peacekeeper!" She says, trying to hold in a laugh. I growl and jump up. I notice the peacekeeper, he's standing next to the girl.

"Seriously? Are you gonna beat me here too? I figured I had enough of that in the other districts!" I hear gasps as I stomp back to my seat. Most of the victors got their heads in their hands and I laugh at them.

"Um… Gemma? Was there a need for that? Anyways, let's continue on with our male tribute shall we?" I roll my eyes and slouch in my chair. "And our male tribute is Roland Nichols!"

A huge boy, he must be 18, runs up to the stage with a huge grin on his face. He thinks he's going to win this. I roll my eyes, he must think it's so great being a victor. "I am proud to present-" I cut Penelope off as I stomp off the stage, completely pissed off.

But I think the real reason I am so mad, is because before I was reaped last year, those two kids might have been my friends. Now at least one of them will die. Notice I said at least.