Notes: Hello everyone! I hope you guys are still interested in my little story. I know it's been too long, but real life has been all over the place lately. I want to give my thanks to everyone that's following, saving as favorite and leaving replies. Please keep letting me know what you guys think. I use this stories not only to spread mu Captain Swan Love, but also to practice my English... So if you find some spelling and grammar errors and horrors, please feel free to let me know. I'll try to get the next one out sooner, but won't make any promises. Sorry!

Chapter| 09

Two weeks after their passionate confession, Emma and Killian hadn't been able to go on a date or even spend more than a handful of quiet moments together. Quiet moments that to their disappointment didn't involve the taking out of any clothing or heated skin-to-skin contact.

Real life, her job and his job, her son and her friends had kept them from going out on a real date and since he was such a gentleman it has also kept them from doing more enjoyable activities… Activities she's been deprived of for over 4 years. But it also gave Emma a chance to see a whole new side of Killian Jones.

They've met at the docks very morning after her daily runs and before he had to head to work. Sometimes they've seeing each other at the cliffs where he had set up camp for his research. During those early morning conversations they've gotten to know each other better. Emma opened up about being an orphan, the struggle of being in the care of abusive families and her need to find her parents at a young age. She had told him exactly how it felt to go to bed without dinner and scraping by during the cruel winter months when she had ran away. She skirted around the topic of Henry's father, it being one of those "too much" kind of conversations. They've made an unspoken agreement to keep things light… for now.

Killian had reciprocated, telling her about his beginnings in a small town in the coast of Ireland. His love for the sea had started there, when he was just a young boy going out with his mother and older brother to play on the sand and later as his father, a fisherman, would take them all out on his old boat. He'd told her about his love for music and all things guitars. He'd reluctantly had confessed that he used to be on a band while still in high school. She'd learned that he loved to cook and that he was a neat freak, wanting everything in his home to be organized and clean.

They had started exchanging texts and late night calls, sometimes sweet and wholesome and others… Well, there were times full of heat and passion in their words. There had been a few kisses too, sweet comforting kisses when the other was feeling overwhelmed by memories. But there were some bursting with that electric pull that made them combust every time their lips melded together. Emma was happily enjoying the free fall into that elusive feeling… A feeling she had sworn off long ago…

It was something like love.

And it scared the bejesus out of her.

A month ago she would have rather climb a beanstalk and fight a giant, or slay a dragon with a sword like the princesses and pirates of Henry's books, before she admitted to wanting a man in her life. She'd been so used to doing things on her own, caring and providing for Henry that the fact that she was feeling lonely seemed like a weakness. But then Killian Jones came waltzing into her life: half-pirate/ half-charming gentleman and turned her life upside down.

Emma shook her head as she pushed opened the door to Granny's with a small smile lingering on her lips as she walked to the counter, a voice breaking her from her reverie.

"That's a rare sight to behold."

She'd been so spaced out that she didn't see Robin, her good friend and doctor sitting on a stool drinking coffee. Her smile turns into a mock frown as she stops and takes a sit in the empty place besides him.

"You saw me yesterday, Robin. I was the one picking up the sulking teenager from your house, remember?"

"I meant the dreamy smile on your face."

"I don't do dreamy anything." The younger woman deadpans.

"Oh you certainly do. What else would you call that thousand watt smile, that almost blinded me with its brilliance?"

"You are so dramatic." She says with a laugh, a soft secretive smile lingering as she turns to ask the waitress for a coffee to go.

"And there it is again."

"Is it wrong of me to be happy?"

"Not at all. I'm actually glad you are finally letting yourself be."

"Humm… What has Regina been telling you?" She asks suspiciously.

"That you are seeing a certain Irishman—"

Putting her hands on her face. "Argh not you too. Please spare me the older brother figure talk. David has already started."

"I'm not going to give you the talk, as you put it."

"It took me a while to be true to myself and open up again. But now I think I'm ready to take a leap of faith."

"A month ago I was the one telling you that you needed to open up to the idea of meeting someone new, of breaking down those walls and not being afraid to love again–"

"Oh, oh. I hear a but coming…"

"No buts." He said downing the last of his coffee.

Emma eyed him carefully. There was definitely a "but" in there somewhere…

"I've known you for over 10 years and you've never skidded around a topic. So, come out with it Locksley."

The older man turned towards her a worried but kind look on his face. "I've held your heart in my hands Emma. Literally."

Her eyes find his as she interrupts. "You gave me a new one."

"Yeah, I searched high and low to find you a new one, because your heart had been battered and broken way too early in your life. So, I guess I'm just worried that you are jumping heart first into something that could potentially hurt you in the end."

Her eyes are shining with unshed tears now. "I don't know what–"

"Don't get me wrong, Emma. I've met Killian Jones he seems like a decent guy, if not a bit of a recluse and maybe even harboring a secret or two. I also know he's here for a job and he'll probably go back to the city once that's done. I just want you to have your eyes open, and think about all the possibilities."

Emma uses the tip of her fingers to stop two stubborn tears from falling and placed her fake smile on her lips. "Thank you for your concern Robin, but I have everything under control. No need to worry about me."

"You are family, Emma. I will always worry." He places a kiss on top of her head as he walks out of the diner.

All the while Emma's eyes close as two new tears fall from her lashes… She'd just lied to one of her best friends.

Because the truth is that she's knee deep in feelings for a guy who'll probably end up breaking her heart.

Killian smiled at the sight of Belle running into the Coffee Shoppe, their usual hang out when they needed to get out of the office and take a breather. Her auburn hair was pulled back in a nice up do, she was dressed elegantly in bold colors and her feet were encased in four-inch deathtraps. He stands up to greet and she jumps into his arms in a bear hug, eliciting a loud chuckle from him. When they break apart and sit down she's still smiling.

"I'm so happy to see you!" She says still holding his hands.

"It's great to see you too. I ordered our usual."

"Always so chivalrous… So tell me, what brings you to the city?"

The smile that was lingering on his lips vanishes. "I had a few personal matters to attend to."

She raised her perfectly arched eyebrows at his statement. "What matters are those that you couldn't ask me to take care of them for you?"

His voice comes out agitated and nervous. "As I said, they are personal. And that's how they shall remain."

Before she can answer, a waitress interrupts them with their drinks. They take a few sips in silence before Belle speaks again.

"How are things in Storybrooke?"

"Everything is fine. The research is coming along. I sent you the stats two days ago. I'll probably have to circumnavigate the area next week to get a new read of the coast."

Belle hums, her eyes narrowing at his answer. "What are you not telling me Killian? I can't help you if you don't tell me what's the matter."

He lets out a long shaky breath and looks up, meeting her eyes. "I have no idea how everything got this messed up. I was not looking for this, I didn't want it."

Belle's lips turn down in concern. "By this, I'm guessing you mean whatever is between you and Emma Swan."

"Aye."

She knows he's waiting for her to ask a question, to probe him, to make him speak out loud about whatever had brought him back to the city… About what it is he's running away from, but she doesn't. And then seconds turn to minutes, full of an over bearing and tense silence. They keep on drinking their coffees and looking everywhere but at each other.

And then he breaks the silence. "Circumstances have prevented us from going on a date."

"Circumstances, meaning your fears?"

He looks at her then, eyes narrowed into slits and his head tilted to the side.

"If you want to talk about this with me, don't expect me to cuddle you and skirt around the subject. You know I always speak my mind."

He nods. "As you well know, the job in Storybrooke is textbook. It's not going to take as long as we first anticipated. I'm making quick strides and at this pace I'll be done in a couple of months. Then what?"

"Killian, is only a date why are you worried about the long haul?"

"If I answer that question… you're going to think I'm crazy, Belle."

She rolls her eyes at him. "I've known you for over five years, I've seen you at your best and your worst… Believe me it doesn't take much for me to think that."

"I don't see Emma as a conquest."

The light smile starts to vanish from her face. "What does that mean exactly?"

"I don't know how, but she's made me feel something again."

"Are you saying you've fallen in l–"

"I don't know." He says before she can finish her statement.

"Okay." She says letting out a loud exhale. "Killian I'm worried that all of this is happening too fast. You've known her only for two weeks."

He draws his expressive eyebrows into a frown. "Weren't you the one telling me to take a chance, to start living again?"

"Well yes. But I've never seen you like this before."

"That's because I don't think I've ever felt like this… not since Milah came into my life."

The breath is knocked out of her by his statement. "That's huge, Killian."

"Yeah, tell me about it." He says in a sad and scared half laugh. "With Emma I feel light for the first time in forever. Like the vice grip my heart has been in for 3 years it's gone."

Belle's eyes are shining with unshed tears at her friend's declaration, but he's too lost in thought to notice.

"Her eyes are so green, they remind me of Milah's… They give me hope for the future. That first time I grabbed Emma's hand in mine, when our eyes met they were like a beacon in the middle of the night. As we started to run into each other, with each conversation she started to distance herself from the memory of Milah. They're as different as can be, but the truth is that they're also a lot alike. The fire inside, their loyalty and strength…"

His best friend had taken control of her emotions, before she spoke. "Are you sure you are not confusing memory with emotion?"

At her words, Killian's hands went to his face. "Since the very first time I met her, Emma has taken over my every last thought. I've been trying to conjure up Milah's face in my mind, to remember her at my side, but now her face just turn into Emma's. And the truth is I'm scared. Because for the first time in three years I can see my life, my future without her in it."

The tears that were dancing around Belle's eyes fall then, not only at his declaration, but also at its most profound meaning. Her best friend was finally moving on. Her hands pull his to the middle of the table and his eyebrow rises in question.

"Why are you crying? Isn't this supposed to be a good thing?"

"It is Killian. I've been wanting to hear those words come out of your mouth for a long time."

"But…"

"I just want you to be careful. Don't jump into something so quickly. A month ago you were still broken remembering Milah's passing three years ago– "

"Would it sound overtly romantic or idealistic of me to think maybe Milah had something to do with Emma coming into my life?"

"Why would you say that?"

Killian stays quiet for a minute, his azure eyes looking to the distance in remembrance of another time. Soon he shakes his head with a half smile at his best friend.

"I don't know… I think I'm going mad."

"No." Belle replies with a genuine smile of her own. "You are simply a man on his way to falling in love."

It was Emma's turn to host the weekly dinner with her friends. That's why they were all sitting around her living room, two pizza boxes and three half empty bottles of wine laying on the coffee table. She was sitting on the floor, Mary Margaret and Regina where each taking a corner of the sofa and Ruby was lounging across the armchair.

"I've decided to run for a second turn as Mayor."

"That's so not a secret 'Gina." Ruby said as she finished the last of her drink.

"Yeah, Sis. We all knew you'd be running at least twice. You've been the best Mayor this town has ever had." Mary Margaret said and quickly amended, "And I say that honestly, not just because you're my half sister and I love you."

"How about you, Lil' Sis? What's your biggest secret?" Regina said reaching for another slice of pizza.

Mary Margaret's smile disappeared from her lips as she sat straight and reached for one of the bottles of wine. Instead of refilling her glass she took a drink directly from the bottle. All three friends shared a concerned look.

"Mary Margaret… What's wrong?" Emma was the first one to react.

"David and I – We've been trying to have another baby." The last part of her confession was whispered right before she had another gulp of wine from the bottle still in her hands.

The reactions came all at the same time.

"That's great M&M!" Yelled a gleeful Ruby.

"What?" A surprised Regina said as a piece of peperoni fell of the half eaten slice still dangling from her manicured fingers.

"What do you mean another?" Emma asked in disbelieve.

Tears started to fall from her bright green eyes and Regina's hand went to her in silent support.

"It's something I never told anyone…" She trailed off and took one last drink from the bottle of wine. Emma took the empty bottle from her trembling hands, a sad and confused look still on her face.

"When David and I started dating in high school, I got pregnant."

Silence.

"I was only 16 years old, the stress and fear… I think it was too much and I miscarried before I even started to show."

A loud banging sound filled the quiet as Ruby's boots dropped to the floor, when she sat straight on her chair. "How come I never knew about this?" The haze of the alcohol was gone from her face.

"You were two years behind us, and we were not close in high school, Ruby. Besides Regina and David are the only ones that knew about it. My dad and David's mom too but they are gone now."

Emma was listening silently, a lot of questions running through her head. But the anguish in the older woman's voice was too much. She wasn't going to make her re-live the ordeal further than she had to. So she watched as her friend took deep cleansing breaths and ran her fingers under her eyes to dry the reminder of her tears, and a small smile started to appear.

"So that's my secret… David and I want to be parents and we decided to start our family."

Ruby, who was openly crying by now jumped from her sit and hugged Mary Margaret tightly in her arms as she pushed her to the middle of the couch and sat on the arm closest to Emma. "Oh my God! I'm going to be an aunt again!"

A giggle escaped from Mary Margaret as she laid her head on the younger woman's shoulder. "Not yet. I mean we are still trying… It's been hard. But we have hope that soon we'll have a child of our own."

"You are great with kids. Kind and patient… You'll be an amazing mom!" Emma said.

"I can see it now, a little girl with your eyes and David's coloring. My nice will be a beautiful princess." Regina gushed with a huge smile.

"Hey, maybe it'll be a boy." Ruby said with a raced brow. "With M&M's coloring and David's chiseled chin." The comment made all of them laugh out loud.

"So how about you Wolf Girl?" Mary Margaret asked sitting up right and poking Ruby on her ribs.

"What about me?"

"Yeah don't play dumb. It's your turn to tell us a secret." Regina said as she licked the last of the pizza sauce from her fingers and cleaned them with a napkin.

"Nah ah… We're going in the order we were sitting, it's Emma's turn."

"You moved sits. Now it's your turn." Regina replied dryly.

"Argh I hate all of you and your dumb ass games!" She pouts and crossed her arms over her chest.

"It was your idea." Emma replied, satisfied that she was making the brunette squirm.

"I don't keep secrets. What do you want me to tell you guys?"

"Don't keep secrets? How about the fact that you've been seen leaving Detective Graham's new apartment very late at night a few times?"

At Regina's words, Ruby sighed and closed her eyes in defeat.

"That's not a secret. You guys were the ones that told me to be nice to him. We've had dinner, watched movies…"

"Talked about your feelings and told him he's the love of your life?" Mary Margaret added in a hopeful tone.

"No!" Ruby said in huff. She grabs the last bottle and empties it in her glass. After a drink she gasps and talks directly to Emma. "Remind me to never offer up any ideas for entertainment for this dinners ever again."

Emma rolls her eyes and smiles, but keeps quiet.

"Graham Humbert and I are friends, first and foremost. I've talked to him, very briefly, about why I was guarded when he waltz back into my life. He knows that my stay in the city was not the best time of my life."

"So you told him about prison?" Emma asked in surprised.

"Hell no! I don't think I'll ever be ready to tell him any of that. Not about the prostitution, the substance abuse or prison. He'll never forgive me if he ever finds out." She finishes as she downs the rest of the wine in one big gulp.

"Hanging out with him I've realized I don't like him like that anymore. I'm not going to jeopardize what we have by telling him about feelings that are long forgotten."

"Ruby." Mary Margaret said sadly.

"Look I know you believe in all that crap about Soulmates and Happy Ever After, M&M… But the truth is that Graham and I are just friends. It was a fluke that he came back and I wasn't ready to see him again so I got confused. I am not in love with him. And to prove it I want him to be Emma's third date."

"Wait what?" Emma said her eyes big and her mouth hanging open.

It was a beautiful day in the city, the rays of sunlight illuminating Milah's final resting place between the branches of the tall oak tree not far away. It was kind of surreal for Killian, being back only a short few weeks after saying goodbye, but feeling more at peace than he's had since her passing.

Milah Jones
My Dream… My Life… My Love…
Gone to soon from this life – Always and forever in my heart.

Kneeling in front of the dark marble headstone he ran his fingers over the carving of the letters in venerable softness. As always his heart started to beat wildly inside his chest as he read his final goodbye to the woman that was his everything.

"I was supposed to know how to deal with loss. Everyone I ever loved was gone before I met you… But you, you were supposed to be my forever… And then the unthinkable happened." A lone tear started to fall wetting his long eyelashes as he tried to blink them away.

"I miss you so much Milah… Sometimes it feels like someone cut off my hand and I can still feel my fingers… What's what they call it? Phantom pain? Aye…and it's because even though you are gone, you were still everywhere like a ghost haunting me – sleep or awake, in my dreams or in the middle of the street, on my ship… There was no running away from it."

He swallows trying to ease the knot in his throat, but it's in vain. Killian can't stop the feeling of betrayal that has settled in his stomach. "I tried to find solace in the bottom of a bottle of rum – of many bottles actually – your loss was a constant ache I couldn't alleviate. But then… Then the unthinkable happened…"

Like a vision, the image of Emma appears in his mind… Flaxen tresses, velvet soft skin and and big jade green eyes full of live and promise. "I wasn't looking for her, but then without warning and like a whirlwind she just blasted past my barriers and into my life." The wind started to pick up and the blue sky was turning gray, but Killian was lost inside his head.

Blinking back to the present he speaks again. "I'm sure you know exactly why I'm here. There was never a moment you couldn't read me… I'm so scared of the meaning of this sensations growing inside me." He exhales and looks up to the sky and then down to the headstone. "Give me a sign that this is the right thing to do. That I should give it a go, that it's okay for me to feel things for someone that it's not you."

Killian sits back on his haunches and waits, for what he doesn't really know… A sign, a memory, an answer… But the only thing that comes is the cold raindrops falling from the now gray sky. And all he sees behind his closed eyes is the light in Emma's eyes and the peace always feels when he's thinking of her.

Opening his eyes Killian brings a long-stem red rose to his lips and drops it on the headstone… Milah was gone and nothing could ever bring her back. It was time for him to let her rest in peace and take a chance on something.

"Are you crazy?" Emma was livid at Ruby's declaration.

"Why? Because I think you and Graham could be good together? All of you have said what a great catch he is… A nice, decent guy. Caring and hard worker… He's tall, he has an accent, which we now know it's your thing… And he's definitely not bad to look at." To her credit, Ruby finishes her sentence without flinching.

"I can't even begin to explain the many levels of wrong in everything you've just said." Regina says in disgust.

"What is so wrong about wanting my two best friends to be happy?" She turns back towards Emma. "I totally think you guys can be happy together."

Emma stands up from the floor and stats picking up the remains of their dinner and the empty bottles of wine. Her face devoid of any expression, a real sign that she was fuming. They all keep quiet as she goes to the kitchen and drops everything on the trashcan. She empties her lungs on a loud exhale and she brings her hands to her hair as she turns around. Silent fury is burning in her eyes as she gets closer to her friends. She was the personification of her last name, a swan ready to strike.

The Blanchard-Mills sisters sit up straight and prepare for the strike.

"I'm going to make this clear, and I will only say it once. I'm not going out with Graham Humbert. Not now, not ever." Her voice was low and filled with simmering rage. "I have no idea what the hell has gotten into you. First you almost bite my head off when he flirted with me that night at the bar, then you encourage me to go for Killian, you actually admit you are in love with Graham and now all of the sudden you want to sic him on me? What the hell Ruby?"

"I'm not in love with him." Ruby didn't even blink at her blatant lie. "But if you don't want to go out him, it's totally fine. It was just a suggestion."

Crossing her arms over her chest, Emma takes a few calming breaths. "Don't even think about it, Lucas. You are not getting out of this so easily."

Ruby looked up eyes finally conveying some emotion, filled with un-shed tears and sorrow. Her voice was masking a slight tremble. "I was just trying to do something nice for my friends. Can we just forget that we had this conversation, please?"

Regina raised a brow and with a slight move of her head decided to change the subject. "So Emma, I'm going to guess that your adamant rejection of this magnanimous offer has something to do with the other handsome foreigner roaming our town."

The mention of Killian was all it took for the tension and anger to leave Emma's body. "You guys know that I've been trying to go on a date with Killian for almost two weeks now... But real life has been getting in our way."

Mary Margaret regards Emma carefully. "Are you sure about this? Starting something with a man you hardly know, after being guarded and closed up for so long?"

Emma sits down in the armchair that Ruby had vacated earlier with her hands up in the air and an incredulous look in her eyes. "Is this for real? You… All of you were the ones that first started nagging me to get out there, then started that stupid marry of a swan campaign, and once Killian came into the picture actually pushed me to talk to the tall dark and handsome stranger… So now that I'm actually opening up to someone, there's an all around objection?"

"It's not an objection, per se."

"Well then explain it to me Mary Margaret, 'cause for the life of me I can't seem to get it right."

"What my sister is trying to say Emma, is that we are scared you are jumping the gun with Mr. Jones. We get it, for some reason unbeknownst to me… you find him attractive, alluring, intriguing. But the fact is, sooner rather than later he's leaving Storybrook."

"I totally get why you like, that man is sex on legs… But maybe he's not the right guy for you to… you know, get back in the saddle with."

"Ruby, things are not like that with Killian at all."

"Then what's it like, honey."

Mary Margaret's sweet, motherly tone made Emma relax once again. Whenever the conversation veered towards her and Killian she felt attacked, as if she was being judge by everyone.

"We are kindred spirits." Regina lets out a un-lady like snort. Rolling her eyes, Emma decides to ignore the older woman. "You where the ones saying I deserved someone to be happy with."

"And you actually think that this stranger is what? The love of your life. After a month, of which he spent the first few weeks drunk."

"He's not a stranger anymore, Regina."

"So I gather that you've asked him about his dead wife?"

"No, of course not. I can't. I know it's difficult for him, we're trying to give each other time. Whatever happened to her it left him broken. Killian was not ready for this, for us, to happen and I was just starting to feel comfortable with the idea when we met. So, we are taking it slow…"

"Does that mean you are not telling him about your surgery either?" Mary Margaret asked some of the worry easing away.

"Not for now, I don't want him to treat me differently–"

It was Ruby who interrupted her then. "But sooner or later he'll see it. Because you are not going to tell me that you're not dying to have a piece of that Irish Hunk."

A blush started to build from Emma's neck all the way up to the root of her hair. Thinking about their kisses, his strong hands caressing her… his scent. It made Emma's inside boil with need.

"It's not like I want to keep it a secret forever. I don't think it'll be that long actually."

"I knew it!" Ruby yelled in triumph.

"We've only kissed, a few times. But each and every time it's been explosive." Her eyes gloss over with memories of sweet soft kisses, and heated bodies entangled against a door. Her face grows impossibly red now, and her lips break out into a wide smile. "There's passion for definite."

"You go get it girl. It's been way to long." Emma giggles at Ruby's words.

"Just promise us you'll be careful Emma, your heart has been through a lot and – "

"And it didn't survive. But this new one, has somehow made me stronger and more open… I 'll be all right. You guys don't have to worry about me."