Disclaimer: All those pesky disclaimers still apply

-Interview with Xiahou Dun-

After Guan Du, Cao Cao was stricken with doubt. Yuan Shao was a close friend of his. Having beat him soundly at Guan Du was not easy. I noticed this when he shut himself in his room in the days after the battle. My cousin, Xiahou Yuan kept prodding to approach him.

"He must show himself at some point. No point in pouting after such a great victory," he told me.

I was silent. Xiahou Yuan wanted me to talk to Cao Cao. That was quite plain. I was insistent that leaving our lord to his own devises, he would show his face again, determined once more. But my cousin's wide smiling face is hard to ignore, and I remember thinking his over eagerness would be the death of me.

I knocked on Cao Cao's office door. There was a pause before I heard him beckon me in.

I entered, finding Cao Cao at his desk in his robes. His hair was down, beard untrimmed. Still, he seemed pretty composed. I noticed the rolls and sheets of paper piled and scattered on the desk and the ground.

No, they weren't strategies or letters. They were poems. See, whenever my lord needed time to reflect, he put his reflections into poetry. Good, sweet poetry. I myself had no taste or aspirations for the aesthetic, but Cao Cao loved all that.

"Xiahou Yuan is concerned. You haven't shown yourself in days."

"He's not concerned," he replied. "He's stir crazy. He feels like a caged bear."

"And you don't?" I asked, feeling a tad claustrophobic in his study. It couldn't have been comfortable to be cooped up in this space, surrounded by the stark, iron smell of ink all day.

"No," he said abruptly.

I nodded, not sure what to say next. Cao Cao sighed and leaned back in his chair, propping his head up with his ink-stained hand.

"Has anything made you question who you are, Xiahou Dun?"

I blinked. After a few moments of silence, which were probably longer than I remember, Cao Cao ignored his own question and continued, "A time ago, friendship was the only thing I cherished. Now I find myself ready and willing to throw away my friends."

I cleared my throat, "You doubt myself."

"Now I am," he replied. "Lord Yuan Shu may have been blinded, but he took friendship seriously. It may have been something I took too much for granted."

I honestly felt uncomfortable with this conversation. Cao Cao wasn't wearing his heart on his sleeve, but never had I seen him open up to anyone, especially me. With the very glaring exception of the confidence of his concubines, Cao Cao kept his thoughts and feelings to himself.

Cao Cao inhaled greatly, like a dragon sucking the wind and let the steady breath and flow ease in and out of his chest.

"But, I've made a decision."

"What is that?"
"I will make myself Prime Minister of the Han."

I froze, my mouth threatening to drop. It was bold. Too bold. Had I really heard him right?
I did. He sought the position of Prime Minister without any pretense. I thought him insane.
"You cannot be speaking logically," I said, forgetting myself.
"Xiahou Dun, you may be right. But where it may not be logical, it is practical. I won't go forth through the effort to annihilate a comrade and pacify the north only to stop here. No, my friend, to do that would just be an insult to all those I have fought and subjugated. I plan to see this through."
"But you can't just walk into the Emperor's palace and demand to be made Prime Minister."

I saw Cao Cao smirk under his moustache, "You'd be surprised how much the Emperor can be persuaded. Unfortunately for his court, he's as malleable as wet clay."

"I'm not concerned about the Emperor, but others. They may take this as an act of abject hostility. There are other warlords out there who would not hesitate to want your head."

A look flickered across my lord's face, and for a moment, it looked like fear. Quickly, it went back to usual countenance.

"I am prepared for whatever consequences come before me."

I learned a lot about Cao Cao that day. Again, I disagreed with his course of action, but I was inspired to follow him.

He accomplished as he set out to do. He used his success and the fears of the Emperor to establish himself the role of Prime Minister. He now had near absolute authority to attack anyone he pleased.

That sounded bad. It wasn't that bad. You see, it became clear to me that he wanted to pacify all of China, to bring it peace by force. That's how he saw it and that's how I wanted to see it. Regardless of his intentions, his actions caused great distress in native territories and with warlords who long since declared independence from the Han.

As a result, his paranoia increased, fearing that someone would try to assassinate him. He had guards near at all times, he had lowly soldiers taste his food and drink to check for poison, and he nearly always kept his sword near him in bed. For the most part, though many within the Han court disliked the idea of Cao Cao suddenly becoming Prime Minister, they did not act out, either from fear or belief that the Emperor's word was final.

I, however, found that when Cao Cao received such power, he truly believed he would not be stopped. And so he set his sights on Liu Biao and Liu Bei.

A/N: Starting to show some humanity in Cao Cao...