Chapter 9: Esperer- to hope

AN- *sheepishly creeps in* So sorry everyone, I know this is over a week later than when I planned to update! My life has been insane these last few weeks, with family emergencies, exams, and a whole host of things. Updates were honestly the least of my worries. But everything's good now, so enjoy the long awaited (for some of you I guess) third installment of the Doctor and Kousa's time on Calliopicus. They are going to leave this time. And don't worry, I will address the baby TARDIS. It got so much concern and feels that I almost feel like I should name it or something… TARDIS JR maybe? Anyways, enjoy the chapter. And review. After the week I've had, reviews would be absolute love.

Disclaimer: Je ne possèderai jamais Doctor Who. (I will never own Doctor Who. *Cries*.)

Kousa followed Läorika through the halls of the palace, marveling at the strange décor and trying to keep herself from worrying about what the Andalite woman was planning to show her. The palace walls were lined with strange material, hovering somewhere between organic and technological, a blend of glass and stone with metal that just barely reminded her enough of the TARDIS to comfort her. She couldn't tell where one substance ended, rather the various structures of the walls melded together seamlessly. As they strode down the hall, Läorika was silent, but she kept her mind open enough that Kousa could sense her pleasure at her guest's awe. They finally came to a stop outside a room, separated from the hallway by the customary red curtain. Läorika gestured for Kousa to enter, and she did so hesitantly, though her curiosity was burning to figure out why Läorika's mind had just taken on a distinct tone of reverence and wonder. Her trepidation was washed away by those same emotions as Kousa entered the dark, circular room. The pale blue light and Kousa's own enhanced vision made it easy enough to see the stone-and-glass tablets that encircled the walls of the entire room. Breathing softly, her eyes wide and ears pricked forwards, Kousa stepped towards one of them.

"What are they?" she breathed, even her mental voice quiet, everything permeated with a sense that this place was not to be disturbed.

"These are the old records of our history, from the very beginning of our civilization. These are merely the originals. We have… updated them a bit since then," Läorika said, smiling in Kousa's mind as she spun around in circles, attempting to take in the entire room at once.

"It's beautiful, why would you ever need to update them?" Kousa guiltily stopped her spinning, struck by the reason she had come here and mentally berating herself for forgetting. She wasn't here for a vacation. She needed to know who she was. What she was. "Läorika, I don't mean to be rude, this is amazing, but how does this explain my place here? These tablets are pictorial stories, that much I can tell, but even if I were pictured in one, how can you tell that it's me? I don't want… I don't want to have any false hope. Please, I need to understand," Kousa said, trying to keep the note of desperation out of her voice and not exactly succeeding. This vague hinting at her past, how every time she got close to learning anything, the universe only gave cryptic hints and more questions; it was starting to drive her mad. The look on Läorika's face was one of pity, and she simply nodded her head and pushed her seven fingers into a panel that met the exact shape of her hand beside the first tablet.

"I am the official Record Keeper, come Kousa; I will show you the true depth of this room." As she did so, the room around them shifted, replaced by thousands of images floating in the air. Kousa looked around dizzily, overwhelmed by the pictures and strange emotions and thoughts she was sensing. They were barely there, fleeting presences like ghosts, like the half-finished lines of a poem that had been lost. She could feel that they weren't truly alive, but the deluge of voices in her mind, singing in emotions that weren't her own was like a storm. After a few minutes, she remembered how to block it out, and the whirling slowed to a gentle buzz as she focused back on Läorika, who had laid a hand on her shoulder. "Steady, young one. It takes many by surprise. The exchange of memories can be overwhelming at first."

Kousa wanted to ask her what they were, and how they were in her mind, but she couldn't manage any words. The song was back, not quite filling her mind yet, but burying any coherent thoughts she might've had otherwise. Oblivious to Kousa's discomfort, or perhaps thinking her silence was due to wonder, Läorika continued, "These are the memories, emotions, and shreds of consciousness stored by our people in the special organic crystals of our planet. They hold the mental energy for centuries, allowing us to view the events of our history through the minds of our ancestors. Obviously, as our technology has advanced, we copied the memories to a more clear and secure containment, but this room retains a sort of ambience and presence that the newer records cannot meet." There was a wistfulness in Läorika's voice, and Kousa noted the distance vaguely, her mind still swelling with the song. "Whatever you would like to view, simply focus on its image and reach out with your mind. The associated memory-wisps will follow your pull and you will be able to view it."

Pulling herself towards a memory, choosing, wasn't even an option. She hadn't brought herself here, it was pulling her in. There was no decision, no consciousness, not even her own. It wanted her mind to recognize it, though she couldn't even feel the world around her, only the thin golden threads of light wrapping around her mind, her very soul. As it connected with her mind, Kousa's eyes flew open, gasping for breath, not aware of anything beyond the burning pain in her mind and the singing voice of warmth and light even as it hurt. But she couldn't understand it, and the thought filled her with so much grief that she cried out.

"Your eyes…" Läorika said, her voice a mixture of wonder and… fear? Kousa distantly wondered what she was talking about, and then the thought was swept away as the golden light opened up within her mind into a swirl of images, drawing out the very one she had searched for unknowingly before, exploding into the air around her in a shape that was far past a semi-corporeal hologram. Images, information, history, and memory were drawn into the very air around her. But Kousa couldn't touch any of them, as a wave of energy burst from her thoughts and blocked her mind. Not ready. A voice whispered. And then a thousand images flooded through her mind, present for only a second before they vanished to the impossible, lost place where her memories had been locked away as well. The sounds of screams, voices begging for help, happy laughter, tears; and above it all, rising but unheard, present but nothing, a song that stilled the fear and panic.

Across her aching mind, an image blazed, cloaked in the gold that still burned through her mind, bringing the memories in and yet shielding them from her view, burying them to the recesses of her mind. A goddess, golden eyes and hair and skin, high cheekbones and clothed in a shining golden gown. She was there and yet not, a part of the past locked away in the room but reaching out, and Kousa felt her mind- not truly alive, merely a presence, within her own. Kousa panicked and clamped down on her mind, trying to force the thing out of her, through the golden maelstrom that filled her head. The woman held on for a moment, longer, a sad but accepting look on her ageless face, in her blazing blank eyes, and then released her. The images whirling around the room faded, nothing more than ghosts of a memory, and Kousa's head cleared, blissfully free of the pounding, aching storm, cyclone, Kousa searched for the right word, finally settling on vortex, as her mind stumbled about like a drunken sailor. And then, exhausted, she joined her shaking body and collapsed into merciful blackness on the cool, welcoming floor.

AN-Short Cliffie! That's all folks, see you next year!

…

Scared you didn't I? Just kidding. There's more. I know I'm evil. I glory and take pride in this fact. What other hobbies would I possibly have in life?

The Doctor looked on, keeping his expression carefully blank and guarding the storm of emotions inside as a pair of attendants laid Faillik gently on the stretcher in the medical room. It was a large, square, plush white thing designed to accommodate any of the possible shapes of Andalites that immediately conformed to Faillik's body. He really should get the TARDIS to update the table in the med-bay and make it a bit more comfortable, the Doctor mused, before clamping down on that thought and running a hand through his spiky hair.

What Faillik had said, just before he blacked out, had shaken him. He knew that Bad Wolf was over, he'd pulled the vortex from Rose's mind himself and that Rose was far, far away. She hadn't known what she was doing on Satellite 5, scattering clues across time and space, and it wasn't hard to imagine that she'd simply hurled some too far. Tossed one out to the only other TARDIS in the universe- even a broken, crippled one. Likely, Faillik had just picked up on one tidbit of thousands in the information running through his mind. Overwhelmed. Hence the passing out. That was all it could be, and he just had to keep telling himself that. No false hope.

Faillik groaned and brought a hand up to his forehead. The Doctor looked on in concern- despite being an arrogant, egotistical know-it-all; the Doctor's earlier animosity had faded a little at the discovery of the TARDIS shard and prospect of discovering more about Kousa's origins. It had to count for something. Faillik's eyes flickered open, and then he blinked them shut again, moaning as if the light was painful. The Doctor was nudged out of the way, and he stood awkwardly off to the side, unable to do anything but too impatient to stand and wait as the attendants muttered soothing words to Faillik, reassuring him he was in the medical center and had just faced a form of mental-telepathic exhaustion and passed out. Faillik sat, breathing deeply for a moment, before unceremoniously pushing aside the comforting hand on his shoulder and rising to a sitting position, mostly-equine legs folded beneath him. He blinked his eyes blearily, searching until they fell on the Doctor.

"Naolikith was wrong," he began, ignoring the gasps of shock from the attendees. "Kousa is not a shapeshifter. Her DNA does not flex into new forms, nor does it rewrite itself. It has already done that. The underlying DNA is a variant of human, the original strands. The third strand that it's spliced with… she couldn't or wouldn't reveal it to me. The wolf DNA is acting like a perception filter, shielding the expression of the other DNA and hiding the final piece of the puzzle. That's why…" Faillik broke off with a groan, and the Doctor took an involuntary step forwards, fascinated.

"It's blanketing her DNA, causing the physiological changes and shielding her real form! But how did it get there? If she's not a shapeshifter, this 'cloaking DNA' can't be natural. I've never seen anything like it and I've seen a lot of strange things. Impossible things. If her underlying species is human-or-at-least-similar, I'd wager that some force did this to her- but what's powerful enough to shield DNA like that. Nucleoripolation would just alter the structure, Replicatory Mutagintesting… Anahydroensic Alterations… think, think, think what technology can do this," the Doctor mumbled, pacing and well aware that he was thinking out loud and not particularly caring. He ran a hand frantically down his face, then through his already rumpled hair, excited to have some sort of lead at last.

"Bad Wolf," Faillik murmured, and the Doctor's hearts stopped, his pacing stilling as he stared at the Andalite scientist. It couldn't be. "She-the TARDIS fragment, I've been calling her SI, Shared Intelligence by the way, said Bad Wolf created Kousa. Does that mean anything to you?" He spoke carefully; watching the confused and frankly terrified look the Doctor knew was darting, unbidden, across his face. The Doctor said nothing; he was barely able to block the look of pain that flashed across his face.

His mind, too pained to even fixate on any one thought, was suddenly hit with a torrent of emotion, fear, pain and longing that he recognized, slowly, as Kousa's thoughts. They weren't his. For once, those familiar emotions were someone else's. He turned, just as the door to the medical center flew open with Läorika standing there, Kousa's limp but breathing body laid gently over her back. The Doctor rushed over, pushing away the revelations that he couldn't quite deal with yet and began to scan Kousa with his sonic. There were no physical injuries, and he narrowed his eyes as he determined, that as far as he could tell she was suffering from the same sort of telepathic exhaustion as Faillik. He tried not to contemplate the implications of this connection.

"What happened?" he demanded of Läorika, feeling an unfounded sense of guilt that she'd somehow been hurt in a completely safe castle of an incredibly powerful and peaceful society in a matter of hours of arrival. Why did he always pick the jeopardy friendly ones as his companions?

"We were in the old Record Room, and there was suddenly something- someone else, another mental presence. I have no idea where it- she came from. Kousa connected with it, the room was swirling with images, more vivid than those we have saved in the history archives, memories we never had saved. Then her eyes glowed… this strange, bright gold, and she cried out. Her mind was burning in pain, I could feel it, she wasn't attempting to shield herself at all, and then it was gone and she just collapsed," Läorika said, laying Kousa on the other bed in the medical room. The Doctor fought down the urge to snap at Läorika, to tell the Andalite woman off for allowing his remarkably powerful telepathic companion to connect with a room of stored consciousness that apparently concerned their history on the planet. Instead, he turned his thoughts to solving the conundrum that was Kousa.

Why did Bad Wolf have to come back? Rose was gone, the Time Vortex had been pulled out of her, and Kousa had no part in that part of his life. Or hers, for that matter. Until, apparently, now. He didn't know what to make of the fact that Kousa had been contacted through a stored memory by what was only a temporary presence in the universe- but right now it only served to remind him of the woman he had lost. His pink-and-yellow human.

"Is your strange companion all right?" Faillik asked uncertainly, and the Doctor nodded sharply, lips drawn together tightly in thought. "Does this have anything to do with Bad Wolf?" he asked gently. The word sent a shiver through the Doctor's mind, and he started frantically pacing the room again, avoiding Faillik's gaze.

"What did the scans tell you about Kousa's DNA just before you collapsed?" the Doctor said curtly, not caring if he was being rude. Rude and not ginger, that's him. Even if there wasn't anyone around to remind him of it anymore. He heard Faillik's mental grunt of irritation at his brush-off, but the scientist's desire to share his discovery won out.

"As I was saying before the strange energy surge, her DNA is shielded. Some of it is similar, or well, I suppose used to be, human DNA. Now, it is hybridized, and I have no idea with what. The most interesting is the underlying energy spikes. The DNA is still shifting; the strands are incompletely attached at the moment. It's not completely set. I'd guess that is why she has no memories; they are being repressed as her mind changes, a sort of coping mechanism."

"Will she gain them back?" he asked, trying to bury the faint hope trickling into his mind. If she knew something about Rose… but it was impossible. Universes sealed, Bad Wolf or not. Faillik didn't seem to notice, his gaze focused on Kousa for a moment, considering the wolf sleeping peacefully on the white stretcher.

"Eventually, I believe she will. Once her DNA stabilizes. I'm not sure what else will happen once the wolf DNA fades. It is only a perception filter at a molecular level after all. She will most certainly revert to her true form.

"So I just wait until she… she completes changing to find out anything?" the Doctor snapped. Faillik looked at him coldly for a moment.

"I do not know, Doctor. And I would appreciate rather more courtesy considering that this is substantially more than you would have known had I refused to help you. Regardless of your perspective towards my history, you came to me for help, and I agreed. Now is not the time for misplaced aggression," the Andalite said, boring his eyes into the Doctor's and sparking a slight sensation of guilt. He wouldn't admit it aloud, but Faillik was correct. At least he had something to go on now.

"Er, yes, you're right, thank you for your help. I'll try to keep my irritation out of conversation. So, Naolikith said she had a final form, that she'd shift into that one. I suppose he was partially right," the Doctor said, with a nod to Faillik, conceding. The prospect of unseen DNA changes hidden beneath her phenotypic appearance explained what Naolikith had meant before.

"So I'm not a wolf at all?" Kousa's voice suddenly rang out in the room. Both Time Lord and Andalite turned to look at her, and the Doctor grinned widely in relief. "Doctor?" she said again, softly. He realized her voice- even her body was trembling, and there was a note of fear in her voice. His expression softened, and he stepped towards her to stroke the ruff of her neck. She closed her eyes and relaxed slightly at the comforting gesture, but he could still feel the fear drifting off of her like an aura. He hated to shatter her world again, Kousa had already faced more shock today than she should have to, but she needed to know this.

"No. We have no idea what you are."

-Line Break-

The Doctor joined Kousa, Faillik, Läorika, and another pair of Andalites. They weren't quite guards, but they were certainly keeping an eye on the visitors. Naolikith was apparently otherwise occupied at the time, leaving the four present free to discuss the strange events of the day. Or, as the Doctor would have preferred, avoid thinking about aforementioned events.

"I must request an audience with Kousa, as I have several questions I would like to pose to her regarding her history on this planet and her present," Läorika said once the Doctor, Faillik, and Kousa had confirmed each of their stories. Kousa remembered almost nothing from the encounter with the memory of Bad Wolf, only light, pain, and the sensation of another mind. She confessed to having seen a swarm of images, but it was as though they had been wiped from her mind. The Doctor wasn't sure whether to curse or be thankful for that. He now fixed Läorika with a glare, after confirming that Kousa was still huddled by his side, unsettled and exhausted.

"No. She is not answering any questions. You already know everything there is to know about her at present, and your past hasn't happened yet for her. The information that she could receive from you would damage the timelines because it isn't in linear time. It's all timey-wimey and you really shouldn't be messing with it since you obviously cannot comprehend how complex it is."

Faillik broke in with a sharp glare at the insinuation against her intelligence, "Doctor, Läorika meant no harm, she was merely curious. She does not have the amount of access that some of us have- she may be the Emperor's niece, but her access is only to the records. Hence her interest in history- particularly in meeting those who are a part of it and yet still alive." The Doctor had to admit he was surprised by the arrogant scientist's defense of Läorika, but he had more important concerns.

"Regardless, Naolikith is aware of the complications of our history and the knowledge we should and should not have, correct? I really hope he had some reason for being enigmatic and mysterious, because otherwise it's just annoying," he said to Faillik, twirling the sonic in his fingers with a smirk on his face. The scientist rolled his eyes, the first show of undignified immaturity that the Doctor had ever seen him express. He was corrupting Faillik quite successfully with his human customs.

"Yes. But that doesn't mean that everyone on the planet automatically understands temporal complexities. And unfortunately you are quite popular on Calliopicus due to your places in its history," Faillik said with a sigh, falling into contemplative silence. The Doctor shot a glance at Kousa, silently curled up at his side on her own Andalite version of a chair, a large plush cushion rather like the ones in the medical center. She had spoken little since awakening from the Record Room incident, and the Doctor wasn't quite sure what to do about it. At least he had other things to discuss.

"Faillik, I have been thinking-

"At the level of an Andalite or the level of a human? There is a distinct difference, and I'm not sure where Time Lords- you in particular- fall on that spectrum."

The Doctor growled in response and continued, "Time Lords are far above. And I'm a Time Lord. And back to the point, I wanted to find a way to save the TARDIS shard- er what was it you named her? IRS, Izzy, SIRI…"

"SI."

"Ah, yes. SI. Weellll, she is currently being burnt from the inside out by the Time Vortex energy that keeps her alive, because her physiology is incomplete and cobbled together by an- admittedly resourceful and brilliant- engineer. There is no way to create a vessel strong enough to save her. But," the Doctor stressed, hearing the sound of distraught protest from Faillik and grinning slightly, "I can take her onto my TARDIS and allow her to assimilate herself to a mature TARDIS. She can grow and maintain her connection with the Time Vortex safely until she is stable enough to house her own."

"So SI would have to leave. But Doctor…"

"Yes, but if she stays here, she dies. I don't care how much you can utilize her to power machines and glean information from infinite data. SI is a living creature that must be nurtured, not used, and she will die if she stays here," the Doctor snarled, eyes flashing. He felt Kousa shift beside him, and a little of the cloud of grief hovering around her diminished in the face of a wave of irritation.

"Give him the chance to speak. Honestly Doctor, do you need to assume the worst in everyone? Did it ever occur to you that his motivations aren't selfish? I know that you are bonded to your TARDIS, and wouldn't it kill you to be separated from her? Why wouldn't it be the same for Faillik?" she said forcefully, as the Doctor recoiled. She was right, of course. He had forgotten that part.

"Ah. Yes, that's right; I'll have to consult her on that. But Faillik, even knowing that it will… hurt to lose SI, do you think you could do that? Your bond wouldn't be broken, just sort of stretched. Beyond reach. Like a rubber band into infinity. But it could save her." Faillik's expression was pained, torn, and the Doctor's heart went out to him. He had nearly lost his TARDIS so many times, and it was more painful each time. He had nothing else, and it was readily apparent that Faillik too, relied heavily on his TARDIS shard. Kindred spirits.

"If it kept her alive… I would suffer through that loss. The technological advances are important, but not as much as SI is to me-nor as important as her life. I have made that mistake before, and while the saving of lives is more important, I can see now, through my bond with SI, that sometimes… one being is worth more. To a certain individual that is," Faillik spoke firmly, his eyes trained on the Doctor's, and it took all of the Doctor's control to keep from flinching at his words. Regardless of how they were intended, to the Doctor they felt like a jab to the heart, a reminder of what had been and could have been and was gone. Rose had been worth it.

"Well, let's go talk to SI then. And after that I think we will be off," the Doctor said cheerfully, burying his feelings and grinning at the exclamations of protest from both Faillik and the long-quiet Läorika. "You are putting us in danger with your ignorance of time etiquette," he pointed at Läorika, who blushed, "and you," he turned to Faillik, "are going to give me back those DNA samples before I leave as well." Faillik replied with a frown and grumble, but led the way to the lab anyways. Kousa followed after a moment, and the Doctor looked at her in concern. Her heart rate was still abnormally high.

"I'm glad that we're leaving Doctor. Something just feels… wrong about this place. Not the people, it's like us being here is a problem," Kousa said softly in his mind. The Doctor knew she had limited control over her telepathy, but at the very least she had shielded her thoughts to only him, and he replied in kind, strengthening the link to block out unwanted eavesdroppers.

"It's the timelines. It was wrong of us to come here at this time. It isn't quite crossing over our own timelines, but it's close enough because of the apparently extensive involvement we've had in this planet's history. I'm surprised you can sense it at all." The Doctor considered Kousa with a small, thoughtful frown on his face, before continuing with as nonchalant a voice as he could manage. "Besides, foreknowledge is dangerous and Läorika absolutely can't be trusted not to talk about Calliopicus' history. If there's one thing I don't like it's a historian. Think they know everything there is- most of the time they get it wrong."

"I'm sure there are things worse than incorrect historians in the universe, Doctor. And anyways, if she's so wrong there isn't any reason to be worried is there?" Kousa teased playfully, her chuckle a relief in his mind. He was just glad that his ploy to get her to relax had worked, and he replied with a small smile, glancing down to meet her laughing hazel yes.

"Well, you never know. She might actually be right one of these times, and then where would we be?"

"Oh you are so rude. How do you live day to day without people wanting to kill you all the time?"

"I don't. Mostly they want to kill me, and try. Fortunately, I don't let them succeed," the Doctor said smugly, enjoying the banter, familiar and for once he could pretend it didn't hurt. Just once.

-Line Break-

The Doctor laid a hand gently on what Faillik had told him was the TARDIS shard's main interface. He felt her unfamiliar yet similar hum and told, well, showed really since TARDIS didn't speak with words, SI his plan. The level of vehemence that washed over him was shocking.

"She said no. Absolutely, flat out refused to even consider it," the Doctor said aloud, in surprise and hurt. He reconnected to the TARDIS shard and pushed away his worry. He showed her he wanted to help, to take the pain away, allow her to live the universe-wide, long life she deserved, her birthright (well, growthright.) All he got in response was Faillik, bondmate, and work. She wanted to stay with Faillik, refusing to break the bond she'd formed in desperation to stay alive. He was shocked by the strength of their bond, a broken TARDIS and broken Andalite, the level of dedication rivaled what he had with his own TARDIS. What was more, the TARDIS shard wanted to stay to carry out the purpose that Faillik had given her. She wanted to remain a computer and an interface, and help the planet that had become her home. While he saw it as a prison, life-support, shackles, she saw it as a chance to help, to live, and a purpose. He nodded sadly in acceptance, understanding her decision even if he didn't like it. His own TARDIS cried out in sympathy for her distant sister, and he felt their brief reunion in his mind, like the flight of two birds meeting before migrating to other sides of the world. There was no other option, he knew that. Even if he could convince Faillik to come on the TARDIS, the Andalite was too important to his own time and world to be taken away. And she would not leave without him.

"This is goodbye then SI. Have a… have a fantastic life. Eh, nope that sounded better last regeneration. Er, well, nothing else fits. Take care of her Faillik," the Doctor said, directing this last bit to the Andalite with tears swimming in his eyes as the Doctor slowly, painfully, tore himself from the TARDIS shard mainframe. It hurt to leave another piece of his people to die on an alien planet, but it was SI's choice. He knew there was nothing else he could do, but it didn't change the feeling of failure.

"Doctor, it's okay. I can hear her. She's happy here, you aren't dooming her or killing her or whatever it is you're blaming yourself for. It's not your fault, and just realize that before you tear yourself up over it," Kousa said suddenly in his mind, breaking through his melancholy. The Doctor slowly smiled, though it didn't quite reach his eyes, and turned to Faillik, who had since gotten hold of his own emotions.

"Alright, DNA sample and we'll be off. Give Naolikith our regards, and tell him we're sorry we couldn't stay longer. And Faillik… good luck." The Andalite looked searchingly at him, and as he pressed the vial of Kousa's DNA into the Doctor's palm, he grabbed his wrist.

"I just wanted to apologize, I suppose, for my mistakes. Perhaps… she did not deserve to die. I cannot understand it still, but I see that it was wrong. My intentions truly were good, though. I can try to seek forgiveness, you should too, for whatever it is that haunts you so. Good-bye Doctor," and with that Faillik spun off and hurried down the corridor. The Doctor looked searchingly after the Andalite, but then turned back to Kousa, and nodded to her.

"Back to the TARDIS, Kousa. That was certainly a long day, and I'm starving. The wolf gave him a strange look, but conceded, ignoring the impatient looks Läorika was getting as the female Andalite craned her neck to figure out which way Faillik had disappeared off to. As he strode off down the corridors, he could feel Kousa's confusion, but also unexpectedly, trust rolling off of her. Complete trust. And it scared him. "Be careful." he warned her mentally, "People who trust me tend to get hurt." The statement prompted such a wash of emotion, a contradictory blend of indignance, frustration, and comfort, that the Doctor stopped in the middle of the street they'd come up to enter the palace and didn't even react when a green-skinned, humanoid alien crashed into him and left grumbling about ridiculous passerby. Turning to face her, the Doctor met Kousa's hazel eyes, burning with something he couldn't identify.

"I do trust you. I had nothing before, no memories, family, self, or life. Even now, I know far more than I could have ever hoped to about myself. You saved me Doctor," she said fiercely. He turned away and continued walking down the path, towards the TARDIS, eyes firmly set on his safe haven. If he could just escape this conversation as easily as a Foubeian prison. If only she knew; what he'd done, who he'd lost, the lives he'd ruined.

"Kousa, you've known me for a few days. I have had companions before and most of their lives have been ruined by the encounters they had while with me. What if we never find out about your past, or find something you didn't want to know? Will you still be thanking me or will you be running the opposite direction and cursing my name?" he said, aware that his voice was harsh, but too raw to care. As he finally reached and opened the TARDIS doors, he darted in and began toying with the console as the doors shut automatically behind Kousa. He didn't have a destination yet, but this was better than looking at Kousa's eyes, both accusing and comforting at the same time. That shouldn't even be possible. Or legal.

"Doctor, I don't know how your previous companions were, but I don't have a life to go back to. Where would I run? This is my life now, whatever happens, it's all I've got and I'm here to see it through to the end. For eternity," she said, voice firm, but despondent. It echoed the promise Rose had made so long ago. But she had her family now, even if he didn't have her, and he wasn't quite alone. This was all he had left.

"I guess that makes two of us," Kousa said. The Doctor shot her a glance and tightened the shields around her mind, not quite sure how she kept getting around them. He hadn't realized he'd opened up his mind so much and had been leaking thoughts for her to hear. Perhaps the Trahesian mind machine had affected him worse than he'd thought, and he should probably scan himself just to be sure. Or maybe he just trusted Kousa as much as she foolishly trusted him.

"Well, time to head off to follow our next 'clue,'" he said, trying to ignore the churning in his stomach as he thought of it. Kousa followed him up to the TARDIS' console and watched as he darted around, punching buttons and flipping switches with an energy that was more nervous and frantic than manic or eager. He could feel her interest, unasked questions hovering in his mind, but he didn't want to think about it. How could he tell her she reminded him too much of the woman he'd lost and now she was getting messages from Bad Wolf- who he knew had been, at one point, Rose Tyler, or Rose had been Bad Wolf, the tenses were quite confusing, honestly, but the question remained the same. What was Bad Wolf doing in the history of Calliopicus, and what did she want with Kousa?

The Doctor held tightly to the console as the TARDIS rematerialized, one of his better landings, as he managed to remain somewhat standing. Kousa, on the other hand, shook herself to her feet and grumbled about poor driving, though with a distinct air of amusement. The Doctor was too nervous to even fake a grin. He checked the energy readings, and the TARDIS gave him a pleased sound. Good, she could refuel over the rift while he prepared his newest project. Good ol' Cardiff.

"Where are we?" Kousa asked, watching him as he dug a pile of alien technology out from underneath a storage cabinet somewhere.

"Cardiff, on top of a rift, a sort of gap in space-time. The TARDIS can refuel- re-energize herself here, and can use the energy for some tests." He wasn't lying to her, he told himself. Just withholding some of the truth… most of the truth. As the Doctor welded two pieces of metal for his rift-energy detector, he and Kousa both stopped at the sound of someone knocking on the TARDIS doors. They exchanged identical glances of surprise, it would've been funny if Kousa weren't still worried about her past and the Doctor worried about the implications of her tangled existence, Bad Wolf. If he didn't get this detector finished, he couldn't follow up his next hunch. The knocking came again, more insistent, and the Doctor sighed, then pulled out his psychic paper, rapidly thinking up a cover of conducting a trial reenactment of policemen and police call boxes. He opened the door with a sigh, that immediately turned into a squeak of surprise and a choke when he spotted the very alive- very annoyed and very wrong face of Jack Harkness.

AN- Oh jeez this was long. And hard. It probably isn't my greatest quality chapter, but I ran short on time and had a hard time writing the goodbye/end scene. It just didn't feel write. I like goodbyes about as much as the Doctor does. As in not at all. This underwent like three rewrites. Hopefully you guys like what I did with the baby TARDIS (SI). I couldn't possibly fit her into the plot, nor could I take Faillik with them (plus he's exhausting to write) and so… yeah. Be warned, however, that this might not be the last you ever see of little SI. But at the present, the Doctor and Kousa have left Calliopicus and the Andalites for… Cardiff! And of course our favorite Captain! This is going to be fun, I have such great plans for this next chapter… Well, again I am incredibly sorry for the delay in updates, this next one will take a few days (3-4) as unfortunately my updates have caught up to the part that I wrote. Until now I had it all written out just not typed. We have now reached the point where it isn't even written, just sketched out in my mind. So prepare for updates to slow down. (they shouldn't be more than a week, this was just the January from hell for me.) Anyways, reviewers are love, they make me write faster (notice, few reviews for the last chapter= 2 weeks between updates.) And thank you to all the people who followed and favorite this story! I hope you are enjoying it!