A/n: So obviously I missed my deadline, but I went out of town and just couldn't keep up with everything and decided that since this is purely pleasure it was at the bottom of the list. Sorry. Anyway, the next chapters are mostly written and will just require editing before posting because most of it was written on airplanes :) Enjoy and as always let me know what you think!

It had taken three days for them to release Sharon from the hospital. They had let him go after the first day, but Sharon had let him stay with her. She hadn't forced him to go stay with anyone on the team, and that had surprised him. He figured she would give him some spill on sleeping anywhere other than in a hospital, but she hadn't. He was just relieved she let him stay, even if it was on a tiny cot. He hadn't even minded, he just didn't want her to leave him. Plus, he figured them being together through that time was probably the best for them both.

Now, she was getting ready to go home. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she still didn't look good, but she looked…better. He helped her into the wheelchair and grabbed their bags, now, they just had to wait for the Lieutenants to get there and give them a ride home. Just as he was about to call them again, there was a knock on the door. Before he could turn around he heard Emily's voice.

"Mom!" Emily practically ran to Sharon and gently hugged her.

He saw the pain on Sharon's face, but when Emily pulled away she had replaced the pain with a smile. He wondered if she had done that earlier with him, when he hugged her, and he felt a little guilty about it now.

"Emily, I told you and your brother to stay home. I am fine."

Sure, she was fine; no one believed that, not even her.

"Really mom?" Emily just shot back a look that mirrored her mother's.

"Really, but I'm glad you're here sweetie," Sharon's voice was soft now, and it was times like this that a lingering jealousy bubbled up inside of him. He pulled out his phone trying to disguise it, but when Sharon looked at him, he knew she had seen it. She had a way of knowing what he was thinking that he hated sometimes.

"Are you ready mom? Ricky is waiting with the car."

"Did you talk to Lieutenant Flynn about picking us up?" Sharon questioned.

"Yes," she smirked, "he was never going to pick you up, we were."

Great. They did know Sharon like needed rest, right?

"Ok let's go then," she said.

The car ride was full of conversation. It was mainly Ricky and Emily talking, Sharon would chime in every so often, but for the most part, it was just them talking about their flights and the airports. He had sat there looking at his phone, not really doing anything on it, and wishing they were home already. He missed home. But with his siblings here, he knew it wasn't going to be the peaceful escape he wanted.

Even with everything else, he still hadn't forgotten the fight he had walked in on.

Walking through the door was like instant relief. He knew everyone involved was dead and that he had been taken from here, but it was still home and it still felt safe somehow.

Emily and Ricky were helping Sharon get settled, moving pillows and what not, much to her protest. It was a little comical, but he took it as an opportunity to escape to his room.

Shutting the door behind him, he surveyed the room. Sharon had been in there, he could tell because things were straightened up. Lying next to his bed though was a piece of paper. When he picked it up, he instantly knew what it was. There were tearstains on it now, and panic flowed through him. He had never meant for Sharon to see that. It was just a way for him to release his thoughts. Dr. Joe had taught him that.

He tossed the paper on his bed and then, he kicked off his shoes and plopped down beside it. He could still hear them talking in the living room, but his bed was so much more comfortable than he remembered.

Having all her kids under one roof was wonderful, and given the events recently she considered it a miracle. The older two of course had wanted to know all the details. She had given them the bullet points. There was no reason to subject them to the horror of it all; she already had one child traumatized because of it. After that draining conversation had come the other. They had apologized for their earlier behavior, but all of that had been the furthest thing from her mind. She still didn't have many details to give them because she herself didn't know anything. She had an appointment in a few days to establish some sort of game plan.

The kids had said they would stay as long as she wanted them to, but they had jobs and lives, it wasn't their responsibility to be here. No, she wouldn't be a burden on them. They were both leaving in a couple of days. It was too short, but she knew they would be back soon.

Now, Emily and Ricky were in the kitchen bickering about what to order for dinner, and Rusty was still in his room. He had run in there right after they got home, almost two hours ago.

There had been something on his face at the hospital and in the car on the way home, but she just couldn't put her finger on it. The past few days had been hard, seeing him hurting and withdrawn. He hadn't left her side except for a few times to go eat with Buzz or Provenza, and each time he had looked distressed.

She understood, but he had to learn to trust her again and to know that she wasn't going anywhere. She had to show him he was safe again. It had taken a tremendous amount of hard work to build that bond with him, and if somehow it was broken…no, she had to believe that it was just the trauma of the situation. They would be fine; she would make sure of it.

"Mom, what are you doing?" Emily questioned.

"Trying to get up." She thought that was obvious.

Emily helped her off the couch. "You and your brother go pick up some groceries to get us through the next few days. I won't be shopping anytime soon."

"Ok, but what do you want?"

"Just get some food Em," she said a little frustrated. "You can get some money out of my purse." She started to head down the hall.

Emily stopped her, "But you should be resting, and one of us should stay with you, in case you need something."

"I'll be fine," she finished it with a pointed look.

Waiting until the door closed behind them, she knocked softly on Rusty's door, trying to turn the doorknob, but it was locked. So they were back to that. She knocked again, and this time she heard hurried movements behind the door, and then a bedhead Rusty opened it. She had obviously woken him.

"Sorry to wake you," he stepped back to allow her in, "I just wanted to check on you."

He sat heavily on the bed. "It's ok."

There was silence as she slowly crossed the room to sit beside him.

"Honey," she put her hand on his arm and he flinched away. She pulled back thinking of how this felt like they had gone back in time, to when he first came to live with her. That distance that he had kept everyone at had returned.

"Rusty you—" she suddenly didn't know what to say anymore. "If you—is there anything I can get you or do for you?"

His face clearly said he didn't want to talk, but she had already started speaking, it was the best she could do at the moment.

"Sharon, I should be the one asking you that. You're the one—" he stopped and looked beside him at the balled up piece of paper. She had forgotten about it.

The memory of sitting in this room, crying into Andrea's shoulder resurfaced and she clenched her hands together to keep the emotion from bubbling back up.

"I wish you hadn't seen that. It wasn't really meant to be read," he said quietly.

She knew that, but to know what he had been thinking, to get a glimpse into his mind was enlightening.

"I know," she said mirroring his quietness. "If you want to talk about it or anything, you know I'm here right?"

He nodded shakily.

"Whenever you want, I'm here."

It was his turn to say, "I know."

She hoped he really did though. She almost reached for his shoulder, but caught herself and stood up to leave instead.

"There is one thing," he said when she was almost to the door.

"Ok," she said tilting her head.

"They didn't—at the hospital today—they didn't change the bandage on my back. I can do the others, but I, uh, I can't reach that one."

She nodded because yes, she could do that. She would do anything to help him.

"I have the stuff in my bag," he got up to get it, "but uh, if you don't feel like it right now, it can wait."

"I feel fine," she lied. He gave her a disbelieving look, but didn't say anything to the contrary.

"We should probably do it in the bathroom," he said. She caught herself raising her eyebrows. "Sometimes it still bleeds." He shrugged stepping around her and out into the hall.

It was still bleeding three days later? She hadn't actually seen any of the wounds herself since their rescue, but Tom had described them. Apparently, he had sugarcoated some of it.

"Are you sure you want to do this Sharon? Maybe I can get someone else to help me, later."

"I'm sure." Because now she was feeling the need to see things with her own eyes.

Standing there waiting for him to pull up his shirt she could feel the vulnerability in the air, and it wasn't just coming from him, she was feeling a bit lost too.

"Ok, don't freak out," he said.

Too late, she already was. Last time he had used those words his face had been beaten bloody. He really needed to find another phrase.

Sharon really was trying to be good to him, and he knew that the uneasiness in the air was because of him, but he couldn't help it. It was complicated. On one hand he just wanted to be close to her, have her near him, but on the other hand he just wanted to curl up in a ball and be alone.

But being alone with Emily and Ricky here wasn't really an option, unless he waned to hide in his room. He knew Sharon would understand if he did, but she would also worry about him like she had been earlier. It wasn't like he didn't appreciate it, but it was just…complicated. There were just things he couldn't get out of his head. Things people wouldn't understand.

Sitting here at the table trying to have a normal dinner was ridiculously hard. They were all giving him looks, Sharon was barely eating her food, and worst of all Ricky and Emily were trying to carry on conversations like nothing was wrong, like nothing had happened.

Sharon caught his eye, and he quickly looked away taking a bite to try to show her he was fine. It made him feel worse though. He really did wish she wouldn't look at him like that. It was bad enough that she had cried earlier because of him.

When he had pulled off his shirt, he saw the physical response she had to the sight. It was the reason he hadn't let her see it at the hospital. This time he didn't have a choice, he needed help whether he liked it or not.

She had wordlessly and tenderly fixed it all up. He had thanked her, grabbed the mess to throw away, and headed back to his room. When he reemerged the bathroom door was closed, but he could hear her crying over the water running in the sink. He turned and went back to his room until he heard her come out of the bathroom and her other kids get back from the store. He didn't know how to help because he just felt empty inside.

He realized they were starting to clear the table and quickly got up to help. He saw Sharon eyeing his barely touched meal, but she didn't say anything. He walked around the counter, Ricky was moving a knife to the sink and the flash off of it caught Rusty in the eye. He froze, almost dropping his plate. He could feel himself shaking and he was cold all of a sudden.

He heard Ricky's voice but it sounded far away, "You ok Rusty?"

Before he knew it, Sharon was pulling the plate out of his hands, setting it on the counter. He could feel the sweat running down his back. Everyone was looking at him, and he felt Sharon's hands on his shoulders. She was saying something, but he couldn't understand her. It was too much. He did the only thing he could think of. He ran out of the condo. Down the stairs. Out the front of the building.

His chest burned. His back hurt. He couldn't breathe. But he kept running.

She had seen the signs immediately, Rusty had tensed up and she saw the shaking of his shoulders. She had tried to calm him down, but it hadn't worked. The second he pulled away she reached for him, but it hurt, she was still very sore, and she couldn't hold onto him, he slipped away.

The door opened and slammed shut. Her stomach did cartwheels.

The words left her mouth before she had time to process them. "Ricky go after him."

Ricky dropped what he was holding and took off out the door. Emily just stood there looking confused.

"Grab the keys," she said to Emily and headed for the door.

They had picked Ricky up down the street, he hadn't been able to keep up. She couldn't believe Rusty had made it this far, and she knew that he had to be in pain.

There was terror building inside of her while she tried to think of where he would run to.

Why was this happening?

Her kids were yelling and asking what the hell was going on. She didn't have an answer; she just needed silence for a minute to think. It hit her. The park!

"Emily, turn left and park over there."

Her kids started to get out of the car with her, "Stay here."

Emily looked ready to protest, but a shake of Sharon's head and her daughter quieted.

She found him sitting on a swing at the edge of the park. He straightened when he heard her coming close to him. All she wanted to do was gather him up in her arms and hold him, just thankful that she had been able to find him. Again.

She carefully sat in the swing next to him, wishing she wouldn't have when the pain shot through her chest and stomach.

"Honey, talk to me," she said quietly.

He tilted his swing to look at her, searching her face, for what she wasn't sure, but she tried to maintain a calm façade.

"I can't help you if you don't talk to me Rusty."

God. Why couldn't he just let her in a little bit?

"I don't know what's wrong with me. I—I don't know."

She grabbed his hand, holding on tight. "Honey, it's not that anything is wrong with you. We have been through a lot and there hasn't been enough time to process it. Everything is still moving so quickly."

She hoped that saying we instead of you, would help him understand that she was going through things too, and that she would understand if he tried to explain.

After a few minutes he said, "There was a knife, and I just couldn't breathe. It felt like everything was pushing in on me. I just had to get out of there, I am sorry I ran."

That was something she needed to know, if they could minimize triggers then that would help him.

"I understand."

There was no point in trying to lecture him about running out, but somewhere down the line they would have that talk. She couldn't chase him anymore; the emotions it evoked were overwhelming on their own without the added pressure of not knowing where he was.

"I guess I need to apologize to Emily and Ricky too, huh?"

"Rusty you don't have to apologize to anyone. What you have been through—" her voice was getting emotional and she cleared her throat, "it is something that few people are going to understand, but you will make it through all of this. I will be here to help you."

They shared a long look and even in the darkness she could see the tears in his eyes.

"Come one, let's go home," she said standing and not letting go of his hand.

Later with all her children in bed and sleeping, she crawled under her covers, praying that Rusty would be fine through the night. He had agreed to see Dr. Joe tomorrow, and that was a step in right direction. She just worried that she was so tired she wouldn't hear if he called for her tonight.