Chapter 10: The Finale
"STOP MESSING AROUND ALEXANDER, WE NEED TO GO TO THE CONCERT." Hope shouted. Hope grabbed everyone and forced them back to Eden Orphan Hall. "COME ON MY SHOW IS SOON." Back stage, Hope was in distress and changed into his gay costume on the spot. Alexander transformed into drums. "Hope, there's something I want to give you. For good luck." Snow said, giving Hope his beanie. "Snow..I know how much this means to you. Thank you." Hope kawaiied. Snow made a hero face. "Put it on." Snow commanded. "Yea, sure." Hope did a 180 and dumpstered that fucking head cancer scalp invader. Snow's face was in disbelief, but then the announcer called for Hope to come on stage. Hope pushed past the BBS fuckboy and put Alexander on the stage. Everything was perfect, the music started and then the lights went out. "NOOOOO!" Hope threw a baby tantrum on stage where everyone could see him. "Hey baby, don't cry, you're just gonna die!" said a voice on a microphone. "Oh no." Hope panicked. "No. Nononononononono." Hope was having an asthma attack. "Hehe, old Vanilla Johnson is up to her tricks again." said Sazh. "Uh, I'm right here." Vanille was stealing equipment as usual. "Oh no, oh god it can't be." Lightning was foaming at the mouth at what could only be her nightmare. "Hey everybody it's your favorite Fal'cie Orphan!" said malformed fetus body of what could only be Barthandelus's retarded adopted son from Nigerria who was a professional comedian. "Hey who wants to hear a joke? Knock knock. You could win this brand new Dodge L'cie Truck!" Orphan used his third fetus body to wave at where there was supposed to be a car but there wasn't. Nobody was laughing. Orphan's fetus head started crying, so it took out a shotgun and blasted itself in the fetus head. "L'cie how you like that!" Orphan tried to make a funny again. Nobody was laughing. Hope tantrummed and threw Alexander on the ground and got up and went to the announcer. "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS. WHO LET ORPHAN ON MY STAGE." He howled, stabbing the announcer with a knife in his hand. "Sorry man, Bart is our primarch, and he wanted his son to be on stage..." The announcer buffled awkwardly. Hope fisted the bastard and went back on stage. "GET OFF MY UTOPIAAAAAAA!" he screeched at Orphan. "You're gay." Orphan menaced. Hope had forgotten he was speaking with a malformed fetus burger. Hope corrected himself. "Sweetie, there's cupcakes in front of the stage." "REALLY?! WHERE?!" Orphan ducked over the stage. "NOW!" Hope blasted his Alexander drums like fucking Louis Armstrong while Lightning & Friends came to beat up Orphan as well. Lightning transformed into her McQueen form and revved her oil all over that abortionist bastard. Snow regrew his beanie and just smiled at Orphan. His third head exploded. Vanille took her antlers and shoved them up Orphan's ass. Fang also shoved her stick up Orphan's ass. Orphan squealed and cried, and then he melted into oblivion. The microphone blurred. The audience was dead silent. Sazh slowly walked up to the mic. "Ahem." Sazh cleared his throat. "DID YA'LL KNOW IT'S FAT AWARENESS WEEK?!" He began shooting out of his guns. People ran screaming away. "AHAHAHAHAHA!" Sazh accidentally shot the lights above and they came crashing down on top of him. "Looks like we saved your concert." Vanille giggled. "I HATE YOU!" Hope angsted. Hope took Vanille's antlers and started besting her with it. Snow walked up to Lightning and put his arm around her shoulder. "Well, it looks like me and you raised a great kid." Lightning slowly looked up at Snow. She carefully put her hand on his cheek...and ripped his skin off. "AHHHHH!" Snow cried. "Go fuck yourself." Lightning flipped off Snow and walked to Fang. Suddenly Serah and Dajh appeared. "Daddy?" Dajh poked DeadSahz with a stick. Serah walked up to Snow. "Ser.." Snow was backhanded onto the ground. "HOW DARE YOU THINK THAT DYSLEY WAS ME." Serah screeeeeched. "AND WHERE THE HELL IS MY DOUBLE HEART ATTACK FAL'BURGER?! AND YOU CRASHED THE FUCKING CAR! OUR INSURANCE IS THROUGH THE L'CIEROOF!" Serah angered. Snow was getting the birthday beatdown of his life. Lightning went up to Serah. "CLAIRE YOU BITCH HOW COME..." Lightning shot Serah in the head. "I've had a really shitty weekend Serah. And now I have to go back to the daily grind." Lightning groaned, putting on her construction helmet, ready to go to sleep. She knew that she'd have to go back to lumberjacking on Monday.