Chapter 10

AN: This gets a little graphic. This is your warning. Mentions of suicide.

Angelica's face was the first thing I saw when I finally managed to climb my way into my room. It was contorted into a twisted mix between a devious smirk and a horrifying frown of disapproval.

"Well, well, well, and just what do we have here?"

"Angelica I swear you can't tell anyone, please I'll do anything." My plea is met with a sly smirk.

"Oh, I know, and my one request is that you need to stop hanging around Alexander and his friends."

This is the last straw.

"No." I know her game, jealousy is a green eyed monster.

"Well, than you're just a little lier than aren't you, didn't you just say you would do anything?"

"Yeah,except that isn't worth it. I get that you can never be happy again because everyone needs to see how sad you are that Mama died, I get that you thrive off sympathy. I get that you blame me for the our mother's suicide. I'm sorry that you aren't good enough for someone to notice on your own. I'm sorry that I have decided to finally allow myself to be happy and that I'm evolving faster than you. But at some point you just have to man up and realize that I went throught the same thing as you. I lost my mother too. Everything that you feel I feel too. And guess what, it wasn't my fault. My weakness wasn't anything, it wasn't anyone's fault. She lost a child, I didn't kill her. I didn't give Catherine cancer. I didn't hand mom the gun. I didn't tell her to shoot herself. The only thing I did wrong was be home and hear everything. Because guess what. You didn't have to hear your mother shoot herself. You didn't have to find her body. You don't know half the shit I've been through so get out of my room and you will not tell Papa that you saw me come in late!"

She stares at me with wide eyes. She scurried out of my room leaving me staring at my door with rage burning off my cheeks.

That felt nice.

Though my whole body is shaking and tears start flowing down my cheeks. I sink to the floor and hug my knees to my chest as I lean against my bed.

Everything comes flooding back so fast.

I was so young, too young.

But are you ever old enough?

I was reading, a book I can never pick up again. That's when I heard it.

I jumped, nearly flew off my bed.

I thought she had dropped a pan or something. Though I knew that was wrong. I knew but didn't want to think about it.

I walked out of my room and heard it again.

The bathroom.

That was no pan.

I carefully approached the bathroom.

There was a small crack of light spewed into the hallway. I saw a little splash of red of the floor. I called out, no one was home, just me and Mama.

I had to do it.

I knew what was wrong and I had to do something.

My feet just wouldn't move forward. My hands trembled and my lip started quivering. Tears flowed down my cheeks.

How could she do this. She knew I would hear, she knew I was the only one home.

I was suddenly at the door, some external force was pulling my hand towards the door. I pushed it open and took in the sight in front of me.

My mother, lying dead on the bathroom floor. Two gunshot wounds. One in the pelvis. One in the head.

I was suddenly falling.

911, you have to call 911.

I was suddenly floating towards the phone. Dialing.

911 what is your emergency?

It's… it's my mo-mom. She's ki-kil-killed herself.

It's going to be alright. Paramedics are on their way, can you stay on the phone with me? What's your name.

Peggy.

Ok Peggy, whose home with you?

Nobody, m sis-sisters are out with my Papa.

Do you want me to contact them?

Yes.

Ok Peggy, you're doing great do you hear the ambulances yet?

Yes, ju-just a li-little.

Can you go open your front door?

Ok.

That conversation in burned into my mind. I have that, my mother's dead body, Papa's face when he found out.

What do they have, nothing.

Papa turned away from them, had some of the paramedics hold them back. They didn't see her. They didn't see anything, and they dare say this was my fault.

Well I'm done. I can't take it anymore.

I run to my desk, and pull out a piece of paper.

Papa,

I just wanted to write this to tell you I love you. And I'll be okay, I don't think I can take much more of them. Of this life.

All my love,

Peggy