April 8th, 2006
Chapter 10: Worlds Apart
Escape is such a subjective concept. It is different for everybody. Where one woman might eat chocolate and bury herself in a movie, another might decide upon an impromptu road trip. Maybe a drowning in work, a drowning in the affections of a temporary lover, a workout at the gym, a splurge at the mall. So many means to cope with the challenges of the heart.
Leah Clearwater ran.
Her lithe body slicked with earliest morning sweat, breath labored but focused on the exertion. She ran with intensity. Her eyes were set upon the path before her as it snaked about the woods surrounding the reservation, dark eyes sharp and focused upon the immediate. No thoughts of the past night, of the pain she'd felt in his absence...or what that meant. She could not bring herself to entertain the full breadth of her heritage; it's blessings and curses. No. It can't happen. There was just too much between the pack and the Cullens and the chaotic spiral of things.
All because of a teenage girl's teenage whims.
Her arms pumped with her legs. Her hands tensed to fists.
It was easy to blame Bella Swan - deep down Leah knew it was perhaps too easy - but reasoning through feelings was not at all Leah's strong-suit. And that was why she ran. That was why she took the easy shots at the girl from whom all grandiose coincidences seemed to flow. It was just easier than facing herself in the mirror with the cold, sobering truth...
The wolves had their blessings...and they had their curses...
The trail ended up ahead. Leah saw it clear, the dip of the edge, the mountain's lip where, beyond, there came the distant crash of waves. Her upper lip raised in a ferocious snarl at the sudden rise of panic in her chest. No fear. I fear nothing. Why then did her steps slow? She willed the resolve into existence. She could imagine the next coming moments when her feet would leave the safety of the ground and she would fling herself wide into open air.
Because Bella had done it. Isn't that what she had overheard Jacob saying? Bella had jumped. And if simple, weak Bella could throw all caution to the wind for the sake of impetuous release. Why the hell couldn't Leah Clearwater?...Leah Clearwater who was first female among the wolves...Leah Clearwater who would need no rescue like the simple, weak Bella...Leah Clearwater who could deny any damn curse of the heart her heritage tried to force upon her.
She would glide through the air and meet the waves and pull herself to shore because this was about her, damn it! This was her life, damn it! This was her choice, her will, her heart and these things belonged to her, damn it!
Ten more steps.
She had never jumped from these heights.
But who cared!? Who cared if her body broke in the churning waters and she drowned and joined her father in the afterlife!?
This was her life!
This wasn't his life!
The things she felt the past weeks meant nothing!
The ache for him...
Leah's breath caught in her throat. Her body quit. As if of its own accord, her feet planted yards away from the edge and she went tumbling forward, shoulder over shoulder, her fingers desperately clawing at the ground for purchase. Somewhere far away she heard a sharp, terrified cry...and then realized it had been her own voice. The break of the forest came quick. Her legs left the ground and dangled precariously over the side of the mountain. And it was just by the lucky snatch of the sturdy brush that kept Leah from slipping completely over the edge. Her muscles screamed with the strain. Her eyes were wide, her heart caught up in her throat with the sheer terror that shook her even as Leah pulled herself to safety.
She lay and cried and slammed her fists at the ground. And when she was spent, Leah drew her knees up to her chest and lay there, panting.
"I can't do this, daddy," she finally groaned aloud, sentiments she had said a million times over in her mind. But she wasn't talking about the need to prove herself better than Bella.
No.
It was him. His scent. His presence. Him.
He was the one who had stopped her short of the uncertain tempting of fate. And maybe that's what this morning was all about? "Leah. So stubborn," her father would always say. "You can't control the wind." It had been his tired, old mantra whenever she refused to accept the inevitable. And those words played like a chorus in her moment, there, upon the ground.
She understood imprinting. Hell, if anyone understood the cold, hard reality of the tribe's strangest affliction, it was Leah. Because it was imprinting that had stolen Sam from her. The way he had so suddenly, so fully committed himself to Emily; Leah had thought it an immature man's weak vapidity. Sure she knew of the wolves and the traditions of her tribe but imprinting felt like such an excuse. Like one of those qualities added to myth to romanticize the story and make it legend. She didn't quite believe...
Not until that night...
When she had come to his office after the change...
Why had she gone? Leah lay, staring blankly up into the sky, lost in the past...lost in the thought of him...
Her world had just exploded. She remembered that. Everything Leah had ever known had siezed up, shut down...ended. Sort of the way she imagined her father's heart had stopped. And as Leah tore from her home to escape the blare of sirens and the whirl of emergency lights and the cries of her family, she found herself racing towards Forks. She ran with no destination in mind, just the incessant need to be gone from the surreal insanity of it all. She had changed?...her father was dead?...
No. None of it had really happened.
Instincts carried her past the boundaries of the reservation and down the road where time seemed to match her steps...sometimes slow and trudging, sometimes a sprint. Somewhere behind her, the pack had begun its mournful song of parting. And her soul lept to join them. Howls like agonized moans. Daddy...
Leah reached Forks drenched by the occasional pockets of drizzle she had run through on her mad trek away from the reservation where her father's body was being lifted onto a gurney for transport. She couldn't think about it. As it was, the tears that had so mercilessly come and gone were spent. She was empty. Hollow. No aim. No direction. Just one foot infront of the other, down the sidewalk 'til his office came into view.
She stopped. She stared at the tiny, old building with its old porch where her father had practically dragged her, those weeks ago. She stared at the blind doctor who had so fully met and matched her stubborness. A cry of the wolf far away at her back. In front of her, the man who had taken away the pain.
Wasn't that what daddy had said?..."He's a good man, Leah. He's good at what he does. If you're ever in pain again, darling...you go see him."
And she was in so much pain.
More unbidden steps towards the office. He stood upon the porch, setting those sightless eyes to the dark skies, as if searching out the wolf's calls. A copse of trees cut the urban of the city and peppered her way towards the office with familiar earth. She passed across the street, into the wet grass which would become gravel and then the steps of the porch and then into his arms where he could make everything go away with his touch, the way he had those weeks ago:...all the hell of the night would just go away.
Leah hesitated.
What was she doing?
That sight of him, that thought of him, it grabbed at her with an awful relentlessness. She had run from her family in their hour of sorrow. That made sense. She had run from the new and terrifying call of the wolf. That made sense.
She had run to Owen Reid...
No sense there.
As if he could solve all her problems with the touch of his hands.
Leah watched him, feeling that odd, alien stir in the pit of her stomach. Another few steps toward him. She stood at the last tree separating her from the pavement of Owen's small office parking lot. He stood some twenty feet away. But somehow it felt like a ocean between them. Because even as a slam of incomprehensible need washed over Leah Clearwater to be near him, to tell him everything that had happened and feel his arms holding her through new sobs, she could not bring herself to cross the waters.
The wolves at her back...
The man in front of her...
Their islands were too far apart.
Her breath hitched in an unbidden choke of realization: clarity like a hammer, driving home the wedge that had to exist. She wanted so desperately to walk twenty more steps. But the wolves howled their song, their promise. She was a monster. She had killed her father and she had become a monster. She deserved no escape from the hell of things. If anything, Leah felt the overwhelming need to accept the hell, wallow in it for what she had become and what it had done to her family. This was her penance for a life lived in such abject defiance. The judgement of her ancestors.
And how selfish of her to drag a man like Owen Reid down into the violence with her.
No.
Leah's shoulder slumped under the weight of everything. Her strong, aching, tired body slid down the rough bark of the tree. Her head lulled against it...staring at him. And though all force of her soul demanded she go to him in that moment, an equal demand warred for distance.
"If you're ever in pain, again, darling...go see him..."
Daddy, I can't. It was the first of a thousand times. I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't...over and over 'til the words didn't make sense anymore and she felt like screaming. I can't.
Because if I do...I will kill him...because that's what I do, daddy...
So Leah had watched as he listened to her people and let his forehead dip to meet the post. She had watched him listen to the cry of her heart and then she had left him with the promise to never put him at risk. The only concession her soul seemed to allow. There were those nights it had proved too much and Leah had taken her booze to sit in the shadow of his presence, there upon the porch where she had watched him and where her soul had knit itself to him.
The tribe's curse.
She lay there at the edge of the mountain in her remembrances wondering at the futility of it all. She felt a laugh on her lips. This power over her that the imprinting had made: the awful, wretched, beautiful power. Enough to stop a wild impulse to jump off a cliff. He didn't even know. She laughed. Owen Reid had no idea how real the things were he was seeking out and how close to death he was.
The cynical humor ended.
Clarity like a splash of cold water to the face.
Oh God.
She scrambled to her feet.
There was no escaping this. Their lives were tied, no matter how hard she fought.
God...he had to know.
xXXx
"I kissed a boy and I liked it. The taste of her cherry chapstick..."
There was just something about early Katy Perry that Jessica adored. Maybe the rawness of it? There was just something so refreshingly unrefined, less manufactured than the star's current vein of formulaic pop hits.
"It felt so wrong, it felt so write," she sang and danced with mop in-hand, "Don't mean I'm in love tonight!"
And cue a little booty shake.
Dr. Reid had left a message on the answering machine that morning: "Hey Jessica, long night, last night...I'm gonna take a mental health day and head out to see Dr. Taggert and maybe hang out in Seattle for the weekend. No appointments are scheduled so all should be good for you to duck out early, if you'd like. Thanks."
So with an office all to herself, Jessica had done what any sane, rational person might do in a similar situation. She had watched some TV in the fort she built out of the foyer furniture and then spent the rest of her time doing as little as possible. Point in case, the mop she spun about her makeshift stage wasn't even being used to clean. It was her mic stand and she was currently performing for the imaginary crowd in her head.
"I kissed a girl and I liked it! I LIKED IT!"
Knock knock knock knock!
The wrapping at the door was like a freakin' machine-gun. SERIOUSLY. Jessica groaned as she threw a glance to the clock on the wall nearest her front desk station. 10:20am. Literally five minutes before she was going to shut down the computer and head out for the day. Dr. Reid did say she could leave early.
Knock knock knock knock knock knock.
Jessica made it to the front door.
"WHAT!?" And then she remembered where she was and what she was supposed to be doing. "Uuuh," as she adopted a bit more formality and opened the door, "I mean...whaaaaat can I help you with, today?" Big plastic grin. But then Jessica registered who it was that had interrupted her perfect workday and dropped the act.
"Oh, hi." Jessica blinked as she took in the sight of the woman. Jeans ripped up a bit provocatively across the thighs. And for crying out loud, Jessica, you need to stop listening to Katy Perry because you are totally checking out other girls, now. To complete the package, Leah had opted for a tight white tank-top...which was also oddly torn in some interesting places.
"Where's Owen?"
"Um..." Wait. 'Owen'? Why the familiarity? Why the early morning visit with the awesome outfit?...why did it even matter, Jessica? Obviously Leah wasn't dressed this way for Dr. Reid because obviously he wouldn't be able to see it.
Leah stepped right past the mute Jessica and right into the office.
"Hey!"
No use. The woman was past the reception desk and storming towards the back like a badass. Yep. More tears in the back of the pants. Jessica made a mental note to ask about the brand...some other time...when Leah wasn't on the warpath.
"So yeah," Jessica followed cautiously at a distance. "Um, so like Dr. Reid is out today and told me to-"
Leah was back and looked crazy. Like panicked. Like crazy panicked.
"Where did he go!?"
Jessica gulped. "...um..." This was getting scary.
And that seemed to click with Leah because there came a deep, steadying breath. Leah closed her eyes through it and when she re-opened them, there was a bit more calm, a bit less wild-girl.
Slowly, Leah asked again, "where did he go, Jessica?"
"I-...I don't think I can give out that kind of info...or I shouldn't give out that info...or-"
"It's fine," Leah said through gritted teeth.
"Look, I don't think we had you on the schedule and I'm sorry...that's," Jessica mustered some courage, "it's probably my fault 'cause I'm new and I'm just so sorry." And please don't kill me and dissolve my remains in a barrel of acid 'cause you look like a crazy person, right now. It was weird. The way her eyes scanned and her nostrils flared at times. Like an animal.
"I really like your clothes," Jessica added weakly to break the space between them.
Leah sighed and muttered something distractedly...something about, "still haven't figured out how to travel without biting through them."
"Huh?"
"Nothing. I'm sorry about barging in."
There was that nice 'normal' the teen liked to see when alone with suggestively-dressed scary ladies. She gave a small smile and a quick shake of the head to dismiss the apology.
"Are you ok, though?" Jessica asked with sincere concern.
"Yeah."
But probably not, the teen guessed.
"I'm sorry," Leah said again, a bit more in control, maybe even a touch embarrassed. "I was trying to call and his cell must be off, so I figured I'd try here and-"
"Yeah yeah it's no problem," Jessica followed her back to the doorway, falling into the rhythm of this much easier, much less intimidating conversation. Maybe falling a bit too far... "'Cause I can't ever get him when he's over with Dr. Taggert because I think he turns his phone off, ya know? And-"
Leah stopped. Jessica stopped. Oh no. Leah turned a curious, probing eye on the girl. Jessica gulped hard. 'Cause she had so totally blown it.
"Dr. Taggert?"
"NO no no no no no no no no pleeeeease-"
"I won't say a word," Leah promised. "I just need to answer a very important question he asked me the other night."
Another pause.
The rather easily distracted girl blinked away all traces of terror at having just revealed her employers location to the potentially psychotic woman because, "OH HE PROPOSED, DIDN'T HE!?"
"What!?"
"THAT'S WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT!" Jessica's voice had reached a near-shriek with excitement.
"NO!"
"YES!" And with a sudden grasp of Leah's hands, the teen began a strange, irritating bounce of joy. "He proposed and in the whirlwind of the moment you ran away because it was just too much but then you realized he's THE ONE and you have to tell him before it's too late because he's leaving town and-" Jessica's eyes went wide again, "Oh god, is Dr. Reid leaving town!? Am I gonna lose my job!? I like this job!"
Leah stared at her.
And then in a straight deadpan: "Jessica. I'm a werewolf. I have to tell him that we can't be close because my pack or our mortal enemy vampires might lose control and kill him."
A beat.
And then Jessica burst out laughing.
"Mine was SOOOO much better!"
Leah smiled.
"And hey," the teen continued as they walked together to the door, "listen I think you've been reading a bit too much Anne Rice."
Her mind already miles away, Leah gave a short nod in goodbye and was out the door heading back in the direction of the reservation. Almost as an after-though, Jessica called after her, "Please!...um please don't tell Dr. Reid I blabbed!"
"I won't say anything," came the Quileute woman's response over her shoulder. And then Jessica watched her go, gaze maybe lingering a bit too long on those rips in the fabric and the tease of copper skin. She leaned there, absently gnawing at her lower lip, a song unconsciously in-mind...
"I kissed a girl and I liked it...the taste of her cherry chapstick..."
Oh well.
She turned and went about the work of closing up the office for the weekend. And maybe if she had taken her usual trek past the small wooded area just before town opened up, Jessica might have spotted those jeans and tank-top she had admired, torn further apart and left like rags upon the earth. As it was, Jessica caught a ride from her mother and life remained the simple, easy, uncomplicated mess it had always been.
Werewolves, she thought to herself as they rolled away and the office disappeared from view. It brought a giggle to her lips. Who knew hard-ass Leah Clearwater could be so funny.
Author's notes: Thank you so much for your encouraging words and support! I love reading your thoughts. I hope you enjoy this latest chapter. It's a bit of a setup for some big things to come.