Disclaimer: You already know I don't own it.

Chapter 9: These Are My Confessions

It was a wedding every girl would dream for- the flowers, the dress, the music, everything. Payson smiled as she drove with Nicky to the reception after the ceremony. Emily deserved the perfect wedding. After a not so perfect life, she definitely deserved a wedding and a guy that would be something she could smile about for the rest of her life.

As they reached a stop light, Payson thought about how her life skid to a stop for this wedding. From the time Emily called her that evening till now, her life had revolved around helping Emily plan the wedding and trying to repair her relationship with Nicky. Payson didn't mind, though. Even though two months was a short time to plan a wedding, they did it, and Payson was happy to help her good friend.

"Nicky, I think this is it." Payson said pointing to the Hilton sign on the right.

Payson was anxious to get the reception. Even though she saw everyone at the ceremony, Payson didn't have much time to mingle with people, being a bridesmaid and trying to help Emily get ready. Emily and Damon were smart enough to pair up groomsmen and bridesmaids who didn't have any history with each other to avoid awkwardness. Kaylie walked down the aisle with Jasper, Lauren walked with Austin, and Payson walked down with Carter.

Everyone was at this wedding from Damon's step-dad to Payson's parents to Kelly Parker to Austin's girlfriend, Jenna.

As Payson and Nicky stepped into the reception room, her heart started beating very fast. She didn't know what to say to people. Some of these people she hadn't seen in years.

"Hey, Pay, I'm gonna grab a glass of champagne, then go find our table." Nicky said.

"Yeah, no problem. I'm gonna go find some people. " Payson answered. Nicky smiled as he left to go get a glass of champagne. Before Payson could go find people, people already started to find her.

"Hey,Pay" Payson whipped her head around to find Lauren and Kaylie both holding their cellphones.

"Hey guys what's up?" Payson asked.

"That bitch Austin brought to the wedding. She irks me." Lauren said. Payson rolled her eyes. "What now?"

"She totally stepped on my dress, and didn't even apologize!" Lauren ranted in her usual angry-bratty voice.

"Yeah, and she doesn't even wanna talk to anyone else other than Austin." Kaylie added.

"Well, maybe she's just shy!" Payson suggested.

"Yeah, that's what I thought until we looked her up on Facebook." Lauren explained. "Yep, she is definitely not shy. " Kaylie inquired.

"She's a total slut!" Lauren said showing Payson a picture of Jenna that was quite… disturbing.

Payson squirmed at the picture, wondering how Austin would find interest in a girl like this. "Guys, it's really none of our business." Payson paused. "I'm really hungry, do you guys want to get some food or something?" She asked trying to get them off the topic.

Kaylie was about to answer when Lauren cut her off. "Yeah, we'll meet you in a second." Payson nodded as she walked away.

"Kay, no way am I gonna let that girl come to any more events where I am at." Lauren said as Kaylie rolled her eyes. "Lo, there is really nothing we can do, and I thought your deceitful days were over."

Lauren raised an eyebrow. "Who said anything about deceit? I'm just taking matters into my own hands."

…..

"Have you told her yet?" Kelly asked Nicky as the two were drinking champagne at a table.

"No." Kelly eyes widened. "Nicky, I can't do this anymore." She whispered loudly. "I can't keep what happened between us a secret anymore. "

"What do you want me to do; tell her today?" Nicky paused. "It's one of her best friend's wedding day." Nicky said before taking a sip out of his glass.

"I'm just starting to feel really guilty, Nick. She's been so nice to me, lately. She deserves to know."

Nicky frowned. "Don't you think I feel the same way?" He said raising his voice a little bit. He paused. "I'm the one who is telling her, not you. It's harder than you think."

"Well, then I'll tell her. I can't keep-" Nicky cut her off. "Look, Kelly, not to be rude, but it's really not your place to tell. I would appreciate if you mind your own business. I'll handle this."

Kelly stormed off, slapping her glass on her table. Nicky sighed. He hated being the bad guy, but sometimes being the bad guy is the only way to get people to listen to you.

….

Payson was in the bathroom fixing her hair when she heard crying coming from one of the stalls. She couldn't pin point the cry, but it did sound slightly familiar. Payson was contemplating whether she should mind her own business and let it go or find out why this person was so upset. Payson decided to let it go but somehow her arm had a mind of its own and knocked on the stall.

"Is everything okay in there?" Payson asked, concerned.

For a moment the only sound was the sniffles of the girl in the stall. Payson knocked again. "Hello?"

"I'm fine!" The girl said. "Thanks." She added.

Payson definitely knew that voice even with the slight nasal touch. "Kelly?"

She didn't answer. "Kelly, I know it's you." Kelly rolled up some toilet paper and whipped her eyes and cheeks. "No, you don't."

Payson sighed as she grabbed the bottom of her dress and scrunched it up higher as she got down on her knees and crawled under the stall.

"Keeler! What the fuck are you doing? Don't you know how to mind your own business and give people some damn privacy? My God!" Kelly ranted.

Payson frowned and narrowed her eyebrows at her. "I was just trying to help, but if you don't want it, then fine with me." She moved as if trying to get back out of the stall.

"Wait, Payson. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be rude," She paused, "well, actually I did, but it's just I haven't been having the best time today."

Payson looked at her. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Kelly didn't respond, as she was thinking whether or not to tell Payson about what has been bothering her. Nicky was right. It is harder than she thought.

"Well there's this guy who I really like. I might go as far as to say love, but he's crazy about his girlfriend."

Payson shrugged and gave Kelly a sympathetic look. "Well, I'm sure-" Kelly caught her off.

"That's not all." Kelly said.

Payson's eyes augmented for a moment. "Okay."

Kelly took a deep breath. "He cheated on his girlfriend with me, and I feel so guilty because his girlfriend has been so nice to me lately and I feel like such a slut."

"Oh goodness, Kelly. Is the guy here?" Kelly nodded; more tears welling up in her eyes. "Is the girl here?" Kelly nodded again. "Do I know them?" Kelly nodded.

"Me and the girl actually haven't always been so close, but we've known each other for most of our lives." Kelly informed her.

Payson was currently doing process of elimination in her head, and the list was getting shorter and shorter by the clue.

"Kelly?" Payson's voice quavered in pitch. Kelly looked up back at Payson. "Yes, Payson?"

Payson took a deep breath. She had to ask. It was the only way she could be sure. "Does this girl happen to be me? She paused. "And does this guy happen to be Nicky?" She said slowly. Kelly nodded her final nod.

"Payson, I'm so sorry." Kelly finally spoke up again as she broke down into tears.

Payson sat there for what seemed like hours to Kelly before she got up from the floor, opened the bathroom stall and left the bathroom.

….

Nicky cheated on her. He didn't just cheat on her with a random girl. It was with a girl she knew. Payson looked around at the dance floor as the slow song played. She was currently sitting alone at her table. She hated slow songs. Scratch that. She hated slow songs about love. When you are happy and when everything is going great, slow songs can be nice; but when life sucks, slow songs can really just shit up your day. Payson sighed; it seemed as if Cupid had shot the whole world except for her. Emily was dancing with Damon, of course, Lauren was dancing with Razor, Kaylie was dancing with Carter, Austin had been dancing with Jenna, but that ended short for some reason, Sasha had been dancing with Summer earlier on, Steve was dancing with Chloe, her parents were dancing together, and about a million other couples. Nicky was nowhere to be found, thank God, Payson thought; and Kelly was probably still sobbing away in the bathroom.

Payson crossed her arms over the chest, as she heard a familiar, accented voice from behind her. "Payson?" Payson turned around to find the one and only, Sasha Belov.

"Hey, Sasha." Payson said, wearily. Sasha sat down on the seat next to Payson. "Payson, is everything alright?" Sasha said, sensing that something was bringing her down.

Payson didn't answer for a moment. She was just staring at the dance floor, again, looking at all the couples dancing. Sasha followed her gaze, realizing that she was looking at all the different couples on the dance floor. "Where's Nicky?" Sasha asked.

Payson shrugged. "I don't know," she said simply.

Sasha gave her a sympathetic look before asking, "Is something wrong?" he asked softly. It might not have been any of his business, but he does care about Payson, and he hates seeing her upset.

Payson shrugged again. "Boy problems, I guess."

"Well, I don't know what happened, but whoever is stupid enough to hurt or upset Payson Keeler is not worth it. You deserve to be happy, and if he doesn't make you happy, then he doesn't deserve you." Payson gave him a skeptical look. "I know it sounds like it was taken out of a fortune cookie or something, but it is true," he adds.

The former gymnast nodded. "I know." She chuckled a little bit; thinking about how odd this feels, talking to Sasha about something like this. "I never thought the day would come where I actually talk to Sasha Belov, the coach who would have killed us if we had boyfriends, about boys."

Sasha raised an eyebrow. "If you had boyfriends?"

She laughed. "My bad. I should have said if we admitted to having boyfriends," she said very smartly.

They both laughed, as Sasha slowly got up from his seat. "Well, you're no more a gymnast, so whether you date or not is completely up to you." He turned as if he was going to walk away, and then he turned around again to face Payson again.

"And, Payson?" She looked at him again. "A word of advice from someone who cares?" He paused. "Live life with no regrets. Regret is a horrible thing to live with. If it is not meant to be, then it is not meant to be." He paused as he looked at Summer, who was chatting with another guest across the room. "Love is like an overplayed song; no matter how many times you change the station, it still has a way of coming back."

Payson really thought about that statement. It seemed like Sasha knew exactly what to say to her all the time. He was completely right; she knew it, but now it was time to admit it to herself. "Now how much of that was taken out of a fortune cookie?"

Sasha chuckled. "About… 95 percent, but it sounded good, didn't it?" He said as he walked away.

….

After her talk with Sasha, Payson got out of her seat to enjoy the reception. She knew Emily would be upset if she wasn't enjoying herself. Even though Payson definitely wasn't enjoying herself, she owed it to Emily to at least act like it. So, she danced a couple songs, faked many smiles, and faked facial expressions on a numerous amount of pointless conversations. All the acting stopped when she saw Nicky come from the door.

Before she lost her cool, she decided to have their over-due talk now.

As she walked over to Nicky, she didn't need to rehearse what she was going to say because it was something that would come natural to her.

As soon as she stepped up to him, she asked, "Do you love me?"

He narrowed his eyebrows with a confused look on his face. "What?"

"Did you ever love me?" She paused. "Because I never really actually loved you, to be quite honest." She knew it might have come out harsh, but it was something she needed to get off her chest.

Nicky Russo had never been more confused as he was at this point of his life. The approach was just so random; he didn't even know how to answer her, so he answered her quickly and let her do the rest of the talking. "Uhm…yes?"

Payson crossed her arms in front of her chest. "So, then why did you cheat on me with Kelly?"

Nicky was so dumbfounded. He was so angry and still confused. He didn't know what do say. "Payson," He paused changing his train of thought. "Wait a minute, did she tell you that?"

She laughed for a second. "Really? Is that your answer?" She paused. "What does it matter if Kelly told me, or if Lauren told me, or if my own damn mother told me? I was going to find out anyway."

Nicky sighed, looking down at his feet. "Payson I'm really sorry," he said as he touched her shoulder, but she jerked away. "Pay, I know you're mad, but you got to let me explain."

She frowned and narrowed her eyebrows. "Wait a minute, who said I was mad? I'm not mad. I'm relieved," she said as she began to take off the bracelet Nicky had given her a while back while they were still in California, handing it back to him. "I mean, if I'm angry at anyone, it would be myself. "

She shook her head. "You don't love me. You never did, and I'm angry with myself because of the fact that I believed that you actually loved me and I was wasting my energy, trying so hard to reciprocate those feelings." She chuckled for a moment. "They were feelings that were never there." She took a deep breath. It felt so damn good to say that.

He looked down at his feet again. "You might be right." He hated admitting it to himself, but she was right.

Payson slightly smiled. "And you know what's funny? We spent so much time trying to repair our relationship that we totally blocked out the world around us and didn't realize the people who actually do love us. " She looked at Kelly who was sitting at her table, then looked back at Nicky.

He nodded. "You're right. I spent so much time trying to figure out what was wrong with us. I was trying to figure out why our relationship could never just…"

"Work." Payson finished off his sentence for him. She looked around the room; nobody seemed to notice them, probably because they managed to keep their voices under control. "Someone once said to me that, love is like an overplayed song; no matter how many times you change the station, it still has a way of coming back," she repeated Sasha's statement from earlier on, as Nicky took a seat on the nearest chair.

"It's the exact opposite with us. No matter how many times we try to change the station, it just never plays."

"Exactly," she said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "I may not love you, Nicky, but I know there is someone out there who does." She looked at Kelly again making sure Nicky caught her gaze that time, before she walked away.

...

Nicky knew she was right. He had been thinking the same thing for months, but he just didn't want to admit it to himself. He looked at Kelly who was sitting a table alone, looking as if she was in deep thought.

He got up from his seat and walked across the room to Kelly's table.

"Hey," he simply said as went up to Kelly from behind.

She turned her head back and looked up at him. "Hey," she said worried that he might have found out that she told Payson.

"This is odd. I thought Kelly Parker doesn't miss parties. I thought the parities miss her. "

They both laughed loudly. "And where did you hear that from?"

"Does it really need to be told? Anyone who knows you for more than a week knows that."

"Lies," she replied. He looked at her skeptically for a moment. "Truths," he replied.

"You better shut up before I throw a water balloon at you again. " The two Denver Elite coaches laughed as they recollected on the memory.

Kelly's face changed guilt crept up on her again. "Did Payson happen to tell you anything?" She asked nervously as she scuffed her feet against the floor.

"Uh, yeah." He began, looking down at the floor. "She knows."

Kelly sighed, and decided to be brave and tell Nicky the truth. He would find out sooner or later. "Nicky,-"

He cut her off. "Relax, Kelly. I know you told her. She didn't tell me you told her, but it was pretty obvious."

She looked at him, trying to search his face for emotions. She was surprised when she saw no trace of anger there. "You're not angry?"

He shook his head. "Surprisingly, not at all actually. Payson and I spoke about it, and we're both relieved the relationship is over. It just... wasn't working out."

Kelly nodded her head; she didn't know what to say. It is her fault they broke up, but they were happy that they did. Technically, she could apologize or demand for a thank you. Apologizing would have never crossed the old Kelly Parker's mind, but the new Kelly Parker was not the same as the old one. The new Kelly Parker was more mature and took responsibility for her actions.

"I'm sorry, Nick. I didn't mean for any of this to happen."

He smiled at her slightly, sitting down next to her. "You know, it's funny cause," he began, while scratching his head, "Payson mentioned something about us being so wound up in trying to make our relationship work that we didn't realize the people who actually do love us, then she looked at you when she said it." At this point, he was nervously playing with the bracelet Payson had given back to him, while Kelly's mouth was slowly, silently dropping.

"She did?"

Nicky nodded, trying to gather up any hidden boldness he had and utilize it. "Is there some truth to that?" He asked anxiously.

She smiled, as she shrugged. "I guess," she plainly said.

…...

"Bet you in two months we'll be getting an invitation for another wedding." He gestured with his head over to Kaylie and Carter who were slow dancing on the floor. "The Celebration of Holy Matrimony between the guy who has never gotten a hair cut and the girl who continuously swoons over him. "

Payson can recognize the voice, wittiness, and sarcasm from anywhere. She turned around giving him a quizzical look. "Two months? Knowing them two, they will be having their 'first-again' date within a week, their second within two, and wedding invitation will be coming that same month."

Austin sat down next to her. "It's gotta be the hair."

Payson chuckled. "What?""Kaylie fell for it, Lauren fell for it, Kelly partially fell for it, Emily probably did too." He paused. "I mean there has to be a reason why he's not cutting it!"

Payson bursted out laughing. " I mean seriously," he continued, "it's like Tarzan's jungle in there. "

She was laughing so hard that tears started to come out of her eyes. Anyone looking at her from far away would probably think she was crying. "Austin, stop," she said trying to calm down "your gonna make me h-hurt myself."

Austin laid a hand on her back. "Sorry, Pay, do you need some water?"

Payson calmed down a bit leaning into his touch. "No, I'm good." She paused. " You didn't mention me. I didn't fall for the jungle."

Austin leaned back in his chair. "Well, of course not, you're into dark haired guys."

She gasped. "That's not true! I'm into all hair colors." Austin looked at her unconvinced, until a light bulb seemed to come on in his head. "Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. I forgot about Sasha." Payson playfully hit him on the arm.

"I was never into Sasha."

"Uh, need I remind you of the whole kissing scandal?"

Payson rolled her eyes. "It's called I was a sixteen year old girl with teenage hormones gushing through me. I couldn't help it. "

Austin laughed. "Alright, you got me there." He paused, looking at her. "So, where is Nicky?"

She gestured over to him and Kelly dancing together on the dance floor. It was then she noticed that Kelly was wearing the bracelet she had just worn an hour ago. In any other circumstance, that would be messed up, but not this one. That bracelet was meant to be on the wrist of someone he loved. At the time, he gave it to her, he thought he had loved her. They both thought he had loved her, but they were wrong. In reality, that bracelet had always belonged to Kelly because that is who he loves; Kelly, not Payson.

"Damn, uh, I'm not going to lie; I'm quite confused."

She shrugged. "It's a long story. Let's just say it didn't work out. " She scanned the room with her eyes, not able to find Jenna. "Where's Jenna?"

He shrugged. "It's a long story. Let's just say there is an upside to Sharing, not Tweeting."

Payson rolled her eyes. "Lauren and Kaylie talked to you? I swear those two just can't mind their own business. I told them not to get involved."

"No, I'm glad they did. As you know, I go on Twitter, not Facebook, so I never saw those pictures and I didn't know she was… that type of girl. I mean I knew she liked to flaunt her stuff…"

"So, what did you break up with her or something?"

He nodded. "Yup, I dumped her. I didn't even tell her to leave, though, but she did, right after her hand married my cheek.

Payson gasped, giving him a tender and concerned look. "She slapped you? Did it hurt? Are you okay?"

"Nothing I can't handle. I was an Olympic gymnast. I think a slap is nothing compared to the amount of injuries I was dealt to."

"She still shouldn't have slapped you though; that was uncalled for."

"It's okay. It didn't hurt; she was just a fling anyway," he paused, smiling at Payson. "but a dance with you, won't hurt either."

"Alright, you definitely got that from a movie," she said as Austin got up from his seat, offering Payson his hand.

"No, I made it up, I swear!" He said as Payson took hold of his hand and stood up.

"I don't believe you," she singsonged.

"Fine, don't,and for your information, Austin Tucker does not reuse pick up lines. How do you think I get all the girls?"

"By reusing pick up lines!" Payson exclaimed.

They both laughed and enjoyed the music as they slow danced to the beat of the music, swaying from side to side. People may be confused looking at Nicky dancing with Kelly, and Austin dancing with Payson, especially if they didn't know what happened within the past hour. After ten minutes, Austin decided to speak up again. "Hey, Pay?"

She looked up at him. "Yeah?"

"Do you think we'll ever be able to pick up where we left off?" Payson sighed, looking away. "Wait. I know that might have come off a little too straightforward, but I just need to know," he continued.

Payson wasn't going to lie to herself. She did still feel something for Austin Tucker. Maybe it's love, maybe it is isn't. Payson then thought of what Sasha said to her earlier about how, if it is meant be, then it is meant to be. She then thought about the overplayed song analogy, and then where she is right now. Maybe her relationship with Austin was like an overplayed song. No matter how many times she tried to change the station, it still found a way to come back. She was curious and willing to see if the love was still there after all of these years, but not now. She needed time to herself.

"Maybe," Payson paused, "But when we split up, I never really had time to myself. As soon as my relationship with you finished, my relationship with Nicky began. I never really had a break. I need that break. I need time to myself."

He nodded. "I understand, but I just want you to know that I still love you Payson. I don't care if you love me back or not, but I never stopped loving you, and I just want you to know that."

Payson shrugged, trying to ignore the butterflies in her stomach. "Maybe the feelings are mutual. I don't know, but I'm not ready to find out, not just yet. Let's just start out with being friends again. "

Austin smiled looking down at Payson. "I can do that. Just know I'll be waiting."

Payson nodded, resting her head on his chest. "Just don't leave me again, Austin."

"Leaving is not an option, Payson, not anymore," Austin said. "Oh, and Payson, one more thing."

"Yeah?"

"You're right. I do reuse pick up lines, but anything I've ever used on you was original."

Payson removed her head from his chest and looked up at him and smiled.

Payson Keeler doesn't know what her feelings toward Austin Tucker are anymore, but she does know that whatever it is feels so damn good.

Author's Note: I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. This is the longest chapter I've ever written. It took me forever! This will be the last actual chapter. Next chapter will be the epilogue! I'll try to post that soon. Please Review!