Black Moon Chapter 10: PHONE CALL, a twilight fanfic

Disclaimer: The beautiful & talented Stehenie Meyer owns these characters; I just want to tell Edward's side of it.

HUGE shout-out: ForksPixie is my beta & translator for all the beautiful Spanish in this chapter. Thank you, Gracias & I love you more!

Also, thank you to DreamsOfEdward for taking the time to read & giving me her point of you.

10. PHONE CALL

February 14, 2006

I have been wandering aimlessly around Houston for days. No sight of Victoria or the newborn. I question my purpose more than ever. Is it time to give up on the hunt and head back to Bella? Or is it too late?

Here I am sitting in Hermann Park, watching couples walk hand in hand around the reflecting pool, laying on picnic blankets in the grass and staring at the stars with their arms wrapped around each other.

I spent nearly 100 agonizing Valentine's Days, watching the love and devotion of my parents and my siblings, only to witness it from an outsider's perspective, never knowing that deep, committed love.

Finally, I met the girl I wanted to be with for her forever and here I sit, alone and desperate on a day I preferred to spend looking into the dark pools of her eyes, running my fingers through her thick hair and holding her as she falls asleep in my arms, safe in her bed.

Is someone else holding her and comforting her? Has she already gotten over me? I left her so she could be happy and have a normal life and find a love that was better for her. But I can not imagine her with anyone else.

In all honesty, I hope she is alone, longing for me. I can picture her raising her window for me each night, in hopes I would return. I can see her sleeping, reaching her hand out for me, only to find emptiness.

I don't want Bella to suffer, but I want her to want me, to miss me, to forgive me. I am ready to leave Houston, to turn back towards home, towards Forks.

I secretly hope nothing has changed in the months since I left her in the forest, but I know, deep down everything has changed. There is no going back emotionally even if I went back physically.

I want her so badly, with all of my being and I long to breathe in her scent, all the while knowing I don't deserve her. I never did.

I knew back in New York my family would be celebrating this holiday. It was the biggest one in our house. Alice decorated everything, as usual. But there would be gifts and cards and dancing and kisses. It was just as painful to be here, sitting alone, watching all the lovers here as it would be to be sitting at home, watching my family enjoying the holiday while I pined for my darling Bella.

Chaucer is brought to mind. In 1382 Chaucer penned Parliament of Foules in which he wrote "For this was Saint Valentine's Day, when every bird cometh there to choose his mate." I chose my mate and flew away from her before I knew if we could have the kind of love King Richard II of England and Anne of Bohemia had; the kind of love that inspired one of the greatest literary figures ever to tell of their young love.

I wanted an epic love, like Romeo's love for Juliet, without the tragic ending. We were Romeo and Juliet. Instead of Capulets and Montagues, we were vampires and humans. Realistically we could never co-exist, but I was a mystical creature, one only realized by most in fantasy. I could have my happy ending. But then again, so could Bella and in my heart, I know her happy ending would not be with me. She deserved more.

I closed the journal and tied the strings that held it closed together. I reached to the backpack next to me on the bench and slipped the book inside. Just then I caught the reflection of fire in the reflecting pool. The fire came from behind me. At that exact moment I smelled her, and him, and knew I was at a pivotal point in my journey. Did I continue with the hunt, hopefully finishing the two off here In Houston, or did I return to Bella.

Darkness had begun to fall and twilight was upon us. It was still too bright outside to make any sudden moves.

I quickly stood, tossing the back pack across my shoulder. I was feet from Victoria, who stood under a shade tree with the newborn just behind her. He was hungry, and nervous, and anxious to attack.

"Victoria," I growled.

A smile formed on her lips and she placed her hands confidently on her hips. The newborn smiled, pleased with his affiliation with the red headed nomad.

"Were you looking for me, Edward?" she asked sarcastically.

"I don't have to look for you Victoria, I can smell you."

"Well we just wanted to drop by and say hello," She smirked at me. "I saw you sitting on the bench and you looked a bit forlorn. Are you missing your human?"

I became angry, knowing Victoria seemed to always be one step ahead of me. Why didn't she just finish me off? I knew the answer. I wasn't the one she wanted. She wanted Bella and she wanted me to live to feel the pain and suffering of losing the love of my life.

She turned and ran, quickly darting in and out of the trees with her newborn in tow. I hurried to follow, but was never able to keep up with her. I merely followed her scent and the trail of blood she inevitably left behind.

I found myself in Mexico City, the crowds were overwhelming. I hadn't hunted regularly enough and the desire for human blood was becoming hard to resist. I forced myself to focus on Victoria and ignore the thirst.

As I turned a corner near one of the many outdoor markets, I caught her scent, but not the one of the newborn.

I pushed through the crowd and followed the scent, growing stronger with each step I took.

Finally, I saw an elderly Native woman selling ponchos on the side of the road. No sign of Victoria, but that is where the scent was taking me.

I tapped her on the shoulder and she turned to look up at me, with a smile as though she knew me.

"Señora, Que bellos sus panchos." I said, returning her smile. I touched the turquoise and red one that seemed to carry the strongest scent. I quickly raised it to my face and took a deep breath in. Her scent assaulted me. It was a scent that made me sick to my stomach because I knew the evil that went with it. There were no good redeeming qualities with her. Victoria was a killer and that is all she existed for. Every second I wasn't near her, she had the opportunity to cut another life short.

The old lady noticed the interest I took in the poncho and gently touched my arm. She did not seem to be affected by the coldness of my skin through my shirt, or the steeliness of my arms.

"No creo que sea un poncho lo que buscas," she smiled, pulling the poncho I was breathing in away from me, rubbing it with her hand, smoothing it out.

"¿No?" I asked in confusion.

"Creo que lo que buscas es una mujer," she gave me a knowing smirk. She knew I was searching for a woman.

"Así es, ¿La has visto?, She was right, I was searching for a woman, I needed to know if she had seen her.

"Sí, la he visto," she whispered as she moved closer to me. "Ella esta muy lejos de aquí, creo que estas perdido."

I was confused at her saying that she had seen her, and that I was lost, that the women I was seeking was far from here. How could I be wrong? I smelled her on the poncho. I know she had been here. I may not be a good tracker, but I knew her scent when I was upon it and I was certain she had been here.

I needed to know how lost I was, "¿Exactamente que perdido estoy?"

"Creo que usted sabe que perdido estás," she said cryptically. "Llevas mucho tiempo perdido. Confíe en sus instintos en lugar de combatirlos y encontrarás lo que estas buscando."

I paused in stunned silence, trying to take in everything she had said to me. How could I know how lost I was and how was I to stop fighting my instincts to find what I was looking for. None of it made sense, although I was certain she thought it should. Her thoughts made no sense either, she was only thinking of the ponchos she was selling.

"¿Dónde la busco?" I begged her to tell me where to find her.

"Mira dentro de tu alma," she said. "No puedo decirle lo que ya sabes."

Look in my soul? She couldn't tell me what I already knew? I had no soul. Clearly the old woman was mad. I needed to thank her and be on my way.

"Gracias Señora," I said, handing her $100 for her time.

I wandered the streets of Mexico City, confused by the information I had been given, angry at myself for not knowing what she was taking about.

Everywhere I walked I still got whiffs of Victoria's scent, but not of the newborn. I hadn't smelled the newborn since we crossed over the Mexican border.

I was confused. It was clear Victoria was up to something, trying to lose me or distract me. Why? I wasn't sure. It seemed she appreciated the challenge I was posing to her.

I spent days wandering, spending my days in run down shanties and old abandoned homes. What the old woman said wasn't making any sense to me and I was trying so hard to make sense of it all.

February 21, 2006

My dearest Bella, I miss you so much I can feel an ache where no ache should be. I need to hold you, to kiss you, to love you.

Every day I am away from you, I realize it was an even bigger mistake. I never should have left you. I still see you standing there in the forest, surrounded by the massive trees and moss hanging from them. How could I have left you there? All alone?

I watched as you were brought from the forest. Although I left you, I could not leave without knowing you were safe, safe in your father's arms.

But now I want to hold you in my arms. I want to erase the past five months. The only power I want, at this moment, is to make you forget what I did to you. I never wanted to forget because I needed to make sure I would never bring any danger to you again.

Do you remember how I loved you? Do you remember the meadow? I remember being so fearful of stepping out into the sunlight, showing you who I really was.

But you looked at me with love and compassion, feelings I never deserved, but long to feel again. I never, ever deserved you, but I want you nonetheless. I am selfish and want nothing more than for you to look at me with love once again, begging me to change you. At this moment, I might just do it. I am a broken man. If I could just see you and hold you I would give you the world, give you eternity.

How torturous? I am here to protect you, but I want to be there to protect you. The irony is, no matter where I am, I hurt you.

I should be stronger, more resigned to continuing with my mission at hand, but my need for you is stronger. I am pulled towards you. I wish you were here, to tell me whether you have forgiven me, whether you still love me or whether you have moved on and learned to love someone else.

You have been the only woman I have ever loved and even if I never see you, touch you, or smell you again, you will always be the only woman I could ever love.

Something will change and it will change soon. I have to destroy Victoria in order to protect you, so I have something to come home to, but I can't stand this distance from you any longer, the pain. I am nothing without you.

As I finished writing my journal entry I heard street musicians approaching, beating on their drums and blowing their trumpets. It was a celebratory sound, yet primal and sexual. The music reached inside me and touched me, drawing me in.

I looked in the direction of the music and saw scantily clad women in colorful costumes moving to the beat, their hips shaking and arms swirling in the air.

As they moved down the street, closer to me, I looked across the street and saw the old woman who sold the ponchos. She was looking intently at me with a knowing smile forming across her lips. She looked at the dancers and back at me and nodded her head.

As I turned to look at the dancers, trying to figure what she was trying to tell me, I again caught a scent. This time the scent was mixed. It was a combination of Bella and Victoria and the sensation frightened me. What could that mean?

I quickly turned to look at the native woman and she was gone. She knew something I did not and was trying to tell me, but I was unable to pick up on her meaning.

A woman in a red sequined bikini styled outfit with a large red feather plume atop her head danced towards me. She stopped just in front of me and shook her hips back and forth to the intense rhythm of the music. She reached forward and touched my hair gently with her fingers, smiled and turned to rejoin her parade.

As the music wafted away in the distance my mind cleared and suddenly I realized what everything was telling me.

I was lost, the old woman had said. I knew then, Mexico had just been a detour for Victoria. All the clues pointed me to Rio. It was Carnival and Victoria would undoubtedly be there. There would be plenty of tourists to feed on. Their disappearances would never matter. The crowds would make the hunt a little more difficult, but it would also make it harder for her to escape.

I grabbed the back pack and ran to the airport. I was headed for Rio de Janeiro and this would be the end of my journey, one way or the other. If I didn't destroy Victoria there, then I would return to Bella. I could no longer continue on with this nomadic existence, with no success. I was not meant to live this way. I needed a home and I needed to be surrounded with love, the love of my family and hopefully, the love of my human.

When I arrived in Brazil it was packed with people. The temptation to feed on human blood was great, but I chose to maintain my vegetarian diet, although it was more difficult. I spent two days hunting. I was weak, mind and body. I needed to be sharp. I was following this one through. I would hunt Victoria, day and night.

I headed into the Serra das Mantiqueiras to hunt for sustenance. This was a beautiful area to visit, with stunning waterfalls and exotic fauna and flora that hung in the air.

I had hopes of bagging a jaguar, knowing that would hold me over for quite some time. However, after hiding in the trees for two days I hadn't seen one of the stealthy black cats.

Instead, I saw plenty of Capybaras and decided to feed on two of them. It seemed appropriate that I found myself here in one of the most endangered places on earth, settling on the largest rodent in the world for dinner. I used to hunt mountain lions and loved the challenge of taking down the fierce cat. Now I was filling myself with rodent blood. It certainly seemed appropriate for the blood of a bottom dweller to be flowing through me. No matter how physically strong I was; I was nothing. I was a bottom dweller in my world.

When I returned to the city, Carnival was in full swing. I made it back just in time for the big parade on the 26th of February.

There were vibrant colors everywhere, covering floats, cars and barely covering bodies. There were half naked women, dancing down the streets with their bodies vibrating to the beat of the drums.

A tall Brazilian woman darted from her place in the parade route to me. She had a magnificent yellow sequined mask that covered her face, only the bright red lipstick that stained her lips exposed. Then I noticed she was wearing only a sequined thong that matched her mask. Her breasts bounced up and down as she wrapped her arm around my waist, pulling me towards her.

Emmett would have loved this moment even though he adored my sister. The beauty of the woman that stood before me would never escape him. However, to me, she was one more person that stood in the way of me getting back to Forks. I knew then that I was in the right frame of mind to finally take Victoria down. The music no longer moved me, the woman held no interest for me. Even though I had never loved anyone other than Bella, I certainly had always appreciated the more beautiful things in this world and the Brazilian that gyrated against me would have been one of those things.

I put my hand on her hip and turned her back towards the parade route. She enveloped the spirit of Carnival and had so much to offer those that were there to enjoy the festivities.

I hurriedly moved a few blocks away from the main parade route where there were only small crowds of drunken revelers stumbling down the streets. They didn't notice me as I hid in the shadows, trying to find somewhere to blend in.

I looked up and saw a vacancy sign on a three story run down boarding house and made my way there.

The man at the desk took a wad of cash from me and handed me a key with Room 8 on the tag attached to it and motioned towards the narrow stairwell.

I climbed the stairs to the second floor and walked to the end of the dirty hall. I found my room, next to a window jammed open with a metal rod, with aged curtains, yellowed by time blowing in the wind.

I inserted the key into the lock and turned the door knob. The smell from the room that assaulted me when the door swung open was a mixture of mildew, urine and animals.

I dropped the backpack onto a rickety wooden chair that looked out a tiny window in the room. I reached to open it and noticed it had been nailed closed. Any other time I might have cared. I might have removed the nails to open the window and stir the air, but I didn't care. I was beyond caring. I think I quit caring about me long ago and certainly not once since I left Las Vegas.

I sat on the edge of the bed and a puff of dirt rose in the air around me.

I sat there for days, never moving. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't smell Victoria or even sense her presence and news of any murders that had occurred since I arrived were easily attributable to humans.

*~*

March 15, 2006

I have been gone from you too long darling Bella. I am emotionally and physically a shell of whom I once was. I may wither into nothingness.

For hurting you, for leaving you, I deserve nothing short of a slow, torturous death. However, death does not come to my kind easily. I would have to seek it out and again, I lack the initiative to do even that.

Returning to you seems the only thing left to do for me. I will most likely return to find that you have moved on and given your heart to someone far more worthy of it than me, perhaps Mike Newton.

I want you to forgive. I want you to love. I want you to simply want me. If only I knew that you needed me even half as much as I needed you, I would be in your room, lying next to you in your bed within days.

I fear what I might discover if I returned to you now. I only wanted your happiness. I never wanted you to miss me or long for me or long for my return. I only wanted what I deserved, for you to hate me, to regret the day you ever went with me to our meadow, when we finally became one with each other.

How could I possibly want two very different things? Bella, if only I could hear your voice, if only I knew I was what you needed.

Regardless, I think I have come to the conclusion that I will return to Forks, to you – my home, my safe haven. You always loved me, despite whom and what I was. I never understood it or deserved it, but I long for it and for you desperately.

I laid in the bed, staring at the ceiling, listening to the honking horns and vulgarities being screamed in Portuguese in the tenement housing that surrounded my hiding place.

Through the stifling heat and dark recesses of my room I could hear my phone vibrating. It had been going off for hours. I tried to drown it out, to close my eyes and focus on seeing Bella, smiling and happy to see me. I envisioned her with her window open, smiling out into the darkness, welcoming me back to the warmth of her bed and her body.

But the phone buzzed incessantly, constantly shocking me back into my reality. The reality that I was in a country far, far away from Bella and knowing now that Victoria most likely never came here. I misinterpreted the messages and the signs. But the old woman seemed to understand something I didn't. She knew I was lost. What had she meant?

Finally, I heard the phone hit the floor. It had vibrated so violently, it finally fell from the old table in the corner. Perhaps it had been successful in committing its own form of suicide and I would not have to hear it again.

Alice didn't need to call me. She could see me if she really wanted to and she could see I would return soon.

So imagine my shock and disdain when the phone vibrated again, across the floor. I knew I had to answer the damned thing or it would never stop.

I flipped it open and registered Rosalie's name on the display at the same time I yelled into the mouthpiece, "What?! What is so damned important you cannot wait for me to call you?"

There was a prolonged silence on the other end and just a hint of a giggle, though it seemed tinged with a side of guilt.

"Well, answer me Rosalie. I have better things to do than listen to you bitch about how my time away has adversely affected your way of life."

"You are wrong Edward," she said in a soft voice. "I am not calling your for any reason other than to tell you that you can finally return home. There is nothing left for you to do."

I was confused. Nothing for me to do? What was she talking about? If Alice saw me returning, why didn't she just call me herself as opposed to sending a messenger in the form of Rosalie?

"What on earth are you talking about Rosalie? Spit it out. I have better things to do."

"Like what?" she chuckled. "To chase rogue vampires across the equator?"

I was growing angrier and angrier by the moment. I was angry with her tone. I was angry she had called and mostly, I was angry that she was right. I didn't have anything better to do. The only way I could truly protect Bella was to return to Forks and hope she would let me back into her life.

I had enough of her and her tone. I flipped the phone shut and tossed it onto the bed as I stood, looking out the window, hoping there would be something telling me I should stay, that I was close to Victoria. If I didn't see that sign soon, I would be on a plane, returning to Forks where…

Damned phone began to vibrate again. I grabbed it and flipped it open with so much anger I am surprised it didn't break from the gesture itself.

"What. Do. You. Want. Rosalie?" I gritted my teeth to keep from screaming at her. I could feel the venom begin to flood in my mouth.

"I just thought you might like to know little sister is in Forks," she snickered.

I was stunned. Did she mean Alice? Why would Alice do such a thing? She made a promise to me…unless she saw that I was going to return and she decided to beat me there, to soften Bella up.

"Why would she do something like that, against my wishes? And when did she go there?"

I pinched the bridge of my nose. I wanted to strangle both of my sisters – Alice for breaking her promise to me and Rosalie, for gloating in the fact Alice had done just that.

"She didn't break your rules Edward," Rosalie said. "You told us to stay away from Bella, not Forks."

What? What exactly did that mean? How could Alice return to Forks without breaking my rules? Forks = Bella.

I didn't answer Rosalie. I was turning over so many scenarios in my mind that would explain her returning, without violating our agreement.

"Edward," Rosalie raised her voice. "Alice never broke your rule."

"Stop it with the games Rosalie; you said she returned to Forks, but not Bella. How is that possible?" I gasped as I had a sudden revelation. "She moved to Florida? She moved on without me?"

Rosalie laughed again, except it sounded like nervous laughter. "I never said she moved, Edward."

"Damn it, Rosalie. I am sick and tired of playing this guessing game with you. Just spit it out. Tell me why Alice is in Forks."

After a short pause, Rosalie muttered words I had not anticipated hearing for a very long time. "Bella's dead."

Dead? Did she mean Alice had returned to Forks and changed Bella? Certainly Alice would never make such a stupid, rash decision without consulting me first.

I spoke in clear, concise words, pausing between each one, as if I could give myself clarity. "What…do…you…mean…by…dead?"

"Bella…threw herself off a cliff two days ago. Alice saw it, but it was too late to do anything. I think she would have helped, though, broken her word, if there had been time. She went back to do what she could for Charlie. You know how she's always cared for him—"

I dropped to my knees, snapping the phone shut at the same time.

I had never imagined Bella dying before Charlie, before Renee, before everyone. Now I had nothing to return to. It didn't matter if I ever killed Victoria. Bella was no longer in danger of her. I had hoped Bella had moved on and found happiness, but it seemed very clear that just the opposite had occurred. She faltered and losing me had driven her to take her own life.

There was nothing left to do. No home to return to and I could never face my family again, knowing I had been responsible for Bella's death as if I had drained the blood from her body myself.

I reached to the floor, where the phone had fallen and dialed the only number I knew at the moment, to hear the only voice I wanted to hear. I needed to hear Bella. I needed her to tell me Rosalie was playing a cruel joke on me, trying to get me to return home. I needed to hear her say, "Edward, I am alive."

"Swan residence," answered a voice I'd never heard before. A man's husky voice, deep, but still youthful. Perhaps a new man in Bella's life. That had to mean Bella was still alive. It wasn't what I wanted to hear, but it gave me hope.

"This is Dr. Carlisle Cullen," I said, perfectly imitating my father's voice. "May I please speak to Charlie?"

"He's not here," the voice responded, and I was dimly surprised by the anger in it. The words were almost a snarl. But that didn't matter.

"Well, where is he then?" I demanded, getting impatient.

There was a short pause, as if the stranger wanted to withhold the information from me.

"He's at the funeral," the boy finally answered.

I shut the phone again. I was completely and utterly devastated. Rosalie hadn't lied to me. Bella was, in fact, dead. I had brought heartache and pain to her, and now to her friends and family. I no longer deserved to walk another day on this lonely planet. She was in Heaven and I deserved my rightful place in Hell.

I grabbed the back-pack and the phone and charged out of the bedroom, heading towards the airport, towards my own judgment day.

The phone vibrated again, reminding me it was still with me. I didn't need to hear it again. I couldn't face my family and Esme's pleas to come home to her and Carlisle. I was not worthy of anyone's love and compassion. I saw a trash can at entrance to the airport and tossed the phone into it.

A/N: So? What did you think? Leave me your thoughts, reviews inspire me.