Hiding My Masked Affection
spockjasperzukowriting
Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender. This story is purely for fun and imaginative purposes.
This chapter is dedicated to: Arashi Maxwell, varjak, AnnaAza, izzybizzy333, Hiya120, Sisters-from-hell, Moon Mage Goddess, ccbloom7, CrimsonAngel1992, Swallow in the Cloud, loquacious gabby, Momomiya Ichigo Loves Inuyasha , badonyx, eleventy7, BB, Rei, Muted Trumpet, Lady, Pirate Ninjas of the Abyss, GemFreak, LoveLikeCrazy, animalvr11, theTIGEER, Kitten123130, Evelyn56, kazster, Cheminee Martinet, MakeMeProud, more-of-a-reader, Winnidonna Garage, Anti-Social, Lady Kazonei, elvenprincess3212003, Heaven's Demise, Madi, enticement, Densharr, YolandaFriella, Issa, Jeruselum, and RagnarokZ. You all rock!
9- Part Two
I kept my head inside the carriage as we resumed our journey, my hallucination still vivid in my mind. It made me nervous, this memory of him coming at me, the desire to attack deep within his eyes. My anxiety didn't leave completely, but it eased slowly as a comfortably silence drifted across the carriage. Nobody looked at each other. With tension still sparking between everyone, I was afraid of setting the silence afire.
My stomach didn't stop twisting painfully. The icy edginess in my nerves never left me but my mind was clear. My goal was set. There was no turning back now.
Aang continued to glance nervously at me, as if expecting me to have another attack. My heart sank in guilt as I realized the worry I had caused him. But part of my mind pointed out to me that this was a heavenly reminder that they cared enough to be anxious.
Sokka stole peeps out the window as the sounds of the city morphed quickly into the noises of metal and the gruff baritones of soldiers shouting out orders.
"We're nearing the palace," Sokka announced, shattering the carefully constructed silence inside the carriage. I squirmed in my seat as the image of Zuko, two years ago, flashed across my eyes. The left side of my face tingled as I remembered the ridged, rough scar marring his pale skin. It was hard to imagine him as anything but an angry, confused teenager.
Suiya painted a smile on her face and sat up straighter. "We'll be escorted to the waiting room," she explained. "We'll wait until they send someone to fetch us. There, we'll be introduced to the Fire Lord and Katara will tell her story."
I didn't like to think of my explanation as a 'story.' The word 'story' implied something that had never happened. It did happen. I could remember it as if it had occurred only five seconds ago.
I was pulled out of my thoughts by the sensation of trembling fingers entwining in mine. I looked over at Aang, who was clutching my hand anxiously.
"You'll be all right," he promised, but it sounded as if he was trying to lift his own spirits more than mine.
I smiled at him softly and unwound my fingers from his. "Aang, it's just Zuko," I reassured him. "Not the end of the world."
Hakoda cleared his throat, gathering our attention towards him. "Out of respect, I expect you all to refer to Zuko as Fire Lord Zuko. It is common courtesy – in any throne room, in any nation – to refer to your superiors and equals by official titles. Aang is Avatar Aang. Katara, the Fire Lord will address you as Lady Katara," he explained, leveling our gazes to ensure the information sunk in.
I nodded. So far, I had been referred to as Lady Katara by anyone who didn't know me. Why would that change? The end of my lips tugged into a half-grin. Part of me liked the title. It made me sound more important than I felt.
Hakoda gestured to Suiya. "Suiya will be known as either Lady Suiya or Senator. Both will be sufficient to address her stature. I am Chief Hakoda, and Sokka –" He paused and turned to my brother. Sokka puffed out his chest with pride and awaited what he assumed to be his grand title.
" – it's best if you don't speak at all until the meeting is over," our father finished. Aang and I had to cover our mouths to keep from giggling as Sokka gave our father an exasperated look.
The carriage slowed to a stop, followed by dozens of footsteps echoing around us. A masculine voice addressed the carriage driver.
"Whom do you bring?"
"I bring Chief Hakoda of the Southern Water Tribe and Senator Suiya of the Fire Nation. We're on an urgent mission to see the Fire Lord," the driver replied automatically, almost as if he had rehearsed the speech. The soldier sighed.
"The Fire Lord is busy. Ambassadors from the Earth Nation have arrived a day early and he won't be available till later tomorrow."
My gut clenched. Tomorrow? I couldn't wait that long! I leaned forwards and held my head in my hands, waiting for the quivering to stop. I had to keep reminding myself that we had recently ended a century-long war.
The driver's words were caught in his throat. He had no idea what to say. We had never believed we would be delayed.
Aang sighed, rolling his eyes. "Palace security here never improves," he groaned before getting up, walking past me and jumping out the door. He closed the door behind him, allowing the carriage to be lit only by the thin light filtering through the paper.
The soldier gasped. "Avatar Aang! I didn't know– "
" – Oh, it's okay," Aang cut in. "Hey, could you please let us through the gates? I would really appreciate it if you did."
The soldier stammered over any answer he tried to form.
Aang sighed. "Please? We just need to see the Fire Lord quickly and then we'll be out of your way."
"Er- normally we wouldn't let you through, but I guess because you're the Avatar..." the soldier responded uneasily. Then, he yelled at the top of his lungs, "OPEN THE GATES!"
The command was echoed above us; there was an oily rasp that I assumed to be the sound of the gates opening. Aang opened the carriage door and popped inside, sitting back down between Suiya and I. He was smiling as if he had just won the war all over again. Sokka gaped at him.
"Who knew being the Avatar would come in handy?" he said, eyes wide.
Aang rolled his eyes. "Who knew?" he answered sarcastically.
Suiya tried desperately to keep from bursting into laughter.
The carriage lurched forward abruptly, pulling past the screeching metal. I stuck my head out the window and gazed up at the tall metal frames of the gates. They were higher than anything I had seen in my entire life, painted a gleaming red colour to hide the metal support-system. I glimpsed pulleys and gears at work inside the widening doors but the carriage quickly rolled past them. Soldiers, protected by black metal armour, swarmed around the gates. They checked out carts that had been pulled over and kept the outer wall life of the palace moving. The smell of smoke and burning coal filled the air, making me withdraw my head in as I sneezed. I pulled the curtain back over the window, letting my eyes readjust from the glare of the sunlight to the darkened carriage. I gulped in the clean air, blinking to clear fumes from my eyes.
"The Fire Nation never lost that industrial smell," I coughed, fanning the air in front of my face.
"It's getting better," Suiya said encouragingly. "The end of the war has decreased the manufacturing of materials needed for the military use, such as steel and Qiang powder."
"That's good to know," Sokka said in mock enthusiasm.
"Sokka, whatever happened to keeping your mouth shut?" I asked. He pantomimed locking his lips and throwing away the key.
The carriage stopped again; over the flurry of machinery noises, the snorts and cries of our carriage's ostrich-horses were escalating.
"We're at the inner wall," explained Suiya.
I snuck a peek outside the window. The carriage driver was listing his passengers to another set of stern-looking guards. Only one word seemed to change the guards' expressions: "Avatar."
"I'm glad you're my friend, Aang," I whispered.
The guards nodded to the driver and signalled to men walking atop the smaller inner wall. Shouts ensued and there was another metallic groan. What I thought was a perfectly smooth wall suddenly started to open up. The Fire Nation insignia gleamed on the gates, flashing in the sunlight with a bright red glare. Birds fluttered away from the toothed tops of the gates as they slowly swung open. When the gap was big enough, the guards motioned us through.
I shut the window again, a smile on my face. I didn't entirely like to admit it, but I was awestruck by the might and advanced level of technology that the Fire Nation had. I remember, as a child, being silenced in wonder at the efficiency of the ships sent to raid us; but at that moment I was truly dumbfounded.
Sokka stopped covering his ears as the whines and overbearing squeaks of the section between the walls died down. The open gates revealed peaceful walkways and I assumed we were in the interior of the palace. The irregular feel of the cobbled road quickly transitioned into the smooth surface of paved walkways. Quiet conversations replaced the busy screams of the soldiers; the soft notes of wind-chimes sung away the clangs of blacksmiths mending armour.
The carriage finally came to a halt and a few moments later the carriage driver opened the doors for us. I winced as sunlight flooded the doorway but it quickly dimmed as I grew used to it. Hakoda walked out first, followed by Sokka, Aang, and Suiya. I sucked in a tight breath, promised myself the sooner the better, and I heaved myself off of the pillowed seat and into the interior of the palace.
The road beneath me was smoothed out with the careful application of cement. The avenue was lined with neatly cut, deep green grass and ceremonial poles supporting lamps. The branches hung low and even, releasing glowing pink and yellow blossoms into the gently shifting breeze. Servants and youths trailed elders as they walked through the gardens, listening to the seniors discuss politics and their social prospects. All had pale skin, dark hair and brightly coloured eyes. I felt a little out of place amongst the shades of red people wore around me, stiffening as I heard the carriage turn around and depart for the inner wall. I glanced around towards the other side of the road; it was equally stunning in beauty. I turned to face the red-roofed palace and walked to Aang's side, grateful for the protection he emanated.
The palace was tall and mighty. The walls were dotted with small, arched windows and were coloured a fading crème. With ancient, slanting roofs and pinnacles depicting golden dragons, it gave off an aura of sacred importance. It was peaceful and solid, reflecting only one theme and one purpose as the capital building of the Fire Nation.
I kept staring as Aang tugged me along, moving with my family towards the entrance. As we neared the red-carpeted stairwell, I noticed an old, kind looking man with two servants waiting for us. His eyes were as bright as the sun and his hair as white as the moon, giving him an almost celestial appearance. We ascended the stairs with Hakoda in the lead.
My father leaned in and bowed, folding his hands in the way he had shown us earlier. I mimicked his movements as Aang, Suiya, and Sokka followed my father's lead. The old man bowed to us, a confident smile forming on his face.
"That's General Iroh," Aang whispered to me. "He's Zuko's uncle."
I stared at the neatly clad General as we straightened up from our bows. Iroh smiled at us.
"Chief Hakoda, what a pleasant surprise." He greeted my father with a warm, accented voice. "I trust times have been well for you."
My father smiled grimly. "Times have been better, unfortunately," he answered. He turned and gestured to Sokka and I. "This is Katara, my daughter, and Sokka, my son. They recently arrived from the South Pole."
Iroh looked between us and bowed again. "It is an honour to meet the children of such a great chief," he said.
I bowed back to him, smiling as his calming demeanour soothed my nerves.
"We came to see your nephew, Fire Lord Zuko. It is a matter of great importance that must be resolved immediately." Suiya inched closer to Hakoda's side as she spoke.
Iroh grinned. "My nephew will look forward to attending your problems as soon as he can," he promised. "Please excuse his behaviour if he appears...well, blunt."
Sokka tensed as he tried to hide a scowl. I looked at him, requesting answers with a tilted eyebrow, but he only avoided my gaze and stared at the ground. I looked back at my own feet and rubbed my bandaged hands, absently tracing the dull edges of pain along my palms.
Suiya laughed. "Our Fire Lord will be loved always, regardless of any flaws," she said assuredly.
"Please, allow me to lead you to the waiting room," Iroh offered.
"Thank you, we're much obliged," Hakoda answered.
Aang curled his fingers under my elbow and lead me along with them, stepping from the last of the rest of the stairs as we crossed an expansive, decorated platform. We entered a red-lit hallway with paintings and ceremonial items decking the walls, making the palace feel (as well as look) old. I found Aang's hand and quickly held onto it, trying to suck in as much comfort as I could. My stomach was twisted and clenched so tightly that I thought I would burst.
Up ahead, Iroh struck up a friendly conversation with Suiya and Hakoda while Sokka, Aang, and I trailed behind. I didn't pay much attention to their conversation, but knew that it followed along the lines of Jasmine tea.
The hallways were glowing with lights of red and yellow and were utterly endless. I knew that Iroh must've lived here for the majority of his life and I was grateful for him to lead us. I would've been completely lost. It reminded me of a much larger version of Suiya's house. It was the entire world encompassed within mighty walls, compared to the one-room huts of home. I hung my head, letting Aang's footsteps and hand guide me. I didn't belong here. I was too used to my old life to even begin to comprehend another life-style. My heart began to ache as I thought of the endless plains of ice and rising glaciers and I held back tears as I recalled the expansive white landscape. I missed the open spaces. I hated the confinement of the Fire Nation rooms and the way all the corridors seemed to narrow into a singular path.
Aang abruptly stopped, jolting me a little bit but bringing me back to the present. We were in a wide room with potted plants dividing rows of seats. A large window featured upon the wall at the far end of the room and low tables were centred within square sections of seats. Curling lines of steam rose from cups containing – I guessed – brewed tea.
Iroh turned to us and smiled. "The Fire Lord will try to be with you as soon as possible. You may be given a small window of time; the Earth Kingdom ambassadors tend to be stubborn with their demands, especially when it comes to discussing the new treaties," he explained. "Please, feel free to spend your time here or exploring the palace gardens. Servants will be present to assist you in your needs. Now, if you would excuse me, I have business to attend to." He bowed to Hakoda and Suiya before turning and gracefully leaving. I noted how easily he walked, poised in the air delicately as he almost floated across the ground. It must be a trait attributed only to Fire Nation officials. Suiya walked almost exactly as he did.
Sokka sat down in one of the chairs and rubbed his temple. "That was hectic," he sighed, grateful to be able to use his voice again.
Hakoda pursed his lips. "Any suggestions to pass the time?"
I took one glance out the window and gulped. I needed to be in the natural world. Staying in the eerie and dark mood of the palace would quickly eat away my patience.
"I'm going to the gardens," I announced, prying my hand from Aang's and starting in the direction of the insipid sunlight.
"I'll go with you," Aang offered.
I paled, wheeling around and holding out my hands. "No, Aang, that's okay. I... just... er..." I struggled to phrase my thoughts.
Aang nodded understandingly. "You would like to be alone?" he summarized.
I nodded, grimacing. "Sorry. I'd just like a few moments to myself. Could someone come get me when the Fire Lord is ready?"
Suiya smiled at me."We'll give you a five minute warning," she said, nodding.
I beamed briefly before turning away and heading towards the exit. Once there, I pushed my way out a side door and entered the garden, heaving a sigh of relief and slowing my pace as I relaxed in the calming garden. I left the pathway and walked into the avenues made by trees, letting falling blossoms dance around my head and tangle in my hair, adding colour to my paling complexion.
I stumbled across a small pond with scattered lilies pebbling across the water, noting how the ground transitioned from wavy grass to solid dirt. I sat down on the edge of a stone bench, watching the stagnant waters ripple away from the roots of a tranquil willow tree. A small group of turtle-ducks moved out from behind the tree and quacked at me, eagerly awaiting any food that I had.
I sighed, shaking my head. "I wish I could," I said to them. "Sorry."
The turtle-ducks grumbled angrily and swam off, hunting for their own food. I smiled and wondered who had spoiled them so much.
I stared at my shaking hands lying in my lap. I knew there was no backing out of this now. But that didn't mean that I wanted to do it any more than I had to. The memory of Zuko grabbing my wrist and glaring at me as I chased after Aang was all too vivid in my mind. I hated the idea of confessing to him that I needed his help. Why didn't he believe the rumours of the Azkai? The notion escaped me entirely. People were being hurt. Wasn't that cause enough to fight against the people terrorizing an already fragile nation?
I groaned and hung my head. "Yue..." I whimpered. "How do I do this?" I remembered the presence of the Blue Spirit in front of me last night and shivered. I couldn't give the Blue Spirit the protection he so readily gave me. Part of me prayed that luck would be on my side and the Blue Spirit would remain only a rumour.
I sighed in despair. This wasn't the end of the world, but it sure felt like it.
"Lady Katara, the famed daughter I've heard so much about," said a kind voice from behind me.
I jumped up, whirling around to see Iroh standing tall with his hands folded across his belly.
"I – er – General Iroh," I stuttered, hastily bowing before him. "I'm so sorry, I didn't realize – "
He smiled and waved his hand dismissively at my clumsy excuses. "It is all right. Do you mind if I join you?"
I gulped, shaking my head. "Not at all. Please." I gestured to the large space on the bench and sat on the edge of it, straightening my slumped shoulders and attempting to remain calm.
The old general sat down next to me and studied the pond for a moment. "I understand why you came to the garden," he stated.
I gave him a confused look. "I'm sorry?"
"I can tell something is on your mind. After the many battles I have seen, I too enjoy the experience of an occasional moment of peace," he explained, pulling out a piece of bread from under his cloak and tearing it in half. He gave one half to me as the turtle-ducks approached us once more.
I ripped off crumbs and threw them to the turtle-ducks, pondering what he said to me.
"After seeing the raids during my childhood, I thought I would be able to deal with an attack," I confessed. "At least, I would be able to show much more strength than I am." I angrily threw the rest of my bread to the turtle-ducks.
Iroh smiled warmly at me. "I very much respect you for coming here to enlighten my nephew as to the internal problems of the Fire Nation," he comforted. "Fire Lord Zuko has been trying his hardest to do what's right, but with the influx ambassadors and the rage from the other nations, he's been distracted from truly important issues. I'm sorry that you had to be a victim of his negligence."
My heart squeezed painfully at his modesty about his nephew. I took a moment to pinch myself, reminding my panicked mind once more that the Fire Nation was just a country of people, not monsters. I liked to think that Iroh's rare kindness might transcend future generations in this nation.
"Each day it gets better," I said, stifling small winces as I traced my palms with my thumb. "I just feel happy to be alive."
Iroh nodded. "You were lucky...where others were not."
We sat in silence for a while, quietly watching the mother turtle-duck play with her children. It was an easy silence, one that didn't make me nervous but instead calmed my tense mind. I had barely known Iroh for thirty minutes but he was easy to get along with. He had such a gentle personality; a personality that I had sorely missed since my mother's death.
I bit my lip. "Am I keeping you away from the business that you have to attend to?" I asked guiltily.
Iroh chuckled. "Not at all. I enjoy the company of your mother and father, but of course, I could tell that I am needed elsewhere."
Suiya is not my mother, I thought to myself.
"I excused myself from your parents' presence," Iroh explained, "because I could see you were scared. I believe at a time like this that we all need time to explore our thoughts alone. But this isn't what you're doing. You're shutting yourself out from the world."
I blushed. Was I that easy to read? Iroh already interpreted a lot more from my actions than I thought was humanly possible.
"Forgive me for my guesswork, but you do not seem to be the loner type," he said, looking at me with concern.
I sighed, rubbing my upper arm and shaking my head. "I love people. I want to be able to spend time with my family. But..."
Iroh inhaled deeply. "You do not feel as if you are amongst family here?"
I shook my head. "I left my grandmother back in the Southern Water Tribe. She has been my mother to me for all these long years. I'm not ready to accept a... Fire Nation official in the role. It doesn't feel right."
I heard loud, hurried footsteps sound behind us; turning around, I saw one of the servants that had come with Iroh. They were flustered with the sudden exercise and spoke their words hurriedly. "Lady Katara, the Fire Lord will grant you his audience now," he said before turning and quickly departing. I turned back to Iroh, sure that my expression was that of fright. Iroh smiled.
"This may not be helpful advice, but you should be happy to have your family with you. Even if they don't feel like family, staying together through the toughest of times can only strengthen bonds."
I nodded, shutting my eyes before standing up and bowing to him. "Thank you, General Iroh, for your company and consolation. I feel better," I said, happy to know that what I said was the truth. I did feel more secure than I had. The words he had offered were comforting to my mind.
"It was nice to help out a new friend," he returned, smiling. "But of course, from now on you may call me Iroh."
I grinned, nodding as I turned around and started back in the direction I had came, leaving the serenity of the pond for the stuffiness inside of the palace. Light pinks, whites and greens melted into the temperate shades of the traditional Fire Nation I knew. Sokka was waiting for me, perched on a chair while fiddling with the hem of his shirt.
"Where's the rest of our group?" I asked when I reached him.
Sokka looked up at me and stood up, straightening his shirt and clearing his throat. "They went into the throne room already," he said. "I stayed behind to wait for you."
I nodded, my stomach leaping up into my throat as my heartbeat raced. "Okay then." The shaking returned.
Sokka blew a stray strand of hair from his countenance. "Well, time to go say hi to an old buddy of ours," he attempted weakly.
I gulped. "Just lead me there."
Sokka nodded, turning on his heels and leading me down a short hall to a set of double doors. The handles were in the forms of dragon heads, the metal engravings of Fire Sages twisting around them and arching up along the edges. Lamps flickered, casting shadows and rays of light across two statues guarding either side of the door. Sokka stood forward and pushed open the doors to the throne room.
My heart skipped a beat as the doors swung open with ease, drawing my gaze quickly to the room before me. My blood ran cold as I stared at the intimidating scene.
Sokka tugged on my arm and pulled me forward. The smooth, obsidian floor made our footsteps echo up along the spiralling pillars supporting the roof. Rivers of fire snaked around the edge of the room, sending tongues of light along the folds of the blood-red curtains draping the walls. There was a low table covered with a large map, detailing the entire world with deep accuracy and vivid brush-strokes. The table was lined with stern-looking men – all over the age of forty – whom gave Sokka and I hard looks. I ran my gaze up along the table, ignoring the piercing eyes of the generals as I first set my sight upon Fire Lord Zuko.
Zuko hadn't changed his outward attitude at all. His expression was tired but angry, as if something had been troubling him for months and had finally gotten more than skin deep. His ridged scar rippled along the left side of his face, slanting up as his features pulled into a tighter frown. He'd just seen Sokka striding a little too boldly to match the distance of Suiya, Hakoda, and Aang. His eyes didn't reach me as I remained in my brother's shadow, keeping my face down. I didn't want him to see me just yet.
Sokka stopped, bowing respectfully despite his stressed expression. I swallowed back my fear and came out from behind him, leaning forward in the bow I had practised.
I felt Zuko's eyes piercing into me, making my skin burn. I winced, trying to chase fear from my face before I straightened back up to meet his fiery golden eyes. His features had aged in the years that had passed, giving him the glare of a young man rather than that of a teenager. He was still handsome, his face matured into strong beauty; but that only served to harden his scowl.
The generals shifted back in their seats. I had bowed dutifully in front of their Fire Lord, earning a small amount of approval from their hostile ranks.
Through the silence, one of the generals stood up and aligned his body perfectly with the table as he cleared his throat. "Lady Katara. We are grateful you could come," he began, giving me a false, practised smile. His voice echoed around the room faintly, doubling the malice being thrown my way.
Unnerved, I smiled weakly at him. "So am I."
"My name is Admiral Canren. I shall speak for Fire Lord Zuko," he explained, a cold edge hidden in his voice.
I swallowed past the lump in my throat. "Forgive me, Admiral Canren, but I thought I'd be –"
"Alone with the Fire Lord?" he finished, raising both eyebrows in mock kindness. "That won't be the case today. The Senator stressed the urgency of this meeting. Why make our Fire Lord say something twice when you can explain it to all of us just once? If these rumours about the Azkai are true, then surely you would have no problem telling the officials why we are all in danger?"
My eyes stung at his comments, the bitter taste of dread filling my dry mouth.
He didn't wait for me to answer. "I thought you wouldn't." He turned to my family. "You may take a seat," he told them, gesturing to the floor. It took all my strength not to grimace. I didn't like his rudeness at all.
My family looked at each before sitting down on the obsidian floor. I watched Zuko's face; there was no change in his glower.
I wanted to scream. I wanted to crawl into a hole and hide. I wanted to be anywhere but here.
Yet Gran-Gran's words burned in my mind and so I pushed myself onwards. I stood up a little straighter, starting my explanation. "My name is Katara, and I am the last waterbender of the Southern Water Tribe. I came here three days ago to spend time with my family. I didn't trust the Fire Nation any more than I had in the past few years but nonetheless, I was eager to come. I thought I would be safe here. The war was over and the Fire Nation was making up for what it had done to the world."
The council tensed at my remarks about the Fire Nation's wrongdoings, disapproval slinking into their quickly-forming frowns. Their sneers were quickly eating away at what confidence Iroh had given me.
I carried on, trying to slow my thundering heart with deep breaths. "When I came here, Avatar Aang brought my brother and I to our new home. Our parents gave us weapons of self-defence." I reached up and held my moonstone. "Among these items was a moonstone, said to give their owners great power that grows as time passes. It was then that they explained the rumours of the Azkai to us."
"So you admit that they are rumours?" one of the older nobles questioned, a disbelieving eyebrow raised.
I shook my head, annoyed. "Not at all. At the time they were rumours. My parents knew people who had been attacked. Lives were being threatened. They knew that they couldn't protect me every second, so they made sure to equip us with whatever they deemed useful."
The nobleman didn't look any more convinced, keeping his unmoving expression in time with Admiral Canren's.
I sucked in uneven breaths, clenching my fists painfully. Their eyes felt like daggers slowly sinking into my skin, drawing out the pain tortuously. "That night, I was in the garden with Avatar Aang and my brother, familiarizing ourselves with the natural world of the Fire Nation. A ribbon in my hair was dislodged in a breeze and was blown away. As it wasn't mine, I chased after it. The sun was setting in the distance and I wasn't thinking clearly. I didn't know the Fire Nation streets that well – in fact, I didn't know them at all. I wanted to do the right thing and thought to myself that the wind wouldn't carry the ribbon very far. But it did. I chased it until the sun went down. When I had finally caught it and put it back in my hair, I knew I was lost."
I swept the room quickly, reading the faces and postures of the council. My family was tensed and nervous; half of the officials were bored and the others were disbelieving; the Fire Lord had his sight pinned on me. He remained still in the silence.
"I sat down at the Ye Wan fountain, trying to gather my thoughts and think about what to do next. I was lost with no way of retracing my steps. I was also alone and it was night-time. After a few moments to myself, I began hearing movement around me. Out of nowhere, a black-haired woman with bright-yellow eyes appeared behind me, threatening me and distracting me; someone snuck up behind me as I drew water from the fountain. I saw an insignia on the arms of one of the men as they came out of the darkness. It was a Fire Lily: the Azkai's symbol. I was afraid but gained a little bit of confidence when I saw that my ability to bend water intimidated some of the men. But it wasn't to last. The woman was a firebender, quickly igniting flames over her palms and telling me that she could bend on a master level. They knew I could recognize them as the Azkai and used that to frighten me even more.
"The woman gave the order to 'block' me and I felt knuckles press a quick and painful sequence on my back. I lost all feeling and all ability to bend. I fell limp and they blindfolded me, gagging me as I tried to scream. I couldn't do anything. They saw my moonstone and took it away." My voice cracked, the full impact of the memory seizing me. I shut my eyes briefly but quickly opened them, terrified to see the woman smile as I fell backwards towards the ground.
I glanced over at my family. All were wearing horrified and guilty faces. The noblemen who had previously been bored were now slightly interested and the ones who had been disbelieving were now glaring at me. All this focus stretched my tolerance to a breaking point, winding up the emotions I had managed to bottle up until now.
I continued, using all my strength to flatten my voice. "I thought I was going to die. I wasn't ready to be murdered. I – they just – " I couldn't. This was the part when the Blue Spirit came. Should I tell them that the Azkai left? I wasn't found gagged and blindfolded at the Ye Wan fountain. I was found against a random house with cuts and bruises across my skin. How would I explain the flare that led Aang and Sokka towards me?
The sound of cold, hollow laughter brought me out of my denial. My eyes shot to Canren, who was holding his stomach and laughing. "And I assume you're going to cry now?" he managed through his snickering.
I balled my fists and glared at him. "I'm not lying!" I said defensively, not bothering to keep a growl from my voice. I held up my hands. "They hurt me! I still have the wounds to prove it!"
Canren finished off a chuckle, not even noticing the wrath of the Fire Lord's glare upon him. "But, as I speak for the entire council, I just can't help noticing how undeniably fake your story sounds. You could have easily feigned your wounds and then made up a story to steal away our intention from affairs that actually matter. Government issues are going on, issues that bear more importance to our Fire Lord than weak, lowly rumours."
I trembled with rage, held back only by a small iota of common sense.
"What's even more unbelievable," Canren chortled, "is that you think that we'll just believe they left you at the fountain; that they simply left you to die with your injuries. You couldn't possibly escape on your own."
I hung my head, my eyes burning with the pressure of my anger. This is exactly what Aang had argued. Everyone thought I was too weak to pull off an escape.
"No, I didn't escape on my own," I snapped.
The admiral smiled. "Did your boyfriend, the Avatar, rescue you just in time?" he crooned.
Aang looked away to hide his face as my cheeks heated up. "Aang's not my boyfriend, nor did he save me," I retorted, fighting past humiliation. I no longer disliked the Fire Nation: I hated the Fire Nation.
"Did a magical fairy come save you?"
"No, I – "
"Then you admit to your story being completely false," he interjected. The council started to laugh, knowing Canren had cornered me. I didn't even bother to look at Zuko's face.
I shut my eyes and held back screams of frustration behind my grinding teeth. I had now had enough. This must end.
"The Blue Spirit rescued me!" I shouted, silencing the hall. Everyone stared at me in shock, even the Fire Lord. "I would have died that night, but for the presence of the man in the blue mask! He chased them off, stabbing the leader and returning my moonstone to me! I owe him my life! And you owe me an apology, Admiral Canren!"
The throne room was still as I stood, shaking and fuming at the council. Canren was silent, contemplating my outburst.
A deep, husky voice cut out through the quiet. "The Blue Spirit is a criminal," stated the Fire Lord, catching my gaze and holding it tightly. "An outlaw. He refuses to work with the military. His intentions are unknown and he threatens the safety of the civilians in the city. Why would he save you?"
I shook my head. "He's not an outlaw. He helps people! He's kind – much kinder than anybody I've talked to all afternoon. He carried me to a safe place and shot up a flare so that Sokka and Aang could find me. He ensured my safety. He wouldn't do anything bad if his life depended on it!"
Zuko kept his face confined to a scowl, yet a small flicker of empathy rose in his eyes.
Admiral Canren stood up, attempting a venomous smile. "I believe that this meeting is in conclusion. Thank you, Lady Katara, for honouring us with your presence. We will take the time to consider what you have presented us with. We'll get back to you in several weeks with our response. For now, we have Earth Kingdom officials demanding our time."
I gaped at them. That was it? They insult me, berate me, doubt me, manage to tilt me off the edge of my patience and now this? A dismissal that tells me to await an answer to my efforts in a few weeks? I thought I would die.
"Katara," I heard Sokka whisper in my ear, "It's time to go." I felt his fingers wrap around my arm and I realized that the rest of my family was surrounding me, saddened looks on their faces.
I bowed stiffly to Admiral Canren. "Thank you for your time," I croaked, hollow with defeat. I had failed. They wouldn't believe me. I was attacked by a rumour and saved by a hated criminal. Canren was right. I couldn't sound any more fake if I tried.
I barely felt my feet moving underneath me. Sokka guided me around, leading me through the doors. Aang helped support my other side. They talked to me but I couldn't listen. Their words were too distant for my mind to comprehend. I was too mad, too tired and too embarrassed to think clearly. I wanted home. I wanted my mother's arms.
We walked through the waiting room and let a servant steer our way back through the palace, leading us down hallways and through doorways until we were out in the open once more. The sun was dimming over the edges of the volcano, warming the appearance of the gardens into true Fire Nation colours while sending the calls of birds and conversations of nobles into the silence of the oncoming night.
From the of the corner of my eye, I saw Iroh approach with a happy expression on his face. He didn't know what had happened yet. I panicked and hid my face in Sokka's chest, clutching onto his shirt and trembling as I desperately fought back my physical responses to failure. Iroh's voice was calm as he asked my father if the meeting went well.
"It... didn't quite meet our expectations," my father attempted, his voice wavering.
Iroh made a disappointed sigh. Sokka held me closer, shielding me from the old general's sight.
"I am sorry to hear that," Iroh replied numbly.
"I'm sorry to leave on such short notice, but I'd better take my daughter home. She's had a rough day," Hakoda apologized.
As if the word 'rough' covered it even minutely. My eyes stung and my cheeks started to feel wet.
"Of course. Take time to recuperate your strength," Iroh said. "I apologize for the inconvenience."
"Hakoda..." Sokka reminded, keeping his arms wrapped tightly around me.
"I must go. Farewell, General Iroh."
Sokka pulled me along – or at least, tried to. My legs felt like jelly and I stumbled, unable to keep balance. Sokka picked me up and carried me along instead. I heard the snorting and neighing of ostrich-horses and knew that the carriage was here. The footsteps of my family padded around me and Sokka quickly ascended a couple of stairs, sitting down and placing me next to him. I remained in his arms, letting the tears flow as my rejection swallowed me. The world dimmed to black.
Sleep overcame me within a matter of minutes. It was the only way I could stop the tears.
"Mom?" I asked the darkness, turning to see nothing around me.
"Katara?" a nervous, high voice answered.
"Mom!" I cried, running towards where the voice had sounded. The world around me lightened with colour, brightening into a translucent white. The neutral air around me turned frigid, biting into my skin ruthlessly through the parka I wore. My father, suddenly several years younger, was running by my side and the familiar heavy breaths of Sokka running behind me entered my ears.
We tore through the tiger-seal doorway of the hut only to see my mother crumpled on the floor, a pool of thick, red blood expanding below her. I couldn't see her face and I didn't want to. My father wailed, a sound I had never thought I'd hear coming from him.
I covered my mouth, shaking and whispering, "Mom?"
"Don't look," Sokka told me sternly and covered my eyes, hugging me closely. "Just follow my steps. Come on. It'll be okay. You're doing great."
I sobbed as he gently tugged me off of the animal pelts and back into the empty darkness, his arms dissolving from my shoulders and his voice fading into a memory I thought I had put behind me.
I opened my eyes, seeing nothing. I was lost and alone. I could still hear my mother screaming in the background, crying for help that never came.
"Mommy, I wanted to run faster!" I protested as her screams became louder. "I wanted to help! You told me to go get Dad!"
"Why did you leave me?" her voice screamed accusingly. "You could have saved me!"
"I'm sorry!" I pleaded, dropping to my knees and hiding my face.
"You monster of a child! I gave my life for you!" she hissed, her voice dripping with malice a daughter should never hear from her mother.
"No! I love you!" I retorted.
"You've lost me and you've lost yourself! Go away!" she ordered. "You disgust me! Sokka was a better son than you were a daughter. You're weak!"
"Please..." I croaked, the feelings of abandonment and shame chipping my chest into a hollow, aching cavity. "Mommy, please..."
"You aren't worth my life!" her voice screamed, echoing around me mockingly. "You have no honour."
"Mommy, I failed you," I whimpered.
Her voice laughed, the sound hitting me like boulders from every direction. I screamed and tried to waterbend at the invisible force, but there was no water. I was alone.
"Help me! Mommy, please!" I screamed.
"She's helped you enough," Aang's voice answered dryly. "Why should anyone help you? You do nothing for us but cause pain!"
Fire began to course through me, peeling off my skin and eating me from the inside out. I swatted at where the flames should have been, but I felt nothing but my own cold, normal flesh. I was alive but dying tortuously.
"Sokka!" I screamed.
"Oh yeah, just call out for me. Because I'm the only one you can trust." Sokka's voice was layered thickly with sarcasm. "I'll just come for you like I always have and give you the hope you need. No big deal. You can totally count on me."
"No!" I screamed as daggers started to slice at my heart, the fire raging inside me with hungry anger. "I need someone! Anyone! Help!"
"Why don't I just take everyone away from you?" I heard a familiar voice offer coldly. Sokka, Aang and mother screamed in surprise. The black around me felt emptier than before. I yelled in frustration; Hakoda, my father, was leaving with the ones I loved.
"Help!" I whispered as I started to disintegrate into singed ashes. "Anyone, please?" The daggers hacked at me with more precision, brutality and strength than they had before. The fire caught on the blood, my blood that was oozing out of my chest and ignited again, burning harder, faster, stronger...
I collapsed onto the ground, shutting my eyes and feeling my heartbeat die quickly away into the black. Mom... what have I done? I thought, mentally wincing as the fire finished off the last of my body. The invisible daggers started poking at the embers playfully, trying to see if they could tease a spark out of what used to be me.
Where did I go wrong?
When does this nightmare end?
A/N: Canren's a real jerk, isn't he? His name means 'cruel' in Chinese.
For all those who love this story and want to read/encourage more, check out Against the Winds of Fate. It's this story, but from everyone's point of view except Katara's! Chapter One is up, and it's from Sokka's point of view. I recently added chapter two from Suiya's point of view. It's on my profile page.
Some of you may be wondering, "Wait a minute, I didn't know there was an inner wall and outer wall surrounding the Fire Nation palace? This author's making things up!" Well, you're right about that fact that I am introducing a slightly different layout to the palace. I added the description of an almost battle-ground or place of industry between an old wall and a newly added wall for the purpose of making the Fire Nation seem a little defensive after the war, and therefore are finishing up building the new outer wall. Think of it this way: The Fire Nation has been waging an ugly war against the two remaining nations for the longest of times, and they know that the Water Tribe and Earth Kingdom are still angry with them. So, in case of an attack, they want their new Fire Lord to have extra protection.
Tell me how much you love/hate this fanfic in a review! Much appreciated, and have a nice day!
Also, a very, very, very, very big thanks to eleventy7 for beta-ing these two chapters! Check out her story, Once Around the Sun, if you have free time! (Trust me, you'll love it!)