Everything's so blurry, very blurry. I think, oh, Fenris' hair is such a lovely shade of white. I grin at this. Wait, white isn't shade is it? A tone? No, a hue, that's not right. My mind mulls this thought over, trying to remember what I learned in school about such things, but the thought once again eludes me. The sound of Fenris' voice had become a small droning noise in the back of my mind, as I tried to recall the memories that tugged like an itch you can't scratch. I know they are there, it's like something that you have no doubt you know, but you can't quite recall it. Just out of reach. Damn it, this is frustrating.
"Hawke, you don't look so well." His voice snaps me out of my frustrating thoughts.
"Huh?"
"You look flush, and you haven't been listening to a word I've said for some time now."
"Your hair is pretty, like snow, I like snow." I find this rather amusing, Fenris, not so much. He just sighs and shook his head. I watch as his very pretty hair wafts from side to side as he does this. It looks so soft, I just want to run my fingers through it. Pretty, pretty hair.
"You're drunk."
"Who me? Never," I grin again, I'm very amusing. I know this because that little voice in my head told me so. It also told me after the first bottle of wine I should stop, but to hell with you little voice. I deserve this, after everything I have been through, I have every right to have a drink or twelve. I may not have drank twelve, but if I want to drink twelve; I will drink it, and no little voice that sounds oddly like Peter Griffin is going to tell me what and when I should do things.
"You are definitely are not the same Hawke, she could even drink Varric under the table." He looked at me with his beautiful green eyes, that could see right through me. Maybe I am a little drunk, I ponder this as I take another large mouthful of wine. This stuff is amazing.
"You hide Dwarves under your table? That's kinda mean." My voice slurred as my mind pictures Varric sitting under a table, a giant bottle of wine twice his size between his short legs. The picture makes makes me giggle, causing Fenris to give me a really dirty look.
"You've had enough, I should take you home. If I had known you had such a low tolerance I wouldn't have stopped you much sooner."
"I don't want to go home," I pout clutching the bottle to my chest. "There's a woman who say's she's my mother who tries to feed me biscuits that are as hard as rocks taste like dirt, and a old man who smells like rotten fish and old cabbage, and who is really, really mean. And my so called Brother who likes to wake me from really good dreams by scaring the living shit out of me!" my voice cracks and I try and failed to stagger to my feet. The room spun around as I try to stay upright. I moved forward a step my legs felt like rubber then buckled. Tradorius legs!
Fenris is beside me in a flash in an attempt to steady me, and it's not working too well. I try to focus on his face and it's hazy.
"Oh, you're like ninja. It's like one moment you're over there than POOF, you're here." I begin to sway and Fenris tighten his grip on my arm. He growls at me, such a sexy sound. I notice he does that a lot. I'm sure he does it during sex too, oh that thought is hot. This makes me smile like a fool, and he frowns at me, another thing I notice he does a lot. I realized at some point from when we came in till now he had changed his clothes, when did this happen? Not that I'm complaining, he looks good out of that spiky thing he was wearing before. Now he looks comfortable and the thoughts of him changing made my grin even wider, and I think I maybe drooling a little.
"Why are you smiling like that?"
"I see you naked."
"You WHAT?"
His reaction startles me and now my brain is in hyper drive. "No, no, not really naked, I was just thinking, of you...naked, and growling. I mean when you growl like that, it made me think of you in bed...naked. You know without all the spikey armor, and...Oh god, I'm so sorry." I cover my mouth with both my hands, but the words just didn't stop I start to mumble, please make me stop. "When I drink I ramble, it's like if I think it I say it, and I was thinking that you're really very sexy naked. I-I can't help it, I just...You with the sexy, sexy voice, and the growling, it's such a turn on really. Did I ever tell you that you have a sexy voice? Because you do really. I'm never going to be able to look you in the eye ever again, you know that right."
I know I'm making things worse because the more I talk, but the words they just keep coming, and he's just staring at me. I don't know if he's stunned, or flattered, or pissed because right now I can't stop talking and he's just staring at me with those eyes, and that pretty hair. Please someone save me from this drunken stupor. And still words they just keep coming, I don't even know what I'm saying anymore, why can't I stop. Next thing I know I'm in the air, and not in a 'I'm pissed off, rawr, throw you across the room,' sort of thing, more of a pick me up and put me over you shoulder sort of thing.
That's what he did, he did not say another word. Fenris just picked me up, and now I'm dangling upside down over his shoulder. As he headed out of his room and down the stairs grunting with every step, as he slowly makes his way down towards the front door and I'm completely helpless to stop him.
"Fenris," I gasp his shoulder digging into my stomach. "Put me down."
"No."
"Please..."
"I'm taking you home."
" I can walk," I can feel my stomach start to roll with every jaring step, this is not good.
"After what I just witnessed, I highly doubt that," he pants only making halfway down the stairs before pausing. "You're much heavier than you look Hawke."
"Are you calling me fat!"
"I-No I'm not calling you fat...I said you're heavy."
"Liar you so are, you liar face, now put me down, I can walk!" I've had enough of being treated like this drunk or not I'm not going to let him.
"Hawke stop squirming."
"DOWN NOW!"
There's a loud pounding in my ears, no, it was the front door and that brought out one-sided argument short. I would have said someone was knocking, but it was more like kicking, or punching. It's really hard to tell with the echo and lack of furniture in this place. Fenris growled and swore and still refused to put me down, the ass. So I had to watch his rear upside down, as he finished his descent down the long stair case. I thought about slapping his ass, but most likely that would lead to me landing on my head. No more head trauma thank you very much.
His breathing was more normal now, and it was more like he marched his way to the front door. A rush of fresh warm air swished around me when the door flew open. I didn't realize how stale this place was, even though the air was warm it was still better than the moldy smell of Fenris' home.
"What do you want?"
"So she is with you."
"ANDERS!" I squeal hearing his voice, but I'm not able to see him, as I dangled helplessly over Fenris' shoulder. I started to squirm again, as my head is now pounding in my ears and my stomach isn't liking the mix of wine, and being hauled around like a sack of potatoes.
"What are you doing to her?"
"I'm taking her home."
"Over your shoulder?" Anders voice sounded very disapproving of this, and I agree as I'm feeling like I'm about to upchuck down Fenris' back.
"She's drunk."
"Drunk, you got her drunk, it's hardly even afternoon."
"I'm not drunk!" I hiccuped my stomach rolled again. I can't hang around like this for much longer, so I fight and start to kick my feet, and Fenris grabs my ankles holding them tightly.
"She is drunk, and had I known she could not handle it, I would have put a stop to it sooner."
"Well so much for training today, she can't go out like this. She could hurt someone."
"I' .drunk." It's a lie but I don't feel as drunk at the moment, I just want down before...
"Oh really, then you really do wish to see me naked?"
"She what, you what!" Ander sounds completely flabbergasted, and if the blood hadn't already rushed to my face. I would likely be fifty shades of red.
"Yes, it would seem she likes to talk when she's been drinking."
"Down...please." I whimper my eyes started to water, and I feel as if I'm going to pass out with all the blood that has rushed to my head.
"You heard her Fenris, I'll make sure she gets home."
Fenris didn't like that it seemed, his whole body tensed under me and for a moment. I thought he was going to just drop or throw me onto the ground, but a moment later it seemed the whole world was spinning again, and my feet were very unsteadily on the floor.
"Fine, you take her then." Fenris snarled and it wasn't an attractive sound. I felt guilty, here he offered his help to me and I go off and sloshed. Smooth move dumbass.
I staggered trying to feel my feet, and stumbled right into Anders. My head spun from the rush of blood that left my head. He grabbed hold of my shoulders and held me steady, but it wasn't enough. My knees buckled and I slipped through his grasp, falling to my hands and knees. Violently I heaved all the contents of my stomach. Of course that was nothing but a few bottles worth of red wine, that now sprayed all over Anders boots, the smell was rancid.
"Ugh, Maddie!" Anders crooked and jumped back to try and save as much of his boots as possible. I could hear an echo of Fenris' laughter; I wouldn't be surprised if he had went back up to his room to drink more of that evil devil wine, that I have now decorated all over his floor. The smell of vomit and stale wine invaded my nostrils, and started me heaving again. From the corner of my eye I could see Anders kneel down beside me, as he pulled my hair back away from my face so gently, holding in a loose ponytail. Part of me was grateful to have him there. Another was horrified that he seen me like this, why did I have to do this? Why, why, why and in Fenris' house, I'm such an drunken ass.
"Easy Maddie, it's okay, slow deep breaths," his voice was so sweet, my throat burned and tears streamed down my face. I was sobbing and couldn't stop, the dry heaves was making my chest hurt. Anders free hand pressed lightly on my upper back, he moved it slowly in small gentle circles. I did my best to focus on the feel of his hand, as I waited for the need to vomit anymore had passed. "Are you alright?" He questioned again and I realized that from the moment he first spoke to me his voice soothed me.
I let out a small whimper in response, he chuckled and squeezed my shoulder before helping me to my very wobbly feet. "Come on, lets get you cleaned up. We need to get lots of water into you."
"Can't you just use magic to make this go away?" I asked my voice is raspy and is so sore it hurts to swallow.
"I could, but I'm not going to." he smirked at me putting his arm around my waist, letting me lean to him. Anders lead me out the door of Fenris' place leaving the door wide open, and nothing even bothered to take care of the mess I left in my wake.
"The mess?" I crooked weakly trying to pull him back towards the door, I couldn't very well leave it like that.
"It looks good on him, make him clean it up. He shouldn't have let you drink like that in the first place," Anders scolded me leading me back towards the road. We started moving slowly down the semi crowded street. I was still slightly drunk but thankfully the heavy puking fest seemed to clear my head up some, but not nearly enough.
"Why won't you help me?" I ask looking up at him with the biggest puppy eyes I can muster, my head was still a bit foggy, but that only success was to make him snicker at me.
"Justice doesn't want me to, he thinks you'll learn a lesson from this."
"So Justice enjoys seeing me suffer?" I pouted and that stopped Anders short causing me to lurch forward almost falling to the ground, but Anders quickly steadied me.
"No, that's not it at all...It's just that, he doesn't approve of drinking. He thinks you've just inflicted this on yourself, and if I help you that I'm just setting you up to do it again."
"He's awfully bossy for someone stuck inside your head," I grumble.
Anders shrugged as we start moving again, "I've gotten use to it, it has taken awhile."
"So you do whatever he says then?"
"Uh, not always. Sometimes it's just easier to go along with him."
"Does he speak to you, like, in your head. Can you reason with him about things?"
"It doesn't work like that, I can feel what he feels. His thoughts are mine, and mine his. It's hard to explain."
Suddenly I find myself feeling bad for both of them. Two minds in conflict with each other, one always has to the final choice, and for some reason I have a feeling that isn't always Anders that comes out on top. "How do you tell where you start and he ends, this has to be hard to keep track of whose thoughts are whomes?" This sounds like a dangerous mix, two minds in one body, one influencing the other. Only the strongest survives. Sounds like a epic movie, but it's Anders life. If I hadn't seen what I have up to this point, I would have just thought this man was schizophrenic, that of course went out the window with the glowing eyes and body.
"Sometimes I can't, it use to be easy. The longer we've been together the harder it becomes on some things."
We stop talking after this, Anders' arm is around my waist holding me close so I won't go toppling over. Honestly I don't need it anymore, I think after the massive upchuck my head isn't nearly as foggy, and other than a pounding headache, I'm pretty well off and only a little drunk more like buzzed. Still I like having him close despite the constant awkward things that keep happening between us. I'm not sure if it's that he always seems to be there when I need him the most or that we just click, but even if we only ever have moments like this. I will be a very happy girl.
"Anders?"
"Hawke?"
"When we get back and I get cleaned up do you think we could try some training?" I could see him look at me from the corner of his eye and he smiled, just a small one but one that I've only ever really seen him do when we're alone together.
"Do you think you're sober enough to?"
"Maybe, maybe not. If you don't think it's a good idea..."
"How about we get you home and cleaned up, then we'll go from there."
"Okay, sounds good," I said laying my head on his shoulder, I half expected him to protest or pull away but instead he just slightly loosened his grip on my waist and left his hand rested on my hip. We walked somewhat steady the rest of the way back.
A/N: Big thanks to all of you who have read and reviewed, it really is mind blowing that so many love Maddies story thus far. This chapter hasn't been Betaed at this time, so any errors that I've missed I apologise in advance. Thank you all again so much. Also most have you have likely noticed the author name change, this from Bonkzy to The Lilacgirl this chance is because I felt I wanted a name to reflect more of who I am. I hope this didn't cause too much confusion.