Siren: (munch)

Muse: Welcome back!

Siren: (crunch)

Muse: Siren, stop eating your cheesey popcorn. We're trying to do an introduction here.

Siren: (sprunch)

Muse: Sprunch?

Siren: (gulp) Yeah, because cheesey popcorn is so amazing, it deserves a whole new adjective. Sprunchy!

Muse: Got it. Disclaimer!

(poof) Lloyd: Didn't you already have me here in another fic?

Muse: Eh, probably.

Lloyd: Kay. Disclaimer: Sirens & Muses don't own Tales of Symphonia.

Siren: But we do own sprunchy!

Lloyd: Sprunchy?

Muse: Sprunchy.

Siren: Review, please! And make it sprunchy!

When we last left off, our heroes were about to be attacked by a crazy sexy ninja woman who'd just knocked down a...big wooden thingy.

"Wait!" Ninja Girl yelled.

"Oh, thank goodness, you're okay!" Colette said.

"You do know I'm trying to kill you, right? Or are you just retarded?" Ninja Girl said, rushing to attack them.

The battle against Ninja Girl ensued. Genis ran up to her, smacked her with his ball-in-a-cup, and was immediately stabbed to death with a piece of paper. Raine attempted to heal him, but ended up being too late and healing her brother's dead body, so she just shrugged and pulled a book out of thin air. Lloyd eagerly rushed up to Ninja Girl, 'accidently' tripped, and found himself squished against her chest, which resulted in him getting stabbed. And Kratos ended it by just being there. Ninja Girl fell to the ground.

"You picked the wrong guy to mess with!" Lloyd shouted, still bleeding on the ground. Kratos kicked him.

"I'll get you next time!" Ninja Girl swore as she disappeared into smoke.

"Why are there people trying to kill us?!" Genis shrieked. "Why is it like this in EVERY GAME PLOT?!"

"Because everyone hates you, Genis. That's why," Kratos said as they continued on.

"Those clothes," Raine mumbled.

"Yeah, I wish she hadn't been wearing them, either," Lloyd said, drooling. Kratos kicked him again.

"I cannot believe my son is a horny perv."

"I cannot believe you procreated," Lloyd said. Kratos sighed.

"Never mind. Let's hurry up and get to Izoold."

The group proceeded to Izoold.

"God, did you really have to say that?" Lloyd said to the sky. "I mean, talk about pointless…"

Kratos shoved him into the water and the others walked away. They went into a house to talk to Lyla, because as the omniscient main characters, they always know who to speak to about advancing the plot.

"Oh, Aifreed," she was saying tearfully, "How can I quell these feeling I have?"

"Buy a vibrator," Genis suggested. "It did wonders for me."

After an awkward silence, a few fake coughs, and Kratos mumbling something about having to go to a dentist appointment, everyone decided to go outside, where they tried to make some progress in the Journey of Regeneration.

"Hey, random boat guy," Lloyd said to Max, "Feel like taking us to Palmacosta?"

"Oh, Lyla," Max whined. "WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME?!"

"Because you're a whiny, pathetic, annoying, unattractive fisherman who smells like a public toilet," Kratos told him. "Now, answer our question."

"No, I won't help you. First of all, I don't help people who hurt my feelings. Secondly, it's dangerous out there. There's…pirates and sea…monsters," Max finished lamely.

"Hey, fuck you," Kratos said, kicking him in the crotch and walking away.

"Hey, why don't we talk to that fat guy over there?" Colette suggested. So they did.

"I got a ride on a boat from Aifreed. But he went far, far away, back to Luin, so my telling you this doesn't help you at all," Fat Guy said.

"Well, that was incredibly useless information that we needed to hear," Raine said. "I wonder how we can use it to our advantage?"

"Hey, Lyla, did you hear your boyfriend hates you and ran away to Luin with his best friend's fifteen year old daughter?" Lloyd yelled into her. Lyla cried and went over to Max's boat.

"That worked," Raine said as they followed Lyla.

"Take this letter to Aifreed!" She screamed, beating him with a quilting magazine.

"NO! I love you too much!"

Lyla spotted our heroes and a lightbulb appeared. "Hey, do me a favor, random people I don't know. Take this letter to Aifreed."

"What do we look like, mailmen?" Lloyd shouted. Kratos slapped him.

"Will doing this get us across the ocean?" Kratos asked. Lyla nodded. "Fine, we can lie to you."

"Cool!" Having gotten everything worked out, our heroes left on Max's boat. It was boring, so for entertainment, Lloyd and Kratos took turns fishing, using Genis as bait.

"CATCH FISH, YOU BASTARD CHILD!" Kratos yelled into the water.

"MUMAMUMMMEUMPHM!" Genis yelled back.

They finally got off at Palmacosta, and after about two and half minutes in town, Colette had already tripped, breaking something.

"Whoa, first time tripping on a new continent. Congrats, Colette," Lloyd said, giving her a thumbs up.

"Ack! The Palma Potion!" a woman shrieked.

"Hey, lady, that was a very valuable potion!" a dude yelled at Colette.

"I'll buy you a replacement potion," Colette said.

"Do you think that will be enough to APPEASE MY ANGER?!" random dude said.

"Whoa, douchebag alert," Lloyd said.

"How dare you! Do you know who we are?!"

"A group of douchebags?" Lloyd suggested.

"Don't start a fight," another random person in a sky blue outfit said. "I wanna get out of here. This place smells like socks that you find behind the couch after seven years."

"I'm telling you, if it weren't for the storyline, I wouldn't buy this replacement potion," Lloyd grumbled as they skipped off merrily to spend unnecessary money to advance the plot.

The group entered the item shop, where a bunch of Desians were trying to cheat a woman and her daughter out of crap.

"There's no way anyone'd sell those for that cheap!" a girl said.

"God, just give us the fucking gels, bitch. Why are you arguing with a bunch of people who carry whips around? Really? How dumb are you?" a Desian said.

"Really, really dumb!"

"Chocolat, stop!" the girl's mother said. "I told you, you're not dumb, just...special."

"CHOCOLATE?!" Colette screamed, looking around frantically for the nonexistent chocolate. "DO YOU PEOPLE HAVE CHOCOLATE?!" she screamed at the Desians. They shook their heads. Colette ripped their arms off and started a violent, chocolate-fueled rampage.

"Genis! Get the pot-laced cookies!" Lloyd yelled. Genis tossed said treats/drugs to Colette, who grabbed them and curled up in the corner nibbling on them.

"Um, back to the real world now," Lloyd said. "We need some Palma Potion."

They got the Palma Potion, gave it to the random douchebags, and continued onto find out where the fuck to go next.

"Where the fuck do we go next?" Lloyd asked, as they came upon a conversation taking place between a little boy, a little girl, and a creepy blonde man.

"Governor General Dorr! My dad was taken away to the ranch, and now I'm starving in the streets!" the little boy whined.

"I'll save him," the blonde man promised.

"Don't worry. My mother died of an illness," the little girl was saying.

"What does that have to do with anything at all? I kind of need food. It's been a month since I've eaten anything but a rotten banana peel." The little boy suddenly fainted from hunger.

"Well, this has been a lovely walk, Kilia. Let's go home." They left.

"Who was that?" Lloyd asked. "And do you think he sells pot? I used all mine to make those cookies, and I think I'm coming down..."

"That's Governor General Dorr. He's awesome," a random villager said. "After losing his wife to an illness, he-"

"Yeah, listen, did I ask you?"

"Well, if you're going to be a dick about it…"

"We're leaving now." The group left abruptly and entered a large building that looked important.

"Greetings, travelers! We welcome travelers, as per the teachings of our fake Goddess!" Governor General Dorr said.

"Has anyone ever told you that you look suspiciously like a bearded lady?" Lloyd asked.

"Yes, many a time. Are you on a pilgrimage for the fake Goddess Martel?"

"No, I'm much cooler. I'm the Chosen," Colette said.

"LIES! ALL LIES!" Dorr screamed.

"What?" Lloyd asked stupidly.

"The Chosen was just here moments ago! You bastards are lying!"

"Fabulous. We're going to be arrested for trying to save the world," Kratos said, rolling his eyes. "You wanna trip over nothing again to see if that saves us?"

"Sure!" Colette chirped. She then proceeded to trip over nothing and save them.

"OHMYGOD! IHAVETOTELLMYSLUTBOSSLADY! ILOVEFOXESPIZZA! Uh, I mean, look, Father! Pretty pink wings!" Kilia yelled.

"Please forgive our insolence, Chosen One!" Neil said.

"Who the hell are you?" Genis asked.

"And why the hell would we forgive your insolence?" Kratos asked.

"And what does 'insolence' mean? And 'forgive'?" Lloyd asked.

"Well, this is bad," Dorrsaid. "This means those guys we gave the Book of Regeneration to were either imposters or cosplayers."

"What's a book?" Lloyd asked.

"The Book of Regeneration is pretty much a how-to for saving the world," Neil said.

"Listen, you're gonna have to stop it with the butting in on conversations like that," Lloyd said. "It's kinda creepy."

"Wow, that book seems like it'd make this journey a hell of a lot easier. I mean, really? You just handed it over to some random person?" Raine said. "You guys suck at running a town. No wonder this place is polluted, filled with illegal immigrants, and has hideously repetitive music."

"It sounds like fairies!" Colette said obliviously.

"Well, I guess we have no choice but to wander around aimlessly for the rest of the game," Kratos said.

They wandered around aimlessly into a school to pursue a releatively pointless sidequest.

"Hey, Genis," Lloyd said. "Have you ever shoved a beer mug up your nose?"

"No, but I did get a recommendation to this school," Genis said.

"Why didn't you come here?" Lloyd asked.

"Because…Kratos, are you creeping around in the corner of the screen again?"

Kratos looked around shiftily from his spot in the corner. "…No."

"Whatever."

"A child this small was recommended for the elite Palmacosta Academy? No way!" Student A cried.

"Student A?" Lloyd asked. "Wow, you don't even have anything close to resembling a name."

"Yeah, it took me six tries to get in," Student B said.

"Do you even go to this school?" Student A asked.

"Of course I do. I didn't do anything ridiculous, like murder a student, steal their uniform and ID, and take over their life just so that I could get in, don't be silly," Student B said, laughing nervously as his eye twitched.

"Well, I certainly didn't murder anyone and steal their identity because I got bored," Kratos said, still creeping around in at the bottom of the screen. "Hey, how about we have a competition because I need a distraction?"

"Sounds good!" Genis said.

"Then lets study," Raine said. "We'll need an empty classroom."

Once in the empty classroom, they started the review questions.

"'Question One'," Lloyd read aloud. "'What is the square root of negative seventy-four?' Hmm…let's see. 'Kratos…has…a…boner."

"I do not!" Kratos hissed.

"'Question Two,'" he said, ignoring Kratos. "'What happens if you give a mouse a cookie?' …'Kratos'…penis…is…pierced.'"

"…Have you been watching me shower?" Kratos asked.

"No. No, I haven't, Kratos, that was meant as a joke. Kind of creepy, though, now that I think about it." Lloyd shrugged and went back to his paper. "'Question Three: Don't you wanna come with me? Don't you wanna feel my bones?'" Lloyd thought for a moment before finally writing down, "'Kratos…watches…gay…porn.'"

"I will punch you, Lloyd."

And thus, the Ultimate Battle of Smarticalness between Genis and…Student A, whose name is either Mighty or Tiny. Can't recall which. And, of course, because this is a great chance to mock Lloyd, the entire group took the test.

"The scores are as follow," an old guy shouted. "In last place, big shocker, Lloyd with…negative infinity."

"How's that work?" Lloyd asked.

"Well, you didn't actually do anything. In fact, you asked to go to the bathroom, left, and came back three hours later with freshly made pepper bacon. All that's on your paper is a grease stain," the old guy clarified.

"Oh." Lloyd took another bite of bacon.

"Next, Blondie-sorry, Colette, with…210. Then Raine with 400. Genis and Mighty both had 398."

"Hang on, doesn't Kratos get a score?" Lloyd asked.

"Yes. His score is 'Super Ultra Mega Sexy.' Happy?"

"Not really," he grumbled. "Let's get outta here, my brain is starting to swell."

As the group walked through Palmacosta, Genis asked, "Hey, isn't there an end to that sidequest? I mean, don't I get a title or something?"

"Not in this parody," Kratos muttered.

"Then what was the point of doing it?"

"Well," Kratos said. "First off, the authors got to quickly finish another chapter of this so they can update it. Also, we got a recipe."

"For what?"

"An omelet."

"You mean to tell me we had an inteligence competition just so that we could have a magical creeper teach us how to flip scrambled egg over various fillings?"

"Yeah, Genis, you got something to say about it?" Kratos stabbed him. "Didn't think so."

So concludes another chapter of "Teenage Losers Try To Write A Video Game Parody!" Thanks for watching! Bye!