Disclaimer: I don't own anything!
AN: Thank you so much for your feedback! I'm very relieved that many of you are still following this story even though it has a delicate subject. Thank you so much for your support as well! I bring another chapter, though it's shorter (at least for this story's standards). I hope it will be enjoyed and please let me know what you think about once you've read it.
Greenloki, thank you for all your amazing help!
~ My Sweet Prince ~
~ 0 ~
Day 597
~ 0 ~
It had been eight days since Loki had been allowed out of his cell. Eight days since Thor had forced himself on him and still Loki could remember every detail of the disgusting event. He didn't particularly mind that he hadn't been allowed out of his cell since because he never knew what could happen upstairs. Yet now he also hated the moments Thor spent down here. He was always calm and going on about his day while Loki barely dared to move. He hadn't forgiven him for raping and he could barely stand to look at him.
Each time his gaze connected with Thor's – even if it only lasted two seconds – he felt sick to his stomach. His thoughts were always directed to the knife he had hidden under his mattress. Not a moment went by where he didn't think of attacking his captor, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. He was…afraid. It was as simply as that. He feared that if he failed in his mission, Thor wouldn't only punish him, but his family as well.
That only left one other option and as each day passed, he felt more confident about it. He couldn't continue to live in this hell. This was torture and he couldn't handle it anymore. Last night he had been sitting with the knife in his hand, thinking that he was ready, but in the end, he hadn't been able to do it.
It was a very frightening thought after all. What would happen exactly? He could bleed to death, but what if he did something wrong? What if he only hurt himself and then Thor would discover him and he didn't even want to imagine Thor's reaction!
How strange was it that he had more fear of Thor than of death?
He was ripped from his thoughts at the sound of the locks turning. He instantly knew something was wrong. The locks turned too quickly – almost desperately – and the heavy metal door flew open as if it weighed nothing. Loki tensed and swallowed heavily before straightening his back and watching Thor storm into his cell, a vicious scowl adorning his face.
He had seen Thor angry multiple times, but today he looked absolutely frenzied. Today, he appeared as if he had completely lost his mind. His blue eyes stood dark and his teeth were bared. His muscle stood tense and for the first time, a vein was visible which ran down his neck and disappeared underneath his black shirt.
"Get up," Thor hissed. He balled his hands into fists.
Loki didn't even consider disobeying. He jumped to his feet, but he remained close to the mattress. His mind raced to find out what on earth was happening, but he couldn't think of anything. "Thor," he said breathlessly, "what's wrong?"
"Move aside," Thor barked.
When Loki didn't move quickly enough, Thor roughly pushed him aside.
Never having had much strength or balance the last few months, Loki fell aside. His shoulder hit the wall and he dropped to his knees. With fear in his eyes, he watched Thor rip away the blanket from the mattress. He continued to throw aside the pillow and eventually, he lifted the mattress itself.
Loki held his breath.
There lay the cutter almost obscenely exposed. Three seconds long, nothing happened. There was no sound of movement. Loki wasn't naïve enough to think Thor would simply grab the knife and leave with it. No, he was in for a ride! He tried to – at least mentally - prepare himself, but the problem was that he didn't know what to prepare for.
Slowly, Thor turned around to face him. His eyes were nearly completely black as he gazed down at Loki, shadows hiding most of his features. "I knew I was missing a cutter. I knew it! What did you plan?" He asked icily. "Were you going to attack me once I turned my back on you long enough?"
Loki didn't know why he even bothered. "No, nothing like-"
"Lies!" Thor stormed forward and hauled Loki up. He pressed him against the wall of the cell, his fingers digging painfully into Loki's shoulder. "You would kill me! After everything I have done for you, you would kill me!"
Loki tried to wiggle himself free from Thor's grasp, but his attempts were all in vain. Thor merely tightened his grasp and Loki groaned slightly. He despised that he was so close to Thor. He despised that he could feel his breath on his face.
"No!" He screamed angrily. He might sound brave, but he didn't feel like it. He only knew he wasn't going to accept his fate. He wasn't going to let Thor do whatever he wanted. He would remain rebellious. Until the very end. "I know I cannot kill you," he hissed, "but that's not the only way to free myself of you!"
Thor's demeanor changed instantly. His anger remained very much visible, but it was joined by shock. He let out a startled sigh, but he never released Loki from his grip. "What?" He asked, frowning slightly. It was always intimidating to see how quickly Thor's mood could change. He remained forever unpredictable. "You would kill yourself?"
Loki swallowed heavily even though his throat and mouth were painfully dry. "Anything to get out of here," he answered with a sharp voice. "When will you understand that I hate it here? That I hate you? I am stuck in a cell while I'm nothing more than your toy. It's humiliating."
"You know that is not true," Thor replied angrily, "how can you still think that?" He shook Loki's shoulders and pushed him roughly against the wall again. It seemed he was trying to knock sense into Loki's head. "I love you, Loki Laufeyson, and we will always be together. Always."
"You're wrong!" Loki shouted. "You're insane!"
Thor burst with anger and violence. He screamed, but his words were incomprehensible. Loki only felt his back connecting with the wall three times. He knew he would have large bruises in the morning. He tried to fight, but it was impossible. Thor had lost his mind as he continued to scream and assault him.
The edges of his vision turned black.
"Stop," Loki asked desperately, "please, stop."
Thor didn't listen. He shoved Loki away from him and into the wall, the force causing Loki's head to fall back. It connected brutally with the white stones and sent a sharp pain through his skull and down the back of his neck. He gasped for air, but he barely had time to realize what was happening before darkness claimed him.
The last thing he saw and felt, was Thor catching his falling body.
~ 0 ~
Day 599
~ 0 ~
The first thing he grew aware of was the softness of his blanket. For the shortest moment, he felt blissful because for one second, he imagined himself lying in his own bed back home, but then memories rushed back to him. He suddenly remembered where he was and he definitely remembered what had happened. As if on cue, he felt a stinging pain in the back of his head. He moved to sit up without bothering to open his eyes, but he quickly halted his movements. It only made his head feel as if it were to burst in two.
With his right hand, he reached for the back of his head. The skin felt heavily bruised and torn, but at least he felt no blood. He realized Thor must have cleaned and disinfected the open wound. It was the least he could do after knocking him against the wall so hard.
"Loki?"
His eyes instantly flew open and his gaze landed on Thor's imposing form who sat at the other side of the little room. His captor appeared worried, a heavy frown covering his brow while his blue eyes stood bright and his shoulders held only tension.
"How are you feeling?" Thor asked quietly.
Loki sat up very slowly as to keep the pounding in his head at a bearable level and leaned back against the wall, inhaling deeply. He felt nauseous and tired even though he must have slept for hours. Or was it days? How long had he been unconscious? He was drawn from his thoughts when Thor stood and walked towards him.
No matter how many times he vowed not to be afraid of Thor anymore, he simply couldn't help it. He felt himself shrink away as he held his breath. Was that so surprising? Last time Thor touched him, he knocked him consciousness. The time before that, he'd been raped. Thor claimed he loved him, but events such as those only invalidated his claim. It was proof Thor was nothing more than a crazy and delusional man.
"I won't hurt you," Thor said, noticing Loki's frightened behavior. He kneeled before his prisoner and extended a hand. A small pill lay in the palm of it. "It's just aspirin. I figured you would have a terrible headache."
Reluctantly, Loki took hold of the little pill. He hated to admit it, but he did feel like death because of his aching head and that little pill might just bring him some relief. He watched Thor take hold of a bottle of water which he handed to Loki as well. Loki only now realized how thirsty he was. He wanted to hide his desperate craving, but as soon as he felt the first drops of water touch his lips, he couldn't control himself anymore. He drank the bottle empty in one go.
For a second, he contemplated on whether or not he should thank Thor for the aspirin and water, but he quickly decided against it. He refused to show gratitude after having been maltreated like that. He eyed Thor and was relieved to find that he didn't fear to meet those blue eyes. He managed to gaze directly in to them without feeling sick to his stomach.
Thor opened his mouth to speak, but no sound escaped.
Loki stubbornly held Thor's gaze. He knew his green eyes showed nothing but fury and hatred in this moment and he wanted Thor to see that.
"I am…" Thor began, stumbling, "I am sorry, Loki."
Loki said nothing in return.
"Please say something," Thor continued. For the first time, it was he who sounded desperate. He was fidgeting with the hem of his shirt, his eyes never landing on Loki for longer than five seconds. It was almost ridiculous to see that this man had been keeping Loki captive for twenty months. "I have apologized. Forgive me."
"How long was out for?" Loki asked with a strong, confident voice.
"Two days," Thor answered. His eyes oozed with regret. "Sometimes I do not know my own strength. I didn't mean to hurt you like that, Loki, but I was just so angry when I found that cutter. I didn't understand why you would want to kill yourself. The thought of losing you was unbearable."
"So you almost killed me in return," Loki said lowly, knowing he was playing a dangerous game, "you make no sense."
Thor nodded. Loki couldn't help but think he resembled a small child that had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Thor didn't look imposing anymore. He didn't instill fear.
"When I am angry," Thor said, "I am irrational."
"Obviously."
"Forgive me, Loki."
"No."
Thor's eyes widened. Clearly he hadn't expected that answer. Loki simply couldn't believe Thor had expected forgiveness. It was time he forced his captor to deal with reality. It was time his little fantasy world was shattered for once and for all. Loki knew the consequences could be heavy, but he didn't care. He had been raped twice. He had been beaten, kicked, cut and starved. He had been knocked unconscious just two days ago. What worse could happen?
"I will never forgive you," Loki said fiercely and bitterly, "you have ripped my life from me. You have locked me in this godforsaken cell. You have beaten me and raped me. You killed me, made my family believe I am dead! How could you even think I could ever forgive you, Thor?" He felt tears invade his eyes. He could feel them stream down his cheeks, but he didn't care. The anger in his voice never abated. "My hatred for you is what keeps me alive right now."
Thor was visibly shocked. "You truly hate me so?"
"Oh, you have no idea," Loki replied. He laughed, knowing full well how crazy he sounded. He was beginning to think Thor wasn't the only insane person in the room anymore. Was this what he had been reduced to? A man who lost his mind? Someone broken? Was this how he would meet his end? He continued to laugh.
"Stop it," Thor said angrily, "stop it!"
"Why?" Loki asked boldly, his laughter never truly stopping. "Can you not stand me like this? Can you not stand to see me broken? All this is because of you, Thor. This is the work of your hands! You broke me and tore me into a thousand pieces. It's no surprise that I have lost my mind!"
Thor's breathing grew erratic. "If you are broken," he said, "then I will fix you."
That silenced Loki. He didn't even want to imagine what Thor meant by 'fix' him. He could only silently watch as Thor approached him a second time. He kneeled before him and took his hands into his own. Loki wanted to jerk them away, but Thor already had a firm hold of it. His heart raced and his mouth instantly turned dry even though he had just drunk a bottle of water.
"Nothing is lost yet," Thor said, gazing directly into Loki's emerald green eyes, "as long as we stick together."
Loki shook his head. "Say it, Thor," he spoke in whispers, "tell me who I really am to you."
Thor frowned, momentarily confused. "You are Loki," he answered doubtfully, "the man I love and-"
"No," Loki interrupted him.
He stared deeply into Thor's blue eyes which revealed insecurity, bewilderment, loneliness and disappointment. It was the first time Loki had been able to read his sentiments so clearly and he realized it was because Thor felt vulnerable. He realized that beneath the monster that had been holding him captive for so long hid a small boy who hadn't the faintest idea what he was doing.
Loki only hated him more for it.
"Who am I really?" He asked.
Thor gazed down at Loki's hands which he was still holding, remaining silent. The only sound around them was the ventilator blowing fresh air into the little cell.
"I'm your prisoner," Loki answered in Thor's stead, his voice soft, but accusingly, "your slave. You claim to love me, but we both know that is a lie. Your love for me is false. You do what you want with me and there is nothing I can do to stop it. Can you honestly call that love?" He paused a moment when he felt Thor's grip on his hands tighten. "Every day you keep me here is a day closer to ultimate despair."
"Stop," Thor breathed, still not looking to meet Loki's gaze, "just stop."
"You can't fix me," Loki continued determinedly, "and nothing can be saved. You have ruined us, Thor, you have ruined the both of us the day you kidnapped me."
Thor shook his head. "We could be happy together," he said stubbornly, "if only you would accept your fate."
"The day I accept my fate," Loki replied sadly, "is the day I die."
"Don't say that!" Thor's anger returned to him. Rage lay visible in his blue eyes when he finally met Loki's empty gaze once more. "Keep your mouth shut! You will not die. This will work. We will make it work. Mark my words, Loki Laufeyson! We will be happy together!"
Thor stood and strode out of the cell, leaving Loki alone.
Loki wondered if he would be left in this cell for three days again. He wondered if darkness would be his only companion for the next few days. He waited, but the light remained switched on. Loki sighed and laid down, only his thoughts keeping him occupied. He had survived for almost two years. Two years! But he knew he couldn't survive this much longer.
The end was coming, but it could never be happy.