Griffin's Eleven

Hand #9: Goddess Eternal

Connie dashed into the headquarters, smiling widely. Peter and Brian were the only two people in the room, with everyone else scattered all over Boston, doing their own things.

Brian glanced at her quickly, putting down his martini. That smile could only mean one thing.

"You've been doing well, I assume," Brian said.

Connie nodded. "I've managed to track down Lois."

cCcCc

A beautiful red-head stared at a painting before her in a tranquil art gallery. The parquet floors had been newly waxed, but the few people in the vast space didn't seem to mind. All of them carried themselves in a way that suggested slipping was beneath them. Their jewelry glistened in the light given off by art-deco lamps scattered liberally around the room.

The red-head wasn't paying too much attention to that. All she could do was stare at the beautiful picture before her. Here, for a limited engagement, Monet's Water Lilies. How did he manage to get it here? She had the feeling that her lover moved it here just because she mentioned it was her favorite painting. Her full lips curled into an uneasy smile.

A man strode across the floor, his shoes making clicking noises. No one squeaked on this floor. The woman turned her head. Of course, he was right on time. She couldn't get used to a man actually arriving somewhere when he said he would. That was what made this man different from her ex-husband.

He stopped in front of Water Lilies. The two of them stared at it.

"It's going to take a lot of effort to get it here permanently," the woman said, no nonsense in her voice.

"It's worth it, just to see the light in your eyes," the man responded, his long black hair done into a thin braid. He wore the finest suit, to compliment the woman's silk sport coat and thigh-length skirt.

The woman smiled. "You're too good to me."

The man nodded slightly. "Anything for you, my dear Lois."

Lois turned a delicate shade of pink. She leaned in to kiss him, but he put his hand on her shoulder and glanced into the corner. Lois' eyes moved to the same spot. In the corner of the room, something resembling a small black ball was glued to the ceiling. Lois knew immediately what it was, and pulled away quickly.

"Someone's always watching," she murmured. "I'm sorry, Leonard."

Leonard gave her a small smile. "Not a problem. Now, where is the seller?"
"Late," Lois informed him.

The funny thing about perfection, Lois thought, is that no one else can measure up.

Maybe that's why Leonard's other girlfriends left him.

aAaAa

"Tell us about Leonard," Peter demanded, patting the sofa seat next to him. Connie was too excited about her success to deny the seat, as she usually did, and plopped right down next to him. She turned to him and grinned.

"Well… he's a machine, simply put," Connie said, smile not faltering.

Brian spit out his martini. "What?!"

Connie's smile faltered. "I mean he's unflappable. He does the same thing every day, same time every day."

"Oh. Continue."

"Well, he arrives at the Grand Cherokee at two p.m. every day."

Connie leaned against a pillar, sketching some more. This time, it was a sketch of Meg Griffin. At first, Connie was trying to capture inner beauty there, but then Connie realized the only thing there was inner confidence. Finding this sufficient, she began work on her masterpiece, Meg Griffin Has Confidence In Sunshine. Usually she wasn't in the open like this – she preferred to hide behind a bush nearby – but today she wanted to make sure that she saw what happened clearly. She'd given Brian and Peter the figures, and triple-checking them became the first priority.

In her line of sight, she saw Leonard Cornfeathers' car pull up to the drive. Same car every day – black Cadillac with eight-inch rims. Connie had seen enough cars on lots in her time as teen princess to know everything about them.

Can't believe they took MEG instead of me to the lot, she thought angrily.

Cornfeathers stepped out of the car, no one flanking him. He nodded to every man outside of the casino, addressing them by name. Connie flipped a page and began to doodle him on a separate sheet of paper.

"Hey there Kevin. How's your girlfriend?"

"Good. Morning sickness is almost gone."

"Great to hear. Good afternoon, Jason."

"Hey boss. How are you?"

"Good. Did your kid pass that test?"

And so on and so forth, until Cornfeathers reached the automatic door of the casino. Connie glanced around and walked into the open, returning to her drawing of Meg.

"Offices are upstairs in the Cherokee. As soon as he enters the building, he goes there and stays there until seven."

"Does he get the codes in there?"

"No. He gets those later."

Connie sat at a table, putting the finishing touches on her old Geri Halliwell picture. The streaks in Geri's hair weren't looking right to her. She glanced upward, to the second floor, where a long marble handrail partially obscured her view of the offices. The place was opulent, that was certain. Every time Connie walked in she felt underdressed. She glanced at her beat-up fake Rolex. 5:25 p.m. Cornfeathers wasn't going to be coming out anytime soon. She returned to her drawing. Today had been pretty uneventful at the casino. Connie ran into Meg and the two exchanged pleasantries. Connie called herself "Mischa" to distract pesky onlookers, and disguised her voice. Meg said she should be on SNL, she was so good at disguises and impressions. Connie vehemently disagreed; MadTV was clearly the superior show, and she'd much rather be on it than SNL, especially with Amy Poehler about to leave. The pleasantries turned into a texting argument. Every few seconds Connie's phone would vibrate and send her a pointless message like "Tina Fey was on SNL. Who was on MadTV? Anyone?" or "More cowbell FTW". Connie had to admit that SNL was better to get her to shut up. That was around 3:00.

Connie also saw Cassandra. Quagmire was hitting on her again. As was characteristic, she blew up in his face and got mad. Another kid with sandy hair, leering eyes, and a weird gait – Connie assumed this was the Ryan kid Meg complained about so much – came up to Cassandra's side and began arguing with Quagmire as well. She stared at Ryan irritably, making it very clear that she wanted neither of them near her. She eventually stormed off, going into the staffer's lounge. Connie returned to her drawing. If Quagmire couldn't get Cassandra to be less suspicious before the heist, there were going to be major problems.

"At seven, he spends three minutes with his floor manager discussing business."

"All kinds?" Peter asked.

"All kinds. There's rarely anything about his casino Cornfeathers doesn't know about."

Cornfeathers leaned over the marble handrails of the second floor, speaking with his floor boss, a rather stout man with curly red hair. Connie recognized him immediately as condescending jerk Paddy Tanninger.

Tanninger spoke quickly and in a low voice. Cornfeathers' eyes darted around to the places Tanninger was (presumably) mentioning. Connie followed Cornfeathers' line of vision to see Cassandra, cleaning glasses with an unfocused look, lonesome and moody. Then it went to a roulette table. A section of video poker machines. All the while Tanninger whispered conspiratorially to Cornfeathers.

Connie glanced at Cassandra again. She looked really horrible. Her heart sank for some reason. Spending time with Meg had made Connie a bit more human – maybe that was the term for it – and Cassandra's expression reminded Connie of her just after she ran away. Hopeless, helpless, hapless.

Connie soon shook herself out of it. Cassandra was nothing more than a whore.

But still…

No. She was evil.

"Then he spends a few minutes with the highrollers. Cornfeathers knows more languages than there are people in this room," Connie continued unabated. "But he's out of there by seven-thirty, when he's handed a black folder with the new codes for the vaults and the day's money intake and output. All data, all numbers. …But after this, that's where it gets fun. See, he heads over to the restaurant."

pPpPp

Connie and Brian stood at the foot of a beautiful marble staircase in the eastern wing of the casino. Connie was indulging in some shrimp cocktail, holding it in a silver goblet.

"I have to say, this is freaking delicious," Connie murmured, a black bob wig over her blonde tresses and a fancy white flapper dress on her person. Brian wasn't paying attention. Connie had never seen Lois before, so she wasn't quite sure if the redhead who was set to come down the stairs was really her. Connie ate another shrimp, smiling widely.

"She should be coming soon," Connie said with a smile. "I have to say, this was always the best part of my day."

Brian eyed her confusedly. "The best part of your day?"

Connie turned a delicate shade of red and quickly ate a shrimp, not even bothering to dip it into her bowl of cocktail sauce. Brian narrowed his eyes.

"The whole point of this thing is to get Lois back together with Peter," Brian pressed.

"Doesn't mean I can't look, can I?" Connie asked.

"You're a lesbian?"

Connie rolled her eyes. "Of course not!" But she wasn't fooling anyone. Brian raised an eyebrow.

"Oh okay. I'm bisexual. You know Katy Perry?"

"Yeah."

"Well, yeah, that song 'I Kissed a Girl'? She wrote that for me."

Connie and Katy Perry sat in an alleyway behind the Kwik-E-Mart of Quahog, laughing hysterically.

"Oh my God, and then she was all – get this, she was talking to one of her friends, totally dressed up like a gothic poser, you know what they look like," Connie said, voice rising with each word.

"Oh God I know! 'I'm so emo, I'm gonna wear… PINK!'" Katy shrieked with laughter.

"So anyway, she goes up to her friend and goes, 'I kissed a girl and I liked it.'"

"Seriously?"

"Oh, it gets better. Her friend asked her what she liked about it, and she says – no joke – 'the taste of her cherry chapstick'."

"That's rich!"

"I know, and then she was all, 'I hope my boyfriend doesn't mind it'. For serious. God, these people are SO STUPID!"

"Oh my God, I'm going to write a song about that!" Katy took out some paper and began scribbling down words. "It's going to be the dumbest song I've ever written, but anything to expose those gothic posers for what they are!"

"Right on!" Connie called. "You know what would be funny? If the label actually LIKED it!"

"Oh I doubt they would," Katy admitted. "I've already got a verse, and boy is it STUPID."

"I doubt it," Brian hissed before looking up towards the staircase and immediately stopped talking. There she was. Lois Griffin, in all her glory. She'd grown her hair out longer, so that it reached her shoulders, and her face was bright and vibrant. She was sheathed in a blue floor-length gown, with sparkling accents that caught the light of the chandelier above her. A necklace with a pearl ring on the chain was visible.

The chandelier suddenly crashed, and the Phantom of the Opera appeared, grabbing at the ring and yanking it off Lois' neck. He stared into her eyes. "Your chains are still mine! You belong to me!"

Leonard Cornfeathers emerged from the staircase, snapping his fingers. Four security guards took the Phantom away, and another three pulled the chandelier back to its usual position on the ceiling. Lois appeared to be unshaken.

"Happens all the time," Connie explained with an air of finality. "…So, is that her?"

Brian nodded as Lois walked down the staircase with her beau, speechless. "Yes. That's Lois Pewterschmidt."

The two of them watched as the rich couple walked down into the restaurant. Connie finished off her shrimp cocktail, staring at Lois' retreating back.

"It's gonna be hard to split those two up," Connie noted.

"Thank you Captain Obvious," Brian spat.

A/N: So apparently, since I last wrote, there's been huge flame wars over the whole Meg/OC thing and various pairings of questionable taste. I did read through parts of Material's critiquing opus, and I have to say that for the most part he writes a very thorough review. It's when critiquing certain aspects of the fandom that he gets a bit one-sided. I'm just glad that Meg remains single in this story.

A/N 2: First chapter without an appearance by Cassandra since her introduction in the story!!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Family Guy. Le duh.