Ross' eyes slowly opened and the first thing he felt was soft fleece, warm from flesh, rising and falling against his cheek. Then he lifted his head and found Rachel sound asleep underneath him. Just as he was vaguely recollecting the night before, her own eyes opened and smiled ahead at him.
"Good morning," she said in a soft voice, placing a hand on his shoulder.
"Good morning," he returned.
Ross moved himself off of her and to the other end of the couch, feeling self-conscious. He wasn't sure why, but he also felt really confused, like he knew he wanted something, but was afraid to retrieve it. He didn't want to admit it, but that something was Rachel.
Rachel sat next to Ross and put an arm around him, breaking into his thoughts. "Hey," she whispered. "Are you okay?"
To conceal his inner turmoil, Ross attempted a smile. "Yeah," he answered. "Thanks for staying with me last night."
Rachel smiled tenderly. "Aw, sweetie, no problem." She hugged him warmly. Ross told himself to pull away, as being this near to her only worsened his uncertainty. However, he also wanted to stay like this in her arms forever, the only place where he felt whole and sheltered.
Finally, Ross forced himself to withdraw from the hug and, with another weak smile at Rachel, looked down at his hands.
Rachel's hand remained on his back. "Do you want me to make some coffee? You look like you could use a rouser."
"Sure, that'd be great, Rach. Thanks." Rachel smiled heart-meltingly once again, and kissed his forehead.
"Okay, I'll be back in a few minutes."
Once she was in the kitchen, Ross' lingering feelings returned. Why of all times did these thoughts have to plague his mind? He was sure he knew that being in a lasting relationship with Rachel of any kind was an empty promise. He knew it was better and healthier this way as just being friends, but he also felt they were destined. Still, he knew he had to be realistic. If only he could rid himself of these old, recurring feelings. Tears burned his throat and eyes as he tried to comprehend how life could to throw so many sufferings at a person simultaneously.
Just as she promised, Rachel returned a few minutes later with two steaming mugs in hand. She sat down next to Ross and handed him one. Then she noticed that his face was contorted with anguish and a tear spill over from his brimming eye.
"Ross, what's wrong?" she asked, her voice full of worry and concern. Ross wiped the tear away and turned away from her.
"Nothing," Came his shaky reply, and he audibly swallowed.
Rachel placed her mug on the coffee table, and placed her hands on his shoulders.
"Hey," she said softly turning him around. "What is it, sweetie? You know you can tell me anything." Ross' lower lip trembled and he looked down, unable to keep more tears from streaming down his face. Then he couldn't hold it in any longer, and collapsed into her arms, sobbing uncontrollably. Rachel held him tight and close, her face tightening in worry and compassion.
"I'm so sorry," he sobbed, his voice muffled by her chest. He shook hysterically against her and his tears soaked through her sweater.
"Hey, hey, shh," she soothed, rubbing his back. "For what? You've done nothing wrong, sweetheart."
"Yes, I have," he returned brokenly. "I've hurt you in the worst way possible, and still you're so good to me. I don't deserve you, and I never have."
Rachel knew what he was talking about. "Ross, I know you never meant to do what you did. Sweetie, it's okay, everyone makes mistakes, and it was partly my fault, too. I was very wrong in trying to force you to take full responsibility for the mess we got ourselves into. Please, don't blame yourself."
Ross continued sobbing, and Rachel rocked him back and forth. "I love you, Rachel, and I always have. I can't keep it in me any longer. I only married Emily because I didn't want to admit it too myself, but it stayed with me even during the wedding ceremony when I said your name. It did mean something, and I never worked the nerve to confess it to you. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!"
Rachel's own eyes filled with tears and she tightly held the shattered love of her life in her arms. "Oh, Ross, baby. I love you too. So much. Shh, don't cry, you're making me feel horrible. Seeing you so hurt partly because of me has been the hardest thing I have ever had to watch. Believe me, sweetie, I love you more than my own life."
Ross slowly raised his head and looked up at her with reddened, yet hopeful eyes. "Really?"
Rachel sighed amorously and then brought her hands over his face, smoothing away the stray tears. They slid back into his hair, where they settled securely as she lowered her lips to his. The kiss started off tender, and gradually grew passionate. Ross' tense grip on the sides of her shoulders loosed and his hands slid down her arms and found her waist. When they were both out of breath, they hugged tightly, holding on for dear life. Rachel kissed Ross' head and lay her cheek on top of it. She felt light, and somehow she felt a ton of burden being lifted off Ross as well.
"I love you, Rach," he whispered almost inaudibly.
"I love you too, baby."
"Good morning," she said in a soft voice, placing a hand on his shoulder.
"Good morning," he returned.
Ross moved himself off of her and to the other end of the couch, feeling self-conscious. He wasn't sure why, but he also felt really confused, like he knew he wanted something, but was afraid to retrieve it. He didn't want to admit it, but that something was Rachel.
Rachel sat next to Ross and put an arm around him, breaking into his thoughts. "Hey," she whispered. "Are you okay?"
To conceal his inner turmoil, Ross attempted a smile. "Yeah," he answered. "Thanks for staying with me last night."
Rachel smiled tenderly. "Aw, sweetie, no problem." She hugged him warmly. Ross told himself to pull away, as being this near to her only worsened his uncertainty. However, he also wanted to stay like this in her arms forever, the only place where he felt whole and sheltered.
Finally, Ross forced himself to withdraw from the hug and, with another weak smile at Rachel, looked down at his hands.
Rachel's hand remained on his back. "Do you want me to make some coffee? You look like you could use a rouser."
"Sure, that'd be great, Rach. Thanks." Rachel smiled heart-meltingly once again, and kissed his forehead.
"Okay, I'll be back in a few minutes."
Once she was in the kitchen, Ross' lingering feelings returned. Why of all times did these thoughts have to plague his mind? He was sure he knew that being in a lasting relationship with Rachel of any kind was an empty promise. He knew it was better and healthier this way as just being friends, but he also felt they were destined. Still, he knew he had to be realistic. If only he could rid himself of these old, recurring feelings. Tears burned his throat and eyes as he tried to comprehend how life could to throw so many sufferings at a person simultaneously.
Just as she promised, Rachel returned a few minutes later with two steaming mugs in hand. She sat down next to Ross and handed him one. Then she noticed that his face was contorted with anguish and a tear spill over from his brimming eye.
"Ross, what's wrong?" she asked, her voice full of worry and concern. Ross wiped the tear away and turned away from her.
"Nothing," Came his shaky reply, and he audibly swallowed.
Rachel placed her mug on the coffee table, and placed her hands on his shoulders.
"Hey," she said softly turning him around. "What is it, sweetie? You know you can tell me anything." Ross' lower lip trembled and he looked down, unable to keep more tears from streaming down his face. Then he couldn't hold it in any longer, and collapsed into her arms, sobbing uncontrollably. Rachel held him tight and close, her face tightening in worry and compassion.
"I'm so sorry," he sobbed, his voice muffled by her chest. He shook hysterically against her and his tears soaked through her sweater.
"Hey, hey, shh," she soothed, rubbing his back. "For what? You've done nothing wrong, sweetheart."
"Yes, I have," he returned brokenly. "I've hurt you in the worst way possible, and still you're so good to me. I don't deserve you, and I never have."
Rachel knew what he was talking about. "Ross, I know you never meant to do what you did. Sweetie, it's okay, everyone makes mistakes, and it was partly my fault, too. I was very wrong in trying to force you to take full responsibility for the mess we got ourselves into. Please, don't blame yourself."
Ross continued sobbing, and Rachel rocked him back and forth. "I love you, Rachel, and I always have. I can't keep it in me any longer. I only married Emily because I didn't want to admit it too myself, but it stayed with me even during the wedding ceremony when I said your name. It did mean something, and I never worked the nerve to confess it to you. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!"
Rachel's own eyes filled with tears and she tightly held the shattered love of her life in her arms. "Oh, Ross, baby. I love you too. So much. Shh, don't cry, you're making me feel horrible. Seeing you so hurt partly because of me has been the hardest thing I have ever had to watch. Believe me, sweetie, I love you more than my own life."
Ross slowly raised his head and looked up at her with reddened, yet hopeful eyes. "Really?"
Rachel sighed amorously and then brought her hands over his face, smoothing away the stray tears. They slid back into his hair, where they settled securely as she lowered her lips to his. The kiss started off tender, and gradually grew passionate. Ross' tense grip on the sides of her shoulders loosed and his hands slid down her arms and found her waist. When they were both out of breath, they hugged tightly, holding on for dear life. Rachel kissed Ross' head and lay her cheek on top of it. She felt light, and somehow she felt a ton of burden being lifted off Ross as well.
"I love you, Rach," he whispered almost inaudibly.
"I love you too, baby."