ANOCARI:

Everything was the same. His bed, his desk, his lamp, his piled papers, his messy reminder board. Everything was where it was the day we had left. I plopped down on the bed, trying not to let any more tears out. I hated crying more than ever now. It used to be so rare for me, but now it was like an every day thing.
I hugged his pillow tightly, smelling that one special smell that he always had. I didn't care if others thought it wasn't a good smell, but I loved it more than any other smell in this universe. It was the smell of flowers an chlorine. It may have been a silly judgment of smell, but it was the first thing that came to mind when I first smelled his scent, actually paying attention to it.
I thought to myself as I lied on his bed. My son hated me because he thought I was lying to him about his father being dead. Go figure that another person would hate me.
I closed my eyes and tried to wash all of the memories of my family hating me out of my head. I needed to get some sleep, saying that I hadn't slept in nearly two days. Finally I drifted off to sleep hoping that things would get better, even if the love of my life was gone forever.

I barely remembered where I was when I woke up. I was so used to living somewhere other than New York, that I scared myself for being there. I thought for a moment that everything had just been an awful dream, but when I saw that Donny wasn't lying next to me, whispering for me to wake up, I knew that it had all happened.
Slowly, I got up and walked to the door, glancing at the clock as I put my hand on the knob. It read 12:08. I was surprised that I had woken up before two, saying that I had lost a whole day and a half of sleep, but I could run on low energy, so I was fine with it.
Opening the door, I walked out on to the balcony that overhung the family room. Looking down, I gasped, seeing Robbie, who looked every bit like his father. I guessed that my gasp was louder than I had thought because he immediately looked up to see me standing over him.
At once, he dropped the plate that was in his hand, and ran up the stairs, ". . .MOM!"
He embraced me in a tight hug, making me stand on my toes as I hugged him back, "Robbie! My boy!"
He set me down with great enthusiasm on his face, "Mom! You're back! You're home! I-I can't believe it!"
I smiled, looking at my sons face. I placed a hand on his cheek, "You look so much like your father. . ."
He smirked and my heart ached. Everything he did was exactly like his father in every way.
He saw my face fall and gave me a concerned expression, "Hey mom, where exactly is dad?"
I stood for a moment, wishing that I had never told him that he looked like his father, bringing up this conversation once again, ". . . I was hoping you wouldn't ask. . .but. . . I guess I have no choice than to tell you. . ."
His face was stern and confused, the exact expression Donny would give me when I was hiding something from him, "Mom. . .what happened. . .?"
I took a deep breath as my lip began to tremble, but I held back the tears, ". . . Robbie. . . Your father. . . he. . ."
He kept staring at me with his stern eyes, waiting for my answer, "He what. . .?"
". . . He. . . he gave himself up to save me, Robbie. . If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be here right now. . ."
Robbie squeezed his eyes shut and put a fist up to his mouth, trying to hide his trembling lip. He turned to the rail on the balcony placing his hands on it, his eyes still shut. I could see the pain on his face as I tried to imagine what he was thinking.
Suddenly, he turned to face me and opened his eyes, which now had tears in them. He quickly grasped me in another hug and continued to cry on my shoulder, ". . .No, this isn't fair! Why does he have to be gone! Why now!"
I held my crying son in my arms, remembering when he was just a child. I remembered cradling him when he had a nightmare, hushing and comforting him when he hurt himself. I remembered everything.
He continued to cry as he spoke again, ". . .How can he be gone. . .just like that?. . . How can you be so calm about it. . .?"
My eyebrows creased together as I thought about myself screaming over his body in the street, screaming his name in the hospital, and continuously telling him to wake up even though I knew he couldn't, ". . . I wasn't always. . ."
His hug finally broke and he drew back to look at my pain struck face, "What do you mean. . .?"
I hesitated, ". . . Robbie, I watched your father die right before my eyes. . . I knelt by him as he stuttered his last words, trying to tell him that everything was going to be okay. . . I was not calm. . . I was terrified. . . I was dying with him. . ."
This time I was the one to hug him, embracing him tightly.
We stood there for a whole minute, crying, a mother and son mourning, over a lost husband and father.
" . . . Mom. . . I'm so sorry. . . I-I. . ."
" . . . It's alright, Robbie, it's alright. . . It's okay to cry. .just let it out. . .just let it out. . ."