Okay. So sorry that I haven't updated this in three months. I've been so busy that it's not even funny. And I just got back from a three-week Christmas break vacation and now I have more time, since we have a long weekend! YAY! (Actually, to tell you the truth, I am quite fond of school...)
So I uploaded a new chapter to Thunder's Story, and now I've uploaded one here, and I hope to have a good schedule from now on, not letting you readers down when I say I'll update quickly...
If you are having trouble remembering what happened in earlier chapters because it's been a while, I'll help you:
ThunderClan was at the bar (except for the apprentices, queens, and kits, who were sugar-high and surfing cars on the highway) and then I jump through the screen to talk to Mousefur (but I then get stuck in this story. Don't worry, I'll be out by next chapter...) and she walks away. Ferncloud (who was the only queen to stay) starts to give birth in the bar so she, Dustpelt, Jayfeather, Leafpool and I jump into Cloudtail and Brightheart's stolen ice cream truck and drive to the hospital, where our story picks up. Also, we caught a glimpse at Hollyleaf's doings... She had just met a clown. But I'm getting ahead of myself, now aren't I?
PS, this may get confusing. Deal with it.
"Let me out!" Wolfstorm7 schreeched. "LET ME OUT!" She hammered on the imaginary wall that separated her from her computer desk.
"I think she's gone crazy," Brightheart announced loudly while dancing wildly to a rap song on the radio, on top of a waiting room chair.
"I wonder why?" Dustpelt wondered as he made extremely strange faces at one of the nurses.
"She didin't seem like the type to break easily," Cloudtail said. "In fact, it took much longer than I predicted."
"We've only been sitting here in this stupid room for SEVEN HOURS," Jayfeather groaned. "And Dustpelt?"
"Yes?"
"Stop hitting on the nurses while your wife is having a child."
"Let me out…" Wolfstorm7 whimpered. "I want to go home… They're insane…"
"Hey!" Leafpool told her, "We're not the ones popping out of thin air and claiming to have written people's lives into existence!"
"And I'm not the one who pretended she had a heart attack so she could take a nap on a hospital bed!"
"They found that out pretty quickly, though. And I was really tired…"
"That's because you drank so m-
*crackle* zzzzzztzzzzzzzzzztzzzzzzzzz *crackle* tzzzzzzzzzz *beep* zzzzzz *CRACKLE* zzzz-!
(loud announcing voice) THIS PROGRAM HAS BEEN INTERUPTED FOR A SPECIAL NOTE FROM GOD.
"What's going on?"
"Yellowfang, relax, it's just an announcement."
"But we are God, Bluestar!"
"No, we're StarClan…"
"And to TwoLegs we are God…"
"Oh, right… Oakheart sweetie come over here and fix our set! We need to know if we are supposed to be making a special note or not!"
"Coming darling! What do you want?"
"Fix our TV, Oakheart."
"Ok." (Fixing sounds) "All done."
*spark* tzzz zzztzz BING
StarClan was on the screen, and Yellowfang and Bluestar gaped as they saw themselves on the TV, watching the TV. In fact, it made one of those never-ending mirror effects.
Magically, when ThunderClan had been transformed into TwoLegs, a random pile of TwoLeg things had appeared in StarClan. It made sense, though, as there were mice and trees and other cat things, so if there were TwoLegs then there would be TwoLeg objects. The ancestors had quickly figured out had to use them and now were enjoying technilogical advances in the sky.
"I guess this means we should be announcing something…" Bluestar groaned.
"Quick! Let's make up a procephy!" Yellowfang meowed.
"About who? Or what?"
"How about some random cat who has no importance whatsoever?"
"Dovepaw?" Oakheart suggested.
"No, you thick-headed fool, she's the most important cat in the Clans right now!" Yellowfang hissed.
"Hmmm… What about Mousewhisker?" Bluestar offered.
"Good idea. Let's throw together a bunch of parts of ThunderClan names and get a prophecy like we usually do."
"Ok, how about- Oh my StarClan! The TV's still on! Everyone can see what's going on up here! Look!" Bluestar pointed her tail at the TV screen while the Bluestar on the screen did the same thing and they heard exclamations coming from the set like an echo of what she had just said.
"Oh. Better close that camera up," Yellowfang growled. "But don't turn it off, we'll be using it in a second again!"
Oakheart grabbed a leaf and proceeded to try and cover the camera. "…But it's not sticking!" he whined.
"Then make it stick idiot!" Yellowfang snarled.
"Be right back," he meowed, walked away, and popped a moment later from the bushes. "Now it will work."
"Oh STARCLAN," Bluestar moaned as Oakheart made the screen go dark. "He didn't just do what I think he did."
"Aren't you so proud of your mate?" Yellowfang laughed. "He poops on leaves."
"Don't remind me... Oakheart, we have no need for you anymore. Let us old ladies do the hard work. Go play with a stick over there with Mosskit."
"Yes darling." He padded away.
"Finally that fool of your mate has left us! Now… How about… We send an image of a mouse (Mousewhisker) trapped in brambles (Brambleclaw), and then the mouse eats a hazel leaf (Hazeltail) and grows large and escapes!"
"We don't encourage CANNIBALISM in StarClan, Yellowfang!"
"Good point… But it's still a good story."
"True, true… What about 'The mouse will rule all!'"
"Or, 'The mouse will squash fire!'"
"With his huge butt!"
"And then ferns will grow over the brambles!"
"Sandstorms will destroy the earth!"
"Thorns will pierce leaves and make bright hearts!"
"What the Dark Forest is that supposed to mean, Yellowfang?"
"I don't know, but it sounds kind of dirty and twisted. I like it, keep it in there."
"…So anyway, how about this:" Bluestar knocked the camera with a stick to get the leaf off, then she and Yellowfang sat in front and spat at the lens to get it clean. Then they sent messages to ThunderClan.
"The mouse," Bluestar called, "Will sit on the roaring fire and sand will cover the dusty ashes, ferns will overtake brambles in growth, and… Er… thorns will pierce leaves and make bright hearts?"
"Ooh, Bluestar, add an image too, it makes it so much prettier!"
"Fine." They added an image of a mouse sitting down on a fire and smothering it, then an image of a sand storm whipping over the dusty ashes of the fire, then of green ferns growing quickly over some old bramble bushes. But, little did they know, the connection was faulty and the picture never got to the Clans.
"How do I do the last part?" Bluestar whispered to Yellowfang.
"Leave that to me." She sat down and sent a strange image of thorns piercing a leaf, and then little smiley faces floating down from the holes.
"That was a very unpleasant picture, Yellowfang, and it made me wonder why I am still your friend when your mind is not stable."
"That's why you are still my friend. Because you're mind isn't stable either."
"Lovely. Let's shut this off so people can't hear our private conversations," Bluestar meowed. She reached up a paw and fumbled for a switch. The little light blinked off.
*spark* zzztzz
"That's better. Let's go join the others. I hear they got some fizzy drinks."
*pawsteps away, then little, small pawsteps come closer, the grunting sounds of a little cat lifting a heavy object (such as a stick hinthint) and then a click*
*beep* ztttzzzztzzzzz *crackle*
The picture comes into view again. Mosskit looked into the camera.
"Don't you want to see what my mom and dad and the other adult cats are doing? Having fun, most likely? Let's follow them!"
She rolled the camera over the bumpy grass and into the bushes with the help of Snowkit, Hollykit, and Larchkit. The other end poked into the clearing where some of the older cats were.
"Now we run away and watch it on the TV!" Mosskit told the others.
They ran.
Let's take a look with them, shall we?
"THIS SODA IS GOOD!" Lionheart roared.
"AMAZING!" agreed Tallstar.
"THE BEST!!!" yowled Silverstream.
They did a sycronised flip in mid-air and landed in a hige pile of empty soda cans.
"SUGAR sugar SUGAR sugar SUGAR sugar," Smallear, Speckletail, and Morningflower chanted.
"Wow. Look at them," commented Bluestar as she and Yellowfang walked by. They both sat down and started drinking soda by sticking a claw in a can and draining it from the hole.
After a few cans…
"SUGAR sugar SUGAR sugar SUGAR sugar SUGAR!"
"SHUT UP WILL YOU!" Yellowfang screeched. "I'M TRYING TO READ MY BOOK!"
"It's upside-down," Morningflower yowled at her, "And your paws are shaking you liar! Stop trying to ruin our fun just because you aren't capable of having any!"
"I can have fun too! Watch this!" Yellowfang pulled out a radio. "This is a good song and I'm gonna dance to it!"
She turned it on, and a song blasted. It was 'Blue' by Eiffel65. Yellowfang started to jump around, and Morningflower got a jealous look on her face.
"Let's keep chanting, shall we?"
"SUGAR sugar SUGAR sugar SUGAR sugar."
Now more cats were crowding around the dance clearing watching Yellowfang dance. "I challenge youuuuuuu Yellowfang," roared Bluestar, who was also sugar-high, "TO A DANCE-OFF!!!"
Mutterings broke out among the crowd.
"It's obvious Bluestar will win! I mean, she is blue!"
(To anyone who does not know of the song, look up the lyrics… now. It might get confusing, but I had to add this part :D )
Yellowfang roared "I agree! It's ON!"
Bluestar leapt down and started to break-dance while singing the lyrics as loud as her voice could take her. "I'M BLUE, da ba dee da ba die, da ba deeeee, da ba die!"
Yellowfang tried to match her. "I'm blue, da ba dee-"
"But you aren't blue!" Oakheart yowled.
"…I'm gray, da ba dee, da ba die…"
After that it just got chaotic. Cats flooded the dance clearing.
"I'm BLUE," Bluestar roared.
"Da ba dee, da ba DIE DIE DIE," Tigerstar sang from the Dark Forest while eyeballing them evilly.
"If I was greeeen, I would die!" Whitestorm sang.
"SUGAR sugar SUGAR sugar SUGAR sugar SUGAR sugar."
"Da ba dee, da ba die!"
"I'm in need of a guy, I'm in neeeeeed of a guy!" Bluestar accidentally sang in her hyper-ness.
"But she has a guy!" Spottedleaf gasped.
"Well then she needs another one!" Yellowfang snarled.
"Whut?" Oakheart yawned. "Are you talking about me?"
They knocked him over the head and then turned back to see a surprising scene; Bluestar dancing very close with Crookedstar (as well as cats can dance as a couple, but you get my drift).
"It's a scandal!" Spottedleaf shrieked, whipping out her new camera. She was always looking for new stories and scandals in her 'StarClan Glamour – Behind the scenes in your favorite cat heaven! Ancestors without grooming! Feathertail's dilema – Will Crowfeather choose her? Ferncloud is pregnant once again!... But are they Dustpelt's? Dappletail's secret – Make toms fall for you…' Now she was just waiting for Honeyfern's new article; 'How to get losers to love you', Goldenflower's horoscopes, and Leopardfoot's quiz 'Is he too old for me?' and then Spottedleaf could send out her latest issue.
And now this scandal would be right on the cover!
"Oh my," Yellowfang growled. "This can't be good. Let's just hope Oakheart doesn't wake u-"
"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!" Oakheart snarled, launching himself into the air at the word 'up'.
"Oh great," Yellowfang snarled. Then she paused. "What's this?" She came closer to the camera. And closer… Oh, wow. She's pretty ugly.
"A SPY!" She almost fainted. "Turn this thing off!"
"Got it!" Lionheart roared. Tallstar and Silverstream climbed on top of the soda can pile and stood on each other's heads, while Lionheart spring-boarded off them and landed directly on the camera. "Score 1 for Lionheart!"
*beep* zzzzztzzzzz *fizz* zzzzzzz
-uch, Leafpoool," Wolfstorm7 sighed.
Jayfeather suddenly groaned and fell over off his chair.
"A message from StarClan!" Leafpool gasped. "He's getting a message!"
"No, you idiot," a nurse said, "He's having a seizure. Bring him away." A random cluster of enthusiastic young train-ie doctors and nurses loaded him onto a stretcher and rolled him away, Jayfeather twitching like a madman.
"Ok, so I guess that wasn't a sign from StarClan…" Leafpool said.
Just then, the soccer (UK = football) game on the television sparked out. Everyone gasped as they heard "THIS PROGRAM HAS BEEN INTERRUPTED FOR A SPECIAL NOTE FROM GOD."
Then they watched the entire episode of what happened up in StarClan that we got a sneak-preview of. Except for the fact that the waiting room was pretty noisy and so they couldn't hear Bluestar and Yellowfang making up the prophecy, and they barely heard the actual thing.
"Quick! Write this down!" Leafpool screamed to Dustpelt. He grabbed a notebook from some random lady's bag and scribbled down the prophecy.
The mouse will hit on the boring fire and sand-hill-clover, the rusty ashes, ferns will over-bake brambles in toast and… Her… worms will eat leaves and have bright farts?"
"What the Dark Forest does that mean?" all the human-cats shouted.
"Dustpelt, I think you copied that wrong," Leafpool muttered angrily.
"Does it really matter?" Dustpelt sighed. "At least I wrote it down."
"No we can try and figure it out," Brightheart said. "Let's see… Um… Ummm..."
"You're lookin' sooo hot!" The clown clapped his white-gloved hands. The woman, who had been described as wearing black and having a mess of black hair before… Could no longer fit that description.
Hollyleaf stared in utter shock at the reflection in the mirror.
"Almost like Total Makeover!" The clown told her happily. "Be glad I took a photo before and now we can take one after and have a before and after!"
"Be very glad I'm not ripping your throat out," Hollyleaf growled under her breath.
"Excuse me?"
"Be very glad I'm paying for this," she said loudly with a large fake smile.
Then she turned to the mirror again and continued to gape.
We'll start at the top to describe the picture. Platinum blond hair down to her shoulders, layered and what-else, with a bright blue-died streak underneath, so if she were to put her hair into a ponytail the blue streak would show on the bottom of her head like that white spot on a deer's butt. Lovely comparison, but it actually looked pretty cool.
She wore so much makeup that you could put your finger on her face and have to dig a long time before you could find skin. Also a lovely image, but it was true. Her eyes almost were at the emo-level of black liner (almost) and purple shadowed both like she was a crack addict. She was actually a beautiful woman under it all.
She had gotten two piercings in one ear, three piercings in the other, two eyebrow studs, a tongue piercing and a nose ring. It didn't hurt so much, on the account that Hollyleaf repeatedly had been crushed by rocks, hit by cars, and had many other much-more-painful occurrences in the last week or so. So obviously a few piercings didn't hurt.
She wore so many heavy necklaces she thought she would fall over (but most she had stolen from people). Her top was a bit more than inappropriate, a bit skimpy in some areas, and altogether not something I will be describing right now.
Her jeans were tight-fitting and looked as if they had gone through a meat-grinder by the count of the shredded man-made holes. They descended down into high combat-boots, lace-up ones with steel toes (Hollyleaf had insisted on something that she could run and kick well in…) and it looked pretty good.
Think Laura Crauft genetically combined with a Bratz Doll. Lovely.
"Now," Hollyleaf murmured after she had finished admiring herself, "We have to execute my plan." She turned to the clown, who had bought himself a nice suit and tie and pair of dress shoes in size 13 mens. At least he had buzz-cut his hair (which was not a wig!), but it was still rainbow-striped (as it grew naturally that way). He was shorter than Hollyleaf, but in a way he was pretty handsome, once he had washed off all his face-paint. (Whoa, wait… Forget I said that the clown was handsome, okay?)
"So what's our plan?" he asked.
"My plan."
"So what is your plan?"
"We go to the hardware store."
"Why?"
"Because we need a chainsaw."
"I like the sound of that. Why do we need a chainsaw, my glamorous goddess?"
"Don't call me that."
He ignored her and continued. "For some reason I doubt we will be cutting down a tree."
"We will be killing someone," Hollyleaf said as calmly as if she were stating the weather.
"But there are easier ways to kill someone!"
"But I like to kill in style," Hollyleaf whined.
"Can I first take you out to the movies? I'd like to get to know you before you land us in jail."
"If we do land in jail, which I'm going to make sure we won't, it won't be me landing us there."
"So is that a no?"
"YES IT'S A NO! I'm trying to kill someone and you want to go to the movies!"
"Just an idea…"
Hollyleaf sighed. "Let's go. We have a long to-do list."
The clown smiled again. "My father wanted me to be an accountant, I became a clown, and now I've become the sidekick to a hot, evil, and mentally unstable woman! But as they say, what really matters isn't on the inside, because it's the outside appearance that you use to trick people."
Hollyleaf stared at the ex-clown and a large smile slowly cracked her face. "I've never heard that before…"
"Well, you wouldn't, because I just made that up, hotshot."
"My name is Hollyleaf."
"Holly Leaf? That is one wei-" the ex-clown managed to turn what he was about to say into a cacking cough as Hollyleaf narrowed her eyebrows in a way that scared him. "So, how about I call you Holly?"
"Fine by me."
"And do we need to use a car?"
"No," Holly pointed out the store window to something across the street. "We are going to use those."
The ex-clown looked out towards the parking lot across the street. It was a rental place...
"Do you know how to drive a motorcycle?"
That's all, folks! That was much more than 3000 words, almost 4000, so be happy. Sorry that I couldn't get to the car-surfing this chapter, but I have to have some limits!
Are you wondering how I wrote this all if I am sitting in a hospital waiting room? Well, I found an internet cafe and am now writing this with Dustpelt blowing soda bubbles out of his nose and Brightheart and Cloudtail having a banana-eating contest. Brightheart has eaten fourteen so far, Cloudtail ten, but he says she's a cheater because she can eat faster with one eye. The beautiful logic of an illogical mind...
They tried to figure out what the prophecy meant, and in the end came up with this; Mousefur will flirt with Firestar... And that's how far they got. I realized that cats, even if they magically become humans, are still not the brightest bulbs.
Ferncloud is still giving birth. Just a moment ago two identical nurses came up to Dustpelt.
"Sir," they said.
"We've got some news!" one of them said.
"It seems you and your wife didn't check," the other started.
"If it was a girl or a boy..."
"And it turns out that..."
"You've going to have..."
"Two of each!"
There was a pause, then they both nervously spoke at the same time, as if they were afraid Dustpelt would face-plant into his pizza with shock.
"Surprise...?"
He nodded calmly. "We've had three before, so four isn't that bad..."