Chapter Ten: Entries 392-429
Entry Three Hundred Ninety-two—
WHOA.
Why do I feel like life just rushed past me?
Because you haven't been in the anime for over five episodes.
…Thank you for informing me of that, disembodied voice in my head.
Entry Three Hundred Ninety-three—
WAIT! Um, in these episodes I have been ah…absent…Ishizuhasn'tappearedhasshe?
No.
Yes, so stop asking, twit.
Why am I suddenly reminded of that unnaturally-voiced computer in Courage The Cowardly Dog?
Entry Three Hundred Ninety-four—
Stupid dog!…Note to self: Use that line on Wheeler the next time you see him.
Entry Three Hundred Ninety-five—
Speak of the Devil, there he is.
…
'Kay, let's do this.
"Stupid dog!"
"…"
Rofl. This is where you would snickerlaughchorttleguffawdie.
Entry Three Hundred Ninety-six—
…
WTFWHEELERHOWDIDYOUGETADUELDISK?
Damn it, that limey store owner must've screwed up. I'm going to go over there and flaunt my money in his face, thereby reminding him that—although I am half his age—I am far more superior in wealth than he will ever be!
…
As for you, Wheeler, go get a rabies shot or something. God knows you need one.
Entry Three Hundred Ninety-seven:
Yo, Mokuba, we're leaving. Time to go look for Dwarf-boy The Hero and beat him in a duel so I can stop bitching about being number one.
…
Which I am, of course, irregardless.
Entry Three Hundred Ninety-eight—
…
Is that woman wearing a pink tank top and ridiculously short…shorts…staring at yours truly?
…And she's on her phone, huh? I wonder if she's texting or taking a picture of me. This is stalking to a whole new level.
Entry Four Ninety-nine—
Don't look at her, Kaiba. Just keep moving.
…
You're way too damn sexy for her anyhow.
Entry Four Hundred—
MOKUBA.
Where the crap are you, you lackey?
"…Right here, big bro!"
Good little sla—I mean brother.
Entry Four Hundred One—
Christ, this is getting boring. I should've brought my freaking iPod or something. I could be watching some awesome dance moves courtesy of Adam Levine of Maroon 5!
(insert laughing here)
Heh. Do I look like Gardner to you people?
Entry Four Hundred Two—
And if you start quoting lines from "Makes Me Wonder," may God help me or I'll…
Well, you fill in the blank.
Entry Four Hundred Three—
…
Is Muto on his knees?
Entry Four Hundred Four—
Hey, loser, this isn't the time to be daydreaming about sick queer fantasies of you plus your Dark Magician!
Entry Four Hundred Five—
Huh? What's that… He's losing a duel? So that means he's not…
OH.
AHEM.
Let me retract my aforementioned statement.
Entry Four Hundred Five (The Corrected Version)—
Muto, get off your knees! Defeat that nobody and get his freaking God Card.
I mean…come …
You're the protagonist. Without you there would be no show. No show means all those girls (and guys…depending on who/what you are) will lose their chance to see my amazingly good looks.
ARE YOU SERIOUSLY GOING TO DENY THEM THAT GIFT?
Entry Four Hundred Six—
And plus, if the series go well, by the end I should not only possess:
Money.
A trench coat in every color.
Money.
Sexiness (whoops! I already have that.)
Money.
The title of King of Games.
MONEY…
I will HOPEFULLY have…onemorething!
…
Voice in my head, shut your goddamn mouth.
Entry Four Hundred Seven—
…
…
Wow, this is the lamest duel I've ever seen. Muto against a freakin' puppet? Please.
…
Entry Four Hundred Eight—
Hey, Mokuba, wake me up when the duel's over.
"Seto, what are you doing?"
What does it look like, kid? I'm trying to go to sleep with my eyes open. Now shut up and let me sl—
…Great, now the duel's over. Gah. I could really use some sleep though. Those repeated shots of espresso from Starbucks are starting to wear off.
Entry Four Hundred Nine—
Congrats, Muto. You defeated all the perilous odds stacked against you and beat a puppet. Now are you going to go after Miss Piggy (which is…y'know…Gardner) or have a duel with me so I can rid you of Slifer?
…
WTFH.
Did that mime/puppet/J-Rocklookingthingthatdoesn'tfitinwiththevibeoftheentireanime just TALK?
Entry Four Hundred Ten—
OH.
So the dude controlling the Rare Hunters is called Marik.
Entry Four Hundred Eleven—
You know what would be hilarious? If that Marik character was somehow related to Ishizu. That would so be L.O.L. worthy.
Entry Four Hundred Twelve—
So, Yugi's friends are going to get kidnapped for about the 487,654,289,813,305th time in this series?
Oh, yeah, that's sure original!
Entry Four Hundred Thirteen—
…
Two grown men…playing Rock, Paper, Scissors.
…
I feel like I'm in a cross between The Twilight Zone and a Michael Jackson music video.
Entry Four Hundred Fourteen—
Hey, Pegasus, this is your cue!
Entry Four Hundred Fifteen—
I don't give a rat's ass about who gets to duel the midget and me! I'll take BOTH of you down!
Entry Four Hundred Sixteen—
Victory approximately 5.92 seconds later.
Entry Four Hundred Seventeen—
…
Holy shit. Did the vertically challenged King of Lame actually grab a guy twice his size by the collar?
Entry Four Hundred Eighteen—
How the shit does this happen in animes? Since when can midgets defy gravity?
…
Entry Four Hundred Nineteen—
Well, besides the starched hairdo complete with three colors and spikes in an attempt to pose an attractive punk/possible grunge-ish look.
Entry Four Hundred Twenty—
You know, If I "XDed," I'd insert about four hundred and seventy-one exclamations points after the above mentioned text face because of my last statement.
Muto can't pull off grunge, and if he did, I'd go gay.
…Yes, you just heard me.
Entry Four Hundred Twenty-one—
HEY! Locator cards!Come to papa…
…not to say I really am a father, so don't take it the wrong way.
DON'T.
Entry Four Hundred Twenty-two—
Muto, let go of Marik's crony and let me take you down.
"…"
Oh, hell. That didn't come out like I hope it would.
Entry Four Hundred Twenty-three—
I MEANT…
Let me take you down in a DUEL, okay? Leave sexual implications out of this…
….for once!
Entry Four Hundred Twenty-four—
Listen, nothing is wrong with your friends. They'll probably just brainwash the hell out of whatever the hell's left of Wheeler's brain and rape Gardner to shut her up.
It's not bad.
Entry Four Hundred Twenty-five—
So now you're gonna death glare at me? I thought we already had this glaring contest…
InwhichIwon.
"…That's about the first time you won anything against me, eh, Kaiba?"
Heh. At least I don't use my jacket as a cape.
"…"
Ooh, did I strike a nerve?
Entry Four Hundred Twenty-six—
And now you're running off? Wow, you're more sensitive than I thought.
…
Hey, that's your signal to STOP, turn around and call me an obscenely insulting name in which I retaliate by…
a. Beating the living stuffing out of you.
OR
b. If this is a censored 4Kids episode, I challenge you to a cliché duel.
Entry Four Hundred Twenty-seven—
GAH!
For the sake of all that is sane and good, Mokuba, get the satellite to track down a mutt by the name of Joey Wheeler who is either trying to score with Valentine, or at the Vet because he had too much poisonous dog food from that one company which they recalled in the news a while back. Whoa, that was a long-as-hell run on sentence. Hope no one noticed.
"You got it, Seto! And no, I don't anyone noticed. Plus, if they did, we could just get the clone girls!"
It's so good to be in charge…of clone girls?
Entry Four Hundred Twenty-eight—
"Thank you for that, Kaiba. Maybe I'll overlook the comment you made about my sense of fashion now…"
I'd rather you wouldn't. Humiliating you is one of my life goals.
"…It's good to know I play such an important part in your life."
Why does this suddenly reek of something illegal?
Entry Four Hundred Twenty-nine—
Alright, my entourage! Time to head out!
I've got things to do, lives to ruin, money to make, ego to flaunt and sexiness to spread!
"Don't you also have 'duels to lose?'"
No, but now that you mention it, Muto, I do have people to kill…
Leef a methage.
Translation: Leave a message. It's my attempt at text lisp.