Hello peoples! This is kinda songfic-ish, and I'm pretty sure you'll like it.
Fuck it all!
"So you guys think Robin can handle being under pressure?" Speedy suddenly asked.
"Friend Robin has always excelled in the remaining of calmness when we have not." Starfire said.
"Did he tell you that he went on a rampage because he couldn't handle the pressure of something so simple?" Wally asked.
"I honestly don't remember what your talking about." Robin admitted.
"Then let's watch!" Speedy exclaimed.
Kid Flash walked into the library in Mount Justice to see Robin surrounded by books bigger than him, frantically studying.
"Finals?" he asked Batman.
Batman grunted in response, not looking away from his laptop. Robin tilted his head up and looked at the clock.
"The clock ticks by too fast this time
Not a moment to be lost
A sack of books around me
And it looks like it's the day
Finals are coming and we all must try our best." he sang.
"You okay?" Kid asked. Batman looked up.
"But I've given up
I'll just swing that test
No fun today
No fun at all
No more talking on the telephone
Read this, write that and learn it all
Can't learn it all!"
"Robin what are you doing?!" Batman demanded.
"Fuck it all… (his eyes light up in realization)
Fuck it all!
Can't study this anymore!"
Robin ran up to Batman.
"Fuck it all
Fuck it all!
All my classes are a bore!"
He then turned to the books and started throwing them around.
"I don't care!
If I fail this test!
Let my dad rage on…
My grades never bothered me anyway!"
Robin grinned wildly and started running around the room.
"Fuck it all!
Fuck it all!
Don't give a shit anymore!
Fuck it all!
Fuck it all!
Flip the table (he flipped several, actually.)
Screw you all! (Flipped off the world.)
I don't take this bullshit anymooooooore!
I don't give a fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!
My grades never bothered me anyway!"
With that, Robin slammed the doors behind him, leaving KF and Batman in the demolished library. They could hear more crashes and shouts beyond the library.
"Fuck it all!" Robin cackled wildly as he ran about.
"I did not see that coming." Batman stated, still staring at the door in horror.
"Bats, we finally broke him." KF said, trembling.
Wonder Woman came in ghostly pale.
"Why is Robin running rampant screaming 'Fuck it all!'?" she asked.
"Finals… he couldn't handle the pressure." Wally whimpered.
"Bruce, you do realize we need to protect the citizens from him right?" WW asked.
"Shut down the Mount. No one enters. No one exits. Not until we get him to calm down." Batman barked.
Everyone stared at Dick.
"I went on a rampage?" Dick asked in shock.
"Yeah, you did." Wally answered.
"Who knew a little test could send Rob over the edge?" Beastboy joked.
"Hey! It was my ACT exam. That's a lot of pressure for a thirteen year old in the ninth grade." Dick said defensively.
"You were a thirteen year old in the ninth grade?" Raven deadpanned.
"The kid's school life was like an episode of Degrassi." Damian retorted in an equally emotionless voice.
"Wanna watch just a little bit of what Bruce had to put up with?" Tim asked.
"Sure."
Degrassi
[Credit goes to Ms. Issues]
Dinner was not going to be served for another thirty minutes, but both Bruce and Dick had found themselves arriving early to the table. Bruce sat in his usual chair at the head of the table and Dick sat two chairs down in his. After talking about their days, the two both turned to their phones.
A few minutes later, Alfred walked in and his eyes immediately went to Dick who was clearly texting. Alfred sniffed. One did not need a phone at the dinner table. He walked towards the teen."Master Richard, are you quite done?"
"Huh?" said Dick, eyes glued to the phone in his hand as he vigorously typed.
Alfred came to a stop right besides Dick's chair and plucked the phone out of the teen's hand. Dick's eyes widened. "Hey!"
"I believe that I have told you on countless occasions that there will be no cell phones at the table."
Dick pointed to Bruce. "You didn't take Bruce's phone!"
Bruce, for his part, stayed quite. From past experience, he knew that when Alfred and Richard argued it fizzled out rather quickly. If he joined in, he would only exacerbate this situation. Besides, he had better things to concern himself with- the new version of Fruit Ninja had just been released and he, Clark, and Barry had a competition going on who could get the best score levels.
Alfred frowned, not in the mood for petulant teenagers which seemed to be Dick's favorite mood lately. "Master Bruce is working."
"No he's not."
"Yes I am," said Bruce not looking from his phone. "Very serious business things are going on down here."
Dick's mouth opened in shock as Alfred simply nodded. "He's not even trying to sound convincing!"
"I am sure Master Bruce has important things to attend to," said Alfred.
Like play Fruit Ninja, thought Bruce inwardly pleased that he still had his phone, but then feeling silly that he felt that way. He could play on his phone at his table in his house if he damn well pleased. He paid the bills. He paid taxes. He was a grown ass man! Although, if Alfred took his phone away he would never say any of that out loud.
Dick twisted in his chair to glare at Alfred properly. "He's playing Fruit Ninja!" (Present Dick yelled this too.)
"I am not playing Fruit Ninja," said Bruce, caught off guard—how had Richard known?Boy Wonder, indeed. Momentarily regretting teaching Dick to have keen detective skills, Bruce looked up to see Dick glaring at him and Alfred glaring at Dick.
"Yes you were," said Dick (Along with the present Dick.), unwilling to let the issue slide. "You were making that face you always make when you get frustrated with a level."
Whether Bruce was playing Fruit Ninja seemed not to matter to Alfred as he turned around and walked towards the kitchen.
"I do not make a Fruit Ninja face," Bruce said in a matter of fact manner, finally exiting out of his game and placing his phone face down on the table. "I am a ninja by nature and ninjas do not make faces. Especially if they were to play Fruit Ninja—which I was not." He winked at Dick. Humor usually worked to get Dick out of a sulky mood.
Dick's mouth moved into an almost smile and Bruce inwardly cheered (there should be metals given out to parents who could get a teen who was intent on sulking to smile). A second later though, Dick slumped down in his chair and folded his arms across his chest. "Dinner's not even on the table," he grumbled.
Alfred paused at the kitchen door and Dick raised his head slightly. He was simultaneously surprised that the man had heard his grumble and, yet, not surprised—Alfred's hearing was excellent despite his age and he seemed to be exceptionally good at deciphering grumbles (One would have to, though, having to deal with the deep rough voice of Batman over the years). "Although, that may be the case, Master Richard, the time before the meal is a time to socialize with the person in front of you."
"But I neeeeeeeed my phone," said Dick and Bruce looked up to the ceiling in a 'god why me' fashion, bracing himself for the next leg of the fight. Alfred hated unnecessary whining.
"You most certainly do not need your phone, not at this very moment," said Alfred giving Dick a hard look which Dick returned with a glare. "The definition of the word needed must have changed at some point over the years and I somehow must have missed the event, for I had neither any of the devices you insist you need,nor did I partake in the social media you thrive on, yet I have managed to reach the age of sixty-four perfectly happy."
Dick's lips were pressed in a thin line and then he opened his mouth, looking like he was about to say something he probably should not.
Bruce decided to step in. "Dick," he warned.
"What?" snapped Dick turning to Bruce. With the teen's anger successfully shifted fully on Bruce, which Bruce knew would happen, Alfred left. When Bruce did not say anything else, Dick chose to glare at the table.
Dick began muttering things under his breath that Bruce could not hear until his ears picked up one distinct sentence. "I have important things to attend to as well."
Bruce raised an eyebrow. "What important business ails your teenage mind that you must have your phone?"
Dick opened his mouth.
"Which has nothing to do with our other pastime," add Bruce.
Dick closed it mouth and then after a moment gave a deep dramatic sigh.
"Arguing with Alfred about the phone at the table is futile. You know that Dick."
"You always tell me to never give up when I come across a challenge," said Dick smartly.
Bruce rubbed his temple and then looked at Dick evenly. "If Alfred could not be swayed by my arguments back in the day when cell phones could only do one important function, he most certainly is not going to be swayed by your arguments when phones can do a thousand frivolous ones."
"Not everything phones do are frivolous," said Dick throwing his hands in the air. "You want to do your taxes? There's an app for that."
"I know that," said Bruce placing a hand on his chest trying to emphasize to Dick that he was on his side, "but at the table Alfred thinks they are. So, that is the end of that."
"That's not fair," said Dick more to himself than Bruce. Louder he said, "Maybe I'll come up with a phone so awesome that Alfred would have to let me have it at the table."
"I do not think that is possible." Bruce shook his head his head with a smile."I remember the first time I had accidently left my beeper in my pocket and it had gone off during dinner—"
"Beepers? Really, Bruce." Dick snorted. "You're soooo old."
"I am not old. It was the early 90's . . ." Bruce paused and scratched his head. "God, that makes me sound old."
Dick nodded vigorously in agreement.
Bruce rolled his eyes. "Anyway, I tried to explain to Alfred how everyone had a beeper—"
Dick chuckled. "Beepers."
"Yes, beepers," said Bruce. Dick chuckled again and Bruce did not mind, it seemed the teen had come out of his moody funk. "You know, one day you're going to be explaining to your kid how awesome the smart phone was and I hope they laugh at you."
"Okay, okay," said Dick waving Bruce on with a hand. "Regale me with tales of this fascinating artifact called the beeper."
"I was saying that my beeper went off and Alfred acted like the whole world was seconds away from dissolving into a savage wasteland."
Dick laughed at the image.
"And that was just a beeper."
Dick laughed again. "Beepers."
With Dick smiling one more, Bruce was a little curious as to why Dick had made such a fuss about Alfred taking his phone in the first place. There were certain truths in the world—the earth moved around the sun and if you brought a phone to the dinner table there was a fifty percent chance Alfred would be taken away.
Bruce leaned in his chair and regarded Dick for a moment. The problem with teens, he had been finding out, was that they blew nothings into somethings and downplayed somethings into nothings which made finding out what to worry about all the more difficult since one could never tell if something was really something. "So . . ." Bruce ventured, "why do you neeeeeed your phone?"
"Barbara got a haircut."
Bruce blinked. So it really was a nothing that was blown up to a something. "Fascinating," he said dryly.
"Let me finish," said Dick straitening up in his seat and then leaning over. Bruce could tell he was in story teller mood. "So, Barbara got a haircut. It was bad, reaaaaly bad. Josh McGrath made fun of her and Babs punched him—"
"Barbara Gordon?" asked Bruce surprised. Well, not surprised that Barbara would punch someone—she was a tough girl and knew how to take care of herself—but surprised that she had punched someone at school.
"Yes, Barbara Gordon. Is there any other Babs that matters?" said Dick bluntly, like what Bruce asked was the dumbest question ever.
Bruce raised an eyebrow, finding Dick's word choice very telling despite the teen not being aware of it. A crush perhaps?
"So Babs got suspended which is not aster at all because Barbara was partnered with Bette on a science project for next Saturday's Science fair, but now can't participate so Bette has to do the rest of the work herself—"
Bruce held up a hand to stop Dick from talking. "Breathe."
Dick to a deep breath and then continued. "So, Bette temporally dropped out of this Saturday's Mathlete tournament, because there's gonna be MIT reps at the fair and it's her only chance to impress them since her school record was tarnished, because she was caught plagiarizing on her English AP paper. Now, Bette's dropping out means that we're missing a person for the team, because our backups all have the flu. So Mr. Kinsley replaced her with Stanley Stodges, but Stanley is Henrietta's ex boyfriend. She's the one on the team with the pink hair, not the one who got caught at the coke party–"
"Coke party?" asked Bruce alarmed.
"Anyway," said Dick continuing with his story unaware of his guardian's alarm, "Felix, who is Henrietta's current boyfriend and is also on the team, flipped out because Stanley was hitting on Henrietta during today's practice and put a laxative in his soda—"
"What kind of people are you hanging out with?" asked Bruce not wanting to hear more.
Dick frowned, confused. "The same people I always do."
Bruce's eyebrows rose. What crazy things were going on at that school? He always had the impression that Dick's group of friends were good kids. They were Mathletes for Pete's sake!
"I need my phone back. I don't want to be out of the loop."
"School fights, plagiarizing, coke parties, love triangles, and now sabotage," said Bruce a deep frown settling on his face. "Maybe you are better being out of the loop."
Dick rolled his eyes. "Oh my god Bruce, I'm not doing anything. I'm just a curious bystander."
"Your school day sounds like an episode of Degrassi."
"You don't need to worry," said Dick a bit exasperated. When he did not see Bruce's frown lessen he continued. "Besides, Clark always says I need to act more my age," said Dick completely misconstruing what Clark really meant by that. "Well, that's what I'm doing."
"The only thing you are succeeding in is giving me a headache," said Bruce.
"See, then I was doing it right," said Dick with a smile and then he wiggled his eyebrows.
Bruce chuckled deciding to let the issue rest for now (he did trust Dick to make the right decisions). However, he made a mental note to check in with the school to make sure Dick was not getting into any trouble and his grades weren't slipping.
That's all for now! Review!