CHAPTER ELEVEN

The group approached the wizard knowing they had succeeded, but Sam was still worried. She couldn't remember the ending, but she knew a twist at the end provided enough to…trap her there. She couldn't remember the whys or hows, but she knew that leaving the Land of Oz would not be easy.

"Can I believe my eyes? Why have you come back?" the wizard demanded.

"Please, Sir, we've done what you told us," Sam smiled, stepping forward. "We've brought you the broomstick of the Wicked Witch of the West! We melted her!"

"Oh you, liquidated her, eh? Very resourceful!"

"Well, we'd like you to keep your promise, if you please, sir," Sam requested.

"Not so fast, not so fast! I'll have to give the matter a little thought. Go away and come back tomorrow," the wizard demanded.

"Tomorrow? But I wanna go now!" Sam cried.

"You've had plenty of time already!" Teal'c demanded, stepping forward to stand beside Sam. The rest followed.

"Yeah!"

"DO NOT AROUSE THE WRATH OF THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ!" the wizard bellowed. "I SAID COME BACK TOMORROW!"

"If you were really great and powerful, you would keep your promises!" Dorothy shouted. Toto was suddenly at curtain nearby. He pulled it back, revealing the wizard himself.

"DO YOU PRESUME TO CRITICIZE THE GREAT OZ, YOU UNGRATEFUL CREATURES! THINK YOURSELVES LUCKY THAT I'M GIVING YOU AUDIENCE TOMORROW INSTEAD OF TWENTY YEARS FROM NOW!" the wizard bellowed. He was exposed to them, but they had not yet noticed. Suddenly, the wizard noticed. "THE GREAT OZ HAS SPOKEN! PAY NO ATTENTION TO THAT MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN! THE GREAT OZ HAS SPOKEN!" the wizard bellowed as the group realized where he was. Dorothy ran over to him as the group watched.

"Who are you?" Dorothy asked.

"I AM THE GREAT…and powerful oz," he said as he switched from the microphone to speaking to her.

"You are?" Dorothy asked, confused over the situation. She thought the giant hologram was him. "I don't believe you!"

"No, I'm afraid it's true. There's no other wizard."

"You humbug!" Jack exclaimed from behind Dorothy. The group had run over while she addressed him.

"Yeah!"

"Yes, that's exactly so. I'm a humbug," the wizard whispered.

"Oh, you're a very bad man!" Sam exclaimed sadly.

"Oh, no my dear," the wizard reassured. "I'm a very good man, just…a very bad wizard."

"What about the heart that you promised Tin Man? And the courage you promised Lion?" Jack demanded.

"And Scarecrow's brain!" they said together.

"Why, anybody can have a brain, that's a very mediocre commodity. Every pusillanimous creature that crawls on the earth or slinks through slimy seas has a brain. Back where I come from there are universities, seats of great learning where men go to become great thinkers. When they come out, they think deep thoughts, and with no more brains than you have, but they have one think you haven't got: a diploma. Therefore, by the virtue vested in me by the universitatus committeeatum e pluribus Unum, I hereby confer upon you the honorary degree of THD."

"THD?"

"That's Doctor of Thinkology.

"The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side," Jack said quickly. "Oh, joy! Rapture! I've got a brain! How can I ever thank you enough?"

"You can't," the wizard replied. "As for you, my fine friend, you're a victim of disorganized thinking. You are under the unfortunate illusion that simply because you run away from danger, you have no courage. You confusing courage with wisdom. Back where I come from, we have men that are called heroes. Once a year, they take their fortitude out of mothballs and they parade it down the main street of the city. And they have no more courage than you have! But they have one thing you haven't got: a medal! Therefore, for meritorious conduct, extraordinary valor, conspicuous bravery against wicked witches, I award you the Triple Cross. You are now a member of the Legion of Courage," the wizard smiled, pinning the medal to his fur and giving him kisses on his cheeks.

"Shucks folks, I'm speechless," Daniel smiled, prancing away from the group.

"As for you my galvanized friend, you want a heart. You're lucky you don't have one. Hearts will never be practical until they can made unbreakable."

"But I still want one," Teal'c whispered sadly.

"Back where I come from, there are men who do nothing all day but do good deeds. They're called…phila…phila…good-deed-doers, and their hearts are no bigger than yours, but they've got one thing you haven't got: a testimonial. Therefore, in consideration of your kindness, I take pleasure at this time in presenting you with a small token of our esteem and affection. And remember, my sentimental friend, that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others."

"Oh…oh! It ticks!" Teal'c smiled, holding it to his ear. He then held it to the ears of his friends, and they listened happily.

"Read what my medal says: 'courage'," Daniel smiled. "Ain't it the truth? Ain't it the truth?"

"Oh, they're all wonderful!" Sam smiled.

"Hey, what about Dorothy?" Jack asked. The group agreed loudly.

"Well, um…about Dorothy…," the wizard paused, thinking about what to do for her.

"I don't think there's anything in that black bag for me," Dorothy whispered sadly.

"The only way to get Dorothy back to Kansas is for me to take her there myself!" the wizard exclaimed. The group smiled happily and prepared Dorothy for the big day. Sam was thrown into the movie again, but her feelings inside were not happiness. She knew somehow that this wouldn't work out, no matter what words came out of her mouth, and she knew that getting everyone back where they belonged would take a lot of magic, more than the ruby slippers could provide.