Chapter Ten: Refocused Energies

Remus was not allowed to return to his dormitory until Friday evening. He had mangled his right foot so badly that it took Madam Pomfrey six separate treatments to put it right again. The remedies were painful and tortuously slow, but Remus was grateful for them. He knew from experience that such an injury would have been far beyond his father's power to set right, and at home that would have meant a dreaded pilgrimage to St Mungo's Hospital in London. Eight transformations had passed since he had last been subjected the place his mother, with that curious expression she wore when she knew she would not be understood, called "the beach of the tumid river". Remus knew that Madam Pomfrey's gentle ministrations these last three months were largely to thank for that.

Still, he was fraught with anxiety when he thought about the three days' lessons he had missed. He was still trying to get his head around Transfiguration, and he would be behind in Charms. History of Magic was all right; he had done the week's readings in bed, and doubted that Professor Binns had said anything more interesting than usual that week. But there was also Defence Against the Dark Arts. It made his skin crawl to think that Professor Alfstin might one day correlate his absences and work out what he was. There was a rumour that the second-years were doing hands-on work with Doxies, and some irrational part of Remus's mind still wondered whether a werewolf mightn't make an interesting teaching aide for the third-years.

He had missed a Potions lesson, too, but Remus could not find it in his heart to be upset about that. He likely would have botched his concoction anyhow, and this way he didn't need to scrub out his cauldron afterward. And Astronomy was scheduled for that night, so at least he wouldn't miss that. He did not mention that particular plan to Madam Pomfrey when she discharged him with stern instructions to rest up well over the weekend and to keep off his foot as much as he could.

Sirius was in the dormitory, curled up on the foot of his bed so that he could nap without mussing up the covers. The glow of the setting sun spilled through the window and bathed his contented face. Remus moved very quietly into the room, anxious to avoid any sound that might disturb his roommate. He opened his cupboard and brought out his telescope and his textbook and the star chart he ought to have finished two days ago.

At twenty minutes to midnight James came in, banging noisily around and shaking Sirius awake. 'Up and at 'em, lazybones,' he said, laughing when the other boy grunted disconsolately. 'I know you've been up late every night for ages, but if you don't get moving Arachne'll have you back on polishing detail over the weekend.'

Abruptly he noticed Remus. 'Where did you disappear to?' he asked, frowning pensively and tilting his head so that his spectacles looked like a hourglass mid-turn. 'You've missed an awful lot of school.'

'I don't want to miss Astronomy, too,' Remus said softly as he rolled up his star-chart. The ink was still shiny, and he prayed it wouldn't smudge. 'We should wrap up warmly,' he said, rummaging for a second pair of socks to supplement the ones he wore. 'It's awfully cold at night this time of year.'

He held his breath, waiting for more questions – or at the very least a snide remark from Sirius about how he sounded like an old woman. But the other two quickly pulled on their cloaks and their winter things. James had a cap and gloves in supple red leather, lined in luxuriant grey fur. His scarf was the same shade of scarlet, embroidered with the Gryffindor lion in what looked like real gilt thread. Sirius wore black gloves, a black fur hat, and a dark silk muffler. Remus felt very juvenile beside them as he tugged on the old woolly hat and blue mittens his mother had made for him last year. He had his father's grey scarf, which was warm but rather drab. He wrapped it around his throat and ears, tucking the tails into the collar of his cloak. He hesitated, wondering whether he ought to grab a third pair of socks, but the other two were already leaving the dormitory. He hurried after them.

The common room was almost deserted; Aloysius Carlyle was reading by the fire wher he could keep one prefect's eye on the egressing first years, and in a corner a bookish sixth year girl had fallen asleep over what looked to be a lengthy treatise on Summoning spells. Lily Evans and Charlotte White – who looked like an expensive china doll in her rabbit-fur stole and a spoon bonnet lined in feathers – were just slipping out of the portrait hole. James paused at one of the overstuffed chairs to prod its drowsing occupant.

'Better wake up, Pettigrew; you'll be late!' he said loudly. Then, while the other boy was sputtering and rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he sprinted off into the corridor.

Peter hurried up the stairs, and Remus's well-meant warning about wrapping up warmly was interrupted when Sirius plucked at his elbow and nodded towards the door. 'James is right,' he said. 'We don't want to be late.'

There was a glint of mischief in his eyes, but Remus had no time to consider it. A moment later he found himself trotting after Sirius as the latter eased into step with James, clutching his telescope clumsily in one mittened hand. The other boys seemed to move so quickly, but as he struggled to keep up Remus realized that they were moving no faster than usual; he was slower. He wanted to call out and beg them to let up a little, but if he did they would want to know why he couldn't keep pace. Despairingly, he fell back to a stride he could manage.

Sirius and James vanished around a corner, but Remus didn't realize how badly he was lagging until Peter Pettigrew appeared beside him, huffing and puffing. His arms were overflowing with his cloak and winter things. 'Come on! We mustn't be late!' he squeaked.

Remus nodded wordlessly and shifted his telescope to the same arm that carried his hastily completed assignment so that he could help with Peter's cloak. They walked on, Peter dressing as they went. By the time they reached the stairs that led up to the Astronomy Tower, it was almost midnight.

Peter hurried up the stairs and Remus followed, clutching the banister as he went. The MacGreggor girls came up behind him, almost knocking him over as they bolted past, taking the stairs two at a time. Remus's bad ankle was aching now, a sharp stabbing pain radiating into the joint. He could no longer put his whole weight on it, and he was obliged to rest both feet on each step before tackling the next; THUMP-bump, THUMP-bump, THUMP-bump.

Yet somehow, miraculously, he reached the top, shuffling out into the frigid night air and hobbling to his place along the battlements on the very stroke of twelve. Professor Arachne gave him a hard look, but there was nothing she could say: he had arrived on time.

It was nearly impossible to work the knobs on his telescope while wearing mittens. Remus tugged the right one off and tucked it under his arm, but the chilled brass made his fingers numb and he was quickly obliged to replace it. He fumbled as best he could, but he could not bring Aldebaran into focus.

Arachne was talking about mean accretion as she prowled behind the class. No one seemed to be listening; they were all too drowsy and cold. There was a sound of shattering glass as Peter dropped the lens he had been trying to change. Frustrated mumbling came from the direction of the Andrews twins. James muttered something to Sirius, who let out a derisive snort. Remus pulled off his mitten again, braving the feel of the frozen metal as he struggled to adjust his aperture.

'Excuse me, Professor.' It was Sirius who spoke, using the same polite, measured tone that he always took with Alfstin. 'May I say something?'

'By all means, Black,' she said aloofly as she flicked her wand to mend Peter's lens.

'It's an awfully nippy night,' Said Sirius. 'I don't think we're very focused on our work.'

'That had not escaped my notice,' Arachne said. 'You have all been warned before that you must dress appropriately for the elements. Back to work, now.'

'But Professor, I've got a suggestion,' Sirius said. 'You see, we could forget about the telescopes tonight, and you could conjure up a fire or something – a charcoal brazier, maybe? Then we could get some hot chocolate and do the lecture on terrestrial perihelion and winter rotation patterns. We've got it booked for next week anyhow, and we could do Aldebaran then instead; I'm pretty sure he'll still be up there.'

A phalanx of steaming clouds appeared as the Gryffindors chuckled. Everyone was watching Arachne, waiting to see if she would yield to this exceedingly appealing plan. The professor looked around at the cold-reddened faces and pursed her lips.

'Why, exactly, would you be any more likely to focus next week?' she asked. Sirius's lips moved, but no sound came out; he could clearly think of no reply. 'Precisely,' Arachne said. 'Now come along. I know it's cold, but you have been warned to bundle up. Back to work, or we'll be out here all night.'

There were murmurs of discontent, but the Gryffindors turned back to their telescopes. Remus moved clumsily, the pain in his right ankle dulled somewhat by the numbness creeping up from his toes. He meant to go straight back to work, but a bright spot caught in the corner of his eye. Involuntarily he looked. The moon, waning gibbous, hung over the lake. To the inexperienced eye it almost looked full; only the first few degrees had been pared away. To Remus it seemed to be vanishing swiftly, all too swiftly. Twenty-six days, he thought, before the next transformation.

'Eyes front, Lupin,' Arachne said, passing behind him. 'You'll have plenty of time for gazing at the moon next year.' She rapped a gloved knuckle on his telescope. 'Aldebaran. Now. Honestly, Andrews. Stop stamping your feet. You were warned to dress for the weather…'

The lesson seemed to drag on into eternity, but at a quarter to one Arachne clapped her hands. 'That's enough,' she said. 'Off to bed. I hope you have all learned your lesson? Warm hats, wool socks, and good thick cloaks.'

'No chance of hot chocolate, then?' Sirius muttered as the rest of the class began shuffling towards the stairs.

'Black, unless you want another detention you will take your impudence and go to bed,' Arachne said as she swept off into the shelter of the castle.

James exhaled an enormous cloud of condensation. 'I like her nerve,' he said. 'It's freezing out here, and anyhow we were all wearing our winter things. We're not stupid, are we?'

'At least she's letting us off early,' Remus said, trying to keep his teeth from chattering. He could no longer feel his toes, and his joints were beginning to ache as the cold compounded the trauma of the transformation.

'I thought my suggestion was perfectly reasonable,' said Sirius, sounding indignant and even rather hurt. 'It's not as if I was proposing we all skive off or anything: just a hot drink and a bit of a fire while we did something a little less demanding. What d'you think? You two up for it?'

'You're right, she's a hag,' James said emphatically. 'Now can we please get inside? Everyone else is long gone.'

'No, I mean are you up for it?' Sirius repeated. 'Hot chocolate and a roaring fire.'

James was grinning wickedly, his teeth shining in the moonlight. Remus was rapidly reaching the point where his overtired mind and his overtaxed body could hold no more coherent desire than the urge to retreat from the cold.

'Well?' Sirius asked, looking directly at him. 'Are you game?'

'Of course he is!' James said gleefully, batting at Remus's arm. 'We're all half frozen; it'll be just the thing.'

Thankfully Sirius seemed to take this as the cue that they should move indoors. Arachne was waiting to close the Tower hatch behind them. She did so impatiently, and then disappeared down the winding stairs.

'Give her a minute,' Sirius said softly, tugging off his gloves and wiggling his fingers. 'What do you think? Frost-bitten?' He put the back of his hand against Remus's nose. It felt warm against the smaller boy's chilled skin and Remus was disappointed when it was withdrawn. 'I reckon we're okay.'

James had his gloves off too, and was tucking them into his hat, which he folded in the crook of his arm. 'What exactly is the plan?' he asked. 'The Great Hall's shut up for the night. Do you have some intelligence on a professor's secret stash, or something?'

'Of course not,' Sirius said. 'Breaking into a teacher's rooms would be stupid. We're going straight to the source.'

Remus peeled off his mittens and blew on his hands, trying to warm them and not really listen to Sirius. He had been most intrigued by the promise of a roaring fire, though in its absence he would have been more than happy to retreat to his nice, warm bed.

But James was already ambling down the stairs and Sirius moved to follow. Anxious not to be left behind, Remus took a couple of clumsy steps forward. He paused to put his mittens in his pocket before gripping the banister with both hands so that he could begin his descent. His bad foot trembled and pained him, but it did not give out. The others were waiting when he reached the bottom, looking rather impatient.

'You won't fall, you know,' James said dismissively. 'You never mentioned you're afraid of heights.'

'That's why I don't play Quidditch,' Remus tried to joke. Evidently his effort was successful: James smiled and Sirius chuckled.

'Well, Black,' James said, turning to the taller boy; 'you've made some heavy promises and you had better deliver. How do you get into the kitchens?'

Sirius touched a finger to the side of his nose. 'Follow me,' he said, putting on a warbling voice of prognostication; 'and all shall be made clear with time.'

He led the way to the Entrance Hall, where he took a passage Remus had never used before. It led downward into a long arcade filled with still life paintings, most of them featuring food. Sirius stopped before an enormous frame that housed a picture of a wide assortment of fruit. 'This is it,' he said. 'The kitchens are right behind this door.'

James cocked an eyebrow. 'Useful,' he said. 'Do you know the password?'

'It can't take a password; there's nobody in the picture,' Sirius said. 'There's got to be some other way in.'

'So you've dragged us down here at one in the morning with promises of wassail and good cheer,' James said slowly; 'and you don't even know how to get inside.'

Sirius looked affronted. 'I've made a very important discovery,' he countered in a clear imitation of the other boy's tone; 'and you don't even thank me.'

'Your important discovery doesn't do us much good if we can't get past the door,' James pointed out. 'How did you find this place, anyway?'

'A wise old witch told me I needed to find a more creative outlet for my energies.' Sirius smirked. 'So I've been exploring.'

'Before or after detention?' James asked.

'Why not during?' Sirius said cheekily. 'Are you gonna help, or what?'

James paused for thought. 'Have you tried unlocking it?' he asked.

'Do you see a keyhole?' Sirius countered.

'Have you tried an unlocking charm?' James took out his wand. 'Alohomora!' Nothing happened.

'I'm thinking there must be some kind of a switch or trigger,' Sirius was saying. 'Maybe a panel of some kind, or a trick spot on the frame…'

As the debate continued, Remus sank to the floor with his back against the wall. He knew now that he was still too weak and tired to be running about the castle. His head was throbbing and his until-recently-smashed foot ached. And he was still cold, right to his core, from the Astronomy lesson. He dug out his mittens, but they were damp with melted frost and he could not put them on. Tucking his chilled hands under his arms instead, he tried to focus on getting warm again.

Sirius was now standing on the tips of his toes, doing his utmost to peer behind the picture frame. James was trying several new incantations, his wand flicking to and fro like a conductor's baton. Remus wanted to tell them to give it up so that they could all go to bed, but he felt it was not his place. They had so generously included him in their adventure when it would have been the easiest thing in the world to leave him behind. Besides which, he rather thought he was too worn out to make it all the way back up to Gryffindor Tower just at present.

'Maybe if we poke it?' James asked. Sirius looked at his wand. 'No, with a finger. Like this.' There was a soft thump as his hand collided with the canvas.

'Why don't we try licking it while we're at it?' Sirius snorted.

'I'd like to see you come up with anything better.' James sounded annoyed now.

'Calm yourself, mate,' said Sirius. 'This is supposed to be fun.'

'It's almost two in the morning,' retorted James. 'I was promised hot chocolate, and none is forthcoming. Where's the fun?'

'It's a challenge!' Sirius proclaimed. 'A battle of wits!'

'In a battle of wits between you and a door, my money's on the door.'

It was like listening to a horrible accident unfolding a few feet away. All the long, slow weeks of building a friendship were going to topple, here and now, because they were cold and tired and frustrated. Remus braced himself, unable to rouse the strength to intercede but terrified of the argument to come.

But Sirius said shrewdly; 'Ten Galleons?'

'What?' It came out as more of a laugh than a word.

'Would you stake ten Galleons on the door? Against me in a battle of wits, I mean,' said Sirius.

'In a heartbeat,' said James.

'Shake on it?'

Apparently they shook, because a moment later James chuckled. 'At this rate you're going to be totally skint by Christmas.'

'I wouldn't bet on that, Potter,' said Sirius. 'You see, there's a door up on the fourth floor that likes to be tickled. You just… need… to find… the right… spot… Hah!' There was a soft swishing of hinges. Sirius sounded very smug. 'You owe me ten Galleons.'

Someone was gripping Remus's elbow. Hazily he struggled to get his feet underneath him. Sirius's voice mumbled something encouraging and ushered him through the newly opened door. He blinked his bleary eyes, and took in as best he could the spectacle of the Hogwarts kitchen. The room was large, every bit as large as the Great Hall above. Four long tables were lined up like the House tables, and an enormous hearth filled the far wall. The three boys stepped further in, and suddenly there was a crowd of small creatures about their knees, asking eagerly how they might be of service.

'Three mugs of chocolate, hot and sweet,' Sirius said authoritatively. 'A nice big plate of biscuits, and a poppy seed roll.'

'And some chairs by the fire, please,' added James, rather more politely.

Remus let the others lead him down to the hearth, trying to keep from limping despite the daggers of pain that shot up from his foot. When he sank into the wooden armchair drawn for him, he could not help an exhalation of relief.

In less than five minutes the house-elves were back bearing a tall pot of chocolate and a wide assortment of treats.

'Your pardons, sir,' said one, bowing low before Sirius; 'but we isn't having any poppy seed roll just at present. If sir is wanting, we can be making it.'

'Fine,' Sirius said in a curt, dismissive tone. 'But be quick. It's almost two in the morning, you know.'

'Don't be daft!' said James. 'We don't need a poppy seed roll; there's plenty to eat here. For heaven's sake, Remus, are you going to drink that or pour it on the fire?'

Remus roused himself long enough to take a long draught of his chocolate, which was precisely the right temperature for drinking. The coldness in his chest melted away and he curled the fingers of his other hand around the warm bowl of the goblet.

'Gimme one of those dark ones,' Sirius said, pointing at a biscuit. 'And one of you can go and get some clotted cream for the cocoa.'

There was another flurry of activity as his orders were carried out. Remus was struck by the confident nonchalance in the other boy's voice. Sirius was obviously used to giving such commands, and to having them obeyed swiftly and without question.

James offered him a biscuit, which he took and nibbled obediently. In truth, Remus was far more interested in the drinking chocolate, which warmed him from the inside out and put a little strength in his limbs. When the others had eaten their fill he found that he was able to stand with little trouble – though he was still mindful of his throbbing foot. They made their way back to Gryffindor Tower, where the Fat Lady had to be roused from sleep to admit them. In the dormitory the other two undressed, but Remus contented himself with shucking his cloak and pulling off his shoes before crawling into bed.

~discidium~

When Remus finally woke up at eleven o'clock on Saturday, he discovered to his horror that his ankle was swollen to nearly twice its normal size. He could not ram it into his shoe and was obliged to hobble sock-footed down the stairs to the crowded common room. By the time he finished with the stairs he knew he would not be able to reach the hospital wing without help.

Sirius and James were nowhere to be seen; like as not they were out watching Quidditch practice. Remus would have been loath to ask their aid anyhow; they would have been filled with questions he could not answer and although he knew Madam Pomfrey would try to protect his secret her tongue might slip. The first years had been instructed to go to their House prefects if they needed anything, but there were no prefects to be seen.

'Morning!' a deep, cheerful voice said. 'Did you enjoy your private little Hallowe'en feast?'

Remus turned to see Edgar Bones looking down at him. 'Yes, thank you,' he said. 'I didn't realize that it was against the rules when I…'

'Never mind. Just don't make a habit of it. Where are you off to today?' the Head Boy asked.

Remus flushed and looked down at the carpet. 'I hurt my foot,' he said. 'I need to go to the hospital wing.'

Suddenly the Head Boy looked concerned and very much in command of the situation. 'Let me see,' he said, kneeling down and putting out a hand. Remus lifted his leg, tugging on his robes so that the swollen ankle was exposed. Edgar whistled softly. 'That's a nasty one. You think you can make it all the way down there?'

Remus shook his head, and the Head Boy nodded. 'Here, hang on to me,' he said. 'We'll get you squared away.'

Grateful for the support, Remus leaned on the seventh year and hopped towards the portrait hole. The motion sent jarring pain into the joints of his good leg, which had only just begun to heal from the exertions of the transformation. He realized unhappily that he wouldn't be able to reach the hospital wing this way, either.

Apparently the Head Boy reached a similar conclusion, because as soon as they were out in the empty hallway and away from prying eyes he got down on one knee.

'Here, arms about my neck,' he instructed. 'You can't take four to seventeen flights of stairs like that.'

Remus hesitated. He knew that Bones was right, but he also knew that if the Head Boy had any idea what he was he would not even be able to look at him, much less be touched by him.

'Come on. Pride goeth before a broken leg.' Edgar took the smaller boy's right arm and slung it over his shoulder. Then he put one arm under Remus's knees and the other against his back and lifted him with ease. 'Oofph. You're skin and bones, even for a firstie. Aren't they feeding you properly?' He grinned. 'Evidently not, if you're pinching food.'

Remus knew he ought to be embarrassed, that any other student in his year would have taken it to be the height of humiliation to be toted around by the Head Boy like some kind of overgrown infant. But he was so relieved to have found help, and such generous and unquestioning help too, that he could not find it in him to fret about his weakness.

'My friends were in detention,' he confessed. 'They had to miss the feast, and I wanted to share. There was so much; I didn't think anyone would miss it.'

'That's true enough,' said Bones. 'But you'd best watch out. If you're breaking the rules for your friends in detention you might be running with the wrong crowd.'

'No, they're wonderful,' Remus said, unwonted boldness in his voice. 'It was all just… an unfortunate mishap.'

'Did these friends of yours goad you into doing whatever it was you were doing when you twisted that foot?' the Head Boy challenged.

The courage with which he had spoken up for James and Sirius shrivelled away into a hot knot of shame. 'No,' he whispered. 'I did that myself.'

Edgar did not look wholly convinced, but he let the matter rest. He turned a little to tackle a narrow staircase that Remus never would have managed on his own. 'Here we are,' he said, moving through a small door into a familiar corridor. 'Please wait to disembark until the Head Boy Express has pulled fully into the station.'

Madam Pomfrey was appalled by their arrival. She thanked Edgar and then chased him out of the hospital wing so that she could begin to scold her patient.

'Stay off that foot, I said!' she admonished, peeling off Remus's sock and probing the joint with practiced fingers. 'What have you been doing? Running laps around the lake? Hiking up into the caves above Hogsmeade, maybe, or charging through the Forbidden Forest like a wild thing? I told you to rest, to take the weekend to heal, and what do you do? You—'

She saw the tears in the boy's eyes, and realized what she had said. 'Oh, Remus, you know I didn't mean it like that,' she sighed, fishing out a handkerchief and offering it to him. 'There, there, dear. You're not a wild thing; you're just a foolish, disobedient boy who's gone and hurt himself. What were you doing?'

'I went to Astronomy last night,' Remus confessed. 'The stairs. And then…' He paused. He could hardly tell her where he had gone afterwards. 'And I know I shouldn't have done it.'

'I should say you shouldn't,' Madam Pomfrey said gruffly. 'You should have stayed in bed and just missed one more lesson, that's what you should have done.'

'I couldn't,' he mumbled. 'They'll guess. Sirius and James. They'll know.'

'Don't be silly. One missed Astronomy class won't raise any suspicions.' She had her wand out now, and she was working to repair whatever it was he had done to the foot she had taken such pains to mend.

'You can see the moon,' Remus said. 'From the Astronomy Tower. They had class in September the day before I transformed, and last month it was the day after I came back to the dormitory, and if I'd missed it this month they would have seen—'

Madam Pomfrey looked exceedingly unimpressed. 'That's the most ridiculous thing I've heard, child,' she said. 'You have Astronomy class every week, and you haven't missed one yet. Not that you shouldn't have broken that perfect record last night. If I can't trust you to rest when I send you back to your House, then you're just going to have to stay here until I decide you're well enough to leave.'

Remus was suddenly anxious. She meant to keep him here. The others would wonder why. He had seen them last night, tearing into a problem until – by hook or crook – they had solved it. If they wouldn't give up on a door at two in the morning when they were exhausted and frozen, they would never give up on him if once they thought there was something to be found out. 'Oh, Madam, no!' he cried. 'You can't! You mustn't!'

'You hush now,' she said. 'If you promise never to do something this foolish again, I'll give you another chance. But you need to start taking better care of yourself. I'll not have you undoing all of my hard work in a fit of misguided paranoia.'

'Yes, ma'am,' Remus said softly. 'I promise I'll do as you say.'

The matron patted his knee approvingly as she began to wrap a long bandage snugly around his ankle. 'Good boy,' she said.

~discidium~

His first test came that night, when Sirius and James decided they were up to another escapade to the kitchens. It took all of Remus's courage to tell them that, if it was all the same to them, he wanted to stay in bed. But neither of them seemed to mind in the least, and when they came back they had crab sandwiches and teacakes for him. Sunday they spent holed up in the dormitory; James had taken all of Remus's homework, and Sirius generously offered to share his class notes. While Remus worked the other two settled on the floor with their chessmen, calling out answers whenever Remus came across something he didn't understand.

On Monday the regular routine of classes resumed, and life settled back into the soothing, recognizable pattern that was beginning to form between each full moon.