I'll Never Let Them Hurt You
The Suggestion.
We all stayed at my mom's house that night. Me and Gerard took the sofa-bed and my mom slept on the two seater. My grandma and grandpa took the beds upstairs. After a few hours of shuffling around trying to find a comfortable position, I drifted off into a dreamless sleep only to be woken up again what must have been a few hours later. My mom was sobbing quietly, I got out of bed carefully went to sit on the floor next to her couch.
"Mom?"
"Frankie," I felt her hand touch my face and stroke my cheek.
"Sing for me?"
"What if I wake Gee up?"
"I'm sure he won't mind." she said softly. She had a point. I took her hand from my cheek and held it in my own then begain to sing her a quiet lullaby, the one I always sing for her when she's upset. It's been passed down through our family for years and one day i'll sing it to my own kids.
Her whimpering soon silenced and her breathing became deeper. I stayed on the floor for a few more minutes stroking her hair.
"Frank?" I heard Gee whisper in the dark.
"Yeah?"
"You okay?" he came and sat next to me and put his arm around my waist.
"Yeah. Singing my mom to sleep." I whispered back.
"And she's sleeping now?"
"Yeah. "
"Come on, lets go back to bed."
I agreed and we both tried to get back to sleep. In a few hours we'd be going back to my house.
Morning came and me and Gerard packed our things and said goodbye to everyone. Gerard drove, I was too tired to think properly.
"Yanno, I think we should go away for a bit. A weekend maybe?" Gee said when we stopped at the lights.
"Huh?" I replied, taking my head off the window and looking at him.
"Where to?"
"Well, I was thinking, the forest?" he said hesitantly.
The lights turned green and the car moved forward. I took some time to take in what he said.
"I can't. We can't, Gerard, no."
"Why not?"
"You know why not. Don't be stupid."
"Frank, I think it'd do you good. I know you think it'll probably make things worse but it might help you to let go of-"
"Let go of what? My dad? The nightmares? The depression? What Gerard?" I could feel the anger rising inside me. I didn't want to shout at him but what did he think my reaction would be? Why would anyone want to go back to the place a loved one died?
He looked hurt, I know he didn't mean it. I watched him chew his bottom lip in regret, then anger.
"Jeez, i'm sorry. Sorry, okay I shouldn't have said it." He shook his head and took a deep breath.
I rubbed the back of my head and pulled at my hair. "I'm sorry too. But I wasn't exactly going to say yes was I?"
"I don't know. I just thought it would be a good idea since it was the anniversary yesterday. You could bury something. I don't know." He pulled into the driveway and took the keys from the ignition. Bury something. Hm, but what? I can't think of anything of my dad's that i'd want to leave in the ground. Then it hit me. I realised what Gerard was trying to say. He thought that if I can bury one of my dad's posessions and cope with leaving it behind in the dirt then i'd be able to leave my dad. Obviously he'll never leave me, i'll always have him with me and the memories but I understood Gerard's reasoning.
"Yeah actually. That's not a bad idea."
"What?" Gerard sounded a bit shocked. Of course he would be, i've just ripped his head off about it and now I think it's a good idea.
"Burying something. If I can leave it behind then i'll find it easier coping with my dad's death right?"
"Exactly." Gerard smiled at me and put his hand on my thigh, giving it a reassuring squeeze.
After sleeping on it, I decided which object I wanted to bury. I still had my father's wrist watch that he gave me when I turned fourteen. Me and Gerard set off for the New Hampshire forest in the early afternoon. My stomach was in knots and I was nervous as fuck.