A/N: I'm not sure I'm entirely hapy with this chapter. Idk it seems like things seem...rushed maybe. Blarg, I dk, but I hope you guys still enjoy it! I didn't expect to have it up this fast but the good reviews I've gotten on this and my One shots have really inspired me to write :) Thank you guys so much!

I walked away completely broken and feeling like the worst person in the world. It had been a month since the club incident and I had not seen anyone at all. I had vacation time from work and I took it the morning after. I hadn't so much as stepped out of my house since, nor had I taken any phone calls. Everything went to my answering machine and voicemail, which only caused everyone to worry more. The cops had been to my house twice just to check on me. Everyone was worried about me, but I was so ashamed of myself for what I was feeling and what I was doing to the 2 most important men in my life. I had been in love with James for so long. I pined over him, wept for him, longed for him in so many ways. Yet, Kendall made my heart race and made me feel so alive. I couldn't be fair to either of them. I was literally the worst fucking person in the world. My phone ringing broke me of my thoughts again causing me to wipe at my tear stained cheeks again. After several rings the machine picked up. Soon all I could hear was Kendall's voice and more tears to my eyes. I was sitting in the middle of my couch, covered in tissues and a throw blanket that Kendall and I had actually made together in school before he and the guys had left for LA.

"Kennah, please baby, answer. I'm so worried about you. We all are. We just wanna know you're okay. Baby, I'm sorry. I don't know what I did wrong but I'm so fucking sorry. Please just give me the chance to make it up to you."

My bottom lip quivered in sadness as the words were recorded onto my machine. How could he think he did something wrong? He would never understand how amazing he was and that he, the leader of Big Time Rush, was so damn flawless to me. Again I heard him sigh heavily before he spoke again.

"Kennah, please…just…just let me know you're okay. That you're alive. That those beautiful eyes aren't pouring down tears because you think you did something wrong."

'But I have'

I thought to myself.

"I'll call back. Just please baby answer. Just let me know you're okay. Bye."

Now I was full out bawling. The hopelessness in his voice was like the worst venom that anyone could ever contract. Like the sadness spread through my veins in such a rushed speed that if it had in fact been venom, my heart would've stopped just from it reaching said destination. I looked up to my ceiling, begging for some kind of sign, some kind of forgiveness. My tears blurred my vision and I felt so weak. Mentally and physically.

"God, what the fuck have I done?" I begged to no one.

The silence once again proving that I was in fact utterly alone. I collapsed against my couch, crawling into a ball, my eyes tightly shut. I couldn't believe this was happening to me and I had no fucking clue what to do. It wasn't long before I felt the clutches of sleep finally pulling me away into my dreams where everything was still perfect, while in reality I was literally falling apart.

Hours later, I could feel myself coming around as my dreams faded. I felt a hand on my shoulder, shaking me from my slumber and when I finally opened my eyes, I was face to face with James. I sat up quickly and pulled myself out of his grasp. He looked hurt by me pulling away so fast.

"How'd you get in?" I asked after a few minutes of us just staring at one another.

"My key. I thought I'd lost it, but I found it this morning." He stated, sitting beside me.

I felt his eyes on me as I avoided looking at him. I was shaking, my breathing was coming out in unsteady pants and I felt like any second my lungs would be collapsing .

"Wh-why'd you come?" I asked, finally chancing a look his way.

He smiled softly at me and grasped my hand in his. That simple touch, brought a tear to my eye, that I couldn't wipe away.

"Kennah, we're worried. All of us. Kendall is…"

"Please don't. I already know I fucked up. That's why I haven't talked to anyone or left the house. I just…I can't see how bad I've hurt him."

"You haven't hurt him. Please just talk to him. Kennah he is so crazy about you. He loves…"

"No!" I screamed, throwing the blanket off me and standing. "I don't deserve his love or anyone's for that matter. I won't just stay and hurt him. Not anymore."

"Kennah…what did Ashlyn mean? About you getting over pretty boy? I've asked Kendall and he won't tell me. So I need you to be honest and tell me what she meant."

James stood from my couch, walking to me and turning my face to his.

"James…she meant th-that I was in love with you." I blurted out.

What was the point in hiding the truth anymore? It wouldn't change anything or make things any better. I watched James facial expression change. He finally saw it. Everything that I had been hiding could clearly be seen with one look into my eyes.

"I'm sorry." I whispered after he continued to stare at me.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" He asked, still holding onto me.

I laughed somewhat bitterly as I tried my best to blink back tears, but only managing to let more stream down my face.

"It wouldn't have made a difference. Obviously. You're with Nicole now. You love her. You guys are gonna be parents. And most importantly you don't see me like that." I answered.

"Kennah…Nic and I…well we broke up."

I was shocked to say the least and I know he could tell. This wasn't something I was expecting.

"She lost the baby and after what Ashlyn said, she told me that she just didn't know if she could trust you around me. I didn't exactly know what she meant at the time, but I see now." He continued, rubbing my cheek with his thumb as we held our eye contact.

"James, I…I'm sorry."

"It's not you're fault. But I wasn't gonna ruin my friendship with you. You've been a big part of my life. You were always the one there to help me and the guys when we needed it. You always had our backs and you helped me become a better person. You and the guys have kept me level headed and grounded when I needed it. You're too important for me to just you give up."

Needless to say, I had been rendered speechless by is words. Was he saying what I thought he was saying to me? My thoughts were confirmed to be true when he slowly leaned forwards and placed his lips on mine. All these years and here he was, right in front of me. I felt his tongue lick my bottom lip, asking for entrance and I opened my mouth for him. I felt his tongue snake inside my mouth, mapping out the area completely. I finally wrapped my arms around his neck and he pulled me against his body. I had waited for this for so long, but it just didn't feel right. Our bodies didn't mold together perfectly like when Kendall held me. And even though James was a damn good kisser, I kept comparing his kisses to Kendall's. Kendall always kissed me with the perfect amount of tenderness and roughness combined at the same time, making me see fireworks. I didn't feel that with James, nor did I feel at home in his arms. I pushed him lightly on the chest.

"James…stop." I said, as our lips parted.

He looked down at me confused as I expected him to.

"I just…I can't do this."

I pulled out of his arms and took a few steps back. Our eyes disconnected and he looked to the floor for a minute or two before a small smile came to his face.

"You love him. You're in love with Kendall." James said, grinning from ear to ear.

"James…" I started.

"No. You love him. If you didn't then you wouldn't have stopped me. You said you're in love with me, yet you told me to stop. Kennah, you're in love with Kendall."

More tears came to my eyes and James quickly grabbed me up in a hug.

"You have to tell him Kennah. He loves you too." He whispered into my ear.

"I don't deserve it James. I was so terrible to him. He knew I still had feelings for you. I should've moved on before I got with him." I said, crying.

"Kennah, did you ever think that maybe it was just a crush that you had with me? You can love more than one person, but you can only be in love one person. I see the way you look at him, the way you laugh at his lame jokes. He's the one you want and he's everything you deserve. You passed the test."

"What test?"

"I had to make you see. I'm sorry that I kinda played with you're head, but I had to make you see that you really love Kendall. Please Kennah, he's miserable without you."

I looked away from James as I let his words sink in. He was right. I knew it just from the way I had pushed him away when he kissed me and the way I compared every little detail about him to Kendall. Every night before I went to sleep, I prayed that Kendall would find a way to forgive me for what I had done. Every morning I woke up, thinking about what Kendall was doing or if he was okay. It was plain as day. Everything from his dirty blond hair to those emerald green eyes that I could get lost in, called out to me. I missed his arms around me at night and the way he would sing to me in the morning when he would wake up before me. I missed his hugs, his lips on mine, the warmth of his body and everything that was Kendall. I felt a hand on my shoulder and I looked back up into James' eyes. Finally I smiled, knowing that for the first time, I knew exactly what I wanted and it all rested in the hands of a green eyed boy.

"Thank you James." I said hugging him tightly.

"Just go to him Kennah. He needs you. Don't give up." He replied, pulling away.

We shared a smile as James walked away and out my front door. I quickly ran up the stairs once James' car had pulled out of my drive way. I couldn't let this chance slip through my fingers. I had to get to Kendall before he gave up on me completely. Once I was in my bathroom, shower running and warming up, I grabbed the one thing I had been scared to touch for almost a week. It was now or never.

Soooooo, yeah I left it as a cliffhanger lol! But if I had wrote too much more it would've been waaaayyyy too long for just one chapter. So did you guys see the thing between James and Kennah coming? I had that planned from the beginning. James does love Kennah, but he was never IN LOVE with her. Like I made him say "you can love more than one person, but you can only be IN LOVE with one" hehehehe. And what is it Kennah has been scared to touch? Love you guys for helping meget this far with this story!