Dean, on the other hand, was driving aimlessly on the backroads of the town. His baby had always brought him a peace of mind, cruising down the roads while her engine purred. It gave him a moment to himself, but all he could think about was the fact that Cas left him and why he did it. Dean didn't like it, he was never one to talk about his feelings and he just buried them down deep with alcohol but now he was finally forced to reflect on his emotions and whether or not he wants Cas in that totally non-platonic way.

As his mind thought of Cas, his mind pulled out a memory during their time in Purgatory. It was hard to find Cas in a pit filled to the brim with monsters that were out for Winchester blood, even with Benny by his side. But he was determined to find Cas, he needed Cas and he wasn't gonna leave the angel behind. It took him a long time, but he knew that Cas was still alive and fighting. His heart raced when he saw the angel by the river, he was just so relieved and excited that he never considered why his heart kept fluttering after that. Their trek to the portal was long and brutal, Purgatory was a place a human like him didn't belong in but there was something about the simplicity of the fight that made him feel alive. But he needed to get them out and get back to Sam.

Even though he didn't need sleep, Cas insisted every now and then that they needed to stop and rest. Benny wasn't happy about it but Cas was adamant about resting. Now that Dean thought about it, Cas was the only one taking care of him even when he didn't need it. It helped to remind him that he was in fact human and not another monster sent there to hunt for eternity. It was small moments like those that helped Dean to see past what Cas did, but one of the first memories that came to mind was a conversation that he had with Cas when the two of them were resting against some trees.

"Have you tried to sleep, Dean?" Cas asked. It was rare that they had some time to themselves, with all the monsters and the Leviathan after Cas.

"It's not like I really need it now, Cas." Dean replied. To be fair, he never actually tried. Sleep was kinda hard with the constant adrenaline pumping through his veins. "It's kinda awesome, too bad it'll probably stop once we get topside."

Cas sat beside him, enjoying the small moment of peace. "I remember sleeping, it was unnerving. Time disappearing without you being aware of it and weird dreams to keep you company."

"Dreams are pretty cool if you get the good ones." Dean smiled. He's had some good ones, from the comforting memories where hunting was either tossed aside or nothing more than fantasy, to the wonderful saucy ones where he had a nice curvy body against him writhing and moaning with pleasure.

Dean had to stop that train of thought. It had been a year and he didn't want to pop one in front of Cas. Cas though didn't notice, instead he seemed troubled and contemplative. He then asked, "How do you deal with the bad ones?"

"You don't. Everyone says that dreams are just your minds messing with you, that it's not real. You could know that yourself and that wouldn't change a damn thing. Those nightmares are real and you're stuck with them for the next few hours."

"When I fell and could sleep, I had nightmares of Hell, of my brothers fighting, of the world ending with the apocalypse. Sometimes I'd wonder what I would see if I could still sleep. Would Father give me a nice dream like when I first flew, or would I see the mistakes I made when I swallowed up all those souls or when I broke Sam's wall?"

Dean never thought about that. He knew that the angel had more humanity and empathy than his douchebag brothers but he didn't think that Cas would be worried about that. "Cas. Sam is fine now, he's safe and alive because of you." Dean tried to console him, but Cas just looked at him in disbelief and regret.

"I broke his wall in the first place. I directly caused pain to your brother and one of my closest friends. How could I face him again?" Cas wondered, looking up into the grey, soulless sky as if someone, maybe God, would answer all his troubles. "All of this, the leviathan, us ending up here. It's all my fault, if I'd had listened to you from the start or given up those souls after I killed Raphael then none of this would've happened. Death was right, I was just arrogant. I just wished that someone had stopped me, even killed me. I'd take it if I wouldn't have to see how far I had truly fallen then."

Dean didn't say anything after that, he didn't know what to say. He understood the guilt and self loathing that Cas was going through, he was basically born and raised around it. But he didn't know what to say to Cas then. Words that he's heard Sam say over a dozen things, telling him that it wasn't his fault, never did much for Dean and he doubt it'd work on Cas. Fortunately, he never had to say anything more because Benny came back from his patrol, breaking this small intimate moment between the two of them.

But Cas was Dean's anchor, his ground during the apocalypse as much as he was to Cas. To lose Cas would be like losing Sam. Cas was someone too important in Dean's life to just let go off. He always believed that you couldn't afford attachments in a Hunter's life, but Cas was the one he wouldn't leave behind. Even when he died, even when he lost faith in his Father and found out about Heaven.

It was then that Dean realized just how much he had kept buried inside him, his feelings of trust and devotion he felt towards the dorky angel, and it all suddenly flooded out and hit him like a train wreck. Cas meant so much to him and Dean had spat all that love that he had in Cas's face. Dean was even willing to erase someone who loved him again, just because he didn't think he deserved it. But now he didn't want Cas to forget about him again, it was hard enough when he had found out that Cas was Emmanuel with a blank hard drive playing house. He couldn't afford to lose Cas again, not over something like this.

Dean couldn't keep lying to himself. He did want Cas by his side. He wanted to hold and cherish the sweet angel, to make sure that Cas wasn't going to be alone anymore.

With that thought and determination, he spun the car around, making a mental note to apologize to Baby and treat her to a nice tune up like the fine lady she was, and started driving back to the motel.

Cas had to come back, he always came back to Dean. And this time, Dean would wait for him. He'll wait and finally give Cas everything that loyal fallen angel deserved.

Cas didn't come back that night, or the next one, the one after that. Dean soon realised that he stopped coughing out flowers after he got back to the motel. Sam guessed that it was probably because Dean had acknowledged and reciprocated Cas's affections, or maybe Eros took the curse off of him once Dean got his head out of his ass. Either way Dean was fine now, which was both a blessing and a curse on its own since Cas would have no real reason to come check up and tend to Dean. Dean didn't want to admit how much he missed having Cas be his own nurse (That thought alone brought Dean's mind to some old, long forgotten fantasies that Dean was definitely using in the shower next time)

Soon, the Winchesters had to leave Ohio. Just because Dean was a big fuzzy ball of angst and denial didn't mean that there weren't things to hunt and cases to solves. Dean had planned it in his head over and over again what he wanted to say to the angel, but never truly satisfied with what he had come up with, they all sounded like excuses… Dean was done with excuses. But without a clue on what to do with a problem this personal. he just told himself that he'll figure it out when Cas showed up again. He could wait. Dean was patient enough to wait for Cas, right?

It had been a whole week since Cas just flew away, Sam and Dean have been on the road saving people and hunting things but it had become a routine to Dean now. His mind was always on Cas and his resolve broke a little every day that he didn't see Cas by his bed. When was he gonna see Cas again? If he was ever going to see Cas again? How could Dean get Cas to forgive him? Was it too late? These were just some of the many questions that plagued his sleepless nights and restless dreams. But a week was enough, Dean wasn't going to wait around for Cas to come back. Dean finally had the balls to go something that he'd been wanting to do for a long time: Confront Cas about his feelings towards him.

First things first, he needed privacy. He convinced Sam to go get a separate room. Sam seemed to know what he was up to, he somehow always knew and told Dean not to fuck it up. Now in the empty room, Dean starts to pray, "Cas, if you've got your ears on I need to tell you something. But I'd rather talk to you about it in person that broadcast it all over angel radio, so please come back."

He waited and then he heard it, the sounds of wings flapping and a deep raspy voice, "Hello Dean."

That knot in his chest didn't feel so tight at the sound of his voice, his heart stopped aching and started to flutter in that familar manner when Dean was around Cas. For the first time since that curse was lifted, Dean finally felt like he could breathe again. Cas had no idea how happy that made him, Dean didn't even know that until now.

Dean looked at the angel before him and his heart broke. Cas was not OK, his face was pale, his eyes are red-rimmed, and his stature is meek and timid. This wasn't the Cas he knew. He had to say something. He had to apologize! "Cas, I'm sorry-"

Cas cut him off with a pained expression as he mumbled "Please, Dean, I understand that you don't share the same feelings as I do with you. But please don't say it."

Dean's heart ached and he felt like he was 2 steps away from crying. How could he have done this to the person he loved. "Cas, hey listen to me." Dean lightly cupped Cas's face with his hand, tilting it upwards so that he could see those amazing blue eyes as he said what he needed to say. "I wanted to apologize for shitting on your feelings like that. I shouldn't have made you feel guilty for your feelings and I feel like a piece of shit for thinking that I could erase myself from someone's life again. Sometimes it's just easier when you know that the people you care about are with the people that they deserve to have in their lives, safe and away from all these fucked up madness."

"Dean, I'm an angel of the lord. I could never have a normal mortal life and I'll always be hunted." Cas looked at Dean, bemused at Dean's declaration but not leaning away from his touch. He steeled his gaze with determination, he had to make sure that Dean understood. "I'm not like Lisa, I can defend myself and I can protect you. And it doesn't matter what Lisa said about you, you deserve to have people who care about you by your side. You deserve to be saved and you deserve to be happy."

He let his hand drop from Cas's face, choosing to interlock their fingers together instead. "Cas, I'm not a good person. I've killed people and hunted monsters, whether they were innocent or not. I lie on a daily basis to get through life. I actually enjoy hunting and killing, not just for protecting people but for the hunt itself too. I'm not a good person, but I can't live without you. So I hope you'd let me be selfish and keep you in my life."

Cas was looking at him with adoration and awe, and Dean wondered if he will ever feel worthy of being so loved by someone so perfect. "Is it selfish to want the same thing?" Cas whispered breathlessly, "I'm still shocked that you and Sam would give me another chance after what happened with Crowley."

Dean sighed. Cas's betrayal then hurt like a bitch but if Dean was in his situation, he'd have done the same if it meant that everyone he loved would be safe. "I'll be honest with you Cas, knowing that you turned to Crowley of all people hurt like hell. But you were right, we didn't understand what you were going through with that angelic civil war. We'll all done some pretty crazy shit to save the world. Cas, I want to just put all that behind us but that could only happen when you're ready to stop blaming yourself for what you did. You were right, you did the best you could with what you had.

Cas tilted his head upwards, letting Dean's forehead rest on his. "Everything I did, I do for you."

"I know," Dean smiled as he leaned in for the sweetest, most innocent kiss he had ever had. There was no tongue, no fancy technique. But it was the most intense and genuine kiss he had ever experienced, it was filled with so many promise for a future he thought he had traded away the moment he walked out on Lisa and Ben. He could finally be happy, be vulnerable. And it was all thanks to his angel in a trenchcoat. "Thank you."

Sam woke up the next morning with a good feeling about today, he went out for a quick run and packed his bags for the road. To his surprise, Dean was already by the Impala, with him was Cas looking happier than he had ever seen him. In fact both of them look happier and so much lighter now that everything's out in the open. Sam was so happy for them, but as his role as a little brother, he kinda had to be a little shit to Dean now about his new budding relationship.

"So I'm guessing everything worked out. " Sam smirked.

Dean rolled his eyes but even his fake annoyance couldn't hide that big dopey grin on his face. "Yeah, yeah. Worked out great. Like a John Green novel."

Cas being Cas, was completely confused and looked to Dean for answers, head tilt and all. "Who's John Green? He's not a prophet, how does he know that?"

Sam laughed while Dean chuckled with a loving look in his eyes, he embraced the angel and give him a peck on the forehead, "Don't ever change, Cas."

"Alright, ready to go?" Sam groaned. He was happy and all for his brother and his best friend, but he didn't want to watch them be all lovey-dovey

"Yeah, you coming honeybee?" Dean asked Cas. Sam had to hold his laughter, that nickname was enough blackmail to last a lifetime.

"Yes. Can I ride shotgun this time?" Cas asked enthusiastically. He hardly ever got the ride in the front seat if all three of them were present

Dean smiled fondly at Cas's cute request, he would never stop feeling like a puddle of goo around Cas if he kept acting like that. He didn't think much before turning to Sam, "You heard the man, Sammy."

"Whipped so soon?" Sam laughed but he didn't put up a fight as he got into the backseat.

"Shut up, bitch."

"Jerk."

"Assbutts." Cas chirped.

Dean had never felt so complete, he had his little brother to protect and to watch his back. He had a kickass lover who loved him for who he was. He had his Baby which hadn't failed him yet. It was tough to get to this point, but now Dean was happy and he will fight Heaven, Hell and everything in between that wants to take that from him. Everything could only get better from here.