They wanted him to believe she wasn't real. That he hadn't found her on the docks or brought her home to hide her, held her in his arms and made vows to her.
They told him it was a coma dream.
But McGee had acknowledged that Trent Kort had been in the building to speak with Vance that day. That Tony had indeed told McGee he was going out with a frat buddy. If this had all been a dream then why? Why would some things be actually verifiable?
He'd refused to return to the hospital and they brought Ducky over to treat him at home. There was nothing to treat except that they all thought he'd lost his mind. At least they were being discreet at his request and not broadcasting that he believed Ziva to be alive and in DC. Except... Ducky had wanted other assistance and they called in Rachel Cranston.
Rachel sat in front of him now in his living room. They hadn't left him alone for a minute since he'd stepped foot back in his apartment. If it wasn't McGee it was Gibbs or Ducky staying the night with him and during the day this therapy with Cranston.
For the last five days, every moment Tony wasn't sleeping or forced to sleep because Ducky had mickey'd him; he searched the apartment for some clue that what he remembered was real but had found nothing. No pasta remnants, no Ziva hair clogging the shower drain, nothing, even his T-shirts smelled like laundry detergent instead of her. What was happening?
It had all become.. confusing. To the point where Tony was questioning his own sanity. He begged McGee to please find Kort and McGee had agreed but hadn't had any luck so far; or so he said. Tony wasn't sure what they were actually doing or what they pretended to do now that his team thought him ready to be locked up with Nicholson's Shinning persona in a padded cell with no windows.
"Tony," Rachel leaned forward in the chair across from him. Something about her tone reminded him of Kate and how she used to talk down to him like he was a five year old. He didn't like it. "Many people experience vivid dreams in coma. It is a recognized fact."
"Do they come up with elaborate spy stories?" Tony countered.
"There have been many elaborate stories," Rachel nodded, "you fit Ziva back into your life and used real events to weave your story together. It is not unheard of. The dreams represent an idealized life and it is clear that you want Ziva back in your life but she isn't and hasn't been here. It was a dream, Tony."
"Or at least you all want me to think it was," Tony stood and went to stand by the window. "But it was too real to be a dream."
"That last day you spent with Ziva, in Israel," Rachel continued, "did you make plans with her to reunite? To keep in touch?"
Tony turned and looked at Rachel, his stare hard, "No. She simply said she needed space and needed me to leave her behind. I want to think there was an unspoken understanding but...knowing Ziva the way I do, she didn't want to say anything. She wanted me to be able to move on if the opportunity arose. But she was lying, she pushed me away because of what Eli left behind-"
"No, Tony," Rachel stood and took a step towards him, "that is part of your dream. The real Ziva let you go. She needed...needs time to understand herself and it is a very adult recognition. I think the steps she took are brave. Her life has not been easy and she is trying to sort herself out. And she doesn't want to hold you back from finding a happiness that is eluding her."
"Can you please stop," Tony asked her, "I'm tired now and I just don't want to talk about this anymore today."
"Tony, I'm trying to help you," Rachel stated, "the sooner you accept that your recollections of Ziva in the past couple of months were all a vivid dream the sooner your mind will start to heal."
What about his heart? Tony thought. That would never heal without her.
"I'm going to lie down..." Tony started to say just as the apartment door opened to reveal Gibbs, Bishop and McGee.
He turned to them as they streamed in and shut the door behind them. Gibbs stepped up to Tony with his usual glum expression but what suddenly worried him, caused a pit in his stomach the size of Toledo was McGee's expression.
"What?" Tony demanded.
"Trent Kort was killed on assignment," Gibbs stated bluntly. "We don't know the details."
It took a moment for Tony to process the information. Kort, dead? "When did he die?" he asked.
"Don't know," Gibbs answered. "There is something else, Tony-"
"Gibbs!" McGee yelled and moved between Gibbs and Tony, facing Gibbs, "Not now, not like this," he said forcefully.
"Tim," Gibbs started, "he has to know."
"Know what? What else is there?" Tony tensed, looked between McGee and Gibbs as the pit churned in his stomach.
Before Gibbs could open his mouth Tony startled and stepped back as McGee pushed Gibbs away from Tony.
"I said not like this!" McGee ordered Gibbs. McGee's face was red as he stood his ground in front of Gibbs. He then turned back to Tony and took a breath, "I need to talk to you...in private."
Tony took an unsteady breath then shot McGee a quick nod and went to the bedroom with McGee following.
McGee closed the bedroom door and turned to Tony, the anger that covered his face barely under control.
"What did you find out, Tim?" Tony swallowed hard.
"I did more than look for Kort," McGee started, his eyes glassy, "I looked for Ziva. I thought if I could find her and tell her what was happening with you she'd come back...she'd-"
"What did you find?" Tony tried to brace himself.
"Mossad reported that she died," McGee took a ragged breath, "that she was killed in a bomb attack while traveling through the West Bank. Orli thought we knew. Ziva's status was reported to the State Department and her remains were buried alongside her father's in Israel. Orli asked state to relay the information to us back in March but they never did."
Tony sank down on the edge of his bed, his breathing erratic, labored. Then he took one long breath and calmed, "Tim, it was a lie. It had to be. You know how this stuff works. If most believed Ziva dead, if there were official reports than she had the freedom to move about without impediment. I am telling you the truth...she was here with me."
McGee crouched in front of Tony, "I want to believe you, Tony. I want to believe we can find her like we found her in Somalia or how you found her in Israel. I want to believe," McGee continued as tears edged his eyes, "she is out there massacring the English language and taking bad guys down with a paperclip. But what if she's not?"
Tony sank his head into his hands, "I'm confused, Tim. What does Gibbs-"
"Gibbs is a son of a ... He has shut down more than I have ever seen," McGee commented. "Nothing affects him anymore except protecting Bishop."
"You're right," Tony rose his head, "it doesn't matter what he thinks anymore. Something broke with this team a long time ago."
"Yeah," McGee nodded, "sometime in October of last year."
"If this was all a dream," Tony said as his heart broke, as the air was being sucked out of the room, "and Ziva is really gone...was never here... I need to say goodbye."
McGee straightened then sat by Tony on the side of the bed, "You're not talking about saying goodbye to Ziva are you?"
After a moment passed between them, Tony glanced at McGee and gave him a nod, "No, I'm not. I need to say goodbye to my best Probie."
"What are you going to do?" McGee asked pointedly.
"Go to Israel and stay there like I should have last year," Tony answered. "At least it's closer to her in some way."
"You know I just might join you in the Middle East," McGee offered, "I mean, Delilah is in Dubai. It's not a terribly long trip to Israel. We could hang out over there in the desert heat."
Tony patted McGee on the arm then stood, "Am I accepting that she is gone then? That this was all a coma induced dream and she really," his voice cracked, "died in the West Bank in March?"
"Are you?" McGee queried.
"All the evidence points in that direction...but" Tony could feel his heart shattering. If he accepted what McGee told him as fact than what use was there in anything anymore? Yet, something inside of him couldn't accept it, couldn't believe that all he remembered was a lie.. a fantasy, a dream. No, she was in his arms, damnit! She was here but why couldn't he find any evidence?!
"We've lived through crazier things?" McGee added.
Tony stared over at McGee, "We have haven't we?"
"I know that look," McGee stood, "what are you thinking?"
"I've been looking for evidence that Ziva stayed in this apartment with me," Tony stated, "but we both know when she cleans a place..."
"She can be just like Abby," McGee interjected, "and leave no forensic evidence."
"But she'd leave..." Tony started.
"A clue," McGee finished.
"I've been looking at this all wrong," Tony snapped his fingers, "but how do I get the pity squad out there out of my apartment so we can check it out?"
"I'll get them out but," McGee looked around, "Let's start right here."
Tony nodded and glanced around then his eye caught the books on his dresser, "I don't...I don't keep Deep Six here normally," he noticed.
McGee grabbed the book and started flipping through it looking for a note but nothing fell out. Tony took the book from him and noticed a few pages had highlighted words. "Grab that pad and pen, probie," Tony pointed to his nightstand.
McGee grabbed the pad and pen and returned to Tony's side.
"Big toe," Tony looked at McGee and read one of the highlighted words with a shrug.
"Big toe?" McGee repeated and wrote it down.
"Case, body" Tony nodded and searched through the book, his excitement growing with each page, "found, jerky, serial killer, deep six. That's all I see."
"Big toe?" Tony muttered, "jerky, serial killer? We've arrested a fair number of serial killers. Come on, Ziva, you couldn't have made this easier?"
"Ok, Ok," McGee tapped the pen on the pad, "Deep Six. What could she mean? That case with the copy cat killer? Was he a serial killer though?"
"No!" Tony shot McGee a huge smile, "Jerky, that guy...that guy who was found-"
"In the chimney! When you guys were torturing me after reading Deep Six!" McGee finished Tony's thought with triumph.
Tony shot over to the fireplace in his room, practically threw the grate aside and glanced up the chimney. McGee hit the flashlight on his cell and handed it to Tony who shone the light up the dark interior. And there it was, hanging on a string from the flue, a key. Tony grabbed it and quickly realized it was the key to his storage unit in the basement of this building.
Tony clutched the key tightly in his hand and had to take a breath. Relief flooded through him...this was proof. Ok, enough of that he had to get to her. Tony stood up and started for the door but McGee stopped him.
"Got soot on your face and hands," McGee observed. "You want to tell them what you found?"
Tony glanced at McGee then shook his head, "No, I don't. I don't trust Bishop or Cranston really and Gibbs.. well, I should have pushed him aside long ago. When he stopped caring about Ziva."
"I don't know if we are being fair to him or not, Tony," McGee glanced at the door, "but he doesn't give us much to work with."
"It's not the time to clue him in," Tony went and washed his hands and face then returned with key in hand.
"Let's go," McGee opened the bedroom door and stepped out with Tony.
Rachel walked over to them, "Agent Gibbs filled me in. Tony, are you all right? I think we should talk about this."
"Actually," Tony shot her his most tortured look, "I just need some fresh air."
"I'm not sure that is a good idea right now, Tony," Rachel added.
"I'm going with him," McGee explained, "we'll be fine. I think the air and a good walk will do him some good."
"I can come too," Bishop offered.
"I'd rather it just be McGee and me if you don't mind," Tony took a few steps towards the front door. "We spent the most time with Ziva these last years. McGee knows how I feel."
"Tony," Gibbs moved towards him.
"Just McGee right now, Gibbs," Tony waved him away, "you guys can go home. I'll be fine. McGee can stay over tonight and we can...we can remember."
Tony turned away, opened the apartment door and stepped into the hall. McGee said nothing to the group, joined him and closed the door behind them.
Without another word the two made it to the elevator and hit the call button.
"It is taking all my will power not to run down the stairs," Tony commented quietly.
"I know but we don't know who is watching," McGee glanced over and saw the apartment door open slightly and Rachel peek out. Gratefully the elevator arrived and they stepped inside before she could walk over to them.
They stopped at the lobby then proceeded to the basement level. After making sure no one was around Tony led McGee down the long hall that led to the storage units. He knew there were no surveillance cameras in this part of the building or in the laundry room down the other corridor.
They soon arrived at storage unit 12F and Tony slipped in the key and started to open the door but it was yanked back and there she was...
"Ziva!" Tony caught her in his arms as she hurled herself into his embrace.
Note: Ok, ok, ok! LOL.. I was going to torture you guys a bit more but then I decided to reveal Ziva. We start off with explanations in the next chapter so don't worry I'll explain how she did it. I absolutely adore you guys! I LOVED your theories of what was going to happen! That was fun to read! There is still more left to the tale! Hugs!