Author's Note - Now we get to the Survivor spoofs. This is to add onto the ever-growing collection Survivor stories there are on , most of which seem to be in SSBM.
Disclaimer - I do not any characters from SSBM, 8 Bit Theater, Red VS. Blue, or anything else mentioned in this story besides myself (ComedyMagmar).

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Chapter 10 - Smash Survivor Part 1

Welcome to the Survivor All-Stars episode! The participants today are going to be the SSBM members in a competition to see who wins $1,000,000! Let's meet the guests before we begin the game. They have been divided into two teams of 13, and have been named and So we have called the first part of this season: Red VS. Blue. Now we... AAAAAH!!

Sarge - Why you bunch of copyright infringement dirtbags! Your evil trickery is worse than those blue devils! I'll kill tha' lot of you and hang your heads over my bed, so when the blood drips down on me, I will be fully remind you of the pain I caused you!
Simmons - You go, sir! Show those bastards!
Caboose - But I like this fan fiction... it makes me giggle like I did in middle school!

Err... anyway, here are the members for each team, and their enthusiastic, eager replies:

RED TEAM

1.) Pichu Kerzapper - From Pokémon.
By the big holy ruler above us all, yet another spin-off of the island-based reality TV show? When will the around-the-clock parade of Survivor parodies discontinue?!

2.) King Koopa Bowser - From Mario Brothers.
Woo-hoo! I'm gonna win this, and then I'll win the Big Brother version, and then The Bachelorette, and then American Idol-

3.) Link Masters - From Legend of Zelda.
Remind me again why we have to do this? I already make a darn-good living! 1 million dollars is how much I tip my waitresses!

4.) Samus Aran - From Metroid
Get this girly-armored pervert away from me! Donut, is it? Back off before I fry you, jackass!

5.) Mewtwo Shadows - From Pokémon.
Someday I will conquer the world and rule you foolish mortals. When I do, kiss your reality TV good-bye!

6.) Princess Peach Toadstool - From Mario Brothers.
You're putting me on the same team as Bowser?! Mario, help me?

7.) Mario Mario - From Mario Brothers.
I'm-a coming, Peachy! (The sounds of a brutal fight between a giant turtle and a plumber break out.)

8.) Kirby Stars - From Kirby.
I'm hungry. Can I eat the island? I'm bored. Think I'll go to sleep.

9.) Nana Snowball - From Ice Climbers.
Aw man, this sucks! I bet my brother hates it too.

10.) Falco Lombardi - From Star Fox.
Oh sure! Put me in another story to be an extra, ComedyMagmar? Why don't you just kill me now and get it over with, you drama king-wannabe?!

11.) Ness Rockin - From Earthbound.
Another reality TV show? I haven't been this disappointed since Earthbound 64 was canceled.

12.) Donkey Kong - From Donkey Kong (and Mario Brothers).
DONKEY KONG SQUASH SPIDER!! ... What, no more spiders left? Aw, curses. Oh well; I'll blame your game, you rogue.

13.) Prince Roy Blazin - From Fire Emblem.
Ok, what the hell? No seriously, what the hell?! I wasn't even in the Fire Emblem game, and you think you can make up for it by putting me in SURVIVOR?! Get my freakin' agent on the phone!

BLUE TEAM

1.) Luigi Mario - From Mario Brothers.
I-a do not want to do this! First-a mansion, then an island! What did I do to deserve this?

2.) Popo Snowball - From Ice Climbers.
Alright man, this rules! I bet my sister loves it too!

3.) Fox McCloud - From Star Fox.
Oh, I am SO not getting paid enough for this!

4.) Pikachu Ketchum - From Pokémon.
Can I go home now?

5.) Jigglypuff Lullaby - From Pokémon.
I'd rather be on American Idol! Simon Cowell would love me!

6.) Prince Marth Altaria - From Fire Emblem.
Some fresh air and peace would be great! ... So why the hell did I agree to a reality TV show?

7.) Captain Hawkins Falcon - From F-Zero.
Just who are these armor clad freaks? What are they saying, that we copied them? Sure, just like Microsoft copied Nintendo in the video game world! Payback's a bitch, ain't it boys?

8.) Princess Zelda Gaiden - From Legend of Zelda.
I don't see why everyone else thinks it's so bad for them; I have to do this in high heels and a dress!

9.) Princess Daisy Margarita - From Mario Brothers.
I'll kill each and every one of my opponents, and then claim Immunity for myself! HA HA HAAAA!! ... No, not really, but I always wanted to say that.

10.) King Ganondorf Dragmire - From Legend of Zelda.
Some day I will kill you all. Even the readers. And no, I am not joking; you all deserve to die for reading crap like this.

11.) Yoshi the Dinosaur - From Mario Brothers.
Wheeeeee! Yoshi love tropical islands! Yoshi eat everything, including the other contestants!

12.) Young Link Masters - From Legend of Zelda.
You know, I'm getting really nervous from the replies of the other contestants! Are you sure I have to do this?!

13.) Mr. Game & Watch - From Game & Watch.
Let's just get this fugging this over with, you bunch of idea-desperate show producers! I'm just glad you didn't put us on The Swan!

And with the wonderful Dr. Mario Mario as our excited host, let us begin our show!

DAY 01 - RED TEAM

Bowser - You suck, Pichu!
Pichu - Your mental capacity could not hold a drop of information, Bowser!
Link - Shut up and help us with the tent!
Peach - I'm rich and royal and snotty now!
Mario - You were never like that!
Peach - Well, I decided to be just for the Survivor games!
DK - Ah, the classic stereotyping. Errr, I mean, duhhhhhh...
Roy - This is going to be a long day.
Samus - SHUT THE (&! UP!
Kirby - NO, YOU SHUT THE &%#) UP!
Mewtwo - You will all die and burn in the flaming pits of hell!
Nana - No! I'm too young!
Falco - Don't kill me! I'm too good-looking to die!
Gryph - You copied us again!
Ness - Aw, just screw off, you bunch of... Halo characters!
Pichu - Man, I bet you the Blues don't have to put up with this shit.

DAY 01 - BLUE TEAM

Ganondorf - You suck, Game & Watch!
Mr. Game & Watch - No, you suck, Ganondork!
Pikachu - SHUT THE $&)$ UP!
Daisy - NO, YOU SHUT THE &#$)#& UP!
Pikachu - I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT A &#$)#& IS!!
Marth - I HAVE NO CLUE AS TO WHAT WE'RE SHOUTING ABOUT, BUT I'M HAVING FUN DOING IT!!
Zelda - I don't wanna be a stereotype too! Just look at Falcon!
C. Falcon - Duh, I'm stupid! That obviously means I'm gay! Yuk yuk yuk!
Yoshi - Homophobic bastards.
Y. Link - ARE WE STILL YELLING OR WHAT!?
Jigglypuff - Can I sing a song on yelling?
Luigi - (Drop-kicks Jigglypuff.) NO, YOU CAN'T!
Jigglypuff - LOOKS LIKE I'M BLASTING OFF!! (Ting.)
Popo - YAARRRRRRG!! This is fun!
Fox - Oh, my head. I've already got a headache, and it's the first day.
G&W - Think they'll let us vote ourselves off?

DAY 01 - IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Dr. Mario - Whoever guesses the number I'm-a thinking wins.
Peach -
Dr. Mario - That's-a right!
G&W -
C. Falcon - Aw man, I had 1938975236784364333? Man, I am so stupid, I must be gay!
Yoshi - STOP THE HOMOSEXUAL BASHING ALREADY!!
Popo - OH COOL, ARE WE YELLING AGAIN?
Blue Team - We vote off Jigglypuff, because if we don't, she'll draw on our faces.
Jigglypuff - And I would too! BUA HA HA HAAAAA!
Luigi - How'd you get back on the island? I kicked you off!
Jigglypuff - Errr... I don't know.
Luigi - Guess I'll have to do it again. (KICK!)
Jigglypuff - LOOKS LIKE I'M BLASTING OFF AGAIN!! (Ting.)
G&W - Well, that was fun.
Pichu - You do realize that there are more days on the island than this one?
G&W -
Popo - YAY, WE'RE SHOUTING AGAIN!!

DAY 02 - BLUE TEAM

G&W - Well, things without Jigglypuff make life seem less circular and pink.
Pikachu - And less Picasso art on my face.
Popo - CAN WE YELL AGAIN?
Others -
Popo -
Yoshi - Ah, you are very compliant. Thank you.
Popo - I don't want to be voted off.
Ganondorf - I'LL KILL YOU ALL, AND RIP OUT YOUR INTESTINES WITH A RUSTY SCREWDRIVER!
C. Falcon - Duh, I'm still homosexual just because people don't like me!
Popo - Then again, maybe I do want to leave.

DAY 02 - RED TEAM

Pichu - I am telling you, Freddy Kreuger has much more mental power, creativity, problem-solving skills, and powers beyond those of mere mortals! He could easily defeat his opponent with relative ease!
Kirby - I'm still going for Jason Voorhees.
Ness - I thought the movie already proved who won.
Nana - Yeah, it was kind of lame. The winner was-
Bowser - Hey, don't spoil it! I haven't seen it yet!
Falco - What's the point? All slasher films go the same way! Murderer kills teenagers just because they do one thing that an extremist does not like, like have blond hair, and they get gutted. In the end, only the girl with the smallest breasts survives!
Roy - The story of my life.
DK - Are you guys done talking? I'm hungry.
Mewtwo - You're always hungry.
Mario - SHUT THE &#))(& UP!
Mewtwo - NO, YOU SHUT THE #(&%&$) UP, FOOLISH MORTAL!
Peach - Oh God, here we go again.
Samus - Rats, I forgot the password for this suit again. I'm gonna smell by the end of this show.

DAY 02 - IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Dr. Mario - I-a will flip a coin. Heads, Red wins. Tails, Blue wins. (Flips coin.) Tails! Blue wins!
C. Falcon - YES! We are the champions! We are the champions!
G&W - This is the shallowest victory ever.
Red Team - We vote off Mewtwo, otherwise he will conquer the world and rule over us foolish mortals.
Mewtwo - What makes you think I can't do it when off the island?!
Red Team - ... Oh shit.
Pikachu - Can I go home now?

DAY 03 - RED TEAM

Link - Wow, without Mewtwo around, I feel so much safer that the world won't be taking over and us foolish mortals be ruled over with an iron fist.
Falco - He never said he would rule the world with an iron fist.
Roy - Yeah, Mewtwo doesn't like gloves.
Peach - I think it said that it would rule the world with a di-cay-tor-ship'!
Pichu - That would be a dictatorship, and that would make sense. If Mewtwo were to originate a democracy, he'd only domineer the world for approximately four years.
Ness - I only understood half of those words.
Samus - I'm bored.
DK - I bet I'm more bored than you!
Kirby - Yeah? Well I'm so bored you could make a cabinet out of me!
Bowser - You could enter a ship illegally with me!
Mario - I'm-a so bored I could-a play X-Box games!
Others - (Collective gasp.)
Mario - Just-a kidding.
Others - (Relieved sigh.)
Nana - Don't scare us like that, Mario!

DAY 03 - BLUE TEAM

Fox - Exactly why do we have to wait for the Red Team to stop talking in order for us to chat?
C. Falcon - You got me. I think it has something to do with the readers and their attention spans.
Zelda - Hey, I thought you were stupid.
C. Falcon - Oh! Uh... yuk yuk! Duuuuuh...
Y. Link - Good one, Zelda.
Pikachu - Seriously, I've had enough with stereotyping!
Popo - You've had enough of it? I am treated like some nine year-old kid who dresses like a flipping eskimo!
Luigi - Isn't that what you-a are, Popo?
Daisy - And why do you, Luigi, and your brother have such thick Italian accents when you're from Japan?
Luigi - Would you believe we are-a foreign exchange students?
Yoshi -
Marth - Can I speak now, before we go to Immunity?
Ganondorf - No, we must end the day now!
G&W - Too late! Got my line in!

DAY 03 - IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Dr. Mario - For this next Immunity Challenge, I will-a have an contestant from both-a teams enter a bikini mud-wrestling competition! Zelda from the Blue Team, and-a Peach from the Red Team. Ready, start!
Pichu - This would not be your typical Immunity Challenge, would it?
Dr. Mario - No, but you gotta admit, it-a is-a fun to watch-a!
Peach and Zelda - OHHHH! MMM!! AAAAH! AAAUGH!
Roy - Woah! I'm getting aroused from simple exclamations that have no real meaning!
Yoshi - I wonder if this is on cable.
Falco - That means someone's recording it! YES! YES!
Link - Get her, Zelda! Beat her up!
Ness - Link, Peach is on our team!
Link - What? Oh yeah. Whoops.
Dr. Mario - And the winner is Zelda!
Peach and Zelda - (Drenched in mud, panting heavily, chests heaving, and sweaty.)
Roy - Wow! Now I'm getting aroused by simple words in italics!
G&W - This is disturbingly starting to turn into a lemon.
Red Team - We vote off Nana, because we can't think of anyone else to! Plus, she doesn't like being on the show!
Nana - Thanks, guys! I love you all! Bye!
Popo - Bye, sister! (Nana leaves.) Heh heh! Sucker.
Dr. Mario - Now let's have a second round! Daisy, Samus, wanna join in?
G&W - You know, I take back anything bad I said about this contest!

DAY 04 - BLUE TEAM

Zelda - Do you know how hard it is to get mud out of your hair?
Daisy - Not really. Being a brunette has advantages, you know.
Yoshi - That was rather sexist of them to show women in a bikini mud-wrestling contest! They'd never ask men to do that!
Luigi - Don't say that! You'll give me mental pictures!
Marth - Turns you on, doesn't it, Captain Falcon?
C. Falcon - Don't make me hurt you.
Ganondorf - Hah! Like you could hurt anyone!
C. Falcon - On second thought, I'll hurt you! (Lunges at Ganondorf.)
Y. Link - Now here's a male fight I'll watch!
Popo - Woah, I didn't know a human being could survive having their lips pulled over their head!
Zelda - This makes up for the sexism yesterday.
Fox - Should I tell Zelda that she means more to me than just a hot elf in a mud-wrestling competition? No, better save that for a serious fan fiction.
G&W - Fox, quit thinking to yourself! Grab a chair and enjoy the fight!
Ganondorf - HELP! He's giving me a chain mail wedgie!

DAY 04 - RED TEAM

Link - How did my cheering Zelda lose us Immunity?
Roy - It's a psychological effect, Link!
Samus - What do you know about psychology? Your main point in life is to sword fight!
Roy - I like swords!
Bowser - I am an urge to exterminate someone.
Falco - You always have an urge to exterminate someone.
DK - SHUT THE (!&#(& UP!
Ness - NO, YOU SHUT THE !)&#(& UP!!
Mario - Mamma mia! Not again!
Peach - Are we doomed to such pitiful attempts at humor?
Pichu - The preceding nine chapters and the current chapter we are taking member of seem to be feckless evidence of your statement.

DAY 04 - IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Dr. Mario - Whoever tells the best joke wins their team Immunity.
Peach - Okay, so two nuns and a Cubs fan walk into a bar, and-
Dr. Mario - HA HA HA HAAAAA! You win!
Fox - You get the feeling that there is favoritism in the judging?
G&W - (sarcastic)
Blue Team - We vote off Ganondorf, because he screams like a girl when being pummeled.
Ganondorf - I do not, you bunch of stupid bas-
C. Falcon - (Punches him.)
Ganondorf - (Screams like a little girl and runs away.)
Daisy - Well, he did prove himself right.
Link - No, he didn't!
Daisy - We said he screams like a girl. He actually screams like a little girl!
Pichu - My previous hypothesis on the comedy in this fan-based writing seems to be still fairly accurate.

DAY 05 - BLUE TEAM

Yoshi - I'm actually sorry that Ganondorf is gone.
Marth - Why on earth would you do that?
Yoshi - There is no one to feel superior over, masculine-wise.
Daisy - I agree.
Others - (Stare at her.)
Daisy - I meant from a tomboy's point-of-view, alright?
Others - (Stare at her.)
Daisy - Could you stop that?
C. Falcon - Sorry, but we couldn't help but notice that large spider in your hair.
Daisy - Oh that? It's my pet; he doesn't bother me.
Y. Link - Wow. I was expecting her to freak out and scream like girls always do-
Luigi - AAAAAAAH!! GET IT OFF HER! GET IT OFF HER! (Starts swatting at Daisy's head, hitting her more than the spider.)
Daisy - OW! Luigi! Stop it! OW!
Zelda - This is mildly amusing.
Pikachu - I think the author is running out of ideas.
Fox - Okay, so Zelda is usually paired with Link. Big deal! This is fan fiction! If Marth, Link, Roy, or even Ganondorf can have her, why can't I? I'm a decent fellow, and-
Krystal - What about me, Fox?
Fox - AAAAH! Where'd you come from? And how'd you read my mind?
Krystal - I just arrived for a cameo, and I didn't read your mind; just because you're talking in italics doesn't mean I can't hear you.
Fox - You mean... that the others... and Zelda... all heard-
G&W - Yep. Every word you were thinking/saying.
Fox - CURSE YOU, HTML!

DAY 05 - RED TEAM

Link - I sense a disturbance in the Triforce. Someone wants my woman! (Unsheathes sword.)
Ness - Put that away! You're going to poke someone's eye out!
Bowser - Cool! Start swinging it around, Link!
Peach - You men and your toys! Do you have to compensate for everything?
Mario - What about me-a, Peachy?
Peach - You use great balls of fire.
Kirby - Okay, that was just sick. Shut up.
Samus - NO, YOU SHUT THE &()#) UP!
Falco - IS THERE NO WAY TO STOP THAT !)#&()$ RUNNING GAG?!
DK - You got me.
Roy - You also got me.
Pichu - (Singing.) You got me so I can't sleep at night! You really got me! You really got me!

DAY 05 - IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Luigi - Uh, Daisy? Before the Immunity Challenge starts in, I just wanted to apologize for-
Daisy - It's okay, Luigi. When you nearly punched my head in and squashed my beloved pet all over my hair, I saw how much you cared for me!
Fox - Is that really how to get a woman to like you?
G&W - Don't try it, Fox.
Dr. Mario - For today, I want to have a race. Each team pick your fastest member.
C. Falcon - I'll go for the Blue Team.
Falco - I'll go for Red-
Bowser - Oh no, you don't! I'm the fastest here, so you stupid idiots back away! I'll tear this course up!
Dr. Mario - Ready, GO!
Bowser - BUA HA HAAAAA! I'll beat the Blues so hard that they'll-
C. Falcon - Too late, I won.
Bowser - WHAT?! But we just started!
G&W - One of the characteristics of a story, Bowser, is that you don't see every move your opponent makes.
Bowser - CURSE YOU, HTML!!
Red Team - We vote off Samus, because she is starting to smell again in that suit of her's.
Samus - I don't mind. I want out of this metal confident too, ya know!
G&W - Did you forget your password is Swordfish' again?
Samus - (Is released from metal suit.) Ah, freedom! Now, about being voted off...
Red Team -

DAY 06 - RED TEAM

Bowser - Hell hath no fury like Samus scorned, huh? I'll never recover from what she did to us.
Kirby - What are you talking about? She thanked us, winked at Captain Falcon, and then left peacefully!
Bowser - Exactly! I hate people being polite!
DK - So would you like it if I rammed my fist into your face, because that wouldn't be polite?
Ness - He's got you there, Bowser.
Falco - Off the topic, I wonder who the cameo person will be?
Fighter (from 8-Bit Theater) - I like swords.
Roy - I like swords too!
Link - I like swords as well!
Fighter, Roy and Link - LONG LIVE SWORDS!
Black Mage - Oh Gods, I don't think I'll have the strength to stab all of you losers!
Peach - Can't we all get along?
Mario - We're video game characters, of course not!
Pichu - Can the reality-TV's camera's switch to the Blue Team now? Our team seems to be deeply lost in the subject of slender, iron blades and penetrating them into the hearts of our allies.

DAY 06 - BLUE TEAM

Thief - So you haven't seen an armor-clad man and a short-fused wizard run by here?
Daisy - Nope, sorry. We'll inform you if we do.
Red Mage - No need. If we lose them, I'm sure it would be for the best of Thief and myself.
Popo - Why's that?
(Suddenly, Black Mage uses Hadoken and the entire island is engulfed in a fiery explosion that sends everyone rocking upwards.)
Popo - Forget I asked!
Luigi - Mamma mia! The island is destroyed!
C. Falcon - I'm sure it will be restored by the time we go to Immunity Challenge!
Y. Link - How can they do that?
Marth - That's Set & Design's problem, not ours!
Mr. Game & Watch - Set & Design? He's my cousin!
Zelda - Uh, guys? Now that we've finished accelerating upwards, I think we are going to plummet to our deaths.
Yoshi - I REGRET NOTHING!
Fox - I want to say this before I die! I love you, Zelda!
Pikachu - Oh, pshaw. We video game characters/animé characters fall hundreds of feet and survive the impact!
Fox - You mean... I just-
G&W -
Fox - CURSE YOU, UNEXPLAINABLE LAWS OF PHYSICS!!
Black Mage - Oh please, you think you've seen the bad side of those fuggers? You ain't seen shit!
(Sounds of twenty-five bodies hitting the wasted island, with murmurings of I still like swords, Shut up, Fighter, or I'll stab you in places you don't even know exist, and Only I threaten Fighter, Bowser, so fug off!)

DAY 06 - IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Link - Don't think I didn't hear what you said about Zelda, Fox!
Fox - Black Mage was right! From the other side of an island and during an explosion that matched the firepower of a nuclear bomb, Link was still able to hear what I said! What a bunch of bastards those laws of physics are!
Pichu - I do believe that the laws of physics are not to blame for your current situation but instead Link's elven ears.
Fox - CURSE YOU, LAWS OF FANTASY!!
(Link lunges at Fox and a fight begins.)
Zelda - Stop it, you two! I will not have any fighting over me!
G&W - Actually Zelda, I think Fox is just fighting for his life there.
Dr. Mario - Can we keep the love affairs out of this? Now, for Immunity Challenge, I want the strongest member of each-a team to have an arm-wrestling-a match!
Y. Link - I'm pretty strong! I'll go for the Blue Team!
DK - I'll go for the Red Team!
Y. Link - CURSE YOU, CRUEL LAWS OF COMEDY!
Laws - You know, I'm beginning to think that we're not wanted, guys.
Dr. Mario - Red Team-a wins! Don't-a worry, Young Link, your-a arm will-a heal in no time.
Y. Link - It's been flattened like a pancake!
Dr. Mario - Yes, I-a see that.
Y. Link - And it's been torn from my socket!
Dr. Mario - I am-a doctor, you know!
Y. Link - And DK threw it over the horizon to gloat over the victory!
Dr. Mario - Ah. That part may take awhile...
Y. Link - Well, I can't stay on the island in this condition.
Blue Team - We vote off Young Link so that he can be armed again!
Y. Link - Thanks, guys! Oh, and Mature Me, break it up with Fox already.
Link - Okay fine. (Gets up and walks away from a bruised, panting, wild-eyed Fox.)
Fox - My life flashed before my eyes! ... All of them, actually; my God, do I use a lot of continues in Star Fox 64!
Pichu - I was under the impression that Fox was one of the author's cherished characters! Is this what he does to his favorites?
Yoshi - Oh man, am I screwed.
G&W - Don't flatter yourself. The story is named about me, so I'm more screwed than any of you at a bar with a metal screwdriver in a screwdriver drink on Screwy Louie night!
C. Falcon - That metaphor made no sense whatsoever.
Red Mage and Pikachu - Can I go home now?
Black Mage - SHUT UP!
Roy - NO, YOU SHUT THE &(#$&(#% UP!!
C. Falcon - Aaaah! The running jokes are all coming back! I might become offensively homosexual again!
Zelda - CURSE YOU, LIMITED IMAGINATION OF THE AUTHOR!!
Pichu - You know, I envisage we may have to postpone this Survivor series for the ensuing chapter. Do not fret, readers, for I can most assuredly inform you that what you are missing is not very worthwhile.
Fighter - I like swords.
G&W - End the fugging chapter already.

THE CHAPTER IS OVER. TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR THE NEXT EXCITING' EPISODE OF SMASH SURVIVOR.'

Pichu - I can, quite effortlessly, tell that the author also originated that title.
ComedyMagmar - Sigh. It is so depressing when even the characters you write think you are an idiot.
Pichu - I conclude the chapters, not you, so sod off!