Chapter 9: Partnership conversations

Tom considered Jimmy and Kyle and their friendship as he strode toward the hospital café with Julia in tow. Marie and Chris had decided to take the opportunity to head back to their hotel and freshen up, so only Julia remained with him. As they walked her heels clicked rhythmically against the polished hospital hallway, providing a soundtrack for his jumbled thoughts. With a deep frown, Tom worried about whether he had done the right thing by leaving Jimmy alone with Kyle when Kyle was badly injured, even though Kyle had requested it. He knew that Kyle would be physically fine since Jimmy had realised that he had to be careful, but Tom was still concerned about Kyle's emotional state after what was bound to be a difficult and distressing conversation. Jimmy was a troubled young man, filled with both incredible talent and traumatised anger that spilled out of him at the slightest provocation, as it had only a few minutes earlier against Tom himself. During their first night together Kyle had talked a little about Jimmy's history, explaining why he'd been kicked out of the party after the fight with his brother. Tom knew that Jimmy had been abused, become hooked on drugs and faced the world through barriers to protect himself, lashing out as a defense mechanism. However, Tom felt it wasn't fair for Kyle to have to clean up after Jimmy all the time, to take of him and hold their friendship together all by himself. Tom knew it was just the kind of man Kyle was, generous and incredibly loyal to a lifelong friend falling to pieces in front of him. He loved that Kyle was so kind, generous, loyal and loving. He just wished that it didn't open Kyle up to so much pain if someone took advantage of that sweet nature, not returning Kyle's kindness and love as generously as it was given.

It was only his feelings for Kyle that had let him ignore Jimmy's harsh accusations that he was just using Kyle for sex, that he wanted to control him instead of care for him. He had still been offended and upset that someone thought he would do that, even though he knew it was utterly false. With a sigh, Tom supposed that Jimmy was just lashing out in anger, probably not even thinking about what he was saying. He was just trying to hurt the person who had got in his way, preventing him from getting to Kyle. Even the limited interaction he had seen between the two of them demonstrated how dependent Jimmy was on Kyle. Tom had no intention of trying to control Kyle but Jimmy wouldn't know that. He hadn't seen them together and he probably wouldn't know much about their relationship or its intensity. He wouldn't know how deeply Tom cared or how right and natural being with Kyle felt. Jimmy obviously knew that they were sleeping together and that Kyle had a boyfriend, but he might not know anything else. From that information, he probably assumed Tom wasn't very important to Kyle, just a brief fling. Given the age difference and Tom's success in the industry, Jimmy might even think he was taking advantage of a young, star-struck Kyle. He wouldn't understand why Tom had been at the hospital, or at Kyle's bedside. Oh hell, Jimmy might even think that Tom was trying to take Kyle away from him. Tom would never do that, but Jimmy probably expected the worst in everyone because of his traumatic past.

Tom knew how difficult it must have been for Kyle to kick out his best friend, how upset he must have been. Clearly he'd been upset enough not to pay attention when crossing the street. Tom sighed again, concern eddying in his eyes. Well, he couldn't control what happened in their discussion, but he could be there for Kyle to support him regardless. Kyle had spent so long having to be the strong one in his friendship with Jimmy, holding them together and picking up the pieces. Tom felt that Kyle needed to be taken care of awhile, to realise it was okay to lean on someone for a change. Tom wanted to do that for him, to be there and help him recover.

Tom looked up suddenly, breaking out of his thoughts at the sudden absence of Julia's shoes tapping out a constant pattern. They had reached the café and she was reaching out to pat him on the arm in concern, asking "Is everything alright in there Tom? I thought you'd be happy Kyle is doing better but you seem to be sighing a lot instead."

As they sat down and ordered, Tom sighed again, adding a little grin as he said her name. "Oh, Julia. I'm fine. I am happy that he's feeling better, so happy, but I'm still worried about him."

Grinning back at him, Julia said softly "He looks good. A little the worse for wear, but okay. I'm so pleased to him doing well. He'll be back to his old energetic self in no time, I'm sure."

"Yeah, he will." Tom responded quietly.

Raising her eyebrows inquisitively, Julia teased "So, I believe I told you yesterday that you'd forgotten to tell me something important. Kyle's pretty cute, hey? He's sweet. Kind. Talented too, he comes up with the most fantastic ideas and all his writing needs is a little practice and guidance. He has great things ahead of him, mark my words. Plus, he's funny, which is definitely a bonus." She grinned before looking at Tom intensely. "Seriously Tom, you and Kyle. How did that happen?"

Expression softening into an enchanted smile, Tom said "Yeah, he's all of those things. He's wonderful. I don't really know how it happened but I'm so glad it did. He was there at Bombshell opening night, we uh, well, we were both a little drunk and upset and we went back to my place. And it was astounding. Not just the sex, though that was incredible." He closed his eyelids briefly in remembrance, eyes flickering rapidly as images danced across his retinas. "There was so much more than that, spending time with him, talking to him, feeling his heart beat next to mine. We talked for hours that night, about everything, Bombshell, you and me and our writing partnership, about him and Jimmy. We kept talking about life until we fell asleep in each other's arms. It was so intense yet it felt so natural, being close with him like that. It's never felt so right with anyone before. Even waking up with him the next morning didn't feel terribly weird and embarrassing like I'd expected. It felt strangely normal despite our mild hangovers. There were lazy kisses and a shared breakfast before we headed out to our respective rehearsals. At first I thought I must have been imagining the chemistry and the connection, that it must have been the alcohol and the rollercoaster of an evening I'd had." Tom shrugged slightly, still smiling softly, his eyes crinkling lightly at the edges as affection radiated out from them. "We couldn't stay away from one another and he stayed over a couple more times. When it was still so amazing, when I got to know him better and he was so wonderful, I knew. I just knew there was so much more between us than simple physical attraction." He paused to frown lightly, crossing his arms. "Unfortunately I also knew that he had a boyfriend and I felt so guilty about that. That's why I didn't say anything to you, well, that and we were fighting. And, of course, Kyle and I hadn't actually talked about what we were either." He tilted his head in resignation. "Even though I felt awful about Blake, I couldn't bring myself to let Kyle go, you know?"

Julia cleared her throat, gazing down at her tea in embarrassment. "Yeah. I know what that's like, to feel guilty about being with someone but not wanting to let them go." She shrugged, adding "Michael. But we weren't talking about me. It sounds like you and Kyle have a real connection, not just a brief flash of heat. So, I'm not surprised you couldn't let him go, even if the timing wasn't perfect."

Grimacing, Tom said "Sorry Julia. I didn't mean to bring up Michael. You're right, Kyle and I are not just a flare of passion, he's so much more than that. As I said, I've never felt like this about anyone." Taking a deep breath he rambled swiftly on with a slightly crazed expression. "He makes my head spin and my stomach tie up in knots and I can't stop thinking about him every minute of the day. I dream about him too, all the time. It's like my brain is living in this infinite Kyle Bishop loop, the way everything always circles back to him." Laughing, he added with deep emotion whirling through his eyes, "I'm so crazy about him that everything feels brand new and I feel like a teenager. And that was before his accident. Thinking I'd lost him, it made me realise exactly how much I cared about him. When I thought I'd never see him again it felt like someone had ripped out my heart and torn it into shreds." He dropped his head into his hands dejectedly. "God, I don't even know what we are."

Staring at him in shock, eyes wide, Julia said "Wow." Shaking her head in wonder, she then observed "I'd figured out that you were involved from what you said yesterday but I had no idea it was this serious. Tom, the way you talk about him, I've never heard you speak about a guy like that. Honey, you do realise that you're... "

Tom cut her off softly as affection poured out of his eyes. "That I'm in love with him? Yeah, I know. I've never been in love before, but there can't possibly be any other emotion that explains how intensely I feel about him. I am in love with Kyle Bishop, I'm certain of it." He chuckled lightly. "I've spent enough time writing songs about love to recognise the symptoms in myself. God, I hope he feels the same way. I want to have everything with him. I'm pretty sure he at least likes me because we keep kissing and he seems to feel comfortable with me but I don't know. We aren't officially together. I can't even just ask him about it because he's still injured and I don't want to rush him into anything. It doesn't help that I'm a mess right now too, between finding him, falling for him, losing him and finding him again. It doesn't quite feel real that he's alive yet, that I have the chance for a future with him if he'll have me. I have to keep reminding myself that he's fine, that I said goodbye but he's still here, alive and well." Tom finished with a tear slipping down his cheek as he smiled sadly.

Leaning over to place her hand over his on the table, a few tears joining his Julia uttered "My God, Tom, I'm so sorry. I didn't know what you were going through the other day when we thought he was dead. You were so nice when I snapped at you, telling me you were sorry for my loss because you knew that he and I were close. I had no idea that you and he were even closer. I thought you just knew him as friendly acquaintances. I know we were fighting but you're still my best friend and I should have been there for you. I'm sorry, Tom."

She stopped speaking as Tom smiled gently and replied "It's okay Julia." He shrugged and added, lips pursed to the side. "You didn't know."

He sighed again before Julia remarked kindly "Tom, I'm sure Kyle cares about you. I haven't actually seen you together but he's a wonderfully sweet guy and he wouldn't lead you on if he weren't interested. And remember when I told you that anyone in their right mind would want you? I know we were joking around but I was serious about the fact that you're a wonderful man too. You're caring, talented, kind, reliable, generous and I could go on. And Kyle's in his right mind, he's a well adjusted kid. Besides, why would the hospital and his parents let you stay if they hadn't seen something between you?" Shaking her head she completed the thought "They wouldn't."

Tom winced at her choice of words, requesting quietly "Julia, could you not call him a kid, please?"

Julia laughed brightly "A little sensitive about the age gap, are we Tom?"

Dropping his head onto the table with a dull thud, Tom grumbled "Yes. He's so sweet, gorgeous and talented that he could have anyone he wanted."

Julia hummed "Mmmhmm, including you apparently. Honey, I really don't think he'd lead you on if he weren't interested; he's far too nice to do that. Did you tell him you were interested in dating?"

Still mumbling into the table Tom replied "Yeah, this morning."

"And?" Julia prompted.

Tom took a deep breath and returned "He kissed me."

Trying to muffle a laugh with her hand, Julia observed "Honey, if he kissed you, I'm sure he likes you too. Tom, you won't know anything else until you've a better chance to talk to him, but I think you're going to be wonderful together."

Tom sat back up slowly, reclaiming his coffee from the edge of the table and taking a few deep gulps of the hot liquid and returned simply "Thanks, Julia." She smiled at him and spoke. "Now, enough worrying, I wanted to talk to you about something else anyway. About us, our partnership. When I thought Kyle died, I did some reflecting on us, on whether we were doing the right thing. And I think I came up with something. So, would you hear me out, please?"

Julia breathed in deeply and steeled herself for the upcoming conversation, taking in Tom's serious glance and beginning quietly. "So, I was thinking about Kyle's death, well reported death, you know what I mean. It was so sudden and so random that could have been any one of us. So, I thought to myself, what if it had been me? What would I change if I had the chance, what would I regret?" Julia asked rhetorically. "Tom, I would regret what happened with you, us arguing and splitting up the partnership. I know what you said the other day when we went to see our lawyers about having the paperwork drawn up to terminate the partnership. How it would be the best thing for both of us since we were just going in different directions right now." Waving her hands between them as she glanced at his frown, she remarked "You wanted to direct, I wanted to write Gatsby as a play, not a musical. You said that meant we should split up because we were holding one another back from what we really wanted to be doing. But Tom, when I thought about it, I realised that I'm not ready to split up our partnership yet. It's amazing, both personally and professionally, you're my best friend and I love you. I love working with you. And then something occurred to me. What if we didn't have to end the partnership to have the opportunity for both of us to do what we wanted?" She asked with a grin, excitement dashing across her face.

"Julia, we talked about this, you offered to wait for me and then you offered to work with me on whatever I chose and do Gatsby in your spare time. That's not the kind of equal partnership I want with you." Tom said, resigned frown on his despondent face.

"No, Tom, don't you see" she said, face bright as she spoke animatedly. "We don't have to split up to do what we both want. I want to write Gatsby. You want to direct. Why don't you direct Gatsby?"

Tom's eyes shot wide with shock as he exclaimed "Julia, Oh my God."

Holding her hand up, Julia interrupted him. "Hang on Tom. Let me finish. I know that you don't have any experience directing a play instead of a musical, but you did brilliantly on Bombshell, and that was your first try. There would be other advantages too. If we worked on this together, the fact that I'd have to run every little detail through you because of the legal rights wouldn't be a problem. I trust you. And even though it isn't a musical, Gatsby will still need a score. Music is far too emotive, far too powerful a form of expression for me to want a write a Gatsby play entirely without it. If you wrote that, I know it would be fantastic. You'd be the music director, I suppose, as well as the actual director. There's something else too. Since I still have to actually finish writing the play, you'd also have a bit of free time for a while. I'd talk to you about Gatsby, get your ideas but it wouldn't be a full time job. Now that Bombshell has opened, your work is basically complete, you'll be transitioning over to Linda and she'll manage the work and maintain its integrity. This situation with Kyle, I'm assuming it's going to take some time for him to heal. If we worked on Gatsby, you would have the time to look after him. I know you and I know that you're going to want to do that, to take care of him while he recovers. Don't you see Tom? We don't have to break up our partnership to have what we both want. We could still do Gatsby together, like we always dreamed of doing. I know it will be a bit different than we planned, but doesn't it still sound amazing? I felt so guilty about taking Gatsby away from you. We've talked about it so much over the years it felt wrong to do this without you. I want to share the amazing experience I'm having writing this play with my best friend." She finished with a loud exhale, staring at Tom pleadingly.

"Hang on Julia. What about Scott? I know you were planning to do this with him?" Tom asked as his mouth twisted into a hesitant frown. He didn't want to get his hopes up if Julia hadn't thought this through.

Pressing her lips together tightly, Julia returned swiftly "Scott and I broke up. He used my name and our relationship to take financial advantage of Kyle's death."

"He did what?" Tom cried out angrily, mouth dropping open and brows drawing tightly together.

Sighing Julia stated "We'd all decided to cancel Hit List's scheduled performance, as you know. Supposedly the ticket holders turned up anyway, right?" Tom nodded sharply. "Wrong. He told the manager to call the audience back, said that I'd convinced the creative team to go ahead with the tribute performance. Only I hadn't. He thought that this would be the best financial approach for the show, to capitalise on Kyle's death and he used me to do it. He lied to me. I can't be with someone who would do that so I dumped him." She shrugged sadly "I'm a little upset about that, but no I don't feel any obligation to do Gatsby with Scott. Tom, I really want to do this with you. It wouldn't be an end to our partnership. Just a bit of a change, an evolution. If we still want to go separate ways after Gatsby, fine we can do that." She nodded once decisively to emphasise her point. "We can reassess then. But, I'm not ready to split us up yet. I thought I was when you said that this was the only way, that doing what we both wanted and having our partnership were mutually exclusive. Now I don't believe they are. So..." Julia smiled at her musical partner a little uncertainly. "What do you think?"

Tom smiled back, happiness sparking in his eyes. "Julia, it's a wonderful idea. I'd love to direct Gatsby. I love you."

Voice lifting with excitement, Julia confirmed "So, that's a yes then?" and when Tom nodded, she jumped up and hugged him tightly, shedding a few tears into his shoulder.

After a few minutes, Tom gently wiped her cheeks and said quietly "I'm so happy that you thought of this. I really didn't want to break up our partnership either, but I didn't see an alternative. So, thank you. Would you please call the lawyers this afternoon and let them know we won't need to meet and sign that paperwork? Thanks Julia." After kissing her quickly on the cheek, he glanced at his watch with a frown before standing and picking up their takeaway cups. "Hmm, I think we should probably head back to Kyle's room, don't you think?" Tucking her arm through his in agreement, Julia smiled as they walked out of the café together, footsteps tapping away in tandem.

Author's note: Hi everyone, you might have noticed the altered formatting of the dialogue. I was asked to change the layout so I hope you like the new version. I've just gone back and edited the previous chapters too. I also hope you enjoyed the extra long chapter today. I was sad posting this one as it's the first chapter I've uploaded after Smash is actually over... Goodbye Smash ~ Rose