Note: So, I decided that I don't want to post my Christmas chapter(s) after Christmas. That means chapters 10-13 will be posted between now and a week from today. Everyone ready?

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She's reeling. Who can blame her, really? Harry's hanging his head in front of her and Draco's so quiet that she wonders if he's struck dumb. She stands from the table, drops Harry's hand in the process, and paces. Her fingers dig into her forehead as the heels of her palms press into her eyes. She bumps into a chair here and there, but she doesn't make a noise as she adjusts her course and keeps pacing.

"I –"

Hermione snaps her mouth shut and flings her hands down to her sides. If her nails were long, they'd leave indents in her skin with the sheer force of pressing the tips of her fingers into her palms. How did she miss this? Why is it such a common theme to have no bloody idea what's going on in Harry's life? Why does he hide so many important things from her? She's the very worst sort of friend, apparently. The worst friend, the worst wife; Merlin knows what she actually has to offer anyone anymore.

She's not selfish, not normally. But she's hurt and everything around her seems to be falling apart. Crashing and breaking and nothing is what it's always been. She shakes the thoughts from her head as best as she can, but still the sadness remains.

"Have I been a horrible friend to you, Harry?" Is what comes out of her mouth instead of anything else she could possibly say after he's bared his soul to her.

"What?" Harry jumps up from the table. "No, of course not!"

Hermione's gaze finds Draco, who is watching her with tense eyes and rigid posture. His face gives nothing away of his thoughts and she doesn't know why she expects any different.

"Do I still have a job, Draco?" Because it's uncomfortable and she's not sure that he can continue to employ her under this sort of strain. Purebloods avoid all this unpleasant business, don't they?

He ducks his chin. His words are short, concise, no fluff. "Of course."

"Then I'll see you on Monday." Hermione starts to leave the room, but Harry grabs her by the elbow and forces her to face him. "Harry, I –"

"Do you hate me?" His face plainly displays his agony – the way it's pinched and pale – and she's so sorry that he feels it that she cups his unshaven cheek gently in her hand and shakes her head.

"No," she whispers softly. "I need time to think, Harry. A lot has happened and I can't… I don't know what I'm thinking, okay? You…"

Her eyes rest on Draco again. God, Harry kissed her a week ago, but he's clearly been with Draco. Does Draco know? When he finds out, will he fire her and ruin everything? Tears start welling up in her eyes and she brings her wide, brown gaze back to Harry.

"When you two finish dinner, come over and we'll talk." He nods, swallows, and lets go of her elbow. She breathes deep and turns from Harry. "Goodnight, Draco."

She hears him murmur goodnight as she rounds the corner to find the floo.

Before she realizes it, Hermione is on her sofa in the same spot Harry found her only hours before. She's staring at the same spot on the wall where the paint is peeling away. Her mind is in such a state that she can hardly focus on one thing at a time. Harry – he's not who she thought and it's not that she really cares whose bed he falls into, but is he leading her on? He kissed her and he ran away and he's always, always there but he's in love with Draco. And Draco is in love with him, isn't he? The way he holds Harry and touches him; it's possessive and protective and nothing like she'd seen in the papers between Draco and Astoria. Gosh, Astoria; she was still alive when all of this happened, recently diagnosed with her illness and dying when they…

Her heart hurts. It contracts painfully as her stomach roils.

Does Draco know about the kiss? Why is he being so nice to her when all he's ever been is cruel? Was it Harry's doing? She worries about her job and wonders if she should quit and pay the solicitor another way – perhaps a job at Flourish and Blott's would pay her enough to meet the minimum monthly payment. Beg for her job back at the Ministry. Run away somewhere far, far away and never, ever come back.

Tears are gliding down her cheeks and dripping from her chin onto her wound hands. She sniffs, but she doesn't take her eyes off the wall. Everything is falling apart and for the briefest of moments, Hermione wonders if she made the wrong decision to leave Ron after all.

"Hermione."

How long has she been sitting here stewing in her thoughts? It seems like minutes, but there's no sunlight left in her flat. It's drenched in darkness. An hour, maybe? She bites her lip and says nothing. When he sits next to her, the sofa dips under his weight and she curls in on herself a little bit more.

"I'm so sorry." He scoots closer and her eyes try to find his in the darkness. The lights in her flat flicker on and she's sure he performed non-verbal magic. "I didn't mean for it to come out this way. We didn't want you to find out like this."

"We?" She snorts humorlessly. "You both planned on telling me together? Why?"

"Draco thought, with him as your employer, it would be best to tell you together." Harry is sitting so close to her now that they're touching. She doesn't have the strength to move away and Hermione's not sure if she wants to. "I agreed with him because I didn't know how to tell you on my own."

"You kissed me." She states it plainly, trying like hell to keep the ache in her heart out of her voice. "And then you ran away. Back to Draco?"

She watches his throat move and the way his hands slide against his trousers. He's nervous and her instinct is to soften, to tell him it's okay, but she doesn't. She shoves down her nurturing reflex. Hermione continues to stare at him, wanting an explanation for everything that's happened recently because no matter which way she tries to explain it, nothing fits.

"I had to tell him," Harry says earnestly. "I didn't mean to kiss you, but I couldn't stop myself that night, Hermione. I love –"

"Don't you fucking dare, Harry Potter." She's livid, eyes flashing at him as the pain of what he's about to say sweeps through her nerves. "You can't just burst in here and tell me that you love me after you tell me how you and Draco started sleeping together a year ago!"

"I didn't mean to, it just –" He hangs his head for a moment and then when he's looking at her again, his eyes soften, pleading with her to understand. She's truly trying. "He helps. That night, I felt something so powerful that I couldn't say no. Like when I kissed you a few nights ago."

Hermione's mouth opens. She thinks she's going to tell him to bugger off with it, but she stops herself. She felt it too, that night. The way her heart seemed to glow under his touch. That she felt a light flicker inside of her that'd been extinguished for such a long time.

"You felt it, too?" she asks instead of the other hundreds of thoughts that swirl through her mind.

Her hand is in his. He's holding tight and she tries to pull it away once but he won't let her. She feels it even now with only a simple touch. All of the darkness, the empty feeling that tries to swallow her, it's less suffocating when he's touching her. She sniffs back tears and allows him to hold her hand, if nothing than for comfort.

"Hermione, I think I've always felt it with you," he admits softly. "Draco and I have been doing a lot of research on it, the presence of magic and how it affects witches and wizards, and I realized that I never lost that feeling until you weren't around all the time."

She thinks back. Immediately after the war, she married Ron. There was hardly a courting period at all; she was so sure of her feelings, of Ron. It didn't take her long to fall into the habit with him – work, home, no social life. And then Rose was conceived and it just kept her at home more. She wasn't around her friends much, she was being a mum, a wife, an employee. Ron argued with her all the time about how she spent her free time, and she didn't see Harry and Ginny or any of her friends very often at all.

This is the friend she's been. Absent. Selfish. Moments ago, she was mad at Harry for everything he'd put her through for days. Merlin, she hasn't considered what she's put him through for years. Suddenly, she's hit with sadness for an entirely different reason.

"Harry, I'm sor –"

"No." He grips her hand tighter and pulls her into his body so that she's crushed against him. "You don't have to apologize. I had so much going on, Hermione. It happens. I let so many bad things happen to you and I'll never forgive myself for not being here."

"That wasn't for you to save me from, Harry," she assures him even though he's shaking his head in disagreement. "I'm so sorry that I wasn't strong enough for you."

His arms are around her and her hands are clutched against his hard torso. They stay like this for several minutes as he soothes her hair and kisses the side of her head and holds her until they both have a calmness around them. She feels safe here, despite everything, and she's grateful that whatever has come between them in the past, they have each other now.

As peace settles around them, Hermione pulls away slightly from Harry. She likes how affectionate he is now, remembering a different, standoffish Harry from their youth. A small smile paints her face when he looks at her and he's smiling, too. She watches his eyes dip to her lips and she sucks in a breath. Her hand is on his chest and she tries to get a little bit more space between them, because she knows the secret now and she'll never participate in something like an affair; it's not who she is.

"Draco and I, we have an open sort of relationship," he admits to her so quietly that she's straining to hear him. "Not open to just anyone, but… he knows that we've kissed, and I left that night so that I could be honest with him."

It hits her hard and fast and her thoughts swirl like they're on a rogue ferris wheel. "Draco knows? And he's okay with it? And you're allowed?"

A nervous laugh escapes him and his warm breath fans against her cheek. She's not sure she likes where this is going, the assumption that she'd be okay being party to an open relationship. It's nothing she'd ever had to consider before and she's trying to understand what it means as her eyebrows form a notch.

"Yes." It's a simple answer as he watches her closely. "When we started researching the different types of magical power, the influencers of it, I admitted to him how I felt before and after you were a constant in my life. He understands and he's accepting."

"And he… what, will allow you to kiss me whenever you want?" Hermione's eyes drop for only a moment to his lips as she considers what she's said, what Harry is telling her. When her eyes meet his, they are the darkest green she's ever seen.

"Among other things." The words hang there between them and she's not sure how she feels; warm under a sudden blush and annoyed that they've talked about her in such a way, that either of them thinks a quick snog here and there would be enough for her. "Listen, Hermione, it's all a lot more complicated than me stealing a kiss here and there. I love you. You know that, right?"

"I love you, too, Harry, of course I do, but…" somehow, they're closer and she's both afraid that he's going to kiss her again and terrified that he won't. Her feelings are everywhere all at once and with everything that's happened, she's not sure where they'll land. "I just… it's too much, too fast, okay?"

He's suddenly out of her immediate space, allowing her a chance to breathe. "This is enough, Hermione. This, right here, is enough."

"But you want more from me?" He plays with her fingers as she stares down at their hands. "You want both me and Draco?"

"Among other things." His lips lift and he's so blatantly happy. She doesn't remember the last time she truly saw him smile like this. Hogwarts, probably. "Don't you feel it? Like a light inside that flickers when we touch?"

"Yes," she breathes slowly. Of course she feels it. It's the only thing keeping her going right now. It's the thing that pulled her out of her own mind after Ron picked up the kids. This feeling is everything she needs to keep going, to keep pushing. "And Draco knows…?"

He nods. "He does. His consulting group is actually working on a case right now with the Unspeakables – obviously I can't say too much about it. But, we're learning more and more as we gather information."

"So this is a big thing?" She points to her chest where she feels something inside of her thrum happily under Harry's touch.

"Huge thing," he tells her dramatically. "Could change the way we look at magic entirely."

"All because you and Draco shagged a year ago," she teases him and he perks up so much that Hermione thinks they might yet get past her being the worst friend ever. "So, certain magics have a propensity to be powerful under the influence of someone else's magical signature?"

"Merlin, Hermione. What did it take you, three minutes to come to the same conclusion that it took us nearly half a year to figure out?" He laughs, full and throaty.

She beams under the praise; it's not something she's used to and the little light inside her glows so bright she can feel like travel the length of her from toes to lips. Harry seems to notice, because he's grinning by her side and his hands are kneading the muscle of her hands. She finds herself leaning closer to him without even thinking about it and she wonders if she's always been this drawn to him, if their meeting was really more about their magics behaving like magnets rather than a troll in a dungeon.

"So, what now?" She asks, because she's afraid to let the silence sit for too long. "If we… have a relationship and you and Draco have a relationship, what does that mean for us?"

"Whatever we want it to mean, Hermione." Harry's thumb moves from her palm to her wrist and he keeps rubbing circles against her skin. "If it feels right, then what does it matter?"

Her eyes are wide; does he not understand who she is and how she is? "It matters, Harry! We have children to consider, we have an entire wizarding world who watches our every damn move, and Ron and Ginny and the Malfoys! Harry, it matters. I know you're an idealist, but –"

"Okay, okay." His fingers are all the way to her elbow now and he's not looking at her eyes, but concentrating on the creamy, smooth skin of her arm. "I know, you're right. But, if we just keep it under wraps until we understand what it is and how it works, then we'll be more confident about it when we're ready to open up about it."

"Polyamory is sort of a taboo, Harry, especially in the muggle world." Despite her concerns, her entire being is ardently enjoying what his fingers are doing to her skin. "If we keep this a secret and someone finds out that you're with both Draco and me…?"

What she really wants to say is, 'if Ron finds out', because he'll go mad with it. So much could be at stake if she agrees to it. She needs time, she needs to think, and she needs to really understand more about this magical influence.

"Draco and I have kept our relationship a secret for nearly a year." He smiles sheepishly at her and stands up, pulling her with him. "If you want something bad enough, it's amazing the lengths you'll go to in order to make it work."

He is so much taller than she is and he's standing so close that she has to tilt her head back to look into his eyes. Harry's moved his hand from her elbow to her waist and he's got his fingers curled into the fabric there. She feels safe here, despite everything. His glasses are so clear that she can almost count the light flecks of bright green against the dark green in his eyes. She rests her hands on his chest and drops her gaze to her fingertips.

His hand finds its way to her jaw and lifts her chin. She looks up through her long, brown lashes and breathes as if it's the last time she'll be able. Even before their lips touch, she knows it's coming and she has every opportunity to stop it. He gives her a chance, a moment to stop, but she can't. She wants it, despite everything, she doesn't want to say no.

When his lips touch hers, she sighs into the kiss. His hand is off her jaw and wrapped around the back of her head to pull her closer. She's worried about her chapped lips and the salty taste on her tongue from all the tears she's spilt today. Harry doesn't seem bothered by any of it, because he's pressing more forcefully against her mouth and his tongue swipes hers. Something inside of her erupts like a dormant volcano and it's as glorious as it is passionate. Her fingers grasp the fabric of his jumper and twist into it so that she can keep her balance. The little tug on her hair causes her to moan against him and she can feel the way he's smiling into the kiss and it spurs her on to kiss him harder.

There's so many new feelings inside of her, some she felt the last time they kissed, but other things, too. The spark of her magic, once so dull, is flickering. She can feel it in her fingers and in her heart and along every nerve of her body. It's like an old friend coming to say hello and as she allows herself to bask in the feeling she's missed so much, Harry pulls away.

They're breathing hard and she can't bring herself to open her eyes yet. He's unwrapping his fingers from her hair and trailing a single digit over the skin on her neck. His forehead presses against hers and he places a chaste kiss against her mouth.

"I won't push you," he promises her quietly as he backs away. Her hands fall to her sides and she finally opens her eyes. "But I think that you'll wonder what it could feel like and this is the only way to truly show you just a piece of what it can be."

"It's so right," she whispers and fidgets with her hands between their bodies. "I just don't know if I can be with you while you're also with Draco. It's…"

"Believe me, I understand." He grabs her hands and stops them from twisting around one another. "Draco had the same concerns you do."

"Had?" She tilts her head.

"He's come around recently." The smile on his face is cheeky, almost secretive, as if he's sharing it with Draco who's not even here. "Think about it, okay? I won't push you for an answer. Just get in touch with me when you decide. I'll stay away from Draco's place while you're there until you know."

"Harry?" Something occurred to her then and she couldn't stop herself from asking. Harry's putting distance between them and he's making his way slowly, backward, to her floo. "The day that I started nannying for Draco, he seemed really distracted that morning?"

Harry shrugs as he steps into the floo, his eyes are sparkling playfully through a wink. "He's an easily distractible bloke."

When he disappears from her fireplace, she laughs and she puts a hand over her mouth. What has she gotten herself into?