Sorry only had time for a short one, enjoy !
Official Memo
After my visit to Washington I expected to return to a few problems, but 84 complaints in my first 3 days back. Well let me answer a few of them here. Firstly I don't care how much people want to switch teams but it aint gonna happen. Secondly you all know caffeine tablets are not allowed on base, its coffee or nothing you bunch of freaks. Please remember some of us aren't allowed any. From now on all labs must not be used for sleep, go home people. Walter there isn't any protocol about what you have to say when dialling the gate, say whatever the hell you want I don't care. Daniel you were wrong Homers middle name is Jay, you owe Teal'c 20. Siler no more messing with the electrical system, we need power, you need to stop being electrocuted, its fine the way it is. Remember never order supplies without your CO's approval, Frasier has 50,000 sterile swabs now, which is good news for me. Daniel either stop walking into people or I will order you to get an eye test. I know geology missions are boring but they are necessary so no rushing back. One final thing, I thing all of you are neurotic, work obsessed, whiney children who will try anything to get what they want, oh and they want it right now not later.
From the desk of General Jack O'Neill
Sam passed Janet reading the notice and all that was said was
Sam "Jack back on his diet?"
Janet "Yeah"