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John woke slowly, the faint sunlight dancing over his eyelids tempting him to wake. For several minutes his mind drifted peacefully, in that blissful place of waking in which you are fresh and new upon the Earth and have no memory of what has happened and what is expected of you for the coming day. Of course John Sheppard rarely woke on Earth anymore, sometimes not even on a planet, but he guessed the principle was the same. So he looked up now completely relaxed and blank at the tiny little window set high up in the log cabin wall above him.
He felt good, very good. He knew this was significant somehow. He blinked up at the tiny window and took in the delicate wood smoke in the air. His mind gradually began to clear enough for him to remember he was on New Athos, and the little log cabin he and Teyla had taken shelter in. Teyla!
John froze, tension clamping his body dead still as he remembered what had happened last night. How he had behaved. The memories were vivid, yet clouded by the lust and desperate need that had driven him. Those feelings seemed very distant now and he realised how clear his mind was. The reaction's affects had gone. He felt calm, even peaceful. He allowed that sensation to return to his body, driving the tension away once again. His body felt very good. Now as he took stock of himself he became aware of the blanket bunched around his waist, and that his left arm was half numb where it was wrapped under and around Teyla. He vaguely remembered falling bonelessly from the table, holding her to him as they fell onto his bed. He had fallen asleep almost immediately, his last memory of the blanket being pressed over him. Now she was lying alongside him, her back tucked up against left side, and what felt like her very naked buttocks pressed up against the side of his hip.
More memories flooded into place, he remembered the strange sensation of sharing thoughts and memories with Teyla; sharing and merging in a way that all felt so very abstract and beyond anything he could even conceive of now in the harsh light of day. He couldn't remember all of what he had experienced, like it had occurred in a place that he could no longer access or understand.
Yet, he remembered some of what he had seen and felt of Teyla's life; flashes of growing up on Athos; of baking harvest cakes with her mother. Then of the culling that took her mother and how empty and alone she had felt. He had remembered and shared with her when his own mother had died and how the massive Sheppard family home had become a cold and painful place without his own beautiful mother.
He remembered Teyla's older brother, whom she had never mentioned before. He had been much older than her and full of wild energy and anger. He and a gang of other dissatisfied Athosians had decided one day to take the fight to the Wraith and had headed off towards the Old City, never to return again. And so the family tent had been left even more quiet and empty with only her and her father remaining. Charin had begun to spend more time with them, and John felt a sudden burst of sadness at the old lady's death. He had barely known her when she was alive, but now he understood intimately how important she had been to Teyla and he felt her loss more deeply now.
Teyla's life had begun to change after that as her father began to teach her how to be a leader. John's father had done something similar after John's mother had died. He had begun to train up his sons to take over the family business, presumably hoping to create a sense of security and stability in their mother's absence. But, John had rebelled against the strict control. Whereas Teyla's father had been strong yes, but kind and understanding. But, soon the day came when he too was taken by the Wraith and that had left Teyla all alone in that family tent. John had seen that she had never really gotten over that loss, and had lived most of her life feeling very much alone. John had felt something very similar in his life, but in his case he had forced that isolation. Teyla had been somewhat an outsider due to her Gift, but Kanaan had at least been someone who understood.
John in return had shared his life and memories with her; his childhood, his school days and training in the Air force and even the circumstances of his court martial. He had never really told anyone how that experience had angered him and cut his spirit deeply, but in that merging with her, she had felt it all, seen it all and understood and agreed with what he had done. It felt nice to have someone so solely on his side for once.
Then the memory of their first meeting and it had been a bizarre experience to see that same event through her eyes. He not only remembered his own thoughts and what he had said, but then how she had heard his words and what she had thought. He had been humbled by the respect she had had for him from that very first encounter, a respect that led to trust and friendship. Together they had shared their memories of their years on Atlantis, seeing each others' experiences and feeling what each other felt. Through all of that and more he understood how strong a woman Teyla really was and how deeply she felt things. If there had been any chance before that he had not been in love with her, he certainly was now.
Yet, out of all of that, that which he could remember now in the cold harsh reality of day, one fact tingled in his mind and kept him from leaping up and running from her for what had happened last night. That was the sharp and clear fact that she felt as strongly for him as he did for her. He had been shocked to feel her admiration, her attraction to him and the powerful feelings of jealousy she had felt every time he had encountered a new woman in his life. But, like him, it had been that separation for several months when they had had to abandon Atlantis that had truly affected her. She had realised how very deeply she had really cared for John, more than simple attraction or friendship and more than she could ever hope he would feel for her. Before she had been waiting for him to give her any kind of sign, but he never had. And when she had returned to New Athos with the prospect of never seeing him again, or if she did it may not be for a very long time, she had mourned his loss and had tried to set aside her hopes for him. Then Kanaan had been there and she had finally succumbed to the fact that she would never be with John Sheppard. But, he had returned and by then she had already become Kanaan's lover. She had considered ending that relationship, but as usual John had given no indication that he was interested in more. So, she had tried to pretend that she didn't feel more, had suppressed those feelings. Until now. Until he had experienced them along with her and arrived at the startling knowledge that Teyla not only wanted him in return, but that she loved him desperately.
John lay still trying to comprehend that Teyla loved him and just as importantly, that she now knew he loved her in return. As if this situation hadn't already been weird enough. He felt suddenly so very vulnerable and he worried what would happen now. It was all very well knowing all this intimate knowledge about her life and her feelings, but what the hell was he going to say to her?
She chose this moment to begin the wake up, stirring slightly beside him and he began to panic slightly. He searched in his mind to see if that connection between them was still there. He found it easier that ever before, like it had become more solid, more real, yet it too was calmer. He imagined a doorway between their minds and very gently made sure the door was closed tight. The last thing he needed was for her to be able to read all these thoughts going through his mind. He needed to regroup and think.
She sighed heavily beside him, her back pressing further against his side and then she too tensed suddenly. John turned his eyes and then his head till he could see her beside him and she slowly looked over her shoulder at him. John had no idea what to say and judging by her expression, neither did she.
"Morning." John said cautiously.
"Good morning." She said carefully in return. She still had his jacket on, though it was bunched up around her shoulders, and she began to pull it around herself more securely.
John worked very hard not to look down any further than her shoulders, though he could remember in sharp Technicolor details what the rest of her looked like. He caught himself before his mind and libido had a chance to wander into that potentially distracting territory.
She moved away from him, pulling the jacket around her middle as she turned back towards him slightly. She looked as worried and vulnerable as he felt and that seemed to help him relax somewhat. John reached down to the blanket at his waist and pulled it up slightly further so it covered both of their stomachs, hoping to make her feel more comfortable.
"So… you okay?" He asked. He knew he hadn't hurt her last night, having felt everything she felt, but he needed to ask, to hear her say it.
"I am fine." She smiled slightly back and he saw a slight red tint to her cheeks. Her eyes moved over his face then and down to his neck. "You seem better." She said.
John realised she meant his reaction and so he nodded in response. Her scrutiny implied that he looked better as well, so he lifted his free right up arm and saw that the blue areas had reduced almost back to their normal size. Amazed he looked down at his chest, turning to look at his ribs and saw that there too the blue had faded to normal. "Wow." was all he could say as he regarded his hands and arms once more.
"I guess it worked." She said carefully.
He looked over at her, feeling strange about the whole situation again. "Yeah." He replied.
"I am glad. And you are feeling…calmer?" She asked.
He nodded in reply and an awkward silence fell between them. This was crazy, they had not only shared their lives and minds with each other, but they had had the most mind-blowing, raw sexual experience that John had ever had. He began to blush at the memories of that and worked once again to suppress them for now, rather unsuccessfully.
Then he thought he heard something outside. He looked back towards the window, as if it would help to be looking towards the trees outside. "You hear that?" He listened intently and heard the sound of voices and not far away. Oh no. He snapped his head back round towards Teyla. "They must have sent out another rescue party this morning." His eyes dropped to the blanket barely covering the both of them, their semi nakedness obvious. "They'll kill me!"
All modesty and vulnerability gone, he threw the blanket away from him and scrambled to get up. In doing so he discovered his trousers and boxers were still around his thighs. How very classy of him, he thought in embarrassment. He stumbled as he pulled them up and buckled the belt in record time as he searched for his top. "Get dressed!" He said hurriedly at Teyla over his shoulder.
However, he heard a breathy laugh from her and turned back to the very sexy image of her looking up at him with a smile on her lips and in her eyes; her lower half outlined by the blanket and her top half wrapped in his jacket.
"John…" she began, her tone amused and tolerant at his panic.
John gestured towards the window, the sound of voices getting louder. "What if Kanaan is with them?"
He would have found it amusing had he not been so worried, when her amused expression dropped and her eyes snapped over to the window too. She then began to climb up from the bed, the blanket wrapped around her waist.
"Good." John said, happy she was finally on board with the plan. He scrabbled around on the floor and found his socks, boots and then her trousers with her underwear caught inside. Embarrassment renewed he cleared his throat as he held out the clothing for her. She approached and took the clothes from him, but he could see the light smile now on her lips and finally they shared a proper smile.
"Not now." John said hurriedly pulling his eyes from her. "Have you seen my top? Where did you throw my top?"
He looked back at her to see her thinking, her eyes moving to the table as she calculated where she had thrown his shirt. Images resurfaced in his mind of what exactly they had done on that table and he purposefully didn't look at the table top. "Over by the door, I think." She answered.
John found the top and was pulling it on when he heard someone calling his name from outside.
"I'll head them off outside, get dressed quick!" John said as he checked his appearance as best as he could and headed out the door, the sound of Teyla's laughter in his ears.
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TBC
