CHAPTER EIGHT

EMERALD ISLE

"I know I said I wanted to see the world, but not like this." Renesmee said as we made our dissent into Shannon Airport on the west coast of Ireland. She held on to the moonstone and amethyst necklace around her neck that Renee had given her as she closed her eyes, thinking about the grandmother she had only gotten to know for a few days.

We decided to stay in a small cottage in County Clare near the Cliffs of Moher but secluded enough to be away from wandering tourists. The night sky on the road to the cottage was bright with starlight. I had chosen a two bedroom one bathroom country cottage in Ballysteen. It reminded me of our cottage at home with the stone walls that seemed to come out of the earth. I thought the familiarity might comfort Bella. It had a large, white Dutch front door that opened into a large kitchen and living room. Three doors off of the back of the room led to the two bedrooms and one bathroom which were an addition to the original one room cottage that now made up just the living room and the kitchen. There was a large stone fireplace off to one end of the house with a great wooden mantle.

The furnishings were sparse but clean. There was a small, hand crafted wood table and four chairs in the dining area. Two long stuffed gray couches sat perpendicular to the fireplace with a small four-legged wood coffee table between them. The curtains on the windows were light blue wool that draped to the floor.

"It says here that we can walk up to the edge of the cliffs and spread the ashes. It's about 1 kilometer north of here." Bella said as she poured over the details of the brochure for the area where she had decided to lay her mother to rest.

"Some of us need sleep." Jacob groaned as he flopped onto the couch nearest the front door. Even Renesmee, who was usually not effected by lack of sleep for days at a time, seemed to be worn out as she sat on the other couch opposite Jacob and yawned.

"He's right." said Bella. "Let them rest. We can go hunt."

"And leave them alone?" I said under my breath to Bella.

"Edward." Bella said with an exhausted sideways glance.

"We will be fine, Dad. Jacob has been protecting me my whole life. What has been going on with you lately?" Renesmee asked with exasperation.

Jacob spoke up. "It's okay, Nessie. I'd be the same way with my own daughter, if I had one. Sometimes when someone is so precious to you, you don't fully trust anyone else to be able to protect them the way you would. Love is funny that way." he said as he dozed off.

It was endlessly irritating when, on the rare occasion, Jacob expressed some pearl of wisdom that managed to cut me to my core. I hated to admit that a part of me actually despised him a great deal less than the rest of me did. He wasn't so bad, when he wasn't after the women in my life.

"We will be right back." I warned.

Ireland is a truly beautiful country. The only downside for us that night was the lack of trees and wildlife on the small island. Bella and I wandered the dark landscape for sometime looking for a safe place to hunt. We found nothing but large expanses of flat land and rolling hills.

We were considering giving up when we came to a patch of trees where we could smell something just beyond the tree line. As we approached the perimeter of trees between the field where we were standing and the next field over, we now saw a herd of sheep sleeping. I made a mental note of our location so that I could find out who owned this herd and send them anonymous compensation for the animals we were about to consume, plus extra for the worry and loss the owner would likely suffer due to our actions.

Bella squinted at the herd and then shook her head. "You go first." she said.

It is amazing how such a simple sentence can seemingly halt the turning of the world. In that moment I had a feeling creep into me which I had not experienced for some time: dread bordering on fear. For years we had hunted with Bella in the lead and me following. I tried to calm my nerves. Bella had been through a great deal of stress, and I knew she was feeling out of sorts.

"Are you sure you want to do this right now?" I asked.

"I have to eat." Bella said. She was right. Bella looked ravaged. The moonlight shining down on her face was a stark contrast to her pitch black eyes with deep dark circles. Her skin looked dusty rather than smooth like marble. I was surprised she could function as hungry as she appeared to be.

We crept closer and could see the sheep sleeping in huddled groups in the field. If we were careful to grab animals close to the edges, we could get in and out without disturbing the entire herd.

Bella nodded and I went ahead of her. I crept up downwind from a large ewe that was off a little ways from a main grouping of animals. I used my speed and strength to grab the ewe, keeping her mouth shut with one hand, and grabbing her around the waist with the other arm. The other animals barely moved as I ran back to the trees where Bella was still hiding.

The shock had worn off and the ewe was beginning to kick wildly.

"Bella, hurry, before she wakes the others!" I murmured.

Bella hesitated for the briefest of moments and then she was on the ewe. She was tearing into its neck, and because of the angle I was holding the animal, I had a front row seat watching Bella tear out the animal's throat. Blood was everywhere, on Bella's face, in her hair, dripping down her neck. Her eyes were wild with hunger. She made more of a mess than anything. When she pulled away from the animal, her eyes were wild and she looked mad with hunger. I dropped the animal and stepped back.

There was a rustling from the field as animals moved in their sleep and it caught Bella's attention. Before I knew what was happening, Bella had descended on the animals at the edge of the herd. She was tearing out their throats, but she was moving too fast to actually be consuming anything of substance. Panic spread like wildfire as animals startled awake and ran in all directions.

Bella was tearing them apart until a lamb, lost and terrified, ran into her leg. She glanced down and grabbed the lamb by the scruff of the neck. She lifted it to look in its eyes. As her gaze locked with the lamb's, the lamb froze and Bella seemed to be deep in thought as she looked at it. Bella opened her mouth, venom pouring out and running down her face. As a reflex I tried to read her and when I did I heard humming coming from her mind; no thought, just sound.

I ran to her and yanked the animal from her hand, swiftly placing it on the ground and turning back to Bella. Just then, above the screams of the sheep came the barking of dogs and a voice. A human voice. Bella's head whipped around to see the man, wielding a shotgun, running toward the herd in the dark from his tent at higher ground. He tripped and fell coming down the hillside. He tried to use his free hand to catch himself and instead cut open his wrist on a low lying bush. It wasn't enough to kill him, but it was enough to have a steady stream of blood pouring fourth from the wound.

The man was sitting on the ground several hundred yards away, examining his arm, which was a good thing because if he had looked up just then, he would have seen Bella, drenched in blood, running right for him.

Luckily Bella was still hungry and weak, and I am so much faster than she, because I overtook her as she ran, grabbed her off her feet, and then bolted into the trees with her. I ran out into the next field and just kept running. Bella tore at me and snarled in my arms, but I would not release her. I couldn't take her back to the cottage because she would wake Jacob and Renesmee. I knew she would not want them to see her like this.

I stopped two miles from the cottage, in an open field with not a person or house in sight, and I stood and held Bella as she struggled and screamed. I couldn't bear to see her in such a state. I held her tightly and tried to think of what I could do to calm her. Once, when I had thought I was alone in the main house, I was playing the piano and I felt compelled to sing. Bella had heard me and had been drawn by my voice. I personally was not fond of my singing, but Bella had been mesmerized.

I hoped that such a feeling could reach her in her current state, and I began to sing to her. It was nothing specific, not a real song of any kind, just vocalizing at first, to try to catch her attention. She paused briefly, before continuing to try to escape, so I searched for words. I sang to her about the sea and the waves, about storms and destruction, and then I sang about those storms ending, and the sun, and the beauty of life. I sang about anything and everything until she finally calmed.

"Edward." she whispered. "I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me."

I held her tighter, not to restrain her, but to comfort her.

"Bella, what were you thinking? You could have been seen. And that man? Bella…" I said until she interrupted.

"I know, Edward. I'm so glad you stopped me. It must be because I'm so hungry, but his blood…I smelled it and I couldn't think of anything else. Normally I can avoid humans even when they are injured, but this time… it was frightening." Bella said, shaking her head against my chest.

"Let's go back and get you cleaned up." I whispered as I lead Bella back to the cottage.

When Bella and I returned we used the outside hose to rinse ourselves as much as possible. Bella had been covered in blood, and because I had tried to restrain her, my clothes were ruined as well. Inside Renesmee was asleep in the second room and Jacob had fallen asleep on a pull out couch in the living room. When we entered the house, Jacob sat up. He relaxed slightly when he realized it was just me and Bella, but upon second glance he noticed our soaked, blood-stained clothing and asked, "What happened? Are you okay?"

"Yes, we're fine. Go back to sleep." I said. Jacob gave me a questioning look, and after looking Bella up and down asked from his mind "Are you sure? Bella looks like hell."

I nodded and Jacob shook his head and went back to sleep. After we finished cleaning ourselves up in the bathroom, throwing our soiled clothes into the blazing fire in the fireplace, Bella and I went to first bedroom and sat on the bed.

"Penny for your thoughts." I said softly. Bella made a motion of her finger over her pursed lips to hush me as my voice had disturbed Jacob. He grunted and rolled over, twisting himself further in the comforter. I rose from the bed and closed the bedroom door.

Bella looked at me with her dark amber eyes. If she had gotten enough to eat, her eyes would be a lighter gold. She would need to hunt again soon, an event that, after tonight, I was not looking forward to again. I heard the humming sound that seemed to be coming from inside her head, and after a time her shield came down. It stuttered a little before falling completely. "This all seems so surreal, Edward. I keep waiting to wake up and find that this is all a dream and my mom is still alive. Every time my cell phone rings, for a split second I hope it's her before realizing it's not her. And it will never be her. And I will never wake from this nightmare because vampires don't sleep, therefore they can never wake. And that thought kills me a little more every day."

My poor Bella. So much torment. I could think of nothing to say, so I sat next to her and put my arms around her while she quietly rocked back and forth, unable to weep.

Jacob and Renesmee slept until around ten o'clock in the morning, local time. They got ready and we all walked to the cliffs to spread Renee's ashes. There were not many people in the location we chose. Close by was an elderly couple, reminiscing about when they had been wed here over fifty years ago. In the distance there was a blond woman staring out into the ocean. She seemed to be speaking to herself, as there was no one else around her. And to our other side was a couple with their young son. He had to be about seven or eight.

"Here you go, Mom. I hope you find peace. I miss you so much. I'm so sorry." Bella said as she opened the urn, stepped to the edge, and upended the vessel. As the ashes fell from the urn, the wind began to blow softly and the ashes seemed to dance out to the ocean. The corners of Bella's mouth turned up almost imperceptibly in the biggest smile she could manage.

We stood there for some time. As we left, I noticed that the elderly couple had moved on, and the parents and their child were heading back to the Visitor Center, but the blond woman was still at the edge of the cliffs. She glanced over as I was looking at her, and she seemed to look me straight in the eye. Her gaze swept to Jacob and Renesmee. Her brow rose just slightly as she turned back to the ocean and began muttering to herself again.

I tried to read her mind, but she was unfamiliar to me, and at this distance I could not hear her. She was probably here for similar reasons. Her body language seemed to emanate grief.

After spreading Renee's ashes, we returned to the small cottage and Bella curled up on the couch with the urn that had held her mother's ashes.

"I saw a little pub just south of us in St. Brigid's Well when we were coming in. We could go get something to eat and take a walk." said Jacob.

"That's probably a good idea. You should go." Bella said in a lifeless voice, not looking at anyone, and staring off into space.

I tried to think of a reason for them not to go off alone, but they did need to eat and we had been so focused on spreading the ashes that we hadn't thought to buy food for the cottage. "Fine" I conceded. "But don't be gone too long. We will go buy food at the market for the rest of the stay."

"Leave them alone, Edward." Bella said in a flat tone.

"We will be fine, Dad." Renesmee assured me as she and Jacob walked out the door.

I hated to admit it, but I didn't want them to go. Being here alone with Bella was difficult. She was so despondent, and I felt so helpless and useless. Being alone with her brought my inability to the forefront.

With nothing to distract from the silence, I was left to try to do something, but what? What could I say? What could I do? I felt like the most useless husband that had ever existed. Here she was in pain, and not only could I not help her, but I was uncomfortable around her. I walked over to her and sat on the floor next to where she lay on the sofa. Unable to think of anything to do, I reached up and held her hand.

"There are no words to make this better, Bella. But just know that I love you and I'm here for you." I said. It was the best I could do at the moment.

"I know." She said. "I wish I could sleep. I wish there could be some hours of the day when I don't have to think about this. But I can't get away from it. There is no respite. Is this why vampires avoid relationships with humans?"

"Ultimately, yes, this is why." I said.

"This is going to happen to my dad some day." she whispered. Apparently this thought had just occurred to her, and it was not helping at all.

"Bella, your dad is still relatively young. He will probably be around for a while." I said.

"Unless his planes crashes, or his car, or someone shoots him…" she became increasingly upset as she contemplated all of the possible ways she could lose her father.

"Bella, stop." I said softly. "I know you don't want to hear this, but he will die someday, and whether it is tomorrow or fifty years from now, it still won't seem like it was long enough. When we get home, you can have all the time with him you can handle, if it will make you feel better, but obsessing over what's going to happen down the road will only take away your time in the here and now."

"You're right." she sniffed. Bella and I sat like that in the living room for several hours until the sun began to sink lower toward the horizon. Jacob and Renesmee should have returned hours ago. I pulled out my cell phone and tried Renesmee's phone. It went straight to voicemail.

Trying not to panic, I dialed Jacob next. His phone went directly to voicemail too. The only reason a phone goes straight to voicemail like that without ringing is if it's off. Why would they turn off their phones? I could think of several reasons why they would turn them off voluntarily, and even more reasons why they might have been shut off involuntarily, and none of these possibilities was good.

I was about to leave Bella to search for them, when Renesmee and Jacob came in the door. They were both soaking wet and covered in dirt and grass. Jacob was limping. Bella got up and Jacob eased onto the couch in obvious pain.

"What happened?!" I demanded.

"It was an accident. It's all my fault. I shouldn't have let go." Renesmee wailed.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Nessie, it's okay." Jacob panted through waves of pain as his bones attempted to heal at unnatural angles. I could hear the crackle of them trying to reattach from inside his leg. Jacob screamed as his accelerated healing created reattachments that would never support weight or function properly. Renesmee's face contorted with sympathetic agony.

I tried to get a closer look at Jacob's leg and he recoiled. "Do you want this to heal wrong and stay that way? It'll be hard to strut around like an insufferable know-it-all when you can't even walk properly." I admonished.

"Don't touch me!" growled Jacob, lunging forward. I stepped back and grabbed Renesmee to get her out of arm's reach of Jacob.

"Stop it! Both of you!" Renesmee shouted in hysterics. "Jacob, let my father help you." she demanded. Then she turned to me and whispered, "Daddy, please help him." The pain in her eyes cut me like a knife. Bella put her arm around Renesmee to comfort her.

"Jacob, please. I hold two medical degrees and I've helped Carlisle in hospitals and on battlefields. I can help you." I told him.

Jacob looked at Renesmee and took a deep breath. "Fine." he grunted through clenched teeth.

I examined his ankle and it was healing quickly but terribly. Without help, this would cripple him. I would have to break it in several places to reset it. And I had no morphine or any other painkillers. "You both need to leave the room." I said to Renesmee and Bella. "This is going to hurt him a great deal and if he can't keep himself from lashing out then I don't want you two getting hurt."

"Can't we do anything at all for the pain?" asked Bella.

"I have nothing like that here." I said.

"I had to have my whole right side reset when that newborn blood sucker crushed me that one time. I think I can handle a busted ankle." Jacob panted.

"Jacob, Carlisle gave you enough morphine to knock out a herd of elephants when he reset your bones, and it still wasn't enough to take the pain away completely. Now you think long and hard about how much that hurt with all those drugs and tell me again whether you think you can handle this." I said.

"I have an idea." said Renesmee.

"Now is not the time for experimenting, Renesmee." I said.

"Edward is right, Nessie." Jacob said, looking at her with an intense gaze. "If I ever hurt you it would kill me."

Renesmee walked up to Jacob and touched his face. Using her power to place thoughts into people's minds, she showed him a memory of when she was younger; a happy memory of the two of them. It was a vision of their first Christmas together. The one right before the Volturi had come for us because our cousin Irina had seen Renesmee and thought she was an immortal child. Jacob and Renesmee sat next to the tree opening gifts at Charlie's house. Jacob had made her a bracelet. The same bracelet that was on the wrist joined to the hand providing the visions, sitting just below Renee's bracelet.

Jacob reached up and softly touched his bracelet and smiled. His heart rate slowed and I could see that the endorphins from the positive emotions and the distraction of Renesmee's vision helped to ease Jacob's pain. But would it work when I was breaking his bones repeatedly? Renesmee stopped the visions and when she moved her hand away from Jacob's face, he gently reached up to stop her.

"Don't stop." Jacob winced as his bones continued to mend "Please. Show me more." He begged. Renesmee looked to me.

"We will try this, for you Renesmee, but know that I will kill him if I have to in order to protect you." I warned.

"Deal." said Jacob before Renesmee could retort. "Do it."

I nodded to Renesmee and she began a mental slideshow of sorts for Jacob as I began setting his ankle. I broke the easier spots first because they were quick breaks. Jacob grimaced, but I could tell he was still enthralled with Renesmee. This next break would be the worst because I had to do it slowly to make sure it broke in the exact right spots.

"It's about to get worse." I said as I began the break. Jacob trembled in pain as Renesmee struggled to show him images strong enough to distract him. We were nearing the end, but I could tell Jacob was slipping. A growl began deep in his chest. "Renesmee, you need to leave. He's going to lose it." I warned.

Bella stepped up and put her hand on Renesmee's shoulder. "Show him something else, Renesmee. Something he needs to see." she said softly.

I wasn't sure what Bella meant. Renesmee wasn't either, at first. She looked at Bella and blushed a deep crimson before looking away. Her mind was a whirlwind of images, but the loudest were the words "I'm sorry, Mom."

I wasn't sure what she could possibly have to be sorry for until I saw it in Jacob's mind. Renesmee showed Jacob a thought she had while he was hanging off the edge of the cliff. It was a thought she felt was a betrayal to the connection she believe existed between Bella and Jacob. When Renesmee thought she would lose Jacob, she suddenly saw him differently. She had seen what they could be; what they wouldn't be if he died. She was profoundly saddened by the thought of that loss; not only losing him, but losing that future. Renesmee saw herself with Jacob. Not as a friend, but as more.

It wasn't until that moment, when she thought that the chance was gone, that she realized how much she wanted it. She could suddenly see the possibilities. They were standing facing each other, and then they kissed. Their images shifted and Jacob was in a tuxedo and Renesmee was in a wedding dress.

Renesmee felt so conflicted by these foreign thoughts and emotions. She wasn't sure if she should feel guilty. She had grown up thinking that Jacob and Bella loved each other but that Bella had chosen me despite the imprint because our love was stronger. She had seen Jacob avoid other women out of what she thought was devotion to Bella. She felt guilty for thinking of Jacob romantically when his heart supposedly belonged to her mother.

The emotions that surged through Jacob at the sight of this vision were suffocating, and a little disturbing for a father to be witnessing. He truly did love Renesmee in a powerful, almost crippling way, and it seemed that Renesmee had now opened the door to similar feelings toward Jacob. I quickly finished the break in Jacob's ankle and he passed out, cutting off the nauseating wave of emotions from his mind.

"What the hell was that?" I demanded at Renesmee. She ignored me as she fawned over Jacob's unconscious body.

"What did you do?!" she demanded.

"He's passed out, Renesmee. I didn't kill him. Though I'm kind of feeling like I should." I added with disgust.

"He saved my life!" Renesmee spat.

"After he put it in danger, I would wager." I yelled.

She walked up to me and I thought she was about to slap me, so I stayed her hand. "I need to show you." She whispered. I released her hand and she laid it gently on my cheek to show me what had happened.

* **************CHAPTER END*****************