November 12, Two months, eleven days

"So… Do I get an explanation?" Minerva McGonagall tapped her foot angrily, arms crossed. Around her, faces displaying various stages of guilt (In Peter's case, severe indigestion) stood the Marauders.

There was a quick nonverbal fight which Sirius lost, so he cleared his throat and began to speak.

"Uh…yes, well. This whole situation really began because me and Prongs are both in pursuit of a lady… two different ones, I mean. Of course, if we were both after one lady, it would be a little- well, actually… maybe not." Sirius turned to James, "I mean, Evans is pretty good looking, and, hell, I wouldn't mind." Remus smacked his forehead. Peter made a face, but that was probably the indigestion.

James gave Sirius a reflective look, "Yeah, but if we're talking good looks, well, same with Hawthorne."

"Touché." Sirius said.

"And, plus," James continued, "Lily's too… quiet. Hawthorne seems more the type to … go for it."

Sirius kept up the discussion, "Maybe, but, it's the quiet ones you have to watch out for. The wild ones are predictable, but the bookworms can't be trusted. Remember Sonja?"

"Ooh, Sonja. Yes, I daresay I do."

At this point McGonagall realized what the topic really was, and opened her mouth again. "Mister Potter! Mister Black! You are not here to discuss… your personal affairs, you are here to explain what happened tonight!"

"Oh… well, that was Moony's fault." Sirius said.

"WHAT?" Remus said, "How- What- WHAT? It was not-"

"Excuse me!" Sirius held up a hand, "I'm telling the story. Soo… We were talking. All of us. The four of us. Us for all and all for Us. We, as a gr-"

"Mister BLACK!"

"Okay, okay, we were talking about general stuff, when Moony, here, thought it'd be funny to mention how Prongs and I are having love life problems… which we're not. I have no problems, and Prongs has no love life."

"Hey!"

The other three rolled their eyes, and Sirius continued, "…Anyway. I told him to stuff it up his … well, you know. Then, Moony said he couldn't believe that as a soon-to-be parent, I was using such language- "

"Then Padfoot chucked a cushion at him." James supplied helpfully.

"Yep. Then Moony turned it into a bucket of water and dumped it on me. Or atleast, tried to, because-"

"-Because then, Mr. Genius over here," James jerked his thumb at Sirius, "deflected it and dumped it on ... errr, Whats-Her-Face Clopp." he stared at Sirius, who shrugged, then Remus, who frowned, then said, "Helga. Helga Clopp, you dolt."

"...Riiight, Helga." James said, "Yeah, well, she screamed and-"

"Hey, I thought I was telling this story!" Sirius burst in, "Professor! He stole my story!" He pointed an accusing finger at James, who did a double-take.

"Your story? Excuse me, I turned the drapes into walruses."

"Yes, but, I turned everyone's hair purple."

"After I turned the ceiling tiles into canaries."

Sirius nodded in recognition, "But, I turned the fireplace into a dragon." (A/N: A small one.)

Remus shook his head in resigned disbelief, "I can't believe they're fighting about who caused the most mass chaos." he shook his head again, then turned to McGonagall and picked up the thread of the story, "Anyway. Helga thought Padfoot dumped the water on her so she called him an, err, well, she basically called him fat. So he has one of his crazy mood swings, and yells 'I'm not fat!' And then she said he was going to be soon, so he yelled 'This is war!' And well... it kind of turned into James and Sirius driving everyone crazy..." he trailed off, and turned to James and Sirius who were still arguing.

James was saying "All right, All right, fine. But I made the walls sing We Hate Slytherins."

Sirius grinned, "That was a great touch! But," He began with the air of someone about to win an argument, "I Vanished everyone's clothes." He grinned wickedly, and James gave a bow of submission, accompanied by an equally wicked grin.

"I bow to you, supreme creator of mischief. But I blocked off the girls staircase."

"True, true. That was brilliant!"

"Well, I try." James said with a fake-modest air. "Too bad half of the girls were at Hogsmeade."

"I know. But, did you see Allyson Cardamom's-" At which point McGonagall regained control of the conversation and gave them all month and a half of detentions.

-x-

November 23, Two months, twenty-two days

"Prongs? I need to ask you something... It's really important." Sirius stood in front of James, arms crossed, looking serious. (A/N SORRY! My internal thesaurus died.)

James answered without looking "Elvendork." he looked up, "It's unisex."

Sirius stared at him, "What?"

"You weren't asking for names?"

"No, you dick! This is much more important."

James shrugged and leaned back, casually popping a piece of chocolate in his mouth, "All right. Shoot!"

"Okay. Am I getting fatter? Is this just me, or am I really gaining weight?"

James gaped at him, "...What."

Sirius took a deep breath, "You remember what that girl said to me last Tuesday? Well, I'm starting to get worried." he looked at James, "So?"

James snorted, "Merlin, you sound just like a bird." He shook his head and snorted once more, "Am I getting any fatter? Do these robes make me look big?" He mocked in a high-pitched voice.

Sirius glared at him, "I'm being bloody serious, you know."

"And who else would you be?" James immediately held up his hands, "Sorry, sorry. Couldn't resist." Then he glanced at Sirius, "Nah, you're not fat." He said. "You look fine."

"You can't tell like that, idiot!" Sirius said, before pulling his robes and his shirt off with one fluid motion, "Now tell me."

James rolled his eyes, and said "I can't believe I'm doing this." Before walking over with the air of a martyr, muttering under his breath. With a flick of his wand he conjured a magnifying glass and held it close to Sirius' stomach. He leaned in close, his eye magnified to the size of a teacup. He made a great show of carefully looking Sirius' stomach over, while Sirius glared at him.

Suddenly there was the sound. Sirius looked over his shoulder in time to see Lily Evans walk through. She gave them a quick glance, saw Sirius, shirtless, and James hunched over in front of him, did a double-take, and gasped. Sirius waved, and she turned red in the face.

"Oh... I... I didn't know... you two... well, I mean... I thought...But Remus said... Well, bye!" She turned abruptly and fled.

James peered around Sirius' midsection to stare at the door. "Who was that?" he asked bemused.

"Evans. I dunno what's up with her. She took one look at us and-" Both of their eyes bugged out as they realized what she had seen, or at least, thought she'd seen.

"Oh shit!" James yelled out. He took off at a run and vaulted over the sofas, "Evans! Evans! Hey, Lily! Come back!"