Chapter 10
"Die letzte Nacht"
(The Final Night)
Matt stared at the boy beside him in utter disbelief – was he actually planning to admit himself like this? Mello's expression didn't waver, though Matt could tell he was trembling.
Taking his eyes off of the blond, Matt looked over at Emil, who was staring at Mello with an equivalent expression of pure shock. He and Matt seemed to be the only ones stricken with horror, as they were the only ones in the room who knew what Mello was about to say.
The other boys stared, however, waiting for an answer.
"What're you going to say?" one of them prompted.
"I--"
"Nothing!" Matt said, attempting to pull Mello back down.
"No." Mello shrugged him off and fixed his gaze across the room. "I-I'm..."
Looking back over at Emil, Matt could see that his face had gone pale, and his expression frozen in place. Matt wondered if he regretted doing this to Mello now.
"Well – what is it?" Another boy pressed.
"I..." Mello paused, and took a deep breath. "I like guys."
The whole room went dead silent. Those who had been whispering in the corners immediately stopped and stared.
Then someone laughed. "Hey, what do you know Emil! Your guy is a fag, too!"
The rest of the boys laughed, and Emil turned a darker shade of pink than even Mello.
Finally, Matt couldn't take anymore. He stood up, loudly enough so that everyone would look at him. "Well you know what?" he said. "I'm a fag, too." He shrugged. "Feel free to have a good laugh about it – it won't do anything for you."
"Jesus!" one of the boys said. "Can't we even sleep in this cabin peacefully anymore!? How do I know we all won't be violated in the middle of the night?!" he laughed.
"Oh, don't flatter yourself," Matt said, going over to boy who had spoken and leaning in close to where their faces were almost touching – and giving him an apologetic look. "You're not my type," he whispered.
As the whole cabin laughed,the boy Matt had spoken to quickly pushed him off. "Back off, freak!"
Matt gave a sweet smile and held up his hands in surrender. A smile that vanished as soon as he turned around and came face-to-face with Emil, who had now gone a sickly shade of green.
"Happy now?" Matt asked quietly, so that the others wouldn't hear.
At first, Emil's bottom lip trembled and he looked ready to cry. However, he quickly avoided this embarrassment by turning and running out the door.
"Alright!" Matt said, turning back around to address the boys. "If anyone has a problem with this, they can take it up with me personally. Got it?"
To his surprise, the boys were quiet. They seemed unsure of what to say, shocked by Matt's willingness to admit it.
"That's what I thought," Matt said.
As he walked back over to Mello – who had been rooted to the same spot the entire time – the other boys went back to what they had been doing before the interruption, though there was a great deal of muttering and whispering.
"You okay?" Matt asked, putting a hand on Mello's shoulder.
"Y-yeah." Mello shook his head to clear his thoughts. "I'm just going to check on Emil, okay?"
Matt nodded. "Alright – I'll wait here."
Mello went around to the back of the cabin, where he knew Emil would be. The soft sobs reached his ears even before he'd got there.
"Emil?" he said, sitting down beside him. The other boy had his face buried in his arms, his knees hugged tightly against his chest.
"I'm sorry!" Emil sobbed. "I should never have done that to you..."
Mello gave a small smile. "It's alright. The guys will forget about it soon enough."
"But still...you're the last person I'd want to hurt! And that's exactly what I did. I'm so sorry! You have every right to hate me!"
"Oh, Emil...I don't hate you." Mello put a comforting arm around his shoulders. "I could never hate you."
"I-I'm sorry for e-everything! This is all my fault. I-I'm an awful person! I can't believe I even did that to you!"
"That isn't true. Your actions may have been unfair, but I understand why you did this. And if anything, I'm the one who should be apologizing."
Emil raised his head up to look at Mello with tear-filled brown eyes. "What are you talking about?"
"You – you were right. I was treating you horribly, and I shouldn't have. You had every right to be angry with me. I'm sorry."
Emil shook his head. "It isn't your fault. I only did this because I was jealous. You didn't deserve it..." he wiped his eyes.
"But I didn't treat you fairly, you were right. All I cared about was Matt."
"I don't blame you. I knew I couldn't force you to like me. I should have just accepted that fact."
"Emil...I care about you," Mello said gently. "Don't ever think I don't, because I do. You're my best friend. I may...care about Matt differently, but you're still important to me, Emil."
"I-I'm really sorry, for everything..."
"I know," Mello said. "Don't worry about it."
"I...won't blame you if you don't want to be my friend after this...." Emil said.
Mello smiled. "Don't be stupid – of course I still want to be friends."
"I don't see why..."
"You know, Emil...I think you actually did me a favour by what you did..."
"A favour?" Emil gave a dry laugh.
"Yeah...I mean, up until now I was too afraid to be myself. I just pretended to be what everyone else wanted. But, by doing this... I stopped conforming, and I proved to myself that I want to be with Matt for more than attention. And I have you to thank for that. If it weren't for you, I never would've stood up and said that."
"It still doesn't make what I did right."
"No, it doesn't," Mello sighed. "But I'm not angry with you for it."
"You should be."
"Well I'm not. And besides...I'm not the one you need to apologize to."
Emil shook his head. "Matt hates me."
"He doesn't hate you," Mello assured him. "Just talk to him, you'll see."
"But I ruined both your reputations..."
"Eh, it doesn't matter," Mello shrugged. "The guys will find something new to talk about."
"I'm sorry," Emil repeated.
As the other boy stifled a sob, Mello took him in his arms. "It's okay. I don't hate you, and neither will Matt."
The soft cries from beside Mello finally ceased after a few minutes, and the two of them sat like that for a while, just listening to the silence.
Emil was already present when Matt entered the cabin. He was sitting morosely on his bed, staring down at the floor.
"Emil?" Matt said, approaching the bed and sitting down on the edge. The other boy glanced at him, but quickly averted his gaze.
"What do you want?" he said.
"Do you...want to talk?" Matt asked softly, noticing the evident tear stains on Emil's face.
"What's there to talk about?" he said, his voice slightly thick.
"You seem upset."
Emil shrugged, and the two of them were silent a while.
"I'm sorry," Emil said at last. "I shouldn't have made you two do that."
"What you did wasn't fair," Matt agreed. "And you had no right doing it."
"I know," Emil said, hanging his head.
"But..."
At this, Emil raised his head slightly.
"...I do understand why you did it, and...I can't blame you. You wanted Mello just as much as I did. I can empathize with your reasons for doing it."
"I'm sorry. I still shouldn't have done it."
"No, you shouldn't have. The fact that Mello still even wants to be your friend after this is beyond me." He paused, and gave a sigh as Emil cringed slightly. "...But he does. Mello cares about you, Emil. And – I agree that he wasn't treating you like he should. You had every right to be angry with him, but that still doesn't justify your actions. But I don't hold them against you."
Emil was silent for a minute. "You know what I hate about this?"
"What?"
"He actually loves you. I always assumed that he would keep quiet and let this go on for the rest of camp.... But the fact that he actually stood up there and said that..." A small sob escaped Emil's throat. "He really does love you...."
As the other boy broke down in sobs, Matt put his arms slowly around him. He could feel Emil stiffen slightly, but then the black-haired boy's arms wound around him and pulled him close. "I hate this. I hate this so much. I hate you, but I really don't want to. And I want to hate him, but I can't."
"Jesus, is there anything in this world that you actually like?" Matt said.
Emil gave a small laugh through his tears. "I guess not. I suppose I'm just a bitter person, huh?"
"No, that isn't true. You're just going through a hard time. It'll get better eventually. And Mello will be there. Maybe not in the way you want him to, but he'll be there."
His sobbing slightly quieted, Emil rested against Matt for a few minutes, tears silently coursing down his face. "Do you think I'll ever stop feeling this way about him?"
"I don't know. I really don't know. But I do know how hard it is to get over someone when you love them that much," Matt said. "Don't think I don't understand, because I do."
"Yeah, but at least you were with that guy for however long."
"Are you kidding? That only made it worse. I had a taste of something and then lost it. At least with Mello, you didn't lose anything you already had. You still have your friendship, and that should mean something. You'll still see him, and get to talk to him just like before."
"Thanks, I-I guess you're right," Emil said, sitting up and wiping his eyes. Then, he gave a small smile, a sincere one for the first time since Matt had known him. "And I appreciate that."
When Matt found Mello that night, he discovered the other boy sitting behind the cabin, gazing up at the stars.
"Hey." Matt sat down beside him. "What're you doing out here?" he asked.
Mello shrugged. "Just thinking."
"About what?"
Silence rested in the air for a minute, as Mello simply stared ahead into space. "You know...this is our last night here."
Although Matt had been aware of this, he still felt a funny jolt in his stomach hearing it said out loud.
"Yeah, it is. Hard to believe, huh?"
"I don't want to go back home." Mello shook his head, a slight tremor in his voice. "I really don't."
"I know," Matt said, resting a hand gently on his friend's shoulder. "But any time you need me, you can always call. And I know it's a long way, but you can visit too. You can even bring," he grimaced as he said it, "Emil."
Mello gave a small laugh, wiping his eyes. "Yeah, I will."
Reaching over to run a hand through Mello's hair, Matt pulled the other boy into his arms. "Maybe things will get better – like you said."
"I hope so," Mello replied, appreciating Matt's attempt at optimism. He was quiet for a minute, as though thinking over something. "Hey, Matt?"
"Hm?"
"I love you."
Matt smiled. "I love you too."
"I'll miss you," Mello said.
"I'll miss you too." Matt kissed the top of his forehead and pulled him into his lap. He then gave a laugh. "You know, it's funny. When I got here, I couldn't wait to leave. But now I actually want to stay."
"Yeah. Once I go back home, it'll just be Emil and me." He sighed. "Have you ever met someone, and felt like you've known them your entire life, even if you've only known them a few days?"
"I dunno." Matt thought for a minute. "Maybe."
"I can't explain it, but..." Mello smiled. "That's how I feel around you."
"Maybe we knew each other in a past life," Matt suggested.
"You mean you believe in reincarnation?"
Matt shrugged. "I believe whatever makes sense."
"Then maybe we did," Mello agreed.
As a rush of cold air suddenly hit them, both boys shivered and stood up. "I guess we should go inside now," Mello said.
"Yeah..." Matt paused for a moment, but then took Mello's hand in his own, lacing their fingertips together. "Remember what I said, alright? Any time you need me."
Mello smiled, giving Matt's hand a small squeeze. "I will. Thanks."
Matt returned the smile. "Come on."
The two of them walked back around to the front of the cabin, opening the door and walking inside – never letting go of each other's hand.
-End of Chapter 10-
This isn't the last chapter, there's still one more to go. It's fairly short though, so I probably won't wait a whole week to post it.