So my computer ate this chapter when I was eight pages in so I had to start over; that's what took so long. D:
& I'm trying to write this straight through but Psych is on behind me and Shawn & Gus' adventures are seriously distracting as well as entertaining.
Now on to the sentimental goo. (:
You guys have been wonderful. I can't thank you enough for all the wonderful feedback for this story.
Here, I present you with the epilogue.
Ashes of Our Lives – Epilogue
That's alright, because I like the way it hurt-
JJ pressed the mute button on the radio, releasing a gentle sigh as she maneuvered her car into the familiar parking space of the also familiar apartment complex. She'd only been out for two hours, but already she felt more than eager to get back. Without a hesitation she would've had just less than a month ago, she turned the engine off and slipped out of the car, locking it behind her as she made her way up the stairs.
Finding the door, she fumbled at the top until her pale-pink fingernails found the object of pursuit. Rolling a shoulder with a wince, she pressed the spare key into the lock and twisted it, pushing the door open and stepping inside.
"Spence?" She called, closing and double-locking the door behind her, setting her oversized purse on the floor by the couch.
He emerged from the kitchen a moment later, rubbing a dishtowel over wet hair; he was wearing giant sweatpants and a tshirt. She blinked in surprise at the unusual uniform, shaking her head.
"Did you wash your hair in the sink?"
"Yeah, well," he defended immediately, gesturing to himself, "wet gauze is just a huge giant mess, so I decided to avoid the shower altogether."
She wrinkled her nose. "You're going to stink."
"No," he replied, offended, "I do not stink."
JJ raised one delicate, blonde brow. "If anything, you smell like coffee. Which smells nice, so don't worry."
He shrugged his good shoulder in response, choosing not to mention that he wans't even supposed to be having coffee.
"Why isn't your arm up?" She asked suddenly, noting with alarm that his right arm was at his side for the first time in days.
"I had to wash my hair," he replied with a small voice, "so I took it off."
"Yeah, well, it's going back on," JJ grouched, "you heard what—"
"It's over here, I'll get it," Reid cut her off, snagging the sling off the counter with his good hand and giving it to her. She helped him strap it on, rubbing the coarse black material when she was done.
"You're going to mess yourself up if you don't stop breaking all the rules. Are you even supposed to be having coffee? Because you reek like it."
He half-smiled. "I take it you're here for more than just talking."
She shook her head. "You're too observant. The gang wants us to meet them at emerald's."
"Emerald… Dragon?" Reid asked blankly. "That Chinese place?"
"The china bistro we go to all the time," she replied, her tone holding a hint of concern. "You don't remember?"
He'd been off since they'd been home; sometimes, little things took him a moment to catch. He had to honestly think about some little things, in order to remember. It'd been worrying, but they'd been assured it was simply because of the trauma, and that eventually everything would be back to normal.
"I remember that everything there is either spicy or drowned in sauce," he muttered. "I'll go get dressed."
"I'll be waiting in the car," she called as he disappeared into the hallway. She left, making sure to lock the door behind her and replace the spare key above the doorframe.
She made her way down the stairs and to her car, fumbling in her bag for her keys. Unlocking the vehicle, she slipped into the drivers' seat, throwing her purse into the backseat. She started the engine and closed her door, locking it.
She was reaching for the volume knob on the radio when something shiny caught her eye. Leaning back, her pale brows pulled together when her gaze settled on the messy stack of glossy papers on the right side of her dashboard.
Biting her lip and throwing a glance toward Reid's apartment door at the top of the stairs, she snatched the papers and flipped through them. Her blue eyes grew wider with each turn, and she felt her stomach twist and her heart jump.
Before she knew what she was doing, she was out of the car and running, her heels clicking loudly against the asphalt. She left the car door open and the engine on.
"Reid!" She shouted, throwing her weight up the stairs and smashing into him as he came down. He yelped, pushing her away.
"Sorry, sorry," she said, squeezing his shoulder apologetically. "I was moving so fast, I didn't see you."
"That doesn't even make sense," he replied, but she shook her head wildly, shoving the papers in his face.
"I just found these on my dash."
She flipped through them for him, and he frowned. "You found them in your car? Didn't you lock it?"
"Yeah, and that's why it's weird. God, Spence, some of these—"
"How could he have been taking pictures of us without us noticing?" He seemed to be asking himself more than her, and he shifted his weight.
"Look at this," She said, lifting one of them. It was a crystal clear photograph of the two of them in Reid's apartment; he was smiling, and was talking. She was helping him into his sling.
"This couldn't have been more than ten minutes ago," she said desperately, "it looks like it was taken through the blinds on your window."
"Which means—"
"Oh, god," JJ gasped, blue eyes wide, "he could still be close, waiting for us, and I… I left my car open. Come on, let's go meet the others."
They made their way back to JJ's waiting car, glancing around every few steps. Reid dutifully checked the backseat and trunk of JJ's civic before they got in and locked the doors. She nearly floored the vehicle onto the public streets, taking off toward the familiar Chinese café.
It took them less than ten minutes to arrive at the café, where JJ parked along the curb. Reid paused on the sidewalk to let his hazel eyes sweep up and down the street, when JJ linked her arm with his.
"Come on," she urged gently, "everyone's waiting."
He reluctantly allowed her to lead him inside, but when the entire team, seated at their normal table, turned to look at them, he pulled his arm from JJ's grip quickly. He missed the look of surprised hurt that flashed over her delicate features.
Frowning, JJ took her normal spot beside Emily, and Reid sank down beside her. He was immediately being smothered by Morgan's half-joking attentions, so JJ turned to her female friend.
"So," Emily said with a smile before JJ could speak, "you guys took forever so ordered your usuals."
"And rice-noodle-soup for Mr. sensitive-stomach," Morgan grinned, poking Reid's side.
The younger profiler narrowed his eyes at him. "Thank you, Morgan."
"Don't worry honey," Garcia piped up, sipping her chai tea, "mama got you your eggrolls."
Reid leaned back, satisfied, while Morgan rolled his eyes.
"So," Hotch spoke up, setting the elegantly decorated menu down on the oak table. "How have you both been, recently?"
"Even though you ask us every day?" JJ asked, brushing a stray strand of blonde hair behind her ear. "I think we'd both be better if we hadn't gotten these this morning." She pulled the photos from her bag and set them on the table, pushing them over to Hotch.
He picked them up and flipped through them, with Emily and Rossi leaning in from either side of him to look and Morgan rapping his fingers on the table impatiently, waiting to see.
Hotch looked at both younger agents sharply, his dark eyes hard. "You got these today? Where?"
"They were left in her car," Reid murmured, sipping a glass of water. "But the door had been locked. We don't know how they got in there, but one of the photos was taken only a few minutes before we found the pictures."
Rossi's brows drew together. "But we thought he'd crossed state borders. How could he still be here?"
"We have to get back on the case, Hotch," Morgan growled, snatching the photos and leafing through them, while Garcia watched over his shoulder with a worried expression.
Hotch shook his head. "We still need a lead. We know he's watching, but what can we do?"
JJ rubbed her left arm with her right hand. "I don't know what we can do, Hotch, but I'm tired of living in fear. Don't say anything, Morgan, but I've been sleeping in his apartment during the day, for the past week," she jerked a thumb at Reid, who only nodded slowly.
Morgan had the decency not to make a joke out of a bad situation. "Why'd you start doing that? You were fine for the first few days."
JJ shrugged one shoulder, her blue eyes troubled. "I had that I'm-being-watched feeling, and it was creeping me out, to put it very, very mildly. I called Reid and he said I could stay over cause he was a little skittish too. I didn't want to sleep over at night because I figured that'd be a little out of bounds so he's been letting me sleep over there during the day."
Reid wrapped his free arm around his aching torso. "I've gotten the feelings too, but I haven't seen Napuri at all since… since we've been back. How could he even know where we live?"
"Unless he's been stalking us big time ever since we flew home," JJ replied grimly, fiddling with her napkin.
The waiter came back then, dispersing the ordered food over the table and leaving silently. The agents frequented the restaurant, and most of the staff knew that they were busy and took no offense to their lack of conversation toward them.
JJ dug into her noodles, still carrying a troubled expression. "I don't know what we can do, guys. We have nothing to go on to find Napuri at all… all we can do, literally, is wait until he shows himself… which, needless to say, isn't something I want to wait around for."
"But we can't hide you," Rossi said darkly, "or he'll disappear."
Emily shook her head. "He's a need-based killer. He can't stop. But, he won't give up on JJ and Reid unless they're dead by some other means, or we catch him. It's the only way. He'll fight his way to them, leaving as many bodies as it takes behind until he gets what he wants."
"So he'll kill until he gets us," JJ murmured softly, "how many people will die for us?"
"Don't think like that, kitten," Garcia said sadly, "we'll get our baddies. We always do."
Reid poked at his eggrolls, feeling his already meager appetite dwindle. "We'll get them. We just have to profile them like we do with any other unsub. Pretend it's not personal."
"You can't ask us to forgive and forget," Morgan shook his head. "Our anger probably is clouding our thoughts, but it's impossible not to think about it. I don't know how you two can act so calm."
"It's only calm during the day," JJ replied, rubbing at her eyes with clenched hands. "At night, every single time I close my eyes, I can see it happening again and again. I can feel everything, and it's horrible. That's why I've been sleeping during the day, at Reid's. It's the only way I can sleep; when he's there, awake, because I know he'd wake me up if anything happened."
Hotch looked at Reid. "What about you?"
Reid frowned, not looking up. "I wake up every night really nauseous… it's from the medication, so when it wakes me up, thankfully it ends whatever dream I'm having. I relive it at night like JJ does. I feel everything, as illogical as it sounds. The dreams are torture themselves… I usually can't get back to sleep, after."
"Don't your medications make you sleepy?" Emily asked, with a furrowed brow. "They should help you sleep."
"They make me drowsy," Reid replied, "but all they really do is make it that much harder to get up in the middle of the night."
"What about witness protection?" Garcia asked. "Napuri won't know where they went… he'd look for them right? Then maybe he'd come out of hiding."
"I hope it doesn't have to come to that," Hotch murmured grimly. "But we have no way of knowing." He raised one hand for the check, and their waiter offered it silently. Rossi handed the unit chief a credit card, and Hotch gave it back to the waiter with a quietly murmured 'thanks.'
"For now," Hotch sighed, "all we can do is wait, as much as none of us want to hear that. When can the two of you come back?"
"I can come back any day now," JJ replied. "I'm just… I don't know, I've been putting it off."
"You need to take your psych-eval," Hotch responded softly, frowning. "I know you don't want to, but it's necessary. We don't want to put you in the field if you aren't ready." He cut his dark eyes at Reid, who leaned back in his seat and fiddled with the edge of his shirt.
"Uhm," the young agent murmured, watching the patterns in his untouched soup, "I have one-month mandatory, two-months recommended."
"So it's safe to say we'll see you in exactly thirty days?" Rossi asked, smiling crookedly.
Reid smiled faintly, something that was becoming more and more rare these days. "Yeah, I can't wait to get back to work. I don't like being home."
Hotch shook his head. "Unfortunately, home is where we all need to go now. It's getting late; you guys aren't allowed to work yet, but you're welcome to come in tomorrow, if you feel safer at the BAU."
"Yeah, and if Strauss sees you," Morgan added, grinning, "tell her you're just hanging out because you have nothing better to do."
JJ frowned. "She scares me."
Reid stretched, wincing. "I hope I can get some sleep tonight. I'm so tired."
JJ grabbed her bag, standing up. "Let's go, then. I want to get back too; I can take you home first."
Reid stood too, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Thanks for dinner, Rossi."
The older agent blinked. "You didn't eat anything."
Reid looked at the eggrolls and soup he hadn't touched. "Uhm, sorry…"
Rossi shook his head. "You're welcome, anyway."
"Remember," Hotch said suddenly, "there's room at my house if either of you need a place to stay."
"Or mine," Garcia added cheerfully, winking.
"Any of us would be happy to have you, you know that," Morgan supplied, and everyone nodded.
"Thank you," JJ said, "I need to learn, gradually, to stay on my own… until then, we'll see where I end up every night. Garcia, maybe I'll come over tomorrow?"
"I'd love to have you, sugar," The tech replied, her clam-pink lips turned up in a bright smile. She reached out to hug the smaller blonde. "I'll see you tomorrow, then."
She kissed two fingertips, pressing them to Reid's nose. He tried to look, and she laughed at his cross-eyed gaze. "Bye, honey."
The team chorused their goodbyes as the two left, and JJ shook her head once they were outside. "It's always surprising how loud and rowdy we can all be when we're not working."
Reid didn't reply; and she noticed he was staring at something on her car. He reached forward to pull the photograph from the windshield. It was a picture of all of them, in the restaurant. JJ's eyes widened, and Reid flipped it over to see words written in purple ink on the back.
I AM ALWAYS WATCHING.
He shuddered once, and crumpled the paper, tossing it on the ground.
"Should we go tell them?" JJ asked worriedly, but he shook his hear.
"There's nothing they can do," he sighed, "let's just go."
They made one last up-and-down sweep of the street, and when they didn't notice anything out of place, the pair got into the car and headed back, making sure to lock the doors on the way.
JJ pulled her civic into the same parking space in the lot at Reid's apartment complex. She turned off the engine, glancing at him as he unbuckled the seat belt.
"Thanks for taking me home," he murmured, almost sounding shy. "I really need to get a new car."
She half-smiled. "When you find the right one… or you could just continually lease the bureau SUV's."
He wrinkled his nose. "I'm one remarkably tiny person. I don't need a bus."
She looked at him, her blue eyes finally calmed. "Thank you," she said suddenly, making him look at her sharply in surprise with confused hazel eyes. They were more green than brown tonight, she noticed.
"For everything," JJ replied. "I know I've said it before… but still, thank you. You've been too good to me, especially since we got back, with letting me stay over and everything…"
He hesitated, as though debating with himself, then he finally worked up the courage. "I, uh… well, you're always welcome," he murmured, "you could stay now… tonight, I mean, if you don't want to go home."
She blinked in surprise, and he tried to backpedal. "I mean, if you… never mind, that was out of line…"
She shook her head, cutting him off. "No, Spence, I… I want to stay. I feel more comfortable. With you, I mean. Uh-"
"Okay," he said, before she could continue trying to undo what had been said. "Let's go inside then… it's getting dark out."
They got out of the car and made their way up the stairs to his apartment. Along the way, JJ wasn't sure how it had happened, but she'd gotten closer to him. Their hips nearly touched, and in one fluid move, she put her arm around his waist.
She could feel him almost stumble in surprise, and she nearly smiled. After a moment's hesitation, he put his good arm around her shoulders, and she unlocked the door with his key.
He headed off for the bedroom first, and JJ sank down on the couch, smiling when she noticed Jenn, the stuffed shark that Garcia had gotten Reid, sitting there atop a crumpled blanket. She pulled her toy lion from her bag, setting it next to the shark.
"There," she said when Reid came back, dressed again in more comfortable clothes. He looked at the toys, one dark brow raised. "Now Jenn and Spencey can hang out too."
"You really like that thing, don't you?"
"What, you don't like yours?" JJ asked.
He sat down beside her, lifting Jenn and turning it upside down to show her the tag on its belly. It read 'REID' with a heart, scrawled in black ink. She recognized the elegant handwriting as his.
"So it doesn't get stolen," he explained, and she couldn't help but laugh.
He half-smiled. "It's getting late, so I'm gonna go to bed. You can have my room; I'm gonna stay on the couch."
At first, she had argued the arrangements, but as the days passed, she'd grown to accept it. He was happier that way.
She stood, taking Spencey with her, and he stretched out on the couch, pulling at the worn blanket and settling down.
JJ took a step toward the bedroom when she paused, looking back at him. He wasn't watching her; instead he was rubbing at the soft fur of the toy shark's back, his face concentrated.
"You're a good friend, you know that?" She asked suddenly, and he paused in his examination of the toy, looking at her in surprise. She leaned down, throwing her arms around his neck in a lack of self-control he'd never seen. She tightened her death grip, resting her cheek against his shoulder and almost lying on his front. He was too stunned to react, but after a few seconds, it sank in. Blinking slowly and putting conscious effort into it, he hugged her back, gently folding his arms around her waist.
"Thank you," she whispered again, and though he'd heard it a million times, it was somehow different. He didn't reply; and he didn't need to.
She pulled back with a lazy smile, blue eyes finally at peace.
"You've helped me through a lot, Spence... get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning."
She left for the bedroom in search of something to wear and some place to sleep, leaving a flabbergasted young genius sitting up on the couch, wondering when things had gotten so comfortable.
All they had to do would be patient. Thing's would turn out all right… they always did.
The owner of the camera peering in through the window, however, begged to differ.
THE END.
Thank you guys so much for reading & reviewing this story. I'm so glad it was well received.
JJ & Reid's behavior was a bit unrealistic in this epilogue, I know, but I wanted to end it somewhat happily. The sequel will deal with the trauma and what they're really feeling. And of course, we'll see what Napuri is up to…
Thank you guys again! I hope you read the and enjoy the sequel just as much as you did with Ashes. The sequel is called What We Have Left and I already have the first bit posted, so please check it out.
Until next time,
Sharky