Seasonal Kisses
By: LizD
Written: Christmas 2006The 10 chapters in the SEASONAL KISSES series will be as follows: two different scenes that could have (probably SHOULD have) happened and if they had they would have changed the course of JAG and the direction of the lives for our heroes. One scene shows how Harm could have altered the series at that point in time, and one for Mac. Inspired by the MULTITUIDE of missed many opportunities in the JAG series. Please enjoy.
Season 7
Spoilers: 2001 - Answered Prayers
Timeline: Post Jag-a-thon / Pre Bud's injury / Jennifer Coates Enters
A Kiss From Harm
Harm and Mac were caught under the mistletoe on the way out the Robert's door to midnight mass. Their eyes met. Something electric passed between them as they realized they were caught under the mistletoe. "Awkward moment number 310," she said with an embarrassed smile.
The easiest and friendliest thing for Harm to do would have been to kiss her on the cheek or the lips chastely and move past the moment and ignore the comment. After the day he had (stolen car, stuck with Coates, his brother in a Chechan prison, the repeated dropped calls from Webb), he was not about to roll over and take one more thing as if he had no control over his life. "Awkward?" She turned away and started down the hall. "Wait … Mac … why is this awkward?"
"Harm … let it go," she opened a line of dialog that she hoped was long since closed.
"No … tell me," he followed after her. "Why is this awkward for you?"
"It isn't for you?" she asked over her shoulder.
He had started thinking about the "us" situation between them after the little postcard tete-a-tete they had earlier, but he had yet to formulate any firm opinions. "That was not what I asked … this is not about me," he stated emphatically.
"What do you want me to say?"
"I don't know. You're the one who was awkward. You're the one that closed the door before either one of us stepped though."
"Hey," she protested.
"You're the one that decided we should be friends. Why are you feeling awkward?"
"Harm," she stopped him. "Please."
"Please nothing, Mac. Awkwardness implies that there is something to be awkward about … is there?"
"Harm," she warned.
"Look Mac … here it is … I have no idea what we could have had together … I only know that I will not get passed you … not until -."
"Until what?" she challenged.
"Until we make an honest effort," he said as if it were obvious.
"An honest effort?" The elevator arrived but she made no attempt to get in. "Don't be ridiculous …"
"Sarah … you are in my head, under my skin … is that the kind of love that makes a future … I don't know … but whatever it is, it's screwing up the other relationships in our lives … it is coloring our relationship at work and out … so if we don't deal with it, we will never move on."
"Move on?" she pressed.
"Maybe we never will," he tried to save it. "Maybe we'll never have to … but we need to know that."
"Know what?" she rang again for the elevator. His case was full of holes.
"That we can or we can't … maybe we are the end of the line for each other."
"Very romantic," she rolled her eyes.
"Mac … back there in Sydney Harbor I wasn't ready to accept or act on my feelings for you … but I knew they were more one night."
"Is that all you thought I wanted?" she was insulted.
"Wasn't it?" he pressed.
"You think you know me," she scoffed.
"Correct me," he stated.
Mac was speechless. He had called her out and she had no response.
"Come on Mac … tell me where I am wrong," he stopped her from getting on the elevator. "Tell me what you expecting to happen that night."
"They are waiting for us," she ignored him.
"They can wait," he ordered. "That night you accused me of not pursuing something with you because it would affect our working relationship … damn straight it would affect or working relationship … and our friendship … you were casually asking me into bed like you were asking me for dinner … no strings attached."
"Harm that was a long time ago," she dismissed.
"Apparently NOT. It is still between us. We still can't talk about it. I can't atone for it. I can't change my answer!!"
"Change your answer?"
"You know that," he protested. "You know I would give anything to go back to that night." She shook her head. "Of course you know. You have to know. It was the reason you pressed me into telling you how I felt and letting me kiss you … waiting for me to kiss you the night of your engagement party."
"I did no so thing," she was livid. "That is not what happened – in Sydney or on the porch --- It was all you."
"You didn't walk away." He cocked his head. "Yet your RAN away when Brumby left … we were just about to get to ---."
"Ran away?" she tossed back at him. "You were with Renee … what the hell was I supposed to do. I had been left by my fiancée, people were asking questions … and you were no where around … not as a friend … not as anything else."
"You said you understood … you told me to go … you told me not to call." He added snidely, "and women think they are logical."
"We are not discussing this … not tonight," she turned to head down the stairs. "This is Christmas for Christ's sake."
"Yes, we are," he grabbed her hand. The shock stopped both of them in their tracks. Their eyes locked and they lost their train of thought. Neither moved for a long moment.
Mac was the first to recover. "All this because I said I was awkward?" She vainly attempted to pull her hand away.
He stepped toward her pressing his fingers into her palm. "All this because we never should have let it get awkward," he said intently.
She couldn't take her eyes from his. "It's too late," was her weak protest.
"No … we are both still here … clearly our feelings haven't changed."
She shook her head. "Don't speak for me."
He pulled her closer. "I don't want to speak for you. I don't want it to be awkward, Mac. I don't want to be friends. I think we gave up too soon … we gave up without ever really giving it a chance."
"It's not that simple," she announced turning away.
"You want simple?" he turned her back to him and took a burning kiss from her that matched his intensity.
Her body had betrayed her. There was no honest way to deny her desire, but she did anyway. "Stop," she told him without making eye contact. "It is not ---."
"Now who is the one who can't let go?" he asked.
"We are not going to do this. Not tonight. They are waiting … Coates … we have obligations."
"We have an obligation to ourselves," he reminded her.
"We have to go," she freed herself and headed for the stairwell.
"Don't run away Sarah," he warned her.
She disappeared down the stairs and made it down two flights before she sunk down to the bottom stair. Tears were pouring out of her eyes. She didn't know what she was feeling: angry, scared, aroused, confused … too many to register. She put her hand to her mouth. She could still feel him kissing her. Her desire overwhelmed all her other feelings. He was the one she had wanted for so long, to have him so close and to push him away was just plain prideful. He was right. His timing sucked, but it always did for her … for them. She heard him on the stairs following her. She recovered as quickly as she could. She knew she needed to face him. She knew she wanted to face him.
"Sarah," he said as he stood behind her. "I'm sorry."
She turned to him quickly. "Don't be sorry … please don't be sorry," she burst out. "You are right … we do have an obligation to ourselves."
"We do," he sat down next to her.
"We can't do anything about anything tonight … we can't even continue to talk about it," she said sadly.
"After the service?" he asked.
"You have to go to the wall and I have to take Coates home," she said.
"I'll come by."
She shook her head. "Not tonight."
"Sarah?" She looked so miserable. He needed something from her to let him know that she was OK and that it was something she wanted.
"Call me," she offered with a smile and stroked his face. "Yes, I mean no … I mean I want to talk about this" she said trying to assuaging his concerns.
He tentatively leaned over and kissed her. Her response was enough to let him know that she was OK and they were far from over.
"I'll expect you for Christmas dinner tomorrow."
"Don't make any plans for New Year's Eve."
x x x X X ~ OR ~ X X x x x
A Kiss From Mac
"That's what you get for loving someone for two years---a postcard." Mac listened to herself. That was wrong. She hadn't 'loved' Mic for two years, not like she should have if she were going to marry him. She looked back at Harm. His comment about Renee and her husband honeymooning in Maui didn't feel like he felt any great loss either. Something occurred to Mac. If Renee and Mic were able to move on, why couldn't she, why shouldn't she. She still had feelings for Harm, why would she have those if she truly didn't think they could 'make it work'? She never considered herself a silly woman, but wasn't it just silly to deny feelings and pretend they didn't exist when they – at times – consumed her daytime and often her sleep hours? She did think about him - a lot - and not as a friend. Often it was to convince herself why it wouldn't work – that seemed like a pointless exercise since clearly her head and some other part of her body were not on the same page. She did dream about him – often – and they were not always in court. Those were hard mornings to face – how could a reasonable, rational, intelligent woman reconcile to the fact that while her mind rested, that other part of her body got to play. It was getting harder everyday to deny. Then Chloe's question came back to her. 'Can your best friend become your boyfriend?' Mac's response was about luck, but in reality, Mac believed in making her own luck. To that end …
Mac followed Harm to the elevator in her PJs. "Thanks for the perfume, Harm," she said a little reluctantly.
"But?" he turned to her.
"I know the timing is bad … Chloe and Coates … the holiday … but maybe we can find some time to … talk." She was taking a taking a chance that Harm why he couldn't move on as well.
"Talk?" he turned to her completely. He had gone down that road with her before, it had netted nothing then, but maybe one more time would be different.
"Yeah," she smiled weakly. "Just you and me … maybe we can finish that conversation that we barely got started … the one I said we would never finish." She widened her smile. "I'd like a little open communication for Christmas."
He smiled back still unsure of where she was going, or what she wanted but enjoying the hope that it would be the same thing he wanted. He decided to play with her a bit. "You didn't get me a present, did you?"
"I'd like to give you something more than socks," she grinned and leaned up and kissed him quickly.
"How much more?" he put his arm around her waist keeping her close.
She responded with a deeper kiss; deeper than she expected to give, deeper than she expected returned and deeper than should have been exchanged in a hallway.
"Wow," he said still holding her close and allowing her to wipe the lipstick off his mouth.
"I'd say that about sums it up." She was completely delighted with herself on a number of differently levels.
"Won't be sugar plums dancing in my head tonight."
"I should hope not." She turned to go back to her apartment.
He held her hand tightly preventing her from getting too far away. "Sarah?"
"We'll talk," she assured him. "Tomorrow … on Christmas day."
"I am going to hold you to that," he stated letting her hand go.
"Good," she smiled broadly relishing the anticipation that would fill her dreams that night. "We could be looking at a very Happy New Year."
He grabbed her hand again and pulled her down the hall a little bit. "Just so I am really … really clear on the topic of our conversation." She slid her hands up his chest and linked her fingers behind his neck. She rose up on her tip toes so her lips were millimeters away from his. She leaned into him with her whole body. She looked deeply into his eyes and kept them open as she kissed him leaving no question in his mind how the conversation would go.
His grin could hardly be contained. He took a step away so he could see all of her. "Ya know in all the fantasies I have had of this moment … and there have been many … not one of them had you dressed in flannel cowboy PJs."
"Good," she smiled. "I'm glad I could surprise you."
"I'll bet there are a lot of things about you that will surprise me."
"Pleasantly, I hope."
"No doubt."
"Go," she nodded. "I'll see you at the Roberts."
"And tomorrow …"
"And tomorrow," she confirmed. "Hey Harm," she called after him. He snapped his attention back. "You fantasized about me kissing you?" He nodded emphatically. "Often?" He shrugged an embarrassed affirmative. "Would like to discuss those too." He nodded again knowing that there were some he would never be able to tell her about, while others they might get to play out. It was looking like it was going to be a VERY good New Year.
Imagine how different the last three and a half years would have been if either of these scene was played out. Maybe nothing would have changed, maybe there would not have been three more years … but it is fun to think about on the holiday. Thanks for playing along.