Obi-wan opened his eyes. Anakin was there, of course he would be. And just as Anakin had looked to him with raw hope in his eyes before he had let go back on that Sith world, now Obi-wan felt a stir of something similar in his chest. He looked at the boy with admiration, with a biting sense of fragility. The sight of him broken and bloody on the stone floor was all too real to him still. The stark mortality that he had become entirely too aware of for his comfort, haunted him. Not for the sake of his own life, but for that of Anakin's. He was delicate, precious.
If only Obi-wan could look at him with lighter heart, with a mind that was capable of focusing on him as he ought to have. That was the Master that he truly deserved. The one that Obi-wan wasn't sure he was capable of being. It was hard not to feel the overwhelming shame that seemed to weave its roots into his body, forever reminding him of his weaknesses. He was still haunted by the Sith inspired thoughts of his Padawan- the good, and pure soul of the boy who sat beside him. It was a tormenting duality that he didn't think he could stand. How was he to guide and teach him?
It was a question he would silently ponder as he ventured back to the shared apartment, Anakin ever faithfully at his side. By the time Obi-wan had showered and dressed, he could smell the tea Anakin had been preparing for them. A smile pulled at the corners of his mouth, his heart swelling with the evidence of how his Padawan so obviously cared for him, as if there had ever been a doubt. Though the smile faded with an afterthought, that perhaps the boy would be better off if he were less attached. It would certainly look better before the council. But for now, he chose to see the gesture as endearing.
Though just as ever, the peace between them dissolved as quickly as it ever had. Obi-wan sat in a daze as Anakin stormed from the room. He was angry. Angry with himself, with the circumstances he had led them both into. As much as he had lashed out at Anakin, he couldn't truly be mad at the boy. And he wasn't.
Every bit of sharpness would have been more accurately directed back at himself. It was hardly Anakin's fault how things had turned out. He had done nothing wrong at all. Or perhaps he had. He was detrimentally devoted to his Master. And whose fault was that, truly?
Obi-wan hadn't meant to lie, and maybe he didn't. Really, he was undecided how to handle the whole ordeal. He only wanted what was best for Anakin, whatever that would mean.
"Please promise you won't tell them. Please."
"I promise."
What was he supposed to say? What else could he have said? His Padawan had been on the edge of another bout of incapacitating sobbs. Time was of the essence, in limited capacity. Now they seemed to have all the time in the world, and somehow it only made everything worse.
I promise.
Did it mean anything at all? That wasn't the only promise Obi-wan had made, that he was dangerously near to failing as well.
Obi-wan… promise- Promise me you will train the boy.
Yes, Master.
Qui-gon had no way of knowing the trouble that they would face. If the man had known the sickness that had rooted itself within him, worming its way into his mind, what might he have said? Obi-wan had no doubt that his late master would have been disgusted. Would he want Obi-wan, who was so clearly compromised as an effective Master, to train Anakin? The Chosen One?
Obi-wan knew in his heart that it was a weak, pathetic, horrible excuse. He owed it to both Anakin and his late Master to try. The only problem was it all seemed impossible. What had happened between them, ruined everything. He ruined everything.
Everytime he looked at Anakin, no matter how hard he tried, he could see nothing else other than that wretched vision. Even worse was the all too real memory of Anakin's hot flesh in his grip as he had nearly violated him. He hated how the sensation echoed in his senses every time he thought of it.
No, he wasn't a competent Master. He didn't even come close. Up until this point, he had coddled Anakin too much. It led him to be overly attached, entirely too emotional. As if those hadn't been innate weaknesses in his Padawan to start. Obi-wan had encouraged them, supported them to grow and fester into greater monsters, much more difficult to be slain. He shuddered to think, how he even enjoyed how it felt, to have someone so dependant on him. Attachment was one of his own weaknesses as well, and he hadn't been as watchful for its ill effects as he ought to have been.
But how could Obi-wan not show the boy a kinder, softer side? It wasn't as if he hadn't been strict with him at all, he had. So much so that Anakin nearly despised him most of the time. Anakin had been through so much, he seemed to require a more delicate touch to get through to. And now he had been through even more trauma. No doubt it would make it even more challenging to connect with him, working past the durasteel barriers he would erect around himself to keep others out.
Obi-wan felt a latent anger for the things his Padawan had suffered both of old and new. Though what he might have done differently in the past did little to change the fact that whether he had trained Anakin any better, he would have still been hurt on Kraysiss Two. Obi-wan was sure there was little he could have done to avoid the things that even Master Yoda had been blind to. It seemed like the inevitable cold hand of fate, placing this terrible thing in the young boy's path like an immovable boulder.
Or perhaps not. Maybe Obi-wan had it all wrong. There was no way to know for sure. The only thing he did know was that speculation was of no use, and was an astronomical waste of time and energy. Qui-gon had been sure to drill that much into his mind. He had no other choice than to live in the present, to exist in the moment. And where was that?
In the empty living space, a cup of still steaming hot tea between his hands that he held there, feeling its warmth radiate into his palms. Anakin's spilled up sat opposite him with a cooling puddle of liquid on the table beside it.
Anakin, who had retreated to his quarters in anger. No, in grief. Obi-wan could feel it now, loudly. Though he could sense Anakin was trying his best to rein it in, to keep it as quiet as he could while he suffered. It sent turbulent swells of fear and pain through their bond.
Suddenly, Obi-wan felt hopelessly selfish. It was always his shortcoming, never being able to sense the true need of others till it was often times, already too late. Anakin was afraid of what might become of him if his Master was no longer there to guide him. He was only 18, not yet old enough to become a Jedi Knight. It was a valid fear, compounded by the traumas he had suffered on Kraysiss Two. Some of those things, Obi-wan was still completely ignorant to, he was sure.
The image came to mind again, Anakin's hand clutched to his own throat, blood spilling through his fingers. His body had been battered and broken, but his eyes were ever thankful, grateful, that Obi-wan had awoken. He knew his Master would take care of him, and Obi-wan had done just that.
He had no way to know a rescue awaited them, so his rampage had been born almost entirely out of anger and vengeance rather than duty. Obi-wan felt aghast as he remembered how he slaughtered them. They were Sith so they deserved to die, of course. After all, they were his sworn enemies by oath. But that didn't change how the darkness had touched him, transformed him, for those moments. He had been too willing to take up the dark in anger. Obi-wan would never be able to tell the council how he had been consumed by the black wicked rage as his Padawan lie near death in his arms.
Obi-wan still shuddered to remember how Anakin had nearly been the senseless casualty to such demented designs. Obi-wan had killed them all for him. He would do it all over again. How could he not? He loved him.
And that was always the driving motive behind all that he did, and all that he would do. He wanted nothing more than for Anakin to be happy, for him to be successful. Perhaps, it was all he ever wanted, ever since he had come into his life. And now he had to decide that if meeting those ends, ment for Anakin to be under his care, or that of another.
The idea that the best thing for Anakin might have been to stay away from him, was a knife that ripped straight through Obi-wan's chest. He didn't want it to be true, he wanted so badly for there to be another way. Could he push past the sick things that gnawed at his mind? Would the desires cease with time? Could he afford to wait and find out?
Being without his Padawan was impossible to him, just as impossible as it was to go on as if all was alright between them. But those emotions were rooted in fear. Obi-wan thought he might have lost Anakin forever inside the damning walls of that Sith temple, his own soul cast into the living force eternal, as well. The biting regret twisted and wrenched around his heart. He could feel the echo of them distracting his focus, skewing his emotions. It was a selfish yet unavoidable reflex. He had nearly lost him then, he didn't want to risk it again. Not even if it were in Anakin's best interest.
But what was really the best for him? A taunting realization entered his mind. Obi-wan was so ready to sensor his own report to the council for his own personal comfort, yet he was so hesitant to allow Anakin that same thing. It would be embarrassing for Anakin to have such knowledge spread about him to the others. Of course he wouldn't want them to know how he had been nearly violated. It did make Obi-wan's heart ache to think about. How would he feel presenting himself to the council, then?
Anakin already had such a difficult time as it was. But was catering to him this way just contributing to the problem? Was it helping him at all? Obi-wan stopped and took a breath.
Whether he excluded the information from his report or not, that still didn't deal with the root of the problem, and it was wrong to try to pawn the entire situation off on his Padawan. It had nothing to do with Anakin, really, and everything to do with himself. He might keep the harsher truths about their mission a secret, but was he good for Anakin? That was the important question to answer.
It was his own fault he couldn't control his thoughts or feelings. And now for his thoughtlessness, Anakin was paying the price. If he couldn't rein in his rogue emotions and desires, it would be Anakin yet again at the brunt of his failure. The boy might have been given to emotional extremes, but it was his own fault he hadn't tried harder to correct him sooner. Anakin was the Padawan, and he the Master. But could he overcome his inner demons to help him now? Either choice seemed the wrong one.
Obi-wan set his cooling cup of tea down on the table, propping up his elbows on the hard surface, burying his head in his hands. He didn't have to decide this very moment, there were too many variables to sift through while he was so emotionally charged. He would need to clear his mind before he could decide anything else.
….
After much meditation and a shallow restless sleep, Obi-wan rose up early to meet with the council. It was better to get it out of the way, he thought. The night before he stayed awake, wrestling with himself, his doubts and fears. At the end of it, he hadn't been able to feel fully resolved in his path, but he had set himself on one all the same.
He hadn't spoken with Anakin since the events of the previous afternoon. He didn't know how to approach him, or what to say. He didn't know how to interact with him since all of those terrible things that had happened, that had seemed to put an insurmountable distance between them. Obi-wan felt his typical aloofness, detrimentally compounded by so many horrible things.
But Obi-wan decided he would have to work past it. They could, just like they had done with all else. Mostly the work lie within Obi-wan, himself. He needed to work past his own sinful thoughts. Truly it was a war in the mind. And, he decided, there was a chance that things would get easier as the virus finally vacated his system. Perhaps it would take the lecherous desires with it. After the night of silent meditation and attempted encouragement, he felt a fraction less hopeless than he had at the start. So there he stood, at the center of the council chambers before his Jedi elders, feeling only slightly out of place.
"Your report mirrors much of what your Padawan had already told us. Though, we do have some other questions." Mace said, after Obi-wan had finished divulging all he had decided to tell.
"Yes, Master, of course. What is it that you wish to know?" Obi-wan answered back dutifully.
"Well, two things, actually. The first of which has to do with the Sith that were found slaughtered on the floor of the temple when your rescue arrived. What can you tell us of it?" Mace said, his eyes looking back at him as a trusted friend, though something else lingered there beneath.
"To be honest, Master Windu, my memories are a bit hazy after waking up. I sensed some significant injuries, head trauma among them." Obi-wan said, drawing out what he hadn't wanted to tell. "But I do remember coming to, seeing Anakin there on the floor," He said, finding it difficult to keep all of the emotion from his voice as he spoke of the scene.
"I got up to my feet, and saw them there. As a Jedi it was my duty to eliminate them. So I did what any one of us would have done. Though like I said, the events, were all rather hazy." Obi-wan said, trying as best as he could to be thoroughly convincing.
"The council has expressed concern that you might have resorted to reaching into the dark, for the power needed to kill all nine Sith you were set against." Mace spoke back, his words not meant to be as cutting as they were.
Obi-wan took a breath, furrowing his brow. He knew very well, that what Mace described, was exactly what had transpired. Only worse, he had willingly reached deep into his hatred, more than he was ever going to admit.
"It is possible, I wish I remembered more to be of better help." Obi-wan said, neither admitting fault nor agreeing with what the man had said. It was an evasive tactic he had learned well from his own Master, who had employed it on a great number of occasions. Though he doubted Qui-gon would have approved of how he had chosen to employ it.
"The second question," Mace spoke again, this time his eyes narrowing. Whatever it was, it was going to be of more importance than the last question, which made Obi-wan nervous to think about.
"Padawan Skywalker has seemed to take this mission with particular difficulty. Many on the council have expressed their concern with the boy's emotional state. His ability to adapt under Master Mundi's care was poor, and he seems to be more withdrawn than usual." Mace stated, his tongue sharp.
Though in his words, was not a single question. Obi-wan waited for him to continue, assuming there was indeed a question. And there was.
"What do you think of Padawan Skywalker's progress?" Mace asked, a trick question, Obi-wan knew.
The right answer would be to criticize Anakin in every light the council did, to mirror their concerns. But Obi-wan didn't feel right cutting his Padawan to pieces before them, as they would have him do.
"Anakin continues to make acceptable progress in all areas. It is more than understandable that he would be having difficulty under Master Mundi after such a traumatic experience on Kraysiss Two." Obi-wan stated defensively.
After all, it was against my own better judgement that he go along with me at all. If anyone, you can blame Master Yoda for Anakin's poor emotional state. Obi-wan thought, the words burning a hole in his chest that he took a moment to stifle. It was notable that throughout the proceedings, Yoda continued to stay silent.
"It's easy to continue to make allowances for Padawan Skywalker, but it is not to his best interest." Mace ground out.
"He was found, naked, battered, bleeding. He suffered multiple injuries, cared for me on world while I was incapacitated. He performed better than most other Padawans his age would ever be able to. Under pressure, his work is unmatched. And you would give no allowance to the things he has suffered? Where is your compassion, Master Windu?" Obi-wan said, surprised with himself yet emboldened.
"Compassion has always been a weakness of yours, Obi-wan." Mace shot back irritably. "It is not something a Jedi should hide behind."
Obi-wan found himself on the outside. If only Qui-gon could see him now, he would be endlessly entertained. Obi-wan Kenobi, openly disagreeing with the council. Now i've seen it all, he could almost hear his late Master say.
"You seek to blame Anakin for faults that are hardly his at all. He is displaying normal reactions for someone who has been through what he has." Obi-wan said, standing his ground. He could feel his blood pressure rise as his heart beat faster.
"Right, Obi-wan is." Yoda said, cutting Mace off just as he was about to speak again. Looking to the little green Master, Mace's lips drew into a straight line as he now regarded Obi-wan with great displeasure. "Struggle, the boy has. Struggle of now and of old. Help him we should, chastise him for his reactions, we should not, for warranted they are." Yoda said in his wise voice.
Obi-wan looked to him with a measure of thankfulness with thinly veiled anger over his heart. How could he not blame him, for everything? Perhaps Yoda felt that same responsibility weighing heavily on his shoulders. Obi-wan hoped it was so.
The chamber had grown silent. Mace sighed. So there was more to say, then? Odd, Obi-wan thought. What else could there possibly be to discuss?
"We understand that you are not yet fully well," Mace trailed off. Obi-wan stood patiently waiting, an ever pleasant look on his face as his patience wore thin.
"As soon as you are able, the council has a mission for you and young Skywalker." Mace stated in a neutral voice with placid features.
"And what might that be?" Obi-wan asked, trying to sound as conversational as possible to hide his annoyance that lie beneath. Could they really be saddling them with another mission, so soon after their last botched one?
"There is a situation on Devaron that requires the attention of a Jedi Master with talents such as yours." Mace said, breaking away from his more irritable manner and returning to a friendly conversational tone.
"Again I ask, what might that be, Master Windu?" Obi-wan asked with a small smile on the edge of aggravation from the roundabout way in which Mace was speaking.
"The Temple of Eedit requires a saber drill instructor. The position has been vacant for a little while now, not many wish to stay on the fringes of the republic so permanently." Mace said, his rogue smile widening.
A drill instructor? "Surely you must be joking, Master. I'm not a schoolhouse teacher." Obi-wan insisted indignantly.
"It's only a temporary assignment. No more than two weeks. The council thought it best for you and your Padawan after the troublesome mission on Kraysiss Two. This will give you a chance to truly decompress." Master Plo said in his deep kind voice.
"I see," Obi-wan said, pursing his lips. He wasn't sure why he felt so vehemently against the assignment. Surely he had no good reason to be so opposed other than for the sake of being contrary. That wasn't it, was it?
No, it was the sign of the tension between him and Anakin that was manifesting itself in his interactions with others. Besides, he had been on guard after the lengthy questioning after his report. It was understandable he would be reacting in such a way. He quickly acknowledged it, and brought it underfoot quickly.
"We will leave as soon as the healers give me clearance, then." Obi-wan said more agreeably.
"We appreciate your reticence, Obi-wan." Mace said with a friendly smile and a nod.
"Of course," Obi-wan said with a polite ceremonial bow. "Will that be all, Masters?" He asked, avoiding looking straight on at Master Yoda for fear his improving demeanor might falter.
"Yes, Master Kenobi. Now go and rest up. If you need anything, don't hesitate to let us know." Mace said.
With another short bow Obi-wan dismissed himself and returned to the small shared apartment.
….
Anakin paced the small space in his personal quarters relentlessly. He had heard his Master awake early that morning and head out, to the council no doubt, to give his report. Anakin had heavy bags under his eyes from lack of sleep and too much crying since he had shut himself off in his room the evening prior.
Obi-wan didn't even try to speak with him after, to make amends or even make him feel better. It hurt Anakin that he hadn't, but all the same he ought to have been more stable on his own to begin with. Of course his Master wasn't going to try to reinforce bad habits. All the same, this hardy fell into the category of usual matters.
Anakin couldn't help but think, that perhaps the reason his Master hadn't come to him was because he wasn't to be his Master for much longer. What good would it do him to try to keep something alive when it was clearly dying? And that's what it was, wasn't it? That's what they were- a lost cause. Anakin would never have to find out how he truly felt about the man, because his Master was throwing him away before he could get a chance to figure it out. His stomach churned angirly, warring with his beliefs. Every cell in his body rejected the idea of Obi-wan no longer being his Master.
And within it all, Anakin felt restless. Why didn't he know? How could he not know how he felt about him? Maybe if he could come to terms with his own emotions, it would make everything easier with Obi-wan. But he had no idea. He loved him like a Master, the man who had been the only constant for over half of his life. But everything else was different. Was it love?
No, it was confusion. Things that were incompatible with each other. Was it anger that Obi-wan had taken advantage of him in such a way, just to leave him with no answers? What answers did he seek? Maybe he needed to know what Obi-wan felt about him, too. That must have been the other half of what was broken inside. A broken mess left in chaos in the aftermath of what had happened.
If only he could put the pieces together. It was just so difficult, since he could hardly speak openly about any of this with Obi-wan. And maybe, he would never again get the chance. His eyes welled with hot tears of regret at the thought. Even now his questions and confusion festered inside of him like a sickness, only getting worse with time.
He searched for things inside, that he knew to be true. Did he love Obi-wan? Yes. He did. But how? As a Master. As something more? Maybe if what they had shared had been consensual from the start, then he might have better understanding. He resented Obi-wan, but for what? Was it for ignoring what he had done to him, acting as if it had never happened? Or was it for the act itself?
The emotions he felt were so twisted and all enveloping, it was impossible to root them out. Not while he was so upset. But he had narrowed down two important truths. He loved Obi-wan, in some way. And he was terribly angry with him.
He was so angry, it made his body tremble. The more he thought of it, the worse it became. The not knowing why he felt this way was another factor that only compounded his growing rage.
Lost in his own thoughts, his own turbulent emotions, he didn't notice Obi-wan's presence when he walked through the door to his quarters. Anakin was shaking with rage. But at the sight of his Master, it all turned to inexorable grief in an instant. It choked him, but he fought against it as well as he could in the moment.
He was going to leave him. No longer would Obi-wan be his Master. Sure they had their fights, their disagreements and squabbles. But Anakin felt anchored to the man in ways that made him whole. To take away his Master, would be to remove a piece of himself. Was that was love was?
Anakin didn't know. All he knew was the sharp pain in his chest as he looked at the man, who in return, began to grow sorry. His jewel blue eyes became heavy with tears, his brow creased with regret.
What was it that he regretted, Anakin wondered? Still not a word had passed between them, until Anakin forced himself to take a shaky breath, followed by unsteady words.
"So this is goodbye, then." Anakin said, his chest shuddering with raw emotion.
"No," Obi-wan said, shaking his head as he stepped in closer, looking like he might reach out to embrace him, but stopped short of actually doing so. Anakin's heart fluttered, stopped, his stomach twisted with confusion, anger and so much more than he could ever put words to.
"I made a promise to you, I was wrong to think of breaking it. I'm sorry I betrayed your confidence." Obi-wan said formally, holding back his own emotions. Anakin could feel them trickle across their bond.
But then his Master retreated even further, closing off his innermost self from leaching into his aura. He grew silent through the force, with much effort on Obi-wan's part. His eyes were dull and distant, yet strained.
"I hope to regain your trust." Obi-wan stated, only glancing up to meet Anakin's gaze for a moment. "I want to get to the way things were, before…" He added, trailing off.
It was somewhat of a relief to hear, since it was exactly what Anakin longed for. Maybe there was hope after all, he thought. But something in Obi-wan's tone of voice seemed like even he knew it was unattainable.
Anakin didn't know if they could get back to the way things were. Maybe, if he could understand exactly how he felt about Obi-wan. Then he could put it to rest in his mind. His heart surged with emotion, as he felt the overwhelming to reach out and hold his Master. He stepped forwards to act on the impulse, but Obi-wan stepped back in kind.
Then he switched the topic. "Next week or whenever i'm deemed well enough, the council has another mission for us," Obi-wan said, clearly uncomfortable.
Anakin was hurt by his Master's avoidance, but didn't let it show. At least, not very much if he did. Obi-wan, who knew how to read him better than anyone, undoubtedly felt it. But Anakin pushed past it. "Another mission?" He asked, genuinely surprised. He was happy to have some time alone with his Master to get past, whatever it was that was stuck between them.
"Yes, to the Temple of Edit." Obi-wan said dryly, not masking his lack of enthusiasm.
"Devaron? Why go all the way out there?" Anakin asked in complaint.
"Apparently they're in need of a saber drill instructor for a week or so. And i've been drafted for the task. You'll come with me and resume your usual studies and practice." Obi-wan said in explanation.
"A saber drill instructor?" Had Anakin been in a less serious mood he would have laughed. "That's hardly what I would call a mission." Anakin said, perhaps a tad bit irritated about being doled out such a menial task.
"The council wouldn't have sent us if they didn't think it best." Obi-wan said in their defense. It sounded like there was more behind his words, but he didn't divulge any more details.
Anakin didn't agree with his Master's statement, but he wasn't about to voice his dissent. Not after the emotional whiplash he felt from being so distressed for so long, only to have his darker fears abated for the time being. He thought he should try to be as agreeable as possible, for the moment.
"At any rate, i'm going to go rest. The virus, nanites, whatever it is, has been taking a toll." Obi-wan said with an unsure expression. It seemed more an excuse to dismiss himself without seeming rude or evasive. Anakin was sure had to have been some truth to his words, but Obi-wan wasn't saying what he ment.
His Master was lying to him, again, to avoid having to speak the less desirable truths. Truly Anakin didn't want to fight with his Master again. But he couldn't stand to be lied to, right after his Master had finished with saying he wanted to rebuild trust. When would that start, if he couldn't quit with the avoidant excuses?
To Anakin's surprise and against his own desire to make peace with his Master, Obi-wan's words ignited a tempest of anger that burned brightly. "Why do you even bother?" Anakin said flaty, his face placid with disdain.
"I beg your pardon?" Obi-wan said, caught of guard by the sudden shift in Anakin's mood.
"You said you wanted my trust. If you want to leave, you don't have to make excuses for it." Anakin declared righteously. Obi-wan seemed lost for words.
"Why don't you just say what you mean? Tell me what's on your mind? Or do I not deserve that much?" Anakin said, gaining momentum.
Obi-wan's face wore a look of guilt. Anakin felt gratified for it. All of the anger he held towards his Master twisted with his love for the man, turned into something that felt like betrayal. Is that what it was? He didn't know. All he did know was that it hurt, the pain of everything spilling out of him. Now that the surface had broken, he couldn't rein it back in. He didn't know how to make it stop.
"No, i'm not worth the effort," Anakin said, hot tears stinging at his eyes.
"You're upset, and saying things you know aren't true." Obi-wan stated in his cold, logistical manner as he took a detached stance.
"That's the difference between you and I, Master," Anakin said in a low taunting voice. "I mean what I say."
"You're making something out of nothing, Anakin." Obi-wan said, his eyes glaring into his own. Finally, Anakin thought. Now he'll look me in the eye.
Obi-wan no longer stood aloof and distant, but his body language grew frustrated. Angry, even. So that's what it takes to get him to look at me. Anakin thought with relish. Just have to push enough buttons.
If there was anything Anakin knew with his Master, it was how to do just that. Something as simple as his Master looking at him without that avoidant shame made his heart feel light in his chest. It felt like Obi-wan could see him, really see him for the first time since that night when he had used him. Anakin wondered what his Master saw in him now. Did he see him as he was then? What did it make him feel? Did he feel anything at all?
Anakin stormed close to his Master, drinking every moment of the man's eyes delving into his like he might never receive such attention ever again. He was still angry, so much that he found himself trembling yet again. That twisted sense he felt before sank into his heart, into his chest until he couldn't breathe.
He stood there, inches away. He could feel Obi-wan's body heat, his restless energy rampant in his aura- nothing like the calm steady waves that usually emanated from him. Something inside the man opened up, beyond the anger, there was vulnerability. A subtle change in the aggression in his eyes. It was desire, expertly hidden so that it might have gone ever unnoticed, but nothing was so easily hidden from Anakin who knew him better than anyone else who drew breath.
Somehow it only made Anakin more angry. "Do you think if you lie to yourself enough, you'll eventually believe it?" Anakin snarled.
"I think that this conversation, is over." Obi-wan said with dry finality, turning to leave.
Pushed to his breaking point, Anakin reached out to grab his Master's arm firmly as the man turned. Spurred by their training reflexes and fueled by the growing tension that mounted between them, Obi-wan twisted Anakin's arm, pulling him into a headlock. In turn Anakin kicked the back of one of his Master's knees, sending them both tumbling to the floor, each one of them wrestling to subdue the other.
The two of them tumbled and scuffled, throwing jabs and punches, none of which were aimed to truly hurt so much as they were strategic. There was a type of serenity Anakin found in the mock combat between himself and his Master. The sensation of a body against his own was comforting in a meditative way. It soothed the pain that ripped in his chest, replacing it with something else. It was unidentifiable for the moment, but pleasant at the very least.
Their struggle came to a halt as Anakin stopped resisting. Obi-wan had one wrist in each hand, pinning him to the floor of his quarters. Both of them were panting for breath, void of any anger they might have held at the start. In its place, a deep longing. Obi-wan's eyes flashed with panic in the next moment.
Then, In the very next heartbeat, Obi-wan released his hold on him, quickly rising up and making a hasty exit without a word.