Cisco had returned from Earth-1 an hour ago. When the younger man had appeared alone through the breach, Harry had watched the last bit of hope as it died on Caitlin's face. She'd left the cortex without another word and he hadn't seen her since. The Cisco from her world had tried to comfort her, but they didn't know one another well enough and Cisco was absorbed in his own grief. He'd lost his best friend.
Harry hated not knowing what he was supposed to do. It made him feel helpless and useless. After he'd left the team to return to Earth-2 he'd done his best to restart his life there for his and Jesse's sake. As fond as he had grown of the team during his time on Earth-1, he'd still been unable to admit to himself that he needed them as much as they needed him. Something that had become glaringly obvious in hindsight, especially after the powers started manifesting in Jesse. He'd known about the timelines being changed and he'd known that the implications of it were far greater than any of them had considered but he'd been too preoccupied with his own life to push further. He'd been selfish.
As much as he'd protected his daughter as she had grown into her powers, Harry knew he had failed his team by not helping them grow and accept the changes around them. He'd pawned off yet another version of himself and left, and that man had sacrificed his life while Harry hadn't even been there. For that he'd never forgive himself because he knew that if he had stayed things might have been different. Savitar might have been stopped sooner, H.R. might still be alive and Barry wouldn't be in the speed force as a penance for all of the wrongs he'd committed when he'd just been trying to erase his pain. And maybe they wouldn't have lost Caitlin. Harry missed her deeply although he did his best to not think of her. She had been his first and staunchest ally when he'd arrived on Earth-1. And she'd kept pulling him back from the edge every time he'd been ready to give up. Caitlin Snow was a gifted and engaging woman and her intelligence, her kindness, and sharp sense of humor had him falling for her before he'd ever realized it. But Harry had also accepted that fact that they wouldn't have worked. In another time, on another world maybe, but life had not intended that particular destiny for him and he had accepted it. Or thought he had. Then he'd been confronted with the possibility of it here and he'd been thrown into a forceful realization as his mind had started to supply 'what if?'. He missed her more than ever in the face of the relationship he'd seen between the version of her and himself on this new earth. Harry had known then that he'd never be over her loss.
He'd always felt like he'd let her down though, and when he'd arrived on this earth only to be confronted with her doppelganger, he promised himself not to let it happen again. But he'd failed and Harry had grown tired of that feeling.
He was pulled from his thoughts when his Cisco walked into the Cortex. The younger man walked over to Harry and placed a hand on his shoulder briefly as he passed him. "What do you want to do here Harry?"
"I don't know that there's anything we can do Cisco." Harry replied and passed a hand through his short hair.
"What about them?" Cisco continued, and frowned deeply as he sank down into a chair. Harry realized how hard it must have been for him, having to watch as a woman who looked exactly like his best friend grieved alone. He'd kept reminding himself that she wasn't his... that she wasn't their Caitlin but it hadn't made it easier. He wanted to comfort her too, to try and take away her pain. Harry placed his hands on top of his head and paced away, fighting an internal battle as Cisco continued. "I want to help them but I don't know what we can do. Especially her."
"Mmm." Harry grunted non-committal and distracted.
"Is that all you've got?"Cisco snapped.
"What? What do you want me to do?" Harry spat, irritated, but more with himself than with his friend. Cisco stood abruptly, hands clenched at his sides and Harry stopped pacing just as Cisco railed at him.
"I need you to know what to do Harry. I want my best friend back, but we're doing more harm than good here man. And now it's not just our lives. We have to fix this!
"I don't know what to do Ramon!" Harry snapped back at him and both men glared at one another. Harry's voice dropped to a whisper when he continued to speak. "You think think this is easy for me? You think it's fun for me to be responsible for this?"
"What are you talking about?"
"This. All of this. This is all on me! If I hadn't left..." Harry trailed off and Cisco laughed bitterly.
"Hey man. We made our own choices. You weren't even on our earth. None of this is your fault. If anything, you've been trying your hardest to fix it since you came back." Harry had shaken his head and started pacing while Cisco spoke, trying not to hear him. Cisco stalked over and grabbed him by the arm to force him to stop.
"I promised her that nothing would happen and I was wrong. Again." Comprehension dawned on the younger man's face and he offered a sad smile. Cisco missed his Caitlin very badly, but he knew that Harry probably missed her just as much if not more. And Harry carried the added guilt of not being able to save her from being turned into a meta. Something Cisco knew he'd never really forgiven himself for.
"You can only do what you can do. And the other Harry was just like you. He didn't even hesitate to help. We just showed up and he agreed. And she agreed too, Harry." Cisco paused and waited for Harry to look at him before he continued. "She agreed to let him go and to help us here even though she never believed it would work. Who does that sound like? Who do they both sound like? The dude is just like you and she's just like our Caitlin. Don't question it and don't waste your time on guilt. What happened has happened. We can either fix it or we can give up." Cisco'eyes watered slightly when he finished and his voice faltered. Harry sighed and pulled him in for a quick hug, patting him on the back before he stepped back and rested his hands on his hips.
"Go find your brother from another mother and lets get to work."
X
The sun hadn't moved since he'd woken up and Harry couldn't tell how much time had passed, but he could feel the vague sense that it had. He was still seated under the tree, legs pulled up to his chest and his arms draped across them. Barry hadn't gone far, and had returned after a while to take a seat next to Harry on the grass.
"If you're from Earth-1 and the version of myself I met was from Earth-2, then what earth are Caitlin and I from?" Harry asked, more to break the silence than anything. Barry glanced at him and his eyes had lit up with something Harry couldn't name.
"That's an interesting and complicated question with an interesting and complicated answer Doctor Wells. Would you like my version?" When Harry nodded, Barry grinned and continued. "You and Caitlin and everyone else you know there are not actually from another earth."
"What do you mean? The multiverse..." Harry interrupted, but Barry stopped him with a look.
"There are an infinite number of universes, that much is true." Barry continued on as he gestured to the blades of grass at his feet. "But there are also an infinite number of outcomes within the multiverse." He plucked two blades of grass and held them out for Harry who cupped his hands to take them. Harry looked at Barry in confusion but the younger man just smiled again. "The individual worlds all have their own paths to follow, and there are worlds out there that are so like the ones we know that it's crazy. One choice, one minor choice can change everything Harry. And when you add several billion individuals on each earth making those choices, well things can change quickly."
"But some things don't, do they?" Harry asked as realization dawned on him. Barry looked sideways at him then, before he nodded his head in confirmation.
"You know, you and Caitlin occur throughout the multiverse as one of the most consistent variables in the entire universe. Your connection is one of the few constants that exist."
"But not on yours?" Harry asked, and he knew the answer when he saw Barry's brows furrowed in thought.
"That was taken away when an angry man from the future decided he hated me enough to try and erase me. And the funny thing about it is that she and the Harrison Wells from my Earth were not the intended pair. Harry from Earth-2 was always meant to come, to find her. But Eobard was always going to travel back and I was always going to try and fail to change the time line. And enough of the variables were different that they're living the lives they are now. Butterfly effect. Change one thing and you change it all. Now, they're both lost, and maybe they always will be. But they feel their connection in the same way you and your Caitlin do. They just don't understand, they're not ready." Barry shrugged gently but Harry had seen anger and sadness as it flashed across the young man's face. Harry could feel a strong burst of sympathy for his doppelganger, and for Caitlin's. He couldn't imagine existing in the same world as her anymore but never being able to find her fully. He turned to Barry then as he realized that the young man had been hinting at.
"So then Caitlin and I...?" Harry pressed, but he was sure of the answer by then. When Barry spoke he confirmed it.
"Your lives are a gift. I've tried to change too many things and I've destroyed a lot of lives Harry." Barry pulled idly at the strands of grass at his side, huffed a breath, and continued. "When they brought me here I was sure they were going to erase me, and I would have deserved it. But they didn't. They gave me a gift too."
Harry climbed to his feet and dusted his pants off. If he squinted, it looked like the sky had started to change colors, as if the unseen sun would soon set. Barry stepped up next to him and watched the change. When the older man looked at him, Barry nodded towards the horizon and the two started walking. "I can't change the future Harry. It's already in motion."
"What was the gift?" Harry pressed after some time.
"You and Caitlin and everyone you know. You're living the lives that were intended for you. You have a chance to be happy in the way that you were supposed to. No metas. No time travel. Together. You could feel it, couldn't you? That something was missing? That something had changed? All of the moments in your lives led you to each other. And you had help along the way." Harry thought of his life and the winding, twisted path he'd taken to get there. He thought of his wife. Her loss had been devastating and he'd mourned her deeply. But when he thought of Caitlin, he knew that Tess would have approved. Jesse had been right when she'd told him her mother wouldn't have wanted him to remain unhappy. She'd have probably kicked him in his ass to send him in the right direction if she'd been able. Harry smiled and looked to Barry. The speedster looked happy and vibrant; the tired man Harry had seen when he'd woken up was gone.
Harry considered what he'd been told and knew that it was the truth. He'd had a connection with Caitlin from the first time they'd crossed paths. He'd felt complete when she was with him. He'd felt empty when she was gone. Harry knew that they'd be happy. Concerned then, he look at his companion.
"Do you get to be happy there too?" Harry asked, and Barry nodded silently in confirmation.
"They gave me a chance to live the life I should have. None of the other worlds are exactly like the one I'm from and none of my lives will ever be like the one I'm living now. And part of me is glad for that. It's hard Harry. It hurts. But at least I know that somewhere in this big wide multiverse, my friends and family are happy. That's what keeps me going."
"When do I get to go home?"
Barry grinned and pointed out at the horizon when the sky had turned to a vivid orange as the unseen sun started to set. He squinted against the harsh light and looked at where Barry was pointing. It was then that he realized a breach was opening.
"It's almost time Harry. For both of us."
X
Caitlin heard the door when it opened but hadn't bothered to look up. She'd known who it was. She didn't acknowledge Harry when he caught sight of her and made his way over. For his part, Harry waited patiently, he hadn't expected to even get that far. He stepped over to the work table she was sitting at and pulled out a chair next to her. Caitlin still hadn't looked at him. Harry sighed gently and folded his arms so he could lean his elbows on the table.
"We're going to try something Snow. I'm not... I don't know if it's going to work, but it might." Harry started, quiet as he watched her. Caitlin scoffed then and looked up to glare at him. It was obvious she'd been crying though he couldn't see any tears just then. Her eyes were red and dark circles had formed beneath them. Harry had to fight the urge to pull her to him, he knew she wouldn't want that.
"Why don't you and Cisco just go home?" Caitlin asked as her voice wavered with sadness and she stood to walk away from him.
"Because I can't leave you here like this Snow." Harry answered as he rose and followed her.
"Stop calling me that." she snapped, irritated.
"I'm sorry."
"I'm not her. I'm not the Caitlin from your world." Harry could feel it as his heart constricted in his chest and he stood to leave. He felt Caitlin's hand as she grabbed the sleeve of his shirt and pulled him back. She stood before him and her eyes were full of anger and sadness. He waited as everything around them seemed to slip into slow motion and he watched, detached, when she'd lifted her hands and started to hit his chest. It took him a few seconds after she'd started to realize that she had also been yelling.
"You promised me!" Caitlin yelled as she pushed Harry back roughly. "You're standing here with his face, but you're not him and I hate you for that. I hate that he's gone when I just found him." Harry staggered back a step when she pushed him again but he made no move to stop her. Caitlin reached up a final time, and her hands weakly collided against his chest again, where they finally stilled and tightened into the fabric of his shirt as she stared up at him. Tears had started again and Harry could feel his heart as it thudded painfully in his chest. "I miss him. I miss him so much. I miss my Harry and he's gone when I just found him."
"I know. I know Caitlin." Harry rasped brokenly as he brought his hands up and gently covered hers with them. When she didn't pull away and didn't recoil, Harry dipped his head so he could look her in the eyes. "We have to tryCaitlin. At least one more time. I don't know if this will work. But I can't... I have to try, for you."
Something in Caitlin's expression changed as Harry searched her face and the next thing he realized was that she'd leaned up and pressed a gentle kiss near the corner of his mouth. Then before he realized it, before he could stop himself, Harry angled his head down slightly and met her lips with his. Neither one of them moved. Their lips touched with the barest hint of pressure and both of them mourned the loss of someone who was not there.
He pulled away first and rested his forehead against hers but Caitlin filled the silence. "That was for the both of you." Caitlin whispered, quiet as she gripped his shirt. When Harry nodded silently, she continued. "If I don't see him again...I just found him Harry. I can't lose him."
"You won't." Harry's voice was rough and he pulled back to look into Caitlin's eyes. She watched him, mouth turned down and sadness on her face.
"Im sorry."
"I know. I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have done that." He stepped back then, dropping his gaze to the floor as he brought a hand up to run across his short hair.
"You love her. Your Caitlin." She stated, taking his other hand and squeezing it briefly. Harry nodded and wouldn't meet her eyes.
"Do you think you'll ever...?" She asked but then trailed off when she had caught a glimpse of the pain in his expression.
"No. I think maybe if things had been different. Or maybe on another world," he answered and looked at her pointedly, voice roughened with emotion. "Things work out the way they're meant to. I'll just be happy if I get her back as my friend. I could live with that."
Harry stepped away from Caitlin then and and she watched him take a deep breath. She missed her Harry desperately then as she watched a man who looked so much like him as he struggled with his own loss and pain. And she knew there was nothing she could do for him just as there was nothing he could do for her. They both had their own futures. They both had their own choices to make.
Both Ciscos came in then and she could see the excitement in their faces as the two carried the speed force bazooka between them. Harry and Caitlin exchanged a glance as the two men started talking. They had a plan. It might work.
The two men had explained their idea and Harry had asked multiple questions, attempting to find any flaws, while Caitlin stood by and silently listened. As she did, she felt something growing inside of her. And suddenly she knew what it was. It was hope.
She exchanged a glance with Harry again and nodded at both of the Ciscos, resolved. "Let's go bring them back, both of them."
X