I forgot to mention at the end of the last chapter that the song I used was Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran 'Everything Has Changed'. I know most people probably already knew but whatever, I just thought I'd clear it up.
Thank you to everyone who has followed or made my story a favourite. And as always thank you too all of you amazing people that reviewed.
Shellmar: That was not the end no. I hope to carry this story on for a while, so panic not.
Craycrayforshay: I'm glad you liked the last chapter so much, I really do live to give you Spemily feels now. I am obsessed with that song at the minute so it had to go in.
gaby2angel: Yay! It makes me happy that I did your idea justice. And there may be a bit more aggressive Emily in future chapters.
Beautifuldreamerr: Sorry you had to wait so long for the kiss, I hope it was worth the wait.
RSSJ: I completely agree, I didn't want it to be rushed. It had to be right. I'm so glad you understand haha.
CloudGypsy: Wow. I don't even know what to say back to that. Just thank you. I must have read this review like 10 times. Every time I've had a shit day at work I've read your review and it's made me smile. I'm glad you love it and I'm probably in lesbians with you too. Just sayin'
Simplyathinker: YES! I love fangirling.
Ok so I'm not 100% happy with this chapter, something just doesn't feel right. It's a bit everywhere and a bit up and down but I'm going with it anyway. Be gentle with me.
I don't own pretty little liars.
Enjoy….
Chapter 9:
Emily opened her eyes slowly and was met with the most beautiful sight she could imagine. Spencer was a breath away from her, her eyes still closed, her cheeks flushed, her hair slightly messed up and a small smile on her now swollen lips. Their kiss had been passionate and full of want, she wanted Spencer and Spencer kissed her like she wanted her back. But she couldn't could she? Spencer was straight, she was still in love with Toby and she was… drunk. Utter panic crashed over Emily as that thought crossed her mind, Spencer was drunk, that had to be the explanation. The swimmer quickly and clumsily untangled her fingers from Spencer's bringing both hands to the other girls chest and pushing her away, breaking their embrace. Emily took two steps away from Spencer, she couldn't think straight with the girl's body still against her own. She turned away quickly before there was a chance that she would catch any look of regret that might pass across the other girls face; she knew her heart couldn't take that. She knew in her heart that Spencer would regret what had just happened but she didn't need to see the realisation dawn on her. Emily covered her face with her hands attempting to hide from the world of trouble that she had just created, how could she be so stupid? This was Spencer, her best friend, the person who was always there for her, even if it was just in the background, but still there none the less. And she'd fucked it up, stupid, stupid, stupid.
Spencer didn't know what had just happened, one second she was in a state of utter bliss holding Emily in her arms after the most mind blowing kiss, the next she felt cold and terrified and Emily was stood out of her reach. She should never be out of her reach; it should be the law that Emily had to be in her arms at every second of everyday from now on. When she wasn't everything felt wrong. Spencer took a cautious step towards Emily, scared to move too fast in case the other girl ran away. She was confused right now, she didn't know what was going on, but what she did know was that she couldn't survive Emily walking away from her again.
"Em?" Spencer asked in barely above a whisper, Emily didn't respond so she took another small step towards her. "Look at me please" she almost begged as her voice cracked, the raw emotion making Emily flinch a little bit. Spencer for a split second thought the other girl was going to turn around, but Emily stayed with her back towards her. Spencer couldn't stand not being able to see Emily's face; she reached out slowly and placed her hand on the other girls shoulder. Emily didn't try to move away so Spencer took that as a good sign and took another tiny step towards her, they were so close again now that she could feel the heat from the other girl's body. It was intoxicating but Spencer needed to see her face. "Emily?" she tried again but this time the name came out like a sob, this finally drew a reaction.
Hearing the pain in Spencer voice Emily spun around and she was back in the other girl's arms again, Spencer had been stood so close that she couldn't have avoided it even if she wanted to. Spencer's arms were around her waist holding on to her tightly, Emily hadn't even had the chance to move her arms properly so they were pinned between both of their chests as Spencer refused to loosen her grip. Emily leant forward resting her forehead on the paler girl's shoulder and began to cry, the combination of shock and relief that Spencer didn't seem to hate her making her tears unavoidable. She looked up at Spencer through blurred eyes, "I'm sorry Spencer. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have…" she had to stop as she chocked on a sob.
"Please don't" Spencer breathed out, cutting Emily off while she tried to compose herself.
"Don't what? Emily asked confused.
"Don't apologise" Spencer almost begged. "Unless you're sorry that it happened" she paused to scan Emily's face trying to catch any hint of regret. She couldn't tell, but right now she had to be brave "I'm not sorry Emily" she admitted.
Emily couldn't believe what she was hearing. Did Spencer actually just admit that she didn't regret their kiss? Emily almost laughed, "I'm not sorry it happened either" she confessed.
"Then what are you apologising for?" Spencer asked but didn't give Emily a chance to reply before she leant forward and pressed a kiss to the corner of the swimmers mouth.
Emily's heart fluttered at the brief contact and she couldn't help herself from turning her head and capturing Spencer's lips in a chaste kiss. "I'm not sorry" she whispered against the other girl's skin. They pulled away to look at one another properly for a second, "but you're drunk" Emily continued, voicing the fear that was nagging at her.
"And?" Spencer shot out. "I'm not that drunk Emily. And I think you know me better than to think that I would do something I don't want to, no matter how drunk I am."
Emily was taken aback by Spencer's assertion. "This wouldn't have happened if we weren't drunk, you know that" she reasoned.
"Maybe not" Spencer agreed. "But only because I would never have had the courage to do it otherwise. I didn't mean for it to happen this way, I'm sorry" she said taking a lock of Emily's hair between her thumb and forefinger and twirling it.
"Don't you start now as well" Emily reprimanded as Spencer apologised for no reason after the paler girl had just called her out on it minutes before.
"Sorry" Spencer said without thinking causing both girls to burst out laughing. Spencer put her head on Emily's shoulder as she tried to control her hysterics but quickly became aware that she had unintentionally gone for the one shoulder that wasn't covered by Emily's top and her cheek was lying on bare tanned flesh. The feeling of Emily's smooth skin against her own filled Spencer with unexpected desire, she began pressing a series of gentle kisses along the girls shoulder and collar bone. Emily's laughed stopped abruptly as the jovial atmosphere in the room turned to something much more lustful.
Spencer stopped kissing Emily's shoulder and looked at her dead in the eyes; she cupped the tanned girl's cheeks to keep her attention. "I might have had a few drinks Em, but I hadn't last night when I wanted to chase you out of this apartment and tell you everything I was feeling. I hadn't any morning I've woken up recently and been disappointed that you weren't lying next to me. I hadn't last weekend when you were in New York and I could hardly function without you. I hadn't…" She was cut off when Emily's lips captured her own. Before her brain even had time to register what was going on her body was responding her lips were moving with Emily's. The kiss was hungry and rough, so unlike their previous one, but it was perfect. Spencer slipped her hand into Emily's hair enjoying getting lost in its silkiness; she couldn't help pulling on the strands that surrounded her fingers, eliciting a moan from the other girl. Emily's response caused Spencer to smile into the kiss feeling a little bit cocky at the way Emily responded to such a simple action. Her ego disappeared pretty quickly when she felt Emily's teeth graze across her bottom lip, tugging gently before biting down on the sensitive flesh. Spencer's head swam and her knees buckled at Emily's roughness, she had to grab on to the other girl's body to steady herself. Their bodies were pulled together, their hips met with a bump and Spencer couldn't stop the gasp that escaped her throat.
Emily took Spencer's stumble as her opportunity to take control of the kiss and she ran her tongue along the lip she had just bitten. Spencer opened her mouth begging for the kiss to be deepened and Emily melted into her mouth, she needed Spencer to know how wanted she was. Emily ran her tongue against Spencer's, pushing slightly when she felt the other girl begin to duel with her, she wasn't letting Spencer get the upper hand this time. She felt some of the fight leave Spencer's body as she let out a moan at Emily's dominance, the paler girl finding this new side of Emily insanely hot. Emily had been so overwhelmed with disbelief last time they'd kissed that she hadn't really paid attention to all the things that were Spencer. Now she revelled in the sweet taste of her tongue as it moved with hers and the heat of her breath as it mingled with her own. Everything in her felt so alive when she kissed Spencer. Emily kissed the other girl's lips quickly before kissing her cheek and then her jaw and finally her throat. She peppered light kisses up the column of Spencer's neck, breathing in the sweet musk of her skin; reaching her ear she gently ran her lips around the rim. The sound of Emily's quickened breathing in her ear made Spencer whimper slightly but when the swimmer pressed a lingering kiss behind her ear she had to tighten her grip on Emily's hair just to keep herself grounded. She had never been more turned on but this increased dramatically when Emily slowly began kissing back down her neck and nipped gently above where she could feel Spencer's pulse hammering.
"Shit Em" Spencer gasped.
The lust in her voice making Emily come to her senses, she had no calm this down before it went too far. "Sorry" Emily whispered as she smiled against the other girl's skin.
"You are so not" Spencer said as she groaned.
Emily detached her lip from Spencer's neck to look at her. "You're right" she said with a smirk as she leant in for one last chaste kiss that she hoped would calm both of their now raging hormones. As much as she wanted to she couldn't let this go too far, they had too much to talk about.
They took a small step apart, but couldn't bring themselves to move too far away from one another. Spencer brushed a piece of hair behind Emily's ear. "You are so beautiful" she whispered as she took in Emily's features. Her words caused Emily to frown slightly, it was not exactly the reaction she was expecting. "What's wrong?" she asked worriedly.
Emily sighed; grabbing Spencer's hand she pulled them over to the couch and turned off the IPod that neither girl had realised was still playing. She sat down next to Spencer and turned to face her, staying silent for a few moments trying to think of how exactly to start the conversation. Taking a deep breath she decided to just throw herself in, "What does this mean?" she asked looking down at her hands nervously.
"I don't know" Spencer replied.
Emily looked up at Spencer with a desperate expression. "Where do we go from here?"
"I don't know" Spencer replied again.
"What do we tell people? Do we tell people" Emily asked.
"I don't know" Spencer replied for a third time as she reached out and took Emily's hand to try and still the tremble she saw there.
"Are you gay?" Emily asked in a quiet voice.
"I don't know" Spencer said, she was starting to sound robotic now but she just didn't know. She needed Emily to stop asking questions.
"What are we going to do?" Emily asked sounding like she was about to cry.
"I don't know" Spencer said in a pained voice, knowing she wasn't giving Emily to work with here but she had nothing else to say.
"You don't know anything" Emily shot out. "Do you want us to see where this goes? Should we go out on a date? Do you want us to be together?"
"I don't know Em" Spencer said desperately
"Then we need to figure it out" Emily said on the verge of hysterical. "Have you really thought about this?"
"I have done nothing but think about this" Spencer said more sternly than she meant to, she was frustrated that she didn't know what to say. She always knew what to say.
"I mean seriously thought about this Spencer. Like if we did date you would have to tell people, people would find out. And if we worked out you'd have to come out. To your parents, to your sister to the girls. Could you do that? People can be cruel, will you be able to deal with that?" Emily reeled off, finally voicing all of her worries.
"Emily please stop" Spencer begged. "I don't know the answers, how can I know until I try?"
"Spencer I need more than that. I can't be your experiment" Emily said as a tear rolled down her cheek.
Spencer reached across and wiped the tear away quickly, her heart ached at the idea that Emily could think that way. "You could never just be an experiment to me. You are my best friend" Spencer assured.
"Exactly" Emily said. "That is what's most important here Spence. I can't and I won't lose you as a friend. I won't risk us"
Spencer took a deep breath; of course she understood exactly where Emily was coming from. The tanned girl had, had her heart broken so many times and had lost so many people that she loved deeply, she understood her reluctance to jump into anything with someone who seemed so unsure. But there was one thing she was sure of: Emily. Spencer scooted closer to her and cupped Emily's right cheek in her left hand, "I might not know the answers to all of the questions you've asked me Em, but I do know how I feel about you. I'm falling for you Emily and I can't stop. And if I'm completely honest with you I don't want to either"
"Spence" Emily breathed, trying to stop herself from crying at Spencer's heartfelt admission. "I can't tell you how amazing it makes me feel to hear you say that, but I don't want to rush into this in the heat of the moment." Emily said her eyes never leaving Spencer's. She saw the other girl's head dip in disappointed understanding, they both knew this was right but it didn't make it any easier. Emily reached over placing a finger under Spencer's chin, lifting her head so she was looking at her again. "Just for the record I'm falling for you too Spencer"
Spencer laughed lightly. "Well how could you not be" she said trying to lighten the mood, she saw Emily smile slightly. "Emily I agree that we need to take this slow" she reassured. "Where do we go from here?" she asked
"You need to figure some stuff out Spence. Decide what it is you really want and if I'm worth the risk" Emily said calmly, she remembered what it was like to be in Spencer's position and she didn't want to put pressure on her.
"Em don't you dare say that" Spencer said angrily. "Worth the risk? I'd die for you, you know that right?" she asked.
"I know that" Emily said as she squeezed Spencer fingers. "But this is different, this is a different kind of risk"
"I know" Spencer replied simply.
"You need to go and make sure this is right for you, I want there to be no room for doubt with anything. I want you to go on your date with Josh and see if there is anything there. Go and speak to some people and see what it was like for them when they came out." Emily suggested. "Figure it out and then come back to me"
How could Spencer have any doubts, Emily was amazing. Spencer could see that saying these things was breaking Emily's heart but still she was giving her space to figure this out, she was making sure she didn't put any pressure on her. Despite this, and as much as Spencer hated herself for it, she did have doubts and she knew she owed it to Emily to work through them, she just didn't know where to start. "What if I take too long?" She asked in a scared voice. "What if I miss my chance?"
Emily smiled sweetly at Spencer. "There's no such thing as too long. I refused to wait for Paige when she wasn't sure of what she wanted and no matter where we are now she changed my life, she helped save me. I almost missed out on that and I won't make that mistake again."
"I can't ask you to wait for me Emily" Spencer said, if Emily was willing to give her space she had to be willing to accept that people might come along in the meantime.
"I'm offering" is all Emily replied.
"Em…" Spencer was about to protest but was cut off when Emily placed her hand over her mouth.
"Good things are worth waiting for Spence" Emily said with a smirk.
Spencer reached up and removed Emily's hand from over her mouth before she leant forward and kissed her lips gently. When she pulled away she sighed "Don't wait. If someone comes along while I'm still figuring it out I don't want you to miss out on them"
Emily nodded sadly "I won't be looking for anyone else" she reassured the other girl, causing her to smile. "It wouldn't be fair on anyway, you're pretty tough competition" she joked as she bumped Spencer's shoulder with her own.
Spencer looked over at the swimmer, she felt so lucky, Emily was sweet and understanding and caring and it made her question if she really deserved it. After everything that had happened over the years Spencer wasn't used to things working out. Yet here she was, she had just told Emily how she felt and she hadn't run away, it was more than she could ever have hoped for that the girl could actually like her back. She knew she wasn't ready right now to be with Emily, but sitting there looking in her eyes and seeing all the love and compassion they held she knew one day soon she would be. "Will you stay with me tonight?" she asked.
"I was planning on it" Emily replied with a laugh.
"Good" Spencer chuckled in return as she pulled Emily into her and sat back against the cushions of the couch, Emily snuggled into Spencer's side putting her head on the paler girls chest and throwing her arm over her waist. Spencer kissed Emily's hair and breathed her in as they sat there and tried to comprehend everything that had just happened. The mood was simultaneously one of happiness that their feelings were finally out in the open and disappointment that it couldn't be right now. They sat that way for a few minutes until Emily broke the silence, "I'm gonna go get changed ok?" she asked as she got up off of Spencer.
"Sure" Spencer said with a small smile. As Emily walked past her she ran her finger gently along her jaw line, Spencer's eyes fluttered shut at her touch. Spencer turned her head watching Emily leave over her shoulder, as soon as she was out of sight the paler girl threw her hands over her face to hide the her huge grin that had broken out. She kicked her legs like an excited child, sure she and Emily weren't together, it wasn't perfect, but Spencer felt hope for the first time in longer than she cared to admit.
Emily grabbed her bag from Spencer's room and headed to the bathroom. She shut the door behind her and leant her back against it taking a deep breath and enjoying the fact that she didn't have to contain her smile anymore. She bit her lip trying to stop the grin but she couldn't, it was impossible. Emily made her way over to the mirror and looked at her reflection; she almost didn't recognise the person looking back. Her cheeks were slightly flushed and the smile was still plastered across her lips, but it was her eyes that looked different, there was a sparkle and a life that she hadn't realised was missing until now. Letting out a single breathy laugh she turned away from the mirror to get changed.
Spencer was making her way out of her bedroom, having gotten changed into her pyjamas, when she heard the bathroom door open with a click. She looked over and her mouth went dry, Emily emerged from the room wearing Spencer's hockey jersey, that she had taken home after the first night she stayed over a month ago and had refused to give back, and a pair of ridiculously short cotton shorts. There was something about Emily having the name 'Hastings' emblazoned across her chest that Spencer found all of a sudden incredibly sexy. Not to mention the amount of Emily's toned legs that were on view right now. Spencer raked her eyes over Emily's body appreciatively, how the fuck had she missed that Emily was a goddess until now?
"Holy shit" Spencer muttered, unaware that she had actually said it out loud.
"What?" Emily asked self-consciously, crossing her arms over her chest, the action pulling her top up slightly and revealing a strip of skin at her hips. Spencer didn't answer her question; she just stepped towards Emily, keeping her eyes locked on her body. Her fingers found the newly exposed flesh, ghosting across it lightly and drawing a shiver from Emily. The tanned girl unfolded her arms and placed her hands on Spencer's forearms before running them up and draping her arms over the other girl's shoulders. Spencer was finally able to tear her eyes away from Emily' body to look at her face, the swimmer was biting her lip; the sight caused a tingle to flutter through Spencer's entire body. She crashed her lips against Emily's, it was slightly clumsy as she took the other girl by surprise but they quickly recovered. Spencer used her hold on Emily's hips to push her against the wall behind them. Emily let out a breathy gasp as her back hit the solid surface, any possible pain numbed by how turned on the action had made her. Spencer stepped closer to her pining her to the wall with her hips; she ran her hands up Emily's sides under her shirt. The tips of her fingers tingled where they came into contact with Emily's skin and she wished she could do this every day. The realisation that she couldn't sent a stab of pain straight to her chest. She pulled away from the swimmers lips and pressed their foreheads together. "I can't pretend tonight didn't happen Em" Spencer breathed.
"I'm not asking you to pretend it didn't happen" Emily replied softly, confused about how the mood had moved from lust to sadness so quickly. "We just have to take our time"
Spencer let out a dry laugh as she stood up straight, keeping Emily firmly pressed against the wall. "Take our time?" she asked incredulously. "Jesus, I only told you how I feel like thirty minutes ago and I've already almost ripped your clothes off" she said looking away from Emily's face.
Emily chuckled slightly "I hardly put up a fight so don't look so guilty" She said leaning forward and kissing Spencer on the cheek.
"You couldn't have worn long pants or something?" Spencer asked mockingly as she groaned and let her head drop to Emily's shoulder.
"Shut up" Emily said shoving Spencer's shoulder playfully. "Now get off me you horn dog. It's like being around a teenage boy" she said as she used her back to push herself and Spencer away from the wall and moving away from the other girl.
"Hey" Spencer shouted after her as she feigned offence, she was secretly excited by their easy flirting, this all just felt so right.
"Do you think you can keep your hands to yourself if we watch a movie before bed?" Emily asked from the other room.
"No" Spencer replied, pouting as she rounded the corner.
An easy giggle escaped Emily's mouth as she grabbed spencer's hand and pulled her over to the couch. "Well you'll have to try." She said, sounding more like a mother talking to a child.
"Ok" Spencer said in a sigh as Emily went over to the TV and slipped a disc into the DVD player before making her way back over to the couch.
"Scootch" Emily said as she swatted at Spencer's legs, she began to move and Emily positioned her how she wanted her. Spencer ended up with her back against the armrest and her legs up on the couch. Emily then climbed between her legs laying her back against Spencer's chest and snuggling into her. Both girls smiled contentedly as the movie began.
"Despicable Me again? Really Em?" Spencer asked pretending to be exasperated, she really found Emily's obsession with this movie endearing.
"Yes again" Emily said unapologetically. "Is there a problem?"
"We've watched this movie like twenty times, I could probably act it out for you by now" Spencer whined.
Emily laughed "Yeah, yeah, yeah" she said effectively ending the argument.
After a while Emily laid her head back on Spencer's shoulder causing the paler girl to smile, it felt so comfortable and familiar. She turned her head and pressed kisses from Emily's temple down the side of her face to her cheek, she felt the other girl smile before their attention went back to the movie. As more time went by Spencer ran her hand around Emily's waist, allowing it to come to rest low on her stomach, just above the waistband of her shorts. When she wasn't batted away her confidence grew and she slipped her fingers under Emily's shirt, felling her smooth skin under her fingertips.
"Spence" Emily said warningly but Spencer could hear the smile in her voice.
"Shhh" Spencer replied "I'm trying to watch the movie" she tried to sound serious.
Emil laughed despite herself, sliding her hand over Spencer's and interlocking their fingers. The rest of the night was spent sitting comfortably this way.
Hmmmm….yeah so that's it. Please, please, please review they make all of this worth it and like I've said before they give me ideas and inspiration. Let me know what you think, if you liked or hated it.