Author's Notes: I had so much fun with this chapter! I've never written real SHIP before, LOL!! I'm surprised it was Jana...

A SHORT RECAP

The Skater Faction – Is using surveillance footage of Ana Lucia to convince Kate that she is working with the Others to kill her. They want Kate to get rid of Ana for "The greater good." But, they have an ulterior plan for Kate – they want to brainwash her, and do a hypnosis thingie on her so she'll realize that she's meant to be with Sawyer 4 Eva!

The Sana Faction – Is carrying out their plan that they plotted out in "A Friendly Push" and telling Ana everything about who they are and who they're shipping her with. Also, they want her to get rid of Kate! Noes! Also, they're gonna brainwash her so she won't remember a lick of their conversation, and suddenly have an inexplicable attraction to a certain hot blonde Southerner...weeeevil.

Also – We found out that Kiri Camille, the Junior Officer of the A.L.C. Faction and newly inaugurated Rambina Coalition Acolyte, was a mole sent by the Skaters! Double Noes!! Now we know what lengths these guys'll stoop to! They probably have people everywhere! Grrr...

Chapter 10: Protocol 67, Also Known As The Radar Love Technique

Kiri Camille staggered over to a couch, where she gratefully accepted a Jamba Juice. "You wouldn't believe it! I had to sit through a whole two hours of endless Ana-gushing."

"Geez!"

"I'm telling you, if I'd bitten my tongue any harder, I'd have drawn freaking blood."

"You did good, hon."

"What did you hear??" asked Jennifer anxiously.

"Well." Kiri prolonged the suspense by taking a long drag of her Jamba Juice. "Basically, they've pulled out a Protocol 67. Ana should be going under within the day."

"Hey! They can't do that! We're doing that!"

"Maybe someone can sneak into the Hypnosis Department, change the reels around and make Ana think she's in love with the polar bear!"

The room cracked up.

"Nothing on Sawyer then?" asked Jennifer, un-amused by the joke. Unlike many of her colleagues, Jennifer considered herself too mature for simple minded "Ana-Bashing". Anything she had to say would be put forth in an intellectual debate, and with loads of research, links and personal anecdotes to back it up.

"Besides hinting how much they're--gag--made for each other, nope."

"We've been discussing the consequences of performing Protocol 67 on Kate and Sawyer," someone said informatively to Kiri.

Kiri nodded. "So what's the word on that?"

"Personally," said Jennifer, "I don't see talks with Jate working out. It's every shipper for themselves, correct?"

"Every shipper group," someone corrected.

"As I'm sure we have our fair number of dual-shippers with us, I suppose it would be fair to put it to a vote."

"As a Jater AND Skater," someone began, "I personally wouldn't mind seeing how things with Sawyer, Kate AND Jack go. The girl deserves her mantourage. 'sides, a threesome'd be pretty hot."

"I vote for threesome!" another shipper yelled.

"Real Shippers Do It Like Skate! With a silent J!"

"Woodchips and Fish Biscuits!"

"All The Pretty PPL!"

"Alright!" Jennifer waved a silencing hand. "Since realistically, it'd be a waste of funding to spend any extra time on this particular debate, I consider the motion carried." Jennifer rose, straightening her shirt importantly. "Let's get a move on, ladies. I want Sawyer in the Hypno Department before dusk!"

MEANWHILE

Sayid lurched awake. He was lying on a hard cot in a rectangular room. It appeared to be some kind of holding room...or perhaps a room where some other shady sort of business took place. Looking towards the end of the room, Sayid spied a figure lying crumpled up on the floor. He slid off the cot and marched towards it, only to abruptly slam up against a transparent wall. Rubbing his nose, he stared incredulously at the oily smears on the glass.

Strange.

His attention went back to the crumpled figure, and he started banging the glass.

"Hey! You over there! Wake up!"

Slowly, the figure stirred. After a moment, Sayid realized it was Jack! Jack stood slowly, rubbing his head.

"S...Sayid?"

"Over here Jack!"

Jack glanced all around for a moment, and then noticed Sayid.

"What—what happened?"

"We've been kidnapped apparently. I don't remember much...I think Locke was with me."

"Locke? Is Locke here, is he okay?"

"I don't know. I think...I actually think he did this to me."

"What??"

"Yes...he said something about...shippers –"

"Shippers??"

"I don't know...it all happened so quickly. Someone shocked me with a taser. How did you get here?"

"I blacked out. Next thing I know, I'm waking up with a..." Jack groaned, clasping his head, "...monster headache."

"Stand back. I'm going to try to smash this window in." Sayid took a few steps backwards.

"Wait!" Jack approached. "I think I see a door on your side. There's a wheel, try turning it."

Sayid, seeing the wheel, complied. He tried laboriously for a while, but the wheel refused to budge. "No use. See if there's one on your side."

Jack checked. There was a door with a wheel, but he got the same result.

"It's stuck. Or locked."

Sayid slumped down on a cot. Jack paced around his area. By the hue of red Jack's face was gradually turning, and the little beads of sweat collecting around his furrowed brow, Sayid deduced that Jack was probably furiously dwelling on some insignificant matter. He was about to calm Jack down in advance when suddenly the Doctor flailed his hands and said:

"I can't believe this! I can't believe Locke would do this! After I trusted him!"

Sayid sighed. He figured he'd have to sit down for this one. "Yeah, people can be bloody dumbasses sometimes."

"Then he goes and betrays us! I wonder how long he's been working with them. Probably since day one. Maybe he's the informant. He's been living with us, just biding his time until he can pull this little stunt." Jack hit the wall with a fist. "I knew I shouldn't have trusted him. I knew he was a liar! 'No Jack, we need to push the button! The world will explode if we don't push the button Jack! Let Sayid make Henry Gale Dismembered Finger Casserole; it's our only hope Jack!'"

Jack suddenly glared at Sayid. "And you! I'll bet you've been in on the whole thing, haven't you!"

Sayid looked surprised at the sudden attack on his character. "Me?? Jack, really, this is ridi—"

"Back at the camp you couldn't give a damn and suddenly you wind up here in the same room with me?? You're probably working with him! Tell me Sayid!" Jack charged up to the glass. "Tell me the truth! You two planned this, didn't you?! Nobody zapped you, did they; you're here because of him, aren't you?? You messing with my mind, Sayid? How many times have I helped you, Sayid? I thought we were friends, Sayid!"

Sayid stared blandly at the foaming doctor. "Jack, you're getting your blood pressure up."

"AS IF YOU CARE ABOUT MY BLOOD PRESSURE! Why doesn't everybody stop LYING to me, and tell the goddamn truth for once in –"

Abruptly, a klaxon began to blare.

Sayid sighed heavily. "Saved by the bell," he thought with an eyeroll.

An automated female voice began to speak over the blaring horn. "Containment area out of quarantine. Opening blast doors. Please stand back. Containment area out of quarantine. Opening blast doors. Please stand back."

Jack watched as the wheel on the door began to spin. It spun and spun and spun until it clicked loudly. There was a hiss, and then the door slid back. Jack found himself staring down a hallway, lit by flickering lights.

"What is it, Jack? What's happening?" Sayid pressed his palms up against the glass curiously.

"It's a hallway," said Jack. "There's lights...and doors. I'm going down it."

"Jack, don't!"

Jack looked at Sayid. "I think they want me to."

The men exchanged a look, and then Jack stepped out into the beckoning hallway. The walk down the corridor was long and unsettling. Jack tried each door along the way, but each one was locked...except the one labeled: "OBSERVATION ROOM B"

The knob twisted. Jack stepped inside. He found himself staring at a wall full of monitors, some displaying an image of several different rooms – looked like surveillance camera views—and some displaying shots of areas in hatches, including the Swan, and others were actual scenes from the beach! Libby and Hurley meandered past one of the cameras—that must have been mounted on a tree or something because it was high and at a tilt. On another, the Dome in the hatch was empty, and on another...well, on another.

On another, Sawyer and Kate were rather preoccupied with each other in what appeared to be some kind of small holding room. At first they were on each other on the wall, and then they made their way over to the bed, and then Sawyer was trying to get Kate's top off...

Jack stared in horror. His eyes simply could not avert themselves from the screen. After a moment, he felt a stabbing pain in his eyes – or was it his heart? And he blinked hard several times. He staggered backwards, out of the room and back into the hall. Uncertainly, he made his way down the hall, his eyes shimmering and unfocused like a man who had been stunned in the head with a baseball bat. He didn't try anymore doors. He was sick of doors. Doors were bad. There was always something bad behind a door.

Meanwhile, Ana-Lucia, who had just woken up from her blackout period several hours ago and was working off a persistent headache, heard a perplexing click at her door. The knob jerked mechanically. Curiously, she investigated. Sure enough, the knob turned. She pushed the door open, and just as she did, a man passing by slammed right into the opening door.

"Holy crap!" she exclaimed, and then stood still, watching the recoiling man and wondering whether she should help him out or knock him out.

The man holding his throbbing head and cursing like a sailor was...Dr. Jack!

"Jack!" Ana exclaimed. Jack stared at her, holding his nose.

"Ana? What...what are you..." he seemed confused. Ana seemed confused too, and then suddenly, she smirked, folded her arms and remarked:

"Here to save me, Doctor Jack?"

Jack stared. "I...I guess I am. I mean...well, I was kind of kidnapped."

"Yuh huh. That tends to happen around here. Have you seen Kate??"

Kate. There was that stinging feeling again. Like his heart dying just a little bit, or maybe...his blood boiling? He wasn't sure. "Kate..." he said slowly, "No...I haven't—seen Kate."

And then before Ana knew what was happening, Jack threw her against the wall and all at once had her in the weirdest lip lock she had ever experienced. At first she fought against him, but then, without quite knowing why, she gave in.

Jack pushed against her, back into the room, and door number 42 closed behind them.

To Be Continued...