Chapter 10: Tobias

I remember the first time I ever saw Tris, of course she was Beatrice then and didn't have any idea of who I was. Our fathers worked together but never mixed those parts of their lives, everyone knew that Marcus had a son and that he defected but he wouldn't speak about me after I left and tried to have people forget about it had ever happened.

I remember Beatrice and her family at Evelyn's fake funeral, Beatrice and Caleb on the bus to school or in the hallways, and Beatrice sitting outside the grey house looking out into the city. But I also remember Beatrice's curious looks as she tried to understand everything around her and the unaware defiance as she walked past others who could have used her help. But what I remember most of all were her eyes.

The fleeting moments around Abnegation or at school where she would look up at others and look at their faces before quickly looking back down I would wish for one more look at them.

To me, she was never Beatrice the shy and unremarkable Abnegation, or Tris the Insurgent, or even Tris the first jumper. She was always bright in a world of grey. I never knew if she recognized me when she got to Dauntless, or if she knew who I was back at Abnegation but now the answers don't matter because she's here with me.

Growing up I was broken, abused and forgotten but at Dauntless I was someone. Even then I didn't feel at home and before she fell into the net I had resigned myself to leaving and living out my days factionless. She made me a better person, pushed me just as I pushed her, and kept me on a path that I needed to be on.

We didn't walk though, we ran.

I have loved her since I first saw her in Dauntless, the first Stiff since me to defect to Dauntless and one of the hardest working people I'd ever seen. It was hard to resist flirting with her a bit in ways that no one but she would notice, of course that all went out the window when I drunkenly told her she looked nice. I knew that she couldn't be all Abnegation if she was here and I could take a few liberties with casually resting my hand on her.

But I knew when to stop. When she told me the night Peter almost threw her off the chasm that they had grabbed at her I almost went and killed them myself. It didn't matter that she wasn't Abnegation anymore, even in Dauntless if you force yourself on someone you pay the price but I knew how upset she was at being violated. That's the moment I knew I wanted to protect her as much as I could.

I look down at her peaceful face and wonder how anyone so beautiful could ever be the face of a rebellion or do something so dangerous that it gets her killed. I wonder how I could be so lucky to call her mine and know that now we can try to have a normal relationship.

At dawn I sneak out of the apartment and go to the cafeteria begging the cooks to let me have a few things, when I get back Tris is still sleeping and I try my best to start cooking without waking her up.

The bacon, however, has a different idea and starts spitting and sputtering on the stove causing me to yelp in pain at the grease hits my forearms and when I look over to the bed I see Tris sitting up still half asleep.

"What are you doing?"

"Making breakfast," The bacon is still sizzling loudly and sending grease everywhere but everything else looks done. "I thought it would be nice to eat here for a change. And I wanted to see how well I could cook."

Her smile is tired and I realize that she's not fully awake yet, but she eats and compliments my skills anyway. Her short hair is pushed up in different directions from the pillow and there are creases on her cheek but she is adorable.

"We should probably get going." I say taking the empty plates to the sink. "George asked us to sit in on the class today and see what needed to be worked on."

It's fifteen minutes before we're out the door and jogging up the path to the Pire but when we get to the large classroom we're the first ones there.

"Where is everyone?" Tris pops her head into the hall and looks both ways trying to find our recruits. "We told them to be here."

Amar rounds the corner his brow already furrowed. "Where is my Force?"

"We'll go make sure they're awake."

Running down to the dorms most of the recruits are awake and at breakfast but there are still some who are asleep so I bang on the pipes and yell at them to make it up to the room in five minutes or they're out of the program. As I'm walking to the cafeteria I see my recruits and almost half of Tris' running towards the elevator.

"Any recruits not in the classroom in five minutes are out of the program." Normally my voice would be the one to scare others into following orders, but my girlfriend has an air of authority that cannot be refused and I see the fear in fifteen faces as they grab the last bits of breakfast before sprinting. "Let's grab something to eat and head up."

When we get back up to the classroom George and Amar are standing in the front of the room taking turns lecturing about being on time, I can tell they're annoyed and laugh to myself only earning a glare from my old instructor.

"Today we're going over some of the simple rules and laws of the city," The chalkboard in the front of the room has numbers running down it. "Can anyone name them?" A few murmurs but no answers from the group. "Come on people if you're going to be enforcing these rules you need to know them off the top of your head."

We watch as their brains finally wake up and the board fills up with what they need to know before George goes over why each one is important.

"You might have noticed your instructors are sitting in with us today," I don't like being stared at, being an instructor makes it part of my job but I still don't like it, and when thirty pairs of eyes turn to rest on me I feel uneasy. But Tris lays her hand on mine and it calms me. "They will be helping with real world practicality on these laws, most of you know that when there were factions in this city there were plenty of rules. Who you could talk to, who you could associate with, and how you handled yourself. Those rules are out the window. Forget them. There is no law saying someone wearing grey can't sit with someone wearing yellow at lunch, families can associate with each other no matter what their jobs are, and those who were not in a faction have a greater part in the city than before. So remember that first and foremost this city is fairly free and that the laws we have in place are for protection and safety purposes."

It seems like forever before we can finally go eat lunch and we ran down to the cafeteria with the rest of the recruits. Tris and I sit with Zeke who tells us about his interesting night in the control room watching a group wander around the city apparently spray painting buildings.

"Who's the dork?" Someone calls across the room and when I look up I see Caleb scanning the crowd.

Finally spotting us he races over knocking into one of the larger recruits but he doesn't stop to apologize. "I need your help, it's Peter."

"What about him?" Tris answers taking a huge bite of her sandwich and looking up at Caleb.

"Well, I've been working on a serum that could help with brain injuries and amnesia," I feel my hand on my face before he can finish with a sinking feeling in my stomach. "I got a few volunteers and one of them was Peter. Knowing that he was reset after everything I figured it would be great to test it out on him and see if it worked to counteract the Abnegation serum."

My appetite is gone and replaced with anger. "And it worked and now Peter is freaking out." Of all the stupid ideas for him to come up with, he had to actually go through with one of them.

"He's asking for Tris."

"Why me?" There was no lost love when Peter reset himself but after he saved her life Tris had softened up on him.

Caleb shrugged not knowing what was going on, "He just keeps saying he needs to see you and someone named Edward."

Not bothering to clean up our lunch the three of us stand from the table and lead the way out to the train platform, it's cold out and the wind blowing on us makes it worse but at least we all had the sense to wear long sleeves. Zeke wanders over to me and drops his voice so the others don't hear. "You talked to her about getting married yet?"

"Kind of, we agree it's a good idea to wait just a little longer."

"Well then as long as I don't steal your thunder, cause I'm gonna ask Shauna to marry me."

A wide smile takes over the bottom half of his face and I wrap my arms around him in a hug. "Congrats man, when are you going to ask?"

"I was thinking soon, but I want you guys to be there when I do it."

Smiling and agreeing we all jump off the train when it slows and jog towards the lab. Getting off the elevator I can already hear Peter crying and if the other people working in the building weren't scared already they were when the three ex-Dauntless marched in.

"Let me go in first and make sure he's alright." Zeke takes that time to tell Tris his plan and I hear her squeal of delight, but when the door opens and I see Peter sitting in a corner I can't focus on my girlfriend or my best friend. He is broken, his face and chest red from crying and his eyes swollen from rubbing the tears away, but most of all he is worn down from the grief. "Peter," My voice is soft but it jerks his head up and I see terror set in. "It's okay I'm just here to talk to you."

"Oh no, I hurt Tris. You're gonna kill me!" He rocks back and forth trying to keep me away but I crouch in front of him.

"I'm not going to hurt you, tell me what you remember."

For a minute he's quiet and then suddenly he sniffs and lifts his head again. "I remember being jealous that she was doing better than me during initiation, so one night when she was alone we grabbed her and tried to throw her off the chasm."

"Anything else?"

"You came along and saved her, but she was still terrified. I did that to her, I tried to kill her and then everyone saw it on the fear landscape!" Taking his shirt and wiping the tears from his cheeks Peter seemed more upset about actually doing those things rather than just remembering. "And I carved out someone's eye with a butter knife and I just want to say sorry!"

Walking across the room I open the door and tell them what's going on, Tris moves past me towards Peter and I hear a new round of sobbing erupt. "Zeke can you get Caleb to bring a vial of the Abnegation serum, he's not going to want to remember any of this again."

Turning around I see Peter draped over my girlfriend trying to express how sorry he felt through a hug, but she looked like she was being crushed instead. "Peter," I called over getting his attention and trying not to laugh as he sat back down. "Do you want to forget this again?" He nods. "You don't want to work towards being a better person on your own?"

"We both know that would never happen."

A moment later Caleb brings the vial into the room and I have Peter lie on the couch once again asking what he wants to remember and once again watching as he lost all of his memories.

"He's going to be groggy for a while." I tell Caleb as Peter is being led down the hallway. "He won't even remember his name. Test anymore serums on him again and you get to deal with him yourself."

"At least he looked sheepish for doing it." Tris says when we get on the train. "It was a dumb idea to test on Peter anyway."

Agreeing we say good bye to Zeke and head back up to the classroom spending the rest of the day quietly observing the new police of our city.

And I feel less safe than ever.