'Can I get you anything?' she asked for the third time.

He shook his head against his pillow. They'd been home for an hour now and Peyton was finding it hard to sit still.

'Luke, the, the doctor said that you've had one of these attacks before?'

He scratched his forehead, finding it hard to look into her hurt eyes. 'I...I think so' He mumbled tiredly.

'When? Why didn't you tell me?'

'You were at work, it doesn't matter, it's only happened a couple of times Peyton and the doctor said I'm fine'

'It does matter, you didn't know it was a panic attack Lucas, it could've been really really serious.' Her voice rose with exasperation. 'If it carries on you can get help'

'I'm fine'

She exhaled heavily, shaking her head indignantly. 'Brooke said you nearly hurt her earlier tonight' She stated casually, twirling the bed sheets round her restless fingers.

'It was an accident I told you that'

'Ok' She muttered quickly, fearing his temper if she said otherwise.

'Look Peyton...' He breathed '...I'm sorry about earlier I just, I overreacted.'

'It's alright'

He nodded quietly. 'It's just I, sometimes I don't understand why you, why you waited for me and...and sometimes I convince myself that you, you don't want to be here with me and I-'

'Lucas' She smiled softly, interrupting his rambling. 'I promise I'm not going anywhere. I could wait forever for you. I love you and nothing, nothing is going to change that'

He pulled the covers up higher, rolling onto his side and away from her intense gaze 'Maybe we should sleep now?'

'Yeah' She sighed sadly, reaching for the bedside lamp. '...Good night then'

'Night'

He was having that dream again, that haunting dream he seemed to battle with every night since he'd arrived home. He woke with a start, his eyes immediately darted to the peaceful sleeper beside him, familiarising himself with his surroundings. Staring idly at her, he came to the realisation that they were alive, that it'd been a dream, Peyton and Isabel were alive. He was home and they were safe, he was here to protect them. Minutes past. In the last month their relationship had become devoid of emotion. His lack of affection stemmed from him struggling to trust her and his never ending guilt. Due to this, Lucas had successfully managed to alienate himself and his lack of intimacy had come to make Peyton feel worthless and abandoned. Without even realising what he was doing, he was pulling the sheet down, reassuring himself that he wasn't hallucinating. He gulped at the pure sight of her. He didn't how things had gotten so bad. His behaviour was temperamental and he didn't know how to deal with his constant numbing pain. He didn't take delight in anything any more, he just wanted to feel again. Slowly he found one of his hands trailing down her side, his fingers moving on their own accord to brush over her silk covered chest. Her sleeping body arched instinctively into his touch, fueling his already growing arousal. It was only when he pushed the silky material of her camisole up her thighs and over her toned stomach that she jolted awake to his lips boldly dancing against her creamy skin.

'Luke?' She mumbled sleepily, sitting up sharply.

'Lay back' His low commanding voice startled her. 'Lay back' The insistent need to please him overwhelmed her. She obediently fell back against the bed, rubbing her sleep filled orbs. He took a shaky breath, his hooded eyes scanning her hungrily.

'Luke?' Peyton watched him, her lips curving into a smile as she realised what was going on. She was only too happy to oblige. She raised her hips when she felt his fingers yanking the skimpy material of her underwear down her smooth legs. 'Baby' She cooed, reaching for his face, lifting her head to kiss him. He dodged her lips, concentrating on getting his boxers down. Peyton's eyes immediately narrowed at his cold move. 'Lucas' She lent on her forearms watching him. 'What's wrong?' Now free of all clothing, he crawled up the bed, looming over her.

'Lay back' He insisted. His hands trailed persistently up her thighs. Separating her knees with his own, he settled himself between her long legs. She sighed in contentment and cupped his serious face for the second time. Before she'd successfully joined their lips as she so badly wanted to he was pushing into her. She gasped, arching her back immediately, unprepared for the abrupt intrusion. 'Lucas' She breathed, blindly gripping his shoulders, trying to adjust to his sudden presence within her. 'Slow down' She whimpered. His eyes were glazed over, staring out straight ahead, grim beads of sweat trailing down his furrowed forehead. 'Luke?' She pleaded, moving her shaking hand to stroke across his cheek, urging him to focus on her, urging him to see her discomfort, he roughly pinned her arms back above her head, paralysing her with fright. It was never just sex with them. He always looked at her so adoringly, he always made it about her, about pleasuring her. They always made love, but this was the furthest thing from love she'd ever experienced. He was fucking her and she didn't like it. He wouldn't even look at her. Still holding her wrists with one hand, he moved his other to raise her right leg higher. He grunted, his head dropping to her shoulder. With hesitance she rose her other leg, closing her eyes tightly as he thrust deeper. She felt obligated to satisfy him, she yearned for his approval. She willed herself to relax, she'd been aching for this physical closeness for so long and so desperately wanted to loose herself with him. If she could just diminish the tightening knot in her stomach and calm down she was sure she would feel nothing but his love for her. Lucas was the only person that could make her fall into pools of ecstasy, that could leave her in a state of elated bliss. However, right now she was far from feeling that, his mind was else where and from her perspective, he was only content on reaching his own climax. Tears began to well in her eyes as she looked at the stranger above her. All she needed was for him to look her in the eye, needed him to join their lips, needed him to utter her name, needed him to tell her how much he loved her, how much he needed her. The hot, humid air clung to her, the silk material sticking to her chest and suffocating her. He was nearing the end now, pulling her hips impossibly closer. He was inside her and yet she'd never felt more far away. With a loud groan he fell over the edge, his limbs shaking, his face resting against her heaving chest. She turned her head to the side, trying not to allow a sob to escape. His eyes flickered, trying to gain control of his quivering body. He was completely disorientated. Her sniffling snapped him from his confused state, her soft whimpering from beneath him was deafening. He wearily looked up at her.

'Peyton?' He whispered, hastily pulling out of her. Her grimace didn't go unnoticed, he crawled up the bed beside her. 'I...I...are you...?'

'I'm fine' She sniffled, pushing her night dress down and bringing her legs up to her stomach and curling onto her side. He touched her arm, swallowing back the lump rising in the back of his throat when she pulled away.

'I'm sorry' He whispered desperately, his voice hitching. She turned, looking at him warily. 'I'm sorry'

She shook her head. 'It's ok, I'm ok'

'You-you're crying' He stated, rubbing his hand over the back of his neck.

'I'm fine'

He nodded wordlessly. 'Shall I go?'

'No' She choked out, turning quickly. 'No don't, I don't want you to go...It's just...'

'What?' He sighed loudly, dropping his head into his hands in frustration.

'Hold me'

'What?'

'I...I need you to hold me' She mumbled almost inaudibly. She held her hand out and he timidly took it, shifting closer to her and laying down. She snaked his hand around her waist and shuffled back against his chest.

'I didn't mean to hurt you' He uttered, his body stiff and uncomfortable with their intimate position.

'You didn't...you just, you scared me...it, it was like it wasn't you' She tried to explain, wiping at her nose. 'Kiss me' His eyes shot up at her quiet mutter. 'Kiss me' She repeated more firmly. He reluctantly lent forward pecking her lips in a chaste kiss. Disappointment left her mouth in the form of a low sigh. 'I love you Luke' She declared helplessly. He looked down. 'Why don't you believe me, why do you keep doubting me' Tears began trailing down her cheeks again.

'I do believe you'

'No you don't. Lucas we just had sex and you didn't look at me once...' She pinched the bridge of her nose. 'I told you to slow down and you didn't, you couldn't hear me...you can't even kiss me...I feel like I'm losing you. Tell me what to do, tell me what you need for me to do to fix this... to fix us'