Wooot wooot new chapter please R & R!

Disclaimer: do i Evan try?

-AJR

I walk to the cafeteria and am immediately dragged to a table by Christina so I am siting amongst her friends again…..yay.

"Where were you this morning I was going to take you shopping?" Christina questions.

"Around" I mutter seriously this girl can't take a hint.

I look up to Four who looks sad again. It's really getting on my nerves, for some reason. I don't want to see that face look sad.

"Why is he always so sad?" I ask Christina nodding my head at Four.

"He lost someone in the war" I roll my eyes thinking how weak he must be.

He looks at me and glares.

"People die get over it" I say in a monotone voice

"She wasn't just someone; she was my everything." His voice is harsh and unforgiving.

"Moping over her will just make you weak" I use my fork to poke at some of the food on my plate. "You don't know how it feels" Four says starting to get defensive.

"You don't know anything about me, you can't say that" I raise my eyes to smile.

"I lost the love of my life. I'm sure you lost some people but not people like her"

"This love you speak of is a joke that's all love is any way. At lest you didn't lose people the way I did" I shook my head and my eyes returned to my food.

"You're so unnatural do you have no emotions" "that's the plan" I mutter although he doesn't hear it.

"So you can NOT say you know the feeling." He practically screams rising from his seat, but Zeke put his hand on his shoulder and pushed him down. 'This kid knows nothing' I think but he cannot talk to me like that.

"…I had to DRIVE I KNIFE THROUGHT MY MOTHERS HEART" I pick up the knife on the table and stab the wood to demonstrate. "I had to watch as the life drained out of her eyes. That's why I find emotions week and you say I'm the one who doesn't know the meaning of pain" My eyes are cold but I hold my glare on him. Inside I want break down crying, I want scream an endless scream and kill the next person who speaks. But I know that not me I no longer feel anything I can't let those emotions show.

I needed to get away, away from all this, away from this town this life. After storming out I left the compound on a train. I don't know how long I've been riding all that I know is that I need to get away. The sun starts to go down beyond the horizon spreading shadows in every direction. I look out only to see lush green land and the city behind me.

I get off the train when I get to the big Ferris wheel. I get off the bike and walk over to the wheel. I run my hand over the metal railing. I feel a strange feeling but I can't place it. I look up to the big wheel it looks like its towering over me, it's just something that need conquering.

I rap my fingers around the cold metal frame and start climbing. About half way up the rail brakes in my hand, I'm only hanging on by my fingertips. My hand gets a better grip on the frame. I start to swing my body then let go, I fly over to another rail and start climbing again. By now I'm starting to get tired but I keep pushing myself until I reach the top carriage. I stand on the top of it, the wind rocks the carriage slightly but it doesn't faze me.

I get my footing them stretch my arms out until i'm in the shape of a cross. The somewhat mysterious blue, purple sky draws me in. I open my mouth and scream as loud and powerful as I can. It wasn't a scream of a coward or a scream of physical pain. No, it was a scream of anger, a scream of regaining control.

I lie down on my back and face the sky.

"What the heck are you doing up there?" I hear a male voice scream at me. I look over the edge of the carriage to see the oddly named Four staring up at me.

"Come up here and find out" I scream back.

"I'd rather not, I'm only here because Christina told me to" he said back.

"Well isn't she nice" I sarcastically screamed back.

"Just get down here so I can get back and out of the cold" I knew he wouldn't leave until I left. Which just made this all the more interesting.

I stayed stubbornly stayed silent.

"What are you some sort of adrenalin junkie" He asked me sounding kind of angry.

Still silent…..

"Uhhh" He groaned and muttered something under his breath. I heard the sound of shuffling and then it was dead silent. I though he had left until the sound of metal clanging and deep breathing cut through the silent.

I couldn't believe it, feeling a little bit smug. I actually got him to climb up here. After what seemed like the longest time waiting for him to climb to the top I felt a strange feeling developing in my chest. I was somewhat excited and nervous to see him and I didn't know why. But strangely enough it felt familiar which scared me a lot.

I stretch my back across the cool metal trying to calm my beating heart. As he gets closer to the top do I realise his very heavy breathing. I close my eyes just focusing on the sound.

When I open my eyes he's made it too the open head between his knees trying to breath.

Then it dawns on me "You're afraid of heights" I state. His face looks flushed and shy kinda cute.

He lets out an awkward cough trying to hide is fear "I don't know what you're talking about".

I scoff "Yeah sssuure" I say unconvinced dragging my s.

"What are you even doing up here anyway?" He asks obviously trying to take his mind off the height.

"I don't know I needed something to do to take my mind off things….."I said pausing why was I taking to him this was supposed to be an in and out mission, don't get attached. Yet I feel a strange desire to be in his company "and I don't know why but this place just pulled me in…seemed somewhat familiar".

"Sorry…. For earlier" He grunted out like it was the most painful thing in the world.

"Ha gee you almost sounded like you meant it" I said sarcastically hiding behind my real thoughts. "But don't apologise I was a dick" I muttered out with as much pain as he had.

No fear, emotions are weak all things I relied on. When I'm around him they feel stupid. These emotions I feel for him what are they what do you call them?

An awkward silence lingered between us neither willing to break it.

"I've been up here once" Four started. "What felt like a life time ago…I never thought I would come back" I can't tell from his tone that this is something close to him.

I turn to him looking at him really looking at him. Why haven't I noticed this before his fuller bottom lip and structured face. He was beautiful. His eyes glazed off into stars his thoughts deep, still filled with that lingering sadness.

"I'm sorry about your mother" He said in almost a whisper.

"It's ok, I'm sorry I got angry" I wasn't angry at him though I was angry at myself why didn't I care more about my mother's death. Whenever I recall that memory it gets weaker and weaker and I feel like I don't care. That's what angers me the most why don't I care about her?

"You know that whole emotions are weak thing is probably not the best for you" His voice was considerate, huu somehow in our weakest and our apologies it seems we have some what warmed up to each other.

I sigh "I know but I just can't let myself be controlled by my emotions…I mean" I add quietly "It's all I know".

We lay together both in silence both in mourning for the longest time. By the time the sun rose we figured it best we get to the compound and get some rest.