Thorin was walking his halls the night before his 'wedding', the contemplative dwarf had his mind wandering to how quickly the time seemed to have gone by. The wine and spices had been ready as promised, the group of dwarfs sent to Lake Town came back in cheery spirits over the cargo they carried.
Thorin had a sleek looking outfit ready for him on their special day, the tunic was a rich blue color with golden embroidery along the collar and sleeves. As for the rings...It was kind of silly, really. At first he thought that he'd just pick up plain gold bands for both the hobbit and himself. He already told Bilbo that he'd handle the rings, that way the hobbit didn't have to worry about it. Yet Thorin, at the last minute, decided against a simple gold band.
He may be phonily marrying Bilbo, but he wanted his companion to be truly impressed with whatever he gave his bride to be. So, Thorin had forged, in his spare time, two silver rings. They had the dwarfish word for beloved etched into both rings inner side. One ring held a strong, manly looking ruby within it, while the other was a femininely cut emerald, specially made for his Bilbo.
It had taken most of his spare time, but the dwarf had them finished and safely in his pocket at the moment. He was proud of his craftsmanship and only hoped that the hobbit would be happy with the design and stone he had chosen.
Thorin was thinking about his hobbit, wondering what the fellow was up to, when noise caught his attention. Coming from the dining hall, he could hear dwarfs loudly celebrating over something, so with curiosity eating at him, the king made his way towards the half way closed doors, creaking them open and gazing upon a private party.
Some dwarfs were playing instruments and singing while others danced a merry jig to the tunes, others were chatting about, having mini contest with each other such as arm wrestling matches and who has the better beard. Everyone was drinking, faces flushed happily with the inebriating substance. Dain was at the head of the dining table, much to Thorins dislike, telling some long and drawn out tale of one of his mighty conquests. His head turned while speaking and he smiled excitedly at Thorin arrival.
"Dwarfs, out guest of honor has finally arrived! Give that groom a drink!" He ordered the others, groups of dwarfs heading over to Thorin and handing him tankards of ale and mead.
"What are you dwarfs up to?" Thorin questioned, gingerly taking a tankard of mead and sipping it.
"Uncle, it's your bachelor party!" Fili piped in, seeming to arrive out of thin air.
"Fili! You and Kili are suppose to be watching my hobbit!" Thorin barked annoyedly at his kin.
"But uncle, Bilbo said it was alright. Besides, Kili and I are taking turns. He doesn't need both of us watching him read a boring book."
"Since when do you do as Bilbo says over your own uncle?" Thorin eyed his nephew with an ornery look.
"Bilbo's soon to be our relation too, doesn't that count?" Fili wearily asked, Thorin sighed and patted his kin on the shoulder.
"I've no energy to argue that, Fili. Just make sure you swap and take turns with Kili, no sense in hogging all the fun in here." He rolled his eyes at the word 'fun'. Party or no, he still was spending time near Dain which was not pleasant due to the others untrustworthy nature. Dutifully, he walked over to Dain and humbly thanked the dwarf for throwing him a party.
"It's just started, I've even more entertainment headed our way." He smirked, turning around and giving a loud whistle towards a curtain.
"Dain..." Thorin began warningly, having a bad feeling about what waited behind that curtain.
"Oh, have a little fun, Thorin!" He hissed, every dwarf turning interestedly towards the shaking curtain. Whatever could it be? A dale woman to keep the dwarfs testosterone levels high?
Slowly, hesitantly the material parted, showing off a very brazenly dressed dwarf lass. The poor thing was shivering as she moved like a timid doe towards the large group of males. Her outfit was so tight on her, that it was leaving red marks, and it made her her look more like a wrapped sausage than a seductive wench.
Few dwarfs were excited by her scared looking face, her uncomfortable body, and one felt incredibly angry seeing her treated in such a manner at all. That dwarf, was Bofur. He had come to like little Gerta, visiting and talking with her as often as he could. Playing music to make her smile and laugh, the lass seemed like she had few things in this world that made her happy, and Bofur was glad to bring her some joy.
Seeing her the way she was, brought on a darker side to him. He was known for his agreeable and kind nature, this scene was turning his mood into quite the opposite. It didn't help when Dain smacked her rump cruely, sending her over towards the twitching Thorin. He looked hollowly at the ashamed girl, gently sending her towards the other dwarfs direction, pissing off Dain in doing so.
She wouldn't look at Bofur, her eyes to her feet as she gingerly walked towards Dwalin and his group of dwarf friends.
"Fancy seeing you again." Dwalin commented, eyeing the lass uncertainly.
"What's she gonna do, Dain?" One random dwarf asked of old Ironfoot.
"Play some damn music, and she'll dance!" Dain snapped his response, a few dwarfs picked up their musical instruments and started to play, but not Bofur. He was not going to play a tune just so his friend could be ridiculed while she danced to please her ruler and master Dain. His fists were balled as he watched her starting moving to the music awkwardly. His temper rose when the pig headed Dwalin grabbed her and started to make the uneasy lass dance with him.
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"Why did you send her to the others first, cousin? Hobbit flesh more to your liking these days?" Dain tersely asked, his cheeks flushed with barely held rage.
"That girl is the saddest looking dwarf lass I've ever laid eyes on. You're cruel to have shoved her body into that tight attire, you're cold hearted to let an untrained and unwilling lass preform when you easily could have hired a lass from Dale, or better yet, not hire a prostitute at all. You knew my disinterest in fleshy entertainment and refused to take heed to anything I said. Your party could have been fine with just the ale and games, but you had to push the limits and bring in a scared little dwarf lass to show off to my men." Thorin hurriedly spoke in a pissed off tone.
"You're going to sleep with a hobbit for the rest of your life, and don't wish to tap that dwarfish flesh before taking the plunge? Your loss, Thorin. I was only trying to do you a favor." Dain hissed back, pretending to be offended by Thorins disinterest in his dwarf lass.
"I'm marrying a hobbit, do you really think dwarfs do it for me anymore?" Thorin exclaimed a little too loudly, some guests looking over at the king with raised brows.
"You've always been an odd duck, I'm just surprised you're not having relations with a male hobbit, that'd just really take the cake then!" He intended to insult Thorin, the king shrugged it off, losing his interest in trying to argue with such a dwarfish asshole.
"I'm leaving, your party can go on without me." He spoke determinedly, turning away right when a loud roar was heard from the group of dwarf. Thorin moved his head to look at the scene, and started hustling over to break up the brawling dwarf.
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Bofur had been watching them dance, noticing Dwalins roaming hands going lower and lower until they were touching Gerta's rump. When they turned so that Bofur could see her face, he saw tears in her eyes at the way her dance partner was touching her body. With a determined stride, he tapped Dwalins shoulder, getting his attention enough to scoop Gerta out of the dwarfs arms and into his own. He started doing a fast paced waltz with her, leading her away from the fuming and pursuing Dwalin.
"Gerta, I'm sorry you got put into this messy spot, but don't worry, I'm gonna keep handsy dwarf over there off you." He promised his weepy friend.
"Gerta thanks you, Bofur, but won't you get into trouble?" She shakily asked her dancing partner.
"You just let me worry about that, lass." He winked, twirling her right as Dwalin got only inches from them.
"You're mine!" The angry dwarf took a swing at Bofur, the other dodged and sent his partner away from him so that he could manage the steaming Dwalin on his own.
"You can't keep her all to yourself this time, it's a party, anyone can dance with her!" Dwalin growled to Bofur as they started circling.
"And what's any party without a brawl?" Bofur chuckled as he dodged another swing from Dwalin and punched at the dwarf afterwords, aiming for a kidney shot.
The sharp intake of breath let Bofur know he'd done some damage, the macho dwarf fighting back watery eyes as he swung madly at his opponent.
"What's the matter Dwalin? Kidney a bit sore?" Bofur sassed, the other dwarf speeding up his assault and landing a blow to Bofus hat, knocking it off the musical dwarfs head.
"My hat?!" He tried retrieving it quickly, in his attempt he got his leg captured, the muscle bound heavy hitter named Dwalin reeling in Bofur like a caught fish.
Dwalin started swinging Bofur around by his leg, tossing him a long ways away and laughing as the airborne dwarf hit the sturdy dining tables edge.
Wearily Bofur righted himself, limping as he started for Dwalin. "I'm not out yet, you thin bearded, dateless elf lover!" A huge gasp was made by the watching crowd, so much nastiness was mentioned in that curse that some dwarfs had their mouths agape at the audacity of it.
"What did you say?" Dwalin grounded out his words, fists balled as he marched towards Bofur.
"Hey thin beard, how bout you try dancing with an elf maiden instead of our fellow dwarf, you'd probably get a date sooner with an elf than you would with our guest here." Bofur taunted, riling up the easily insulted Dwalin and making the hot tempered dwarf charge.
Picking up a nearby flute, he waited and timed the dwarfs charge just right so that he moved out of the way and whacked the bruiser upside his head with the flute! Making the dwarf fall to the ground gracelessly.
"Aha!" Bofur cheered himself, turning around to pump his fist triumphantly at the watching crowd, caught up in the moment and did not notice his huge opponent rise slowly.
The vengeful Dwalin rose with one goal in mind, to clobber Bofur to death and take his prize, meaning Gerta.
Like a gorilla strangling an intruder, he had Bofur on the ground and was synching down his big meaty hands around the dwarfs neck. Choking the gasping, twitching dwarf with a fierce gleam in his eyes.
"Dwalin!" Thorin yelled, shoving off the strangler and ordering his nephew Fili to keep the big brute away while he tended to Bofur.
The musical master was seeing stars as he was looked over by the worried king, his vision cleared enough to see sweet little Gerta gazing down at him.
"Oh Bofur!" She cried his name, kneeling down and hugging him to her sweetly.
"I'm okay." He wheezed out his words, still hoarse after getting choked out.
Tears streaming down her bearded cheeks, she bend down and kissed the top of Bofur's forehead. Surprising and yet pleasing the weary body of Bofur as Thorin helped the dwarf stand.
"I think this party is over." He called throughout the room, bringing cries of unhappiness at the news.
"Thorin, what of Gerta?" Bofur spoke worriedly in his hoarse tone, noticing Dain glaring heatedly at the lady dwarf, malice in his beady eyes.
"Gerta, was it? How would you like to stay in a room here tonight? I'll have Bofur here take you to an empty one and bring you some fresh clothes as well." Thorin spoke kindly to the weary eyed lass.
"Thorin..." Dain spoke warningly.
"You wanted to give me her as a gift, so then let me do as I please with her, cousin." Thorin spoke back, daring his kin to try and argue.
"Waste of a way to use her." He muttered, letting the king win the argument.
"Gerta thanks you, Thorin Oakenshield, you are very kind." She complimented the king, giving a small bow.
"Oh course, now off you and Bofur go." He gestured for the hoarse sounding dwarf to lead the lady away. With a wave and a wink, Bofur happily took Gerta's hand and started whisking her off to a clean and warm room of her very own.
"Dain, I'd like a private word with Dwalin if you don't mind." He ordered his cousin, the other nodding and leaving the room moodily, pissed at how things had turned out, but still determined to have his way one way or another...
"Dwalin, you need to stand down. That dwarf lass has been through a lot of unkind behavior from my kin, and you need to cool your attitude towards her and Bofur. We don't kill fellow dwarfs in this mountain, do I make myself clear?" Thorin watched as the other put on a pouty face.
"But he always gets the girls!" Dwalin humphed immaturely, Thorin rolling his eyes at the silly behavior.
"If you want companionship so much, go buy an evening with a dale lass. There's plenty of those to go around." Thorin offered his advice, Dwalin spat in distaste at the idea.
"I want a dwarf woman, Thorin!" He whined to his king.
"Then start having a good imagination, Dwalin, because with your attitude, even if we had dwarf women they wouldn't date you." He spoke boldly, gesturing for Fili to let go of the cooled down dwarf. Dwalin grumbled and groaned, not at all amused with Thorins words as he wandered off to his room.
"Well, I guess Kili will just have to wait till someone else has a bachelor party." Fili commented to his uncle, watching all the other dwarfs slink out of the dining area.
"I just pray it isn't his own when that happens. Durin help me if that boy somehow gets betrothed to that elf seductress!" Thorin muttered to himself, Fili not hearing a word of it as they started to leave the area together.
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"So, how was the party?" Bilbo asked of the king, trying to be prepared for anything negative.
"Ever see a dwarf look like a wrapped sausage?" Thorin chuckled lightly, easing the tense look the hobbit had about him.
"You kind of looked that way wearing Bilbo's birthday gift until you ripped it!" Kili blurted out, everyone starting unhappily at the laughing young dwarf.
"Uncle was kinda stuffed in it." Fili admitted, Thorin and Bilbo giving the dwarf a nasty glare, telling the young nephew to shut his trap with only a look.
"So, that bastard did wind up hiring someone." Bilbo sighed, Thorin reached out a hand and squeezed his partners shoulder warmly.
"It's not what you'd think. By the end of the party I had her shown to a room and given fresh clothes. I didn't want to see that poor lass humiliated anymore than she had to. Dain was glaring daggers at me when I gave her the opportunity to leave and rest within our home."
"I imagine." Bilbo spoke, thinking about how the visiting dwarf was such a cold hearted brute. "I'm just glad nothing bad happened."
"Well, Dwalin and Bofur got into a fight over the dwarf lass. But other than that it was non confrontational." Thorin sat on the edge of the bed next to the hobbit, giving his nephews the okay to leave.
Once Fili and Kili departed, Thorin relaxed a bit more and wrapped a comfortable arm around Bilbo.
"So, my little one, are you ready for tomorrow." He asked, enjoying it when Bilbo leaned against Thorin and nuzzled into his chest.
"I suppose, then we won't have to deal with our unwelcome guest." He commented, glad when they'd be rid of the plotting Dain.
"Pretend wedding or not, I'm hoping you'll be interested in treating the night after our ceremony like a true married couple would." He spoke into Bilbo's ear, enjoying the way his hobbit quivered as he spoke so naughtily, "There are still some things I'm eager to try with you, my little one." He huffed into Bilbo's ear, nipping the hobbits earlobe lightly and making Bilbo gasp.
"Oh really, for example?" Bilbo sassily inquired, moving so that he could stare into his companions soft, warm looking eyes.
"Ah, then it wouldn't be special. You'll just have to wait." He smirked, watching Bilbo pout by jutting out his lower lip, the ornery king bit that lower lip teasingly before kissing his pouty partner affectionately.
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Gandalf had had a horrid time wandering about his wizardly business without his trusty hat. The rude and distasteful things he was called when not wearing his hat! He was extremely tired of being referred to as Mop Head, his patience on its last legs over people's cruel nick name for him.
He was marching his way back to the Lonely Mountain to get his hat back by any means necessary! Those two young dwarfs were in for it once he got a hold of them! He'd been traveling for long hours and had finally made it to Lake Town, the weary wizard taking rest in the local inn. As he ate his dinner before resting that night, he listened in on the gossip among the other customers. Apparently there was to be a royal wedding in the morning!
That had to have meant Bilbo did the right thing, and went back to his home so that Thorin could settle down! It was positive news for a change! With the intention of being a surprise guest at Thorins wedding, Gandalf went up to his room for some greatly needed sleep. The wizard was pleased that things were going as they should within the Lonely Mountain as he shut his eyes to slumber. He was curious to find out who the lass was that had won over the stubborn hearted king, who knows, maybe Gandalf would even get to kiss the blushing bride of Thorin Oakenshield. . .
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The Hobbit belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien
A/N: Yeah, Gandalf's in for a surprise, he could blow the hobbits cover very easily...Will Dain finally find out the truth about Mistress Baggins? Will Gandalf get his hat back? Find out in the wedding chapter coming up next!