Disclaimer: I don't own Shiki. I just own my Original Characters

9.- Farewell and Goodnight

May 4th, 8:00pm.

The warm breeze of May caressed my skin carrying the smell of the delicious food cooking just a few meters away from me. I tucked a tray lock of hair behind my ear and hugging myself suddenly feeling goosebumps form in on my bare arms. Wearing a sundress was not one of the best ideas, but there's nothing I can do about it now. Everyone was so excited for the Golden week that they planned a whole day of fun and relaxation near Omi river. And when I say everyone I'm referring to the Mutuo siblings, Natsuno, my brother and I. Tohru wanted to invite Masao, though if he wanted Natsuno to come he had to abstain to do so. I'm happy he did.

And here we are, having a picnic, swimming, playing and lighting fireworks.

"My name is Shiori and I'm such a loser because I prefer to stay all alone when everyone is having fun just two meters away from me." Hideki said playfully standing beside me.

I shot him a dirty look. "Wow so funny. Why don't you quit school and become a comedian?"

"Right?! I told aunt that and she said I was mental." He replied chuckling before sighing. He slung an arm over my shoulders. "C'mon, what's up?"

"Don't know, I just needed a moment." I replied looking at him sidelong smiling.

Hideki seemed to sense something in me because his expression became softer. He gave me a light squeeze and let his arm fell to his side.

"Okay then, I'll be over there." He pointed to where the rest were chatting and eating. I nodded and he walked away grinning like a fool.

"Hide!" I called him and he stopped turning to look at me. "Thanks."

"Yeah…"

Lately this is happening a lot. A moment I'm perfectly fine and happy with people then I'm not and I need to leave. It's not that I want to cry or anything, I just need to be alone to breathe and recover my composure before either leaving definitely or going back. A pair of arms suddenly hugged me from behind startling me. I peck over my shoulder to find Tohru's playful smile in it's full glory.

"Hey, wanna eat something? The food's ready." He asked me not letting go of me.

I shrugged smiling and freeing for his hug. "Not hungry."

"How so? We're been playing all day."

"No, you've been playing all day. I've been sitting here and there." I laughed at the face he did when he realized I was right.

"Anyway, are you free right now?" He asked and I rolled my eyes at the dumbness of the question.

"Wow I don't know, let me check my agenda."

"Close your eyes Shi." Tohru said ignoring my sarcastic outcome taking my hand in his.

"Okay they're closed." I replied letting him have his way.

"No peeping." He said laying his hands over my shoulders and making me walk. I felt mud getting into my sandals and heard crickets and the river flow in the distance.

"I'm not."

"Don't cheat."

"I won't, I promise." I said almost laughing at how ridiculously charming this was. "Hey what's this about?"

Like really? What are we, toddlers?

"You can open your eyes now." He whispered into my ear.

Slowly opening my eyes I was welcomed by a breathtaking scene. Thousands of small lights floated aimlessly over the riverside. The soft sound of the river, the warm breeze, his presence beside me and this lights made this moment perfect. This was like a scene taken from those old-fashioned, romantic movies.

"Wow this is... Wow."

"I left you speechless, that's a win." He chuckled.

I shoved him playfully. Tohru laughed harder and took my hand in his once gain for no reason apparently and I was so freaking happy I could feel my heart flutter. "Oh shut up, don't ruin the moment."

But there was no way he could ruin it. It was a spring night, the weather was nice, we were looking at the fireflies alone together and I knew that for the very first time in my life I fell in love.

September 17th, 6:30pm

The scorching water fell over my naked body warming it. I've been rubbing my skin until it started to look red and sore, a few burgundy splotches had appeared where bruises formed but as soon as they appeared they healed.

"He died. He's dead." The rational part of brain still tried to comprehend those simple two words.

"I know, I know, I know." I repeated for God knows how long. And the truth was... I knew but I didn't want to believe it.

The sponge which I used to rub my skin was tinte red and had disgusting shreds of skin.

It's my fault. All is my fault. If I hadn't walked in those woods, if I hadn't argued rapped with Megumi, if I hadn't revived...

Although no mater how many if's I say or how many alternative scenarios I imagine the truth was still the same. I left the bathroom with a towel around my body and walked to my room just to sit at the edge of my bed covering my eyes with my heels of my hands.

I need to pull myself together.

When Natsuno called earlier he told me it was fine if I didn't attend the wake and I was truly tempted to just stay home for like the rest of my life, but it wouldn't be fair. If I had had a proper funeral Tohru's would have attended for sure.

I'm doing it again, the ifs, I should stop.

After putting on my school uniform I stood before the dressing table looking at the mess of makeup products scattered there. I took the concealer ready to apply it, but when I looked at my reflection I just couldn't. The same occurred with the foundation, lip gloss and mascara. It wasn't like my hands didn't move, it just didn't seem right.

"This is so stupid. Why do I bother anyway? It's not like I'm going to look more human with this shit." I sighed in frustration brushing my hair which had grew longer now reaching the middle of my back.

A photo of the spring day at Omi river I was with Tohru, his siblings, my brother and Natsuno was pasted on the upper corner of the mirror. Aoi, Tamotsu, Hideki and Tohru were smiling whether Natsuno and I were just standing awkwardly while looking at the camera. I remember I combed my hair into a French-braid that day, but at the end of the day my hair was thicket skein tangle loose. A smile made its way on my face as my fingertips traced Tohru's face.

"I'll do that." I mumbled beginning to braid my hair.

"Shiori-san...?" The nurse, Ritsuko, said my name at my back as soon as I stepped into the Mutuo residence. I knew she would be here, though I didn't think I would meet her this soon.

"Do you need anything?" I spared her a glance before bowing courteously. Her green eyes were red from crying.
So she cared for Tohru after all.

"How should I say it…?" She covered her mouth with her hand. "I'm sorry for your loss. Tohru was a close friend of yours." She said cast down.

"Yes, he is." I replied restraining to say something rude. This isn't the place nor time to do this.

"If… If there's something I can do for you…" The woman tried to touch my shoulder with her hand, though I took a step back putting distance between us.

"Thank you for the kind words, however you're telling them to the wrong person." I replied curtly, the persons surrounding us looked at me reprobating my attitude towards Ritsuko. "Well then, if you excuse me." I stepped aside and walked to where the ceremony was being held.

The lingering feeling of her gaze on my back accompanied me all the way till I went inside and closed the door. I was welcomed by a grieving aura. This was the third funeral I attended to, even so this wasn't getting any easier. When my parents died I had my aunt and Hideki by my side, when Megumi died I was so absorbed trying to discern what was happening in my own mind to notice anything, but now… now is different.

I'm alone and am aware of what is happening around me.

An altar was placed in the farthest wall, surrounded by freshly cut white flowers and a photo of Tohru's smiling face plead neatly in the middle of it. The light-wooden coffin was before it. A table with incense and a small base was placed a little farther from the coffin. My legs suddenly weakened, my eyes watered, my throat dried. I had to leave this place. I had to runaway. I had to and at the same time I hadn't. Tohru's parents clad in black clothes sat near their son when they saw me. Tohru's mom tied to smile at me, but failed miserably. I gulped and walked towards them.

"Mr. Mutuo, Mrs. Mutuo I..." My stupid voice faltered, the lump in my throat growing bigger by the second. "I don't know what should I say now."

"Thank you for coming Shiori-chan. We truly appreciate it."

"No… Don't mention it, you've been looking after my family so…"

"I assume Erii-san and Hideki hadn't come back from the city yet." Mr. Mutuo said.

I shook my head. "If there's something I can do to help your family..."

"We appreciate the gesture." Mrs. Mutuo whispered patting my head softly. Her eyes were so red and puffy.

"May I offer some incense?" I asked and they nodded.

Approaching the table I could take a glimpse of Tohru's face which was covered by a white clothe. I knelt, light the incense and prayed closing my eyes for Tohru to rest. I stood up attempting to leave when Tohru's mom called me.

"Shiori-chan..."

"Yes ma'am?"

"...you're a good girl, thank you for looking over my child."

"No, I should be thanking you for letting me be by his side." I smiled softly.

This feels so unreal. Like a dream, a nightmare.

I excused myself and went to the living room where Aoi and Tamotsu were sitting together. Their appearances were as tragic as their parents. Just how much damage Megumi did to this family with her stupid jealousy. I sat before them, when my eyes met with Aoi's I couldn't hold her gaze and averted my eyes.

"I'm sorry about your loss." I said politely before Aoi threw her arms around me and squeezed me tightly.

"Hideki-kun isn't coming?" Aoi said between hiccups. I shook my head unable to talk.

"He couldn't make it Aoi. He told me to tell you that he's sorry and you can count on him if you need him." I stroked carefully her back until she calmed down a little and let go of me.

"Thanks Shiori." Tamotsu said hoarsely. I gave him a reassuring squeeze on his hand.

Don't thank me, it's a lie. Although it's something Hideki would say.

My nose took on a familiar scent making my body tensed instantly. Aoi gave me a strange look before he appeared beside me.

"...Tamotsu, Aoi-chan…" Murasako Masao said doubtful with his high-pitched voice. I turned to see him blankly and he glared at me. "I...was really shocked." He lifted his hands before his chest, an awkward smile lingered on his slender lips. Tamotsu nodded, closing his eyes tiredly. Perhaps, he had heard that phrase a million times today.

Masao shuffled uncomfortably in his place. He truly didn't know what to do. I heard heavy footsteps coming in our direction, my attention drew from the black haired guy to the newcomer. Natsuno stood up stoically between Masao and I, his face gave nothing away.

"Where's Tohru-chan?" He simply said, Tamotsu pointed him the way and he walked away. Not even giving me or Masao a glance.

Natsuno...

I watched him stand before the coffin, then he walked in front Mr. and Mrs. Mutuo and said something to them. I decided to give them privacy and didn't overhear their conversation. When Natsuno was coming to the living room Masao walked pass him and went straight to Tohru. He stayed stiff for a few seconds before he threw himself over the coffin crying and yelling uncontrollably. Tohru's parents approached him trying to console him.

That idiot! What the hell is he doing? Rubbing salt into their wounds?! He's here to console not to be consoled!

Tohru's mom guided him to the living room leaving him to sit on the sill of the sliding doors before she returned to her spot beside her husband. As late night approached, the string of funeral guest died down, the only remaining guests were Natsuno, Masao and I.

"Tohru-chan really was a very kind person." Masao said looking at the sky. "He once lent me a CD he'd just bought; it wasn't even out of its wrapper yet. It's not like I die before you give it back...he said." Masao chucked and I saw Aoi flinch in my peripheral vision. "When our baseball flew into the bottle shop, you made him go and retrieve it, right, Tamotsu?"

"Yeah…" Tamotsu replied in a thin voice, his hands clenched into fists.

"That was right! There was that time too! When we were kids, we used to go fishing in Omi river…" I sighed heavily and Masao turned his head to look at me then at Natsuno. "Hey…you two aren't even crying!" He said offended walking towards Natsuno. "Don't you feel even the slightest bit of sadness? All you do is keep quiet with that stoic face of yours."

"Shut up, Masao." I said tiredly.

"That goes for you too, Takahisa! Aren't you feeling anything?!" Masao barked at me before directing all his attention to the purple haired boy. Natsuno glared at him, however his eyes filled with some unreadable emotion and his glare turned into a depressing look. "You're quite cold-hearted, aren't you? Do you have any feelings?"

"Don't pick a fight." Natsuno replied unaltered not looking at him. "This is not the time or place for us to quarrel."

Suddenly Masao tugged at Natsuno's tie and pulled his face closer to him. "I've never picked a fight with you! Don't put the blame on me!" He yelled outraged. The other boy didn't respond to the threat.

"If you want to fight, there will be other chances when I will gladly take you on it." Natsuno replied level-headed which just infuriated the black haired guy more. "But, right now, I wouldn't want Tamo-chan and Aoi-chan to have to play pacemaker for us. At least hold yourself back while you're here."

Masao was taken aback by his words and let go of his tie. "Why, you…Who is the older one here, huh?"

"You, of course. That's why this is about all I can do, right?"

"Damn! What the hell did you say?" Masao exclaimed lifting his fist to punch Natsuno.

"Stop it!" I yelled, not taking this anymore. I stood up and walked towards them and pushed Masao away from Natsuno. I could feel his purplish eyes on me.

"Takahisa aren't you sad that Tohru-chan is gone?! Aren't you suppose to be heart-broken because you liked him?!" Masao said startled at my behavior. The last thing he said was like a dagger in my heart.

"I AM! But this isn't the right place for this! Can't you understand our feelings?! We're here for Tohru and his family, so stop saying stupid things!" I yelled, tears streaming down my cheeks, everyone kept silence.

I used to think that it was hilarious when Natsuno replied wittily to everything Masao said and Tohru had to intervene between them and stop the quarrels. I used to laugh at Tohru's troubled and amused expression, but now…Tohru isn't here to play pacemaker. Tohru wouldn't be here anymore and I won't laugh at his funny face.

He's gone.

"Shio-chan and Natsu are right! If you want to fight, take it outside!" Aoi stood up and pointed him the door. She was trying hard to choke the tears.

"Wh-what? Aoi-chan, aren't you angry…? Tohru-chan is dead, right? Yet, this guy is totally cold-hearted…right?" Masao stuttered lamely.

Aoi's back slid on the wall until she sat on the floor, hiding her face into her hands as she started crying again. "The one being cold-hearted is you! Why should I have to stop a fight here?!"

"I'm cold-hearted…? In what way? I feel terribly sad about Tohru-chan's death. Haven't I been saying that since I arrived?!"

"We're sadder than you! He's our brother, you know?! Yet, all you care about is how sad you are, and how right you are! Just what are you expecting us to say?!" The girl yelled, taking him aback.

"Ta…Tamotsu…" Masao turned to see the blond boy but he clenched his teeth and didn't say a thing nor saw him.

"Damnit! All right, I get it!" That was all he said before he ran away.

He finally left…that idiot…

Tears continued flowing from my eyes until I saw Natsuno looking at me with a blank expression. That made me wipe the tears away furiously. "I'm so sorry, I should have controled myself better. Please, excuse me." I turned sharply and walked to the door where Masao disappeared seconds ago.

"Wait, Takahisa." Natsuno called me and I stopped. Why did I stop? "I'm going home too. Goodnight." He said his farewells to the family and we left the house afterwards.

The sky was already dark and the few street lamps were on, a cold breeze blew hitting us straight on the face. Summer is coming to an end. Silence engulfed us since we left the house, Natsuno walked beside me with his hands stuffed in his pockets and shooting sporadic glances at my face. I managed to stop crying a little while ago, however I was still sniffling. We stopped when we arrived at the crossroad where our paths departed, our houses are situated relatively close.

"I'm sorry, Natsuno."

"What do you mean?" He said, looking at me.

"You didn't want to leave Aoi and Tamotsu, yet you came with me. I feel like I...like I obliged you."

"I thought that they needed time alone. They had people hovering over them giving their condolences all day, they needed a rest."

"I didn't think about that...You're pretty considerate, you know?" I said, trying hard to recover my composure. I was having little success on that.

"Takahisa..." The way he looked at me made me feel a little uncomfortable mainly because I didn't know if he looked at me with pity or something else, something like emphaty.

"I'm fine, really." I shot him a reassuring smile.

"Takahisa." He said again softly.

"I'm fine..." My voice sounded void of emotion. He placed both hands ever so carefully over my shoulders like I was made of glass ready to break. "You know perhaps Masao is right and I'm a cold-hearted bitch."

"He never said the word bitch." Natsuno's lips lifted the tinniest bit.

"I thought I would be crying my heart out feeling devastated, but..." I took a deep breath. "I don't feel anything. Nothing at all, I mean I want to cry, but no tears come."

"Maybe you're not ready."

"Ready for what?" I looked at him puzzled.

"To say goodbye to Tohru-chan."

"Are you ready to say goodbye to him?" Natsuno shrugged, I covered my face with my hands in exhaustion. "God, Why did he have to die?" I felt his gaze piercing me.

"Remember what I told Masao back in Tohru-chan's home a while ago?" Natsuno said calm and I nodded. "It could have been anyone, even you."

He's been acting maturely and that only makes me look like a pathetic crybaby. My throat emitted a low chuckle and I looked at him sidelong. "I know, but why him? Of all people why Tohru?"

"I'm afraid no one could answer your question."

"Perhaps there's someone."

"What?" Natsuno asked looking at me like I had lost my sanity right there and then. His hand fell to his sides.

I smiled at him. A true smile, a grateful smile. "Nothing, I was just talking to myself."

This is the longest time Natsuno and I passed without insulting or being complete jackass to each other and it felt good, like we could still have a friendship of sorts.

"It's better if we get going. Later." I stretched my arms as he rolled his eyes and started walking without a single word.

Natsuno stopped abruptly turning to look at me with his purplish irises. He seemed to be seeking something on my face, but then he turned around again and continued his way before waving his had at me. I waved back somewhat awkwardly and walked on the opposite direction of the road. Even if the street was completely empty I could feel a person following me.

"I know you're there, so what do you think if you show yourself." I stopped, stuffing my hands inside the pockets of my skirt.

A girl with short brown hair, amber eyes and kimono walked in front of me. "It's been a while. How are you doing? I heard you feed on someone, I'm proud of you girl, Sunako's too." She said cheerful.

"Yoshie, I've told Megumi that I don't want to be involved in any way with you all and to stay away from me." I grimaced.

"Are you still on that? Come on Shiori, you're a shiki and you're one of our dear companions. Also the only reason you're still breathing and don't inside a coffin is because Sunako ordered to not touch you. She likes you in a way." She shrugged nonchalant, though she was scrutinizing me.

"Shiki? What the hell is that?"

"Sunako heard that term from a villager and now is what we're calling us."

"Whatever." I tried to walk pass her but she blockaded the way.

"You had the chance to leave, I saw you, but you came back. Why?"

The sole question annoyed me to no end. I stayed because I promised I would stop them whatever it costs and also...I stayed for Tohru.

"That's none of your business." I looked sideways, I felt a pang of hurt when I thought of him.

"It's for that guy, right? The one that just died, the one that made you fight with Megumi." Yoshie approached me. Her voice was compassionate.

"And if it's so?" I frowned at her.

"If it's so, you have to come with me. Now." She tugged at my arm trying to made me come with her until I freed my limb from her grasp. She looked at me straight in the eyes. "I didn't come to drag you back. I came here because if that guy means so much to you it'll be better if you stay with him."

"Did Tatsumi send you?" I was wary, she being here seemed suspicios.

"Nobody sent me. You're free to believe me or not." Yoshie said before she walked on the opposite direction I was going and turned on the corner. I blame my slight insanity and broken-heart for taking the best of my judge and making me follow this woman into the woods with no guarantee of her telling me the truth.