Season 1 Episode 9.
Story 9: Unexpected
Chapter 10: Confrontation
Merlin smiled at Arthur. He knew they were going to face much opposition, but nothing had ever felt more right to him. He had never thought that he would hear those words from someone who wasn't his mother. It didn't seem real. Then the truth hit him like a ton of bricks. This was real. The crowned prince of Camelot just admitted he had feelings for him. Merlin didn't have any sort of ranking that made him acceptable for Arthur. He was a simple peasant. Born of the very thing Arthur had been taught to hate. Yet the prince had chosen him. This wasn't something he was going to wake up from and Merlin couldn't be more grateful for that.
Arthur was willing to look past rank and gender and laws, for him. Merlin realized just how much Arthur really must love him. He was willing to accept that magic is not inherently evil. He was willing to change the laws of Camelot, willing to go against his father. All for him. That realization made Merlin love Arthur more than he thought possible.
Not caring if anyone walking past the gate could see them, Merlin took a step towards Arthur. He lightly brushed his lips against Arthur's. It was a slow kiss, one that was meant to be reassuring. Merlin hoped he got the message across: that no matter what, he was going to be by Arthur's side.
"Let's go home," Arthur whispered. He squeezed Merlin's hand reassuringly and they walked through the gates.
As Merlin expected, the sight of them was met with stares and whispers. However, both Merlin and Arthur were surprised to realize that there weren't as many angry whispers as curious. Perhaps this wasn't going to be as difficult as they had anticipated. They had built it up so much in their heads, been prepared for such outrage and discontent, that reality didn't hold a candle to their imaginations.
As they got closer to the castle, they were met by several knights. "My lord," Henry, one of the older knights said. Merlin didn't really know Henry well. He was one of the king's most trusted knights and tended to keep to himself except in matters of war. When Uther had entrusted Arthur to train the knights, Henry had guided him until he had gotten used to it. All of the knights were sporting similar looks of relief. "You are back safe and sound."
If Henry was surprised to see Arthur and Merlin holding hands, he said nothing. None of the knights seemed to have any kind of reaction. That scared Merlin more than he thought possible. Not having a reaction was worse than being angry or upset. Not having a reaction meant they were hiding how they felt. Not knowing was worse, much worse than knowing it was bad.
"I need to meet with my father immediately," Arthur told them, his face hardening slightly. He knew he needed to talk to his father about what he had learned. He was still furious, but he knew he couldn't put it off. He deserved the answers he had been deprived of as a child.
"Of course sire," Henry said, nodding his head. "I shall inform the king of your return. He will be most relieved."
"I'll bet," Arthur muttered under his breath. Naturally, his father wanted to protect the cargo that cost him his wife. Arthur mentally berated himself. Now he was being childish. He had told himself that he was going to hear his father out, but the closer he got to that moment, the more he just wanted to yell at Uther for being so selfish and hateful.
Henry led Arthur and Merlin towards the throne room, where Uther was no doubt sorting through paperwork. Henry stepped inside to announce that Arthur was back.
When Henry returned, he informed Arthur that he could enter. Arthur released his grip on Merlin's hand and shot him an apologetic look. No matter what he had said before, he was not ready for his father to know. Arthur didn't want Merlin to be his secret, but now that he was facing the devil himself, he couldn't do it. There was no way his father would see them holding hands and not have Merlin arrested on the spot. Merlin nodded to show that he understood.
"No one is to enter. Do you understand?" Arthur said to Henry.
"No one shall enter. You have my word," Henry said seriously.
Merlin started to follow Arthur in, but Henry stopped him. "He said no one," Henry pointed out apologetically.
Arthur had to use a lot of self-control to resist an eye roll. "No one except Merlin," Arthur said, motioning for Merlin to follow.
"Of course sire. My apologies," Henry said quietly. Arthur heard the familiar shuffle of Merlin's boots on concrete as they entered the throne room.
"Arthur!" Uther said, standing up when his son walked in. "I was so worried. Where have you been?" Uther saw Merlin standing a couple of steps behind Arthur and didn't think anything of it. He was Arthur's manservant after all.
"I was captured by a sorceress," Arthur said slowly. "It was only thanks to the diligence of Merlin..." Arthur intentionally didn't call Merlin his manservant. He saw Uther's eyes narrow slightly in recognition. He didn't appreciate the blurring of societal placements. "That I escaped with my life."
Uther nodded to Merlin. "You have my gratitude," he said, his voice emotionless. That was all he granted Merlin. He was a servant. His actions needed to be recognized, but he didn't deserve excessive praise. He looked back at Arthur. "I've warned you of the evils of magic. I'm only sorry that you too had to suffer at its hands."
"It's funny, father, that you mention suffering. Because the witch that kidnapped me told me a story of her own sufferings," Arthur said slowly. "Oh, what was her name?" Arthur paused a moment for dramatic effect. Merlin had to resist the urge to roll his eyes. Arthur knew exactly what the witch's name had been. He was just trying to get a rise out of Uther. "Nimueh."
His father's reaction was instantaneous and extremely defensive. "You cannot trust sorcerers. I've told you this time and time again. They are deceitful and evil. You would be a fool to take their words as truth. I did not raise my son to be a fool," Uther said angrily.
"Do you say that because you know her words to be false or because you know I might find them to be true?" Arthur challenged, rivaling Uther's anger with his own.
"How dare you?" Uther asked furiously. "How can you take a sorcerer's word over mine?"
"Because I found out that you unjustly persecute those who practice magic because of your own mistake. You have hardened your heart and have shown no one mercy," Arthur shouted. He was angrier than he had ever felt. He had been entirely prepared to listen to his father explain himself, but he had not expected him to lie and to cower behind the façade he had created when Ygraine died.
"I do not know what she has told you, but…" Uther started.
Arthur cut him off. "Look me in the eye and tell me that my mother is not dead because of your need for an heir. Tell me that you did not wager her life for mine," Arthur said to him. In the silence that followed, Arthur could hear his heart thumping in his ears.
"I loved your mother very much. There is not a day that goes by where I don't wish she was still here," Uther told him quietly. "I did not know the price I would have to pay. I did not know that your mother would die. Nimueh did not tell me that. If I had, I would never have done it." Arthur winced at his words, but ignored them momentarily. He couldn't think about how Uther would rather that he never had been born. Arthur had other things to address.
"Because she did not know herself!" Arthur yelled furiously. "That doesn't make her entire race guilty of a crime. You allowed your grief to turn into hatred. The lives of many sorcerers are on your shoulders and your shoulders alone. Their blood is on their hands. I don't know how you can live with the guilt that many innocent people lost their lives because of you."
"They are evil. They are responsible for your mother's death!" Uther shouted.
"No, you are," Arthur said quietly. His voice had instantly transformed from loud and angry to low and dangerous. "You may not have known, you may even regret what you have chosen, but it was still your decision that brought about her death. Pushing the blame on someone else does not change your guilt. You sought the help of magic and then did not appreciate the help that was given. You behaved like a child, not like a king. Once, long ago, I would have taken your word as gospel. I would have believed you over anyone else. But now that I know of your sins. I cannot ignore what I have learned. I will not continue your persecution of these people. I have seen the good in magic. I have seen how despite what you have done to his people, there are sorcerers that would still lay down their lives to protect you and your kin."
"You were kidnapped by a sorceress," Uther spat. "How did you see the good in magic?"
"It was not Nimueh whom I was referring to," Arthur said slowly. He hesitated before he spoke his next words. Merlin wasn't facing him. He had no way to warn him, no way to prepare him, but Arthur knew it was time. Arthur was tired of lying to everyone about who he was, more importantly, he was tired of lying to himself. He was proud of who Merlin was and he wanted his father to see that. There was going to be no more lies on his part. "It was Merlin."