A/N - Disclaimer in Chapter 1
Edited to add - Just realised that people might get confused if they come straight to this chapter as I added this one and Chapter 9 at the same time. Sorry for any confusion.
Final reminder for rating change.
Chapter 10
Inside Kensi's Head
Ten weeks since he was shot.
Seven weeks since he woke up.
Four weeks since he moved in.
Two weeks since that moment.
One week since his nightmare.
That was how she counted time these days. It revolved around him, his shooting, his recovery, milestones in their relationship. Before didn't matter, she just needed to be patient. She felt it. The time would come, when he was ready. Just as she had been.
But still, he was driving her crazy. He was getting better physically, could do more each day. But it wasn't enough for him. She'd had to get Sam and Hetty to have a word with him over the last week. He kept pushing himself. He said he was fine, but she worried. She had seem him pale a couple of times when he overdid it, but he refused to admit that anything was wrong.
They'd taken a step forward the night of the nightmare. He'd told her a little about Alex. Something Hetty had suggested he may never be ready to do. But then he'd pulled back. Like he had made a mistake talking about it, confiding in her. He hadn't, but she didn't know how to make him see that.
Again, she found herself talking to Nate. She tried to be subtle, not using names, but Nate knew about Alex. Hetty had told him, just so he could be prepared if something came up. "How do I help him?" she'd asked Nate. He had told her he had only spoken Alex's name to Callen once. Callen walked out of his office without a word and slammed the door shut to both his office and on that conversation so fast, that Nate felt like he had suffered whiplash. He'd never brought her name up again. The pain he'd witnessed in Callen's eyes in those brief moments before had turned away, had given Nate nightmares. He couldn't even imagine what it would be doing to Callen. Even though he knew Callen needed to talk, he also knew he wouldn't until he was ready. So until then, all Nate had been able to do was wait, watch and be there if Callen ever decided it was time. Nate had reassured her, "He's talking to you about her. He's never done that with me, with anyone that I know of. You are helping. Let him talk, when he wants to. That's all you can do at the moment. All any of us can do."
Ten weeks since she was able to admit that she loved him.
Seven weeks since the hope came over her that he would make it.
Four weeks since her life changed for the second time.
Two weeks since he'd looked at her with something else in his eyes, when there should have been pain.
One week since she saw him in a way she had never seen before - so much pain and tears, so vulnerable. He let her help him, hold him and, if it were possible, she'd fallen even more in love with him at that moment.