Disclaimer: Stephenie Myers owns Twilight and all of the characters. But this story and plot is mine.

Thank you to all who have reviewed and put this story on alert. Please keep those reviews coming. Thanks to Cullenfan524 for giving me some ideas for this chapter.

These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real

There just too much that time cannot erase

My Immortal - Evanescence

Chapter 10: The Funeral

Rain splattering across my window woke me from the fitful night I had spent on the couch. Memories of all the things I had tried to forget swamped me. Edward, Charlotte and even James starred in the images that flitted through my head during the restless night. As soon as my feet hit the floor, my stomach twisted into knots at the thought of what I had to do today.

Walking into the kitchen, I made coffee thinking that something hot would soothe my insides that were raging with all the emotions that were coursing through me. Slowly I paced from window to door as I sipped praying to all that was holy that it would stop raining.

When I noticed the time, I showered quickly seeing no sense in trying to prolong the inevitable. Knowing that the moisture from the rain would make my hair curl, I choose to blow dry my hair instead of straightening it. Before I dressed in the plain black dress that I had chosen to wear today, I looked in the mirror dreading what I might see.

Of course my eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep and the tears that I couldn't stop from falling. Even in my sleep. The dark circles under my eyes were prominent against my face that seemed to be paler than normal. Passing on the makeup that I knew would be ruined from my tears; I grabbed what I needed before running to my car.

As soon as I walked into the funeral home, the resolve that I tried to muster up on the drive here fell away. All the scents of the funeral home that were mixed in the air made me nauseous. My already sensitive stomach heaved when I caught a glimpse of bronze hair. As if he read my mind, he turned to look at me. His bright green eyes began searching mine, burning me with the intensity of his stare.

My breath caught in my throat as he made his way over to me. Before I could ask him why he was here so early he began to speak.

"Hello, Bella." He glanced towards the door. "I'm sorry it's raining today." He murmured before turning back to me. "Is there anything I can do to help you?"

Audibly I swallowed the lump that was clogging my throat. "Why are you here so early Edward?"

Raking his hand through his hair, he took a deep breath then exhaled slowly. "I want you to know that I'm serious about being here for you. Any way you will let me. Everything came out wrong yesterday. I know you don't trust me and you have every right to feel that way. I will do anything to get you to trust me again. I'm serious about apologizing to you. I owe you an explanation, and so much more than that."

He held his hands out in what looked like surrender. "I'll wait as long as you want me to. Everything will be on your terms. We will talk when you are ready. Until then, I want you to know that I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

The tears that I had been trying so hard to hold back spilled over. Edward took a step toward me. I held my hand out in protest. "No. If you touch me right now, I won't be able to get through this."

"Okay. Just know that I'm here for you." Edward's hands dropped down to his sides before he glanced around. "Where is your boyfriend?"

Anger coursed through me at his question. At least it would replace the sadness. "Not that it's any of your business, but he's not my boyfriend."

"I'm sorry. You're right. It's none of my business. I'm going to sit down. If you need me, I'll be here."

Before I could protest, he turned and walked away. My chest was burning from the breath I didn't know I was holding. Before I could dwell anymore on Edward, I went to find Charlotte's parents.

We were allowed to see her one last time before the service started. Even though the funeral director had done an amazing job on her, images of the last time I saw her after she had died in the hospital, were burned into my brain.

Charlotte's parents called me, begging me to get to the hospital. All they could tell me was Charlotte had overdosed and was rushed to the emergency room. By the time I had gotten there, her heart had already stopped once, and they were pumping her with enough drugs and epinephrine to keep a horse alive, but her body wasn't responding.

It wasn't long after I arrived that the doctor came into the waiting room announcing solemnly that he was sorry, they had done everything they could, but she was gone. Her heart had stopped, nothing they tried, nothing, had worked. She was too far gone from the drugs that she had injected into her body. Her heart couldn't take the strain.

Charlotte's mother had sat for a long time, not saying a word, staring off into space. When the nurse came to ask information about what funeral home they should release Charlotte's body to after the autopsy, Mrs. Peters ran out of the room making her way to the last place she knew where Charlotte had been. Quickly I followed her, rushing to keep up with her dodging around people.

Following her into the room, my eyes darted to the bed in the middle of the room. Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw. My hand flew up to my mouth trying to stop the sob that threatened to escape. Charlotte's body was flat on the bed, her arms down to her side. A sheet covered her from her toes up to her neck. Dark bruises circled her eyes that were now forever closed. Never again would I see that sparkle in her eyes that would always draw you in, keep you there. Around her nose was red and splotchy as if she had had a cold. Across her upper lip, there was an angry blue and red bruise that I would later find out was from the tape that held the ventilator in her mouth.

Mrs. Peters and I stood in the little room, holding each other, silent tears running down our face until the nurses came to remove the body. They were careful, almost reverent in the way they handled her body. When the nurse pulled the sheet over Charlotte's face, I knew that that was it. I would never see her again. Mrs. Peters cried out, falling to her knees, then Mr. Peters dropped down beside her holding her. There was nothing I could do but hold myself and cry.

No nothing I don't think would ever erase that image from my mind. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't see the beautiful girl that was my friend. All I could see was her lifeless, bruised body lying in a hospital bed. Every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was her and I knew that image would haunt me for the rest of my life.

Charlotte was beautiful, in her own way. You would never be able to look at her and think she was a drug addict. She had a natural beauty, which you couldn't mask with drugs. Sure you could tell when she was high by the way her eyes glassed over, but that was it. She had a complexion that most women would pay big money for to recreate. Her hair, even though she had dyed it so many colors was still silky and smooth.

Charlotte never really looked like a drug addict. Sometimes she did, like the first time she walked into our ninth grade English class. But mostly, she just looked like a wild child, a hippie in the wrong time. She had her moments. There were times that she was strung out on whatever her drug of choice was and she looked every bit the crack whore. Then there were times that she just looked the spoilt brat she really was.

Mr. and Mrs. Peters were seated along the front row with me beside them. What little family they had was seated in the rows behind us. They had insisted that I sit with them during the service. I had protested that I shouldn't be seated with the family, but they argued back stating that they thought of me as family, especially after being such a good friend to Charlotte.

Funny, I didn't feel like her friend while she was laying there in a casket. If I was such a good friend, she wouldn't have been there. Wasn't that always the problem?

The preacher began the funeral rite making a few comments about Charlotte at the beginning. It amazed me that a man that had never met her would be able to speak of her like she was a member of his congregation. He was the preacher at
Charlotte's parent's church, so he knew them and knew the trouble they had with Charlotte. As he continued addressing the people that were gathered, his voice lulled me into a dreamlike state.

Turning in my seat, I looked to see if my parents were seated anywhere close. It had been a long time since I had turned to them for support, but at that moment, I felt like a little girl again who was screaming out for her parents when she was having a nightmare. Only this time, it wasn't a dream.

As soon as my eyes met my mothers, she gave me a sympathetic smile mouthing 'I love you' to me. My father had a scowl on his face; his eyebrows bunched together, eyes narrowed like he was mad at the world.

A woman shifted in her seat and I saw exactly what he was upset about. In the pew in front of my parents sat Edward. He was by himself, back straight, head bent down.

Looking at him, all these questions filled my mind. Why after all this time? Why did he want to explain everything to me now? Was it guilt? Was it Charlotte's death bringing back all the old memories? Was he really here for me? Or was he here for Charlotte?

He never tried to contact Charlotte. That I know because she would have told me. She was angry at Edward. Angry that he would have feelings for her and not me, angry that he never tried to talk to me again after everything that happened, livid that he had hurt me.

There were more times that I could count that she would be drunk or high, something triggering an old memory, causing her to go off on a tangent about the way things had happened between me and Edward. "He was a fool Bella for not seeing what was right in front of him. And an even bigger fool for breaking your heart."

Music began to play bringing me out of my thoughts. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see that Mr. Peters had wrapped an arm around his wife's shoulders while she openly wept. Looking down at my hands, I noticed I was still holding the pretty lace handkerchief that Mrs. Peters had given me. It was dry. I had not shed a tear since the service had started.

The preacher asked everyone to bow their heads for the last prayer. Why hadn't I cried? Last night I couldn't stop the tears.

When the preacher sat down, the funeral director stepped forward. "This concludes the service. At this time, there will be a final viewing, once you are finished, the family would like a moment. If you would like to follow the family to the gravesite services, please pull your car around to the procession line."

Starting at the back of the chapel, each row stood up either coming forward one last time to see Charlotte or exiting the room. When my parents walked up to the casket, I watched my mother place what looked like a picture inside with Charlotte.

Edward's row was next. His eyes met mine and my heart clenched at the sight. The same sad look that had drawn me to him all those years ago was clouded eyes, making the bright green turn dull. Slowly he walked to the casket, standing for a moment, his head dipped as if saying a prayer. When he turned and faced me, his lashes were wet with tears. Instead of the sympathy that I had felt for him when I was a girl, hatred coursed through me.

Mr. and Mrs. Peters stood up to take their last look at their daughter. Mrs. Peters turned to me, grabbing my hand. "Please Bella. Come up with us. Then I want you to ride in the car with us to the graveyard."

Silently I followed, my emotions were beginning to get the best of me. The highs and lows I was feeling were tearing me apart inside. I was saddened at the lost of my closest friend, and the fact that her parents were burying their only child. My stomach was queasy. I could taste the bile in my throat, threatening to escape. Thoughts of Edward being here were depressing me and making me angry, raging a war on my insides. All of it, everything was on the verge of making me explode and I had no idea how to stop it.

But most of all, my heart hurt. It hurt so bad that I thought it was going to burst from my chest. It was all too much and I wasn't sure how much longer I would be able to last. Closing my eyes, I begged my body and mind to just give me strength for a little while longer.

It seemed so unreal to be standing there looking down at Charlotte in that casket. Her parents placed a small locket with their pictures inside with her. The picture my mother had placed in there was of Charlotte and me in our little birdie costumes after a dance recital, our arms around each other smiling at the camera. Memories from that time flashed before my eyes. It was the only time that I could remember that Charlotte wasn't high or wasted. There was nothing that I was willing to give up to place inside with her, too selfish to part with anything that reminded me of her.

We made our way outside to Mr. and Mrs. Peters car that was in the procession line behind the hearse. From the car, I could see inside the funeral home. I watched as six men from Charlotte's family hefted the casket up walking it out to the car. My vision began to blur, the tears that were absent just moments ago, threatening to break free.

The drive was slow to the graveyard. The procession was lead by a police officer that escorted us through the town out to the graveyard. Turning my head to the window, I watched as the rain slowly slid down the window.

After arriving at the graveyard, we were seated under a tent that was set up beside the burial site. Charlotte's casket was now hovering over the hole where it would soon be lowered into the ground. The preacher stood before us once again, saying the last rites asking that we join together in a moment of prayer. When the preacher was finished, the funeral director, on behalf of the family, thanked everyone for coming inviting them to Mr. and Mrs. Peters home.

The grave diggers started to lower Charlotte's casket into the ground. Once it was all the way down, Mr. and Mrs. Peters and I each took a rose and threw it down on top of her casket. Each rose hit with a small thud, causing me to jolt at the sound. For some reason, her casket looked so far down in that dark wet hole.

A small sob escaped Mrs. Peters before she turned to me, embracing me in her arms. "I know I relied too much on you. It was wrong of me. But you were the last link to Charlotte I had and I couldn't let go." She pulled away to look me in the eyes. "Don't be a stranger. Please." She ran her hands down my arms, gripping my hands tightly before turning away into her husbands arms.

Mr. Peters smiled at me, the smile not reaching his eyes. "Bella, you were a good friend to Charlotte over the years. We can't thank you enough. Take care of yourself." Mr. and Mrs. Peters wrapped their arms around me, enveloping me between them. The sympathy and love coming from them finally cracked the final barrier of the shield that I kept around my heart. The pain choked me. My insides felt like I was caught in a vice, squeezing and pressing against me.

They released me, reminding me to come to their house, and I watched through blurry eyes as they walked to their car. My breathing was becoming shallow, my chest tight, preventing any air out or in. Reaching up, I wrapped my hand around my throat. I wanted to claw at it, rip it open so that I could breathe.

"Bella…Bella?" Someone was calling me, but the sound was muffled as if I was under water. I felt someone touch me, grip my arm. "Calm down Bella. Take a deep breath." It was Charlie. He was talking to me, but I couldn't understand. My body was shutting down, breaking down.

The hand tightened on my arm. "Bella, honey. Come on. Let's go home."

Suddenly what was inside me burst out, finally breaking me. "No." I whispered. "NO!" This time I forced it out louder, jerking my arm free. "NO!!" My throat was raw from tears and I was panting like I had run a marathon.

"You have to come with us." My father's voice was quiet, but firm.

"I don't want to leave yet. Do you know she was afraid of the dark?" Like a child's voice, mine sounded small and weak.

"You can't stay here. Not like this." Renee whispered, reaching out to take my hand.

"Leave me alone." I snapped, stepping away. "I'm not going anywhere." The rain was falling slowly, wetting my face and my clothes.

"Everyone's gone. You don't have your car. Come with us, please." My mother was pleading, begging.

"Bella. You did everything you could." Edward's voice was calm. It was like a slap to my face.

Whipping around to him, I started to yell. "But it wasn't enough was it. It was never enough. Why? Why couldn't I be enough? I was never enough for you. Or for her." My voice cracked at the end raw from tears and screaming.

"Bella don't do this." Rain droplets were collecting on his hair. His face glistened making him seem ethereal.

"Why not? It's the truth. You wanted to talk. So let's talk. No matter what I did or said. It was never enough. I loved you both with all my heart. But you both threw it away like it was nothing. Nothing! Why? Why couldn't I be enough for you?"

Tears pooled in my eyes making Edward's face blur. Breathing was becoming harder and harder, my chest tightening, suffocating me.

"I'm sorry Bella. So sorry." Edward's green eyes shimmered with tears.

Taking a step towards me, I shoved him. "No! I told you not to touch me." I yelled pushing him again. Edward braced himself, not budging from his spot. My heart began to pound, beating so hard I could feel my rapid pulse making my head throb. Panic raced up and down my spine.

"I hate you. I hate what you did to me. You broke my heart!" I screamed shoving Edward again. "I hate you!" I pushed him, this time my strength giving out on me making me fall against him. His arms wrapped around me, holding me tight against his chest. "I hate you." My voice trembled; my body shuddering with the sobs that finally broke free.

"I'm sorry." Edward whispered to me over and over as he cradled me against him.

"I hate you." I mumbled weakly before everything faded to black.

A/N: What did you think? Please review and let me know. Please forgive my mistakes, I don't have a beta.